Are men overthinking approaching women in public?

Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-03-11T23:50:13+00:00

It feels like a lot of guys today think approaching women in public is automatically creepy or unwanted.

Because it is more often than it's not.

But when I’ve actually talked to women about it in real life, the responses seem pretty different.

Women will say what make them seen as virtuous, for the truth do not matter unless it is in concordance with their feelings.

So it made me wonder if the real issue isn’t approaching itself, but how people approach. Things like tone, confidence, and how the conversation flows probably matter way more than people think.

Any situation that is vague in nature will have as position choosen the one that benefit the person the most.

I’ve been trying to get better at this myself lately. I even tried an app 'Shawty' that gives insight on cold approaches to build my confidence

Only results matter, any insight devoid of consistent result is myticism.

RandHomman · 2026-03-12T01:36:56+00:00

But when I’ve actually talked to women about it in real life, the responses seem pretty different. A lot of them say they don’t mind being approached at all as long as the guy is respectful and socially aware.

This is bait!

But realistically I wouldn't approach romantically a random woman in the streets or even in most public places. I think there are ways to make yourself approacheable but imo, when women say that, they say it to not look like they're bad people and when they say they're ok to be approached it means, they're ok to be approached by people they think are hot and those they don't find hot are automatically creeps. Proceed with caution gentlemen.

Mud_Blossom · 2026-03-12T02:07:09+00:00

I think men are increasingly not thinking about it at all considering that the number of men not interested in active dating has increased.

BitsAndBobs304 · 2026-03-12T02:00:30+00:00

When you're unattractive, even saying hi at social events is met with disdain

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-03-12T01:07:32+00:00

women aren't monolithic and many dont wanna be bothered at all, no way to tell who

i dont generally like ppl up in my grill either

Livid-Log7463 · 2026-03-12T05:47:08+00:00

The reason women give responses of seemingly being open to it is because they only consider men they can be attracted to approaching them, ones that they may even think are “average”, that’s why the actual average guys experience is so vastly different.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-03-12T23:06:30+00:00

But when I’ve actually talked to women about it in real life, the responses seem pretty different. A lot of them say they don’t mind being approached at all as long as the guy is respectful and socially aware.

Some women say that but many others hate it regardless of if the man is respectful or not.

So it made me wonder if the real issue isn’t approaching itself, but how people approach. Things like tone, confidence, and how the conversation flows probably matter way more than people think.

Yeah, if a man is attractive then these factors might be in play at times for sure. Now if the man isn’t all that then it can be rough, regardless of how polite he was with the approach.

I’ve been trying to get better at this myself lately. I even tried an app 'Shawty' that gives insight on cold approaches to build my confidence . It made me realize how much small things in conversation can change the whole vibe that a lot of people are not getting.

Yeah, this matters but if the woman doesn’t care much for how a man looks it won’t matter. Nowadays even women that aren’t all that will have a big ego. So, if she feels offended by how the man looks that is approaching her, then it will not matter much, so his attempt will fail regardless.

AngeAware · 2026-03-12T00:02:46+00:00

Cultural context is everything imo.

There are places where it's completely normal for complete strangers to talk to each other and places where it's not.

I'm from low crime suburbs in the Bible Belt and both men and women chat casually in public. You could scare a woman off by approaching too aggressively off the bat, like talking about her looks right away or asking her out on a date without even trying to chat her up a bit first. But if you're socially aware and know how to do the normal small talk here the worst you're probably going to get in response is "that's so sweet, but..."

Oli_love90 · 2026-03-12T04:55:33+00:00

Unfortunately I feel like there will never be a consensus on approaching so it is a risk and I don’t think men are overthinking it.

Sure, you may run into a kind woman who is either interested or kindly rejects you but there’s women who are just nasty. Who wants to possibly subject themselves to that when they’re being vulnerable?

But I agree in general with your thoughts. It’s absolutely in the “how” one approaches rather than just a blanket rule to not approach.

Intelligent-Insight · 2026-03-12T07:49:17+00:00

Nice try shawty dev team.

No, we won't check it out. Or if it's serious, see the hr meme.

RevolutionaryJob7908 · 2026-03-12T04:11:23+00:00

Its a real thing. Its not all women, but enough to push men away from approaching in person. Use the calculator here to discern the chance of being a creep > Your looks - 10 = percent. So a 10 of 10 will have a 0% chance, a 1 of 10 will have a 90% chance to be thought of as a creep. Absolute math, perfect classroom here. I made that up however its probably on dot close to reality.

Lumpy_Plant6914 · 2026-03-12T13:05:37+00:00

If we by approach mean 'talk to in public', then I have done that much more than my country's average even. Though if you mean 'chatting up' with the singular focus of 'dating/sex', I don't think I have.

For the former, I haven't really felt like talking, being curious and having some small/medium serious talk is frowned upon.

For the latter, I am a black sheep in contexts like dance-parties/clubs, so the few times I've been there, people don't care for me at all. In those contexts, having 'game' seems to be the way to go, and both genders have the same script, so being more assertive and direct as a guy does work - but that is primarily about sexual interest.

I'm not an introvert, but I like deep, honest and mature conversations - with both men and women - and wouldn't really like to get good at rejecting women who approached me with the explicit and tangible desire to hump my bone. I wouldn't mind talking about and exploring desire, but not outside solid intellectual and emotional connection. And while I do believe it is possible to gauge people's values a bit from their faces and how they act, it feels better to me to meet people more organically and over time, as familiarity grows more naturally, and conversations and interactions flow naturally.

mysterycode · 2026-03-13T03:25:04+00:00

Who cares man do what you want

CHINO-HILL · 2026-03-12T05:09:38+00:00

l thought it was always considered creepy to aproach in public. l legitimately don't remember a time when it wasnt

thinking that friendliness, or politeness = attraction, that's poor social calibration

not minding being aproached, and wanting to date a random guy off the street are two very different things

lt really doesnt matter how u aproach, because at the end of the day, you have no social credit. so u basically wasting ur time

l've known guys who have done thousands of aproaches and got nothing out of it

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Axis_Control · 2026-03-12T09:21:54+00:00

I don't like being cold approached in public makes me uncomfortable

DraftOk4195 · 2026-03-12T15:11:51+00:00

Depends. In my culture talking to strangers in public unless there's a very good reason violates social norms so approaching a woman would likely be met with quite a bit of confusion.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-12T20:21:09+00:00

No, because men struggle to relate to women at all

wolf2424b · 2026-03-12T20:43:13+00:00

I've cold-approached thousands of women in public and it was only a problem 3 times. Even then, it wasn't really a problem in the sense that there were any consequences. One time, the woman said something nasty to me. Two times, I was in retail stores and I was asked to leave.

I think the key is to (1) just strike up a friendly conversation; and (2) keep talking if the woman is putting energy into the interaction, but otherwise just walk away.

Here's an example: You are on the observation deck of a tall building. You are standing near a woman you find interesting and say "wow, that's a great view." If she says "Yes, I'm glad I drove 3 hours to get here," then you say "oh, where are you coming from?" and continue the conversation. But if she just says "Yeah," you just walk away.

Will some women find this "creepy"? I tend to doubt it, but if so, who cares?

Spirited-Sir8426 · 2026-03-13T10:27:41+00:00

Tbh I never cold approach. The chances to get something from it are really low. Of course I let a woman know if I think she is beautiful (not now since I am with someone) but I will never start something from cold approach. I prefer warm approach

seadraugr · 2026-03-14T23:55:05+00:00

I think it depends entirely on your energy and where you are. If a woman feels cornered, they're going to feel afraid or creeped out. If there's plenty of people around and you just confidently approach her by telling her conversationally why you did so, and asking if you can talk to her and get to know her a little, then you have to be willing to accept if they don't want to and graciously accept the answer.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2026-03-12T15:32:31+00:00

No, cold approaching women in mass is pretty much pointless unless you are conventionally attractive. Most men will have to go through tens to hundreds of approaches to get results, that may or may not lead to anything. A better option for men is too work on become more physically attractive and look for women who give you choosing signals. That is the only way to get actual quality results.

saving_private_ryan_ · 2026-03-12T01:11:14+00:00

The only way to successfully meet women is in person and not through dating apps. The sad part is as a homebody introvert it's near impossible to find someone in your age range that's viable for dating. Especially when your only interests are internet and lounging. I can't stand the apps. They've ruined dating. They've made everyone ambitious and all these hobbies and activities that it's nauseating.

84JPG · 2026-03-12T04:36:15+00:00

I feel like this is an issue made-up on the internet.

Besides bars, parties and nightclubs, when was that time when approaching unknown women in public was that common?

I feel like it was always a very rare thing, just like it is today but nowadays women romanticize it because they’ve seen happening in RomComs starring attractive actors and men use it as an opportunity to complain about the excesses of #MeToo and feminism (“see we would approach but you made it impossible because of #MeToo!”).

Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-03-12T00:05:48+00:00

The thing about is you kinda have to understand body language. Once you start seeing the signs, then you can kinda “read the room” and know when the signs are showing to approach.

That doesn’t mean it’s perfect: just like people mis hear or misunderstand something said: sometimes you are gonna go “oh that seemed like she was open to talk, guess not”

But it takes practice, and just like most things, you get better with experience

bondepart · 2026-03-12T17:45:16+00:00

It feels like a lot of guys today think approaching women in public is automatically creepy or unwanted.

Yeah, it is, they’re right.

Title	Are men overthinking approaching women in public?
Author	Lopsided_Reply_1680
Upvotes	0
Comments	39
Date	March 11, 2026 9:03 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rr6cw7/are_men_overthinking_approaching_women_in_public/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-men-overthinking-approaching-women-in-public.1575269 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575269

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