When does staying above ground for your kid stop being enough?

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-04-05T15:20:26+00:00

Time can change things. Reassess your values over time. Work on your health.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-04-05T14:00:33+00:00

Your first mistake was dating a “career woman”, 90% divorce rate right there.

The only thing I can say is your boy needs you as his masculine role model. No matter what society says, you are needed my man, otherwise your boy will wander aimlessly without you.

Ablairy · 2026-04-05T13:46:07+00:00

My dad checked out during discovery with my mother who filed after 30 years of marriage!

I still had to finish her divorce basically, because my sis and i set up a trust for her. She got a dhitty bf and then sued us!! After my husband died right after this too.

Now I'm not anywhere I wanted to be career wise, but lots of external things have slowed me down.

Do not be so critical of others, it'll really limit your ability to find happiness. Don't check out, your kids really need you. Miss my dad every day. Have zero relationship with mother.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-04-05T12:53:05+00:00

Your kids come first in everything. Including their parents choosing to stay alive.

Believe me, in my darkest time when my wife destroyed everything I have, I thought about it. A lot.

In a warped way it gave me comfort knowing there was an exit from this hell. But you can't. You'll wreck your kids life.

bob_dazz · 2026-04-05T11:40:05+00:00

What a shitty attitude toward others, I can’t imagine ever wanting to spend time with someone who thinks like you. Money, career, status, material possessions - they mean nothing. The only thing any of us want is happiness. Find a woman who is happy, and make sure you’re happy too when you meet her. The rest will work itself out. Sounds like you’ve never known it though, so you’ve got plenty of work to do.

jbowman12 · 2026-04-05T10:16:47+00:00

Honestly, having lost my grandfather and the most influential male role model in my life to suicide, I do not want to put my son through that. To you it may make sense, but to your kid, it never will. They'll feel like it's their fault and it will leave a hole in their heart for the rest of their life. Sure, your kid will get on with life and still live it, but it'll always be something they'll never forget. Every Father's Day, every year, it'll be on their mind. When kids and people ask about their dad, that's what they'll have to tell them.

Don't do that to your kid. It's hard, and you mentioned having your own health problems, so I know that amplifies it. Find it inside you to keep going. Think of the man you want your kid to remember you as when your time does come, and be that man. Talk to a counselor to help you reframe as needed, but show your kid you are a fighter.

A person never understands the impact a suicide has on others because we are all terrible at verbalizing how much people mean to us. Believe me when I say, you matter to people more than you realize. You may not know it, but trust me, you do.

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2026-04-05T03:34:57+00:00

I think you might want to reframe your thoughts on where people should be in their lives and perhaps consider that success means something entirely different to them. Some people don’t need or want to keep up with the Jones’, white picket fence and all that. You could be missing out on someone very special that really makes you think in an entirely new way. Food for thought.

Impossible-Alarm-336 · 2026-04-05T03:10:52+00:00

I know it’s tough and believe me I know exactly where you’re coming from. Your son needs you way more than you may realize, you need to find anything that can bring you joy. Take chances, do something you never would have done before. There’s no growth in the comfort zone and I’m pretty sure you’re far from there. Might as well be uncomfortable figuring yourself out.

ModernRidesWraps · 2026-04-05T02:16:40+00:00

Brother, the thought crossed my mind a few times going through this shit. BUT, imagine your kids and what they would go through. It is NEVER worth it. The feeling fades quickly if you redirect those emotions into something good!

youngridge1 · 2026-04-05T02:14:39+00:00

Hang in there bud, stay strong and keep your head up. Get tomorrow’s victory, even if it is just waking up. Small steps.

Always-tolkein · 2026-04-05T02:06:16+00:00

I look at my closet door every night and think about it. Last night it got really bad and my daughter woke up right as I was thinking about it. I went and got her from the bed she was in with my stbx. I love my kids, but yeah man this sucks. Keep your head up and just keep thinking about your kid. They are worth it. I keep telling myself that. Sometimes it’s not enough to keep the thoughts away but it’s been enough to stop me from trying. Keep pushing bro. We got this.

JoeMacMillan_HCF · 2026-04-05T01:17:06+00:00

It’s been four years since my divorce and my kid is still the only thing that keeps me going. Aside from the emotional trauma, the divorce ruined me financially and I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. I’ve been with two women that I met on Tinder, but both experiences felt very hollow, so I’ve given up on dating/sex for the time being. I have friends, I have hobbies, but I can’t enjoy them like I used to because there’s a lingering emptiness inside me that I can’t seem to shake. To be fair, I haven’t put 100% effort into improving my mental health. I’m mostly just going through the motions, and living my life one day at a time.

probebeta · 2026-04-05T00:34:24+00:00

Never consider the thought because of some chick...

nomohydro · 2026-04-05T00:26:50+00:00

I've got guns and for months had to resist for two months had to fight reaching for them. It eventually goes away. Pain remains but you start to find you again.

Queasy-Bid4796 · 2026-04-05T00:20:45+00:00

Dude get a hobby and meet women that way, would also go a long way towards fixing this bad outlook you have. Your life can’t just be waiting for your kid to come back - he will grow up regardless and be gone.

Dating sites are a mess and full of losers, but maybe be less of a snob about your career? Your ex had a good career and that didn’t work out. Having two high fliers tends to be a recipe for misery.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-04-05T00:15:22+00:00

Hit me in the chat if needed! My 3 kids were gone all last week with their mother, first time I’ve been without them for more than 2 nights. We have to survive for them.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-04-05T00:05:49+00:00

Call a crisis line asap please. You leaving will hurt your son more than you can imagine. You will also give up the chance of finding a path forward that gives you joy. Forget about dating right now, you need to work on being ok within yourself first. if you have a close friend you feel comfortable talking to, open up to them. Find your support network.

Please stick around!

dpi2024 · 2026-04-05T00:45:18+00:00

I don’t want to be alone.

You are not alone, you have your son who needs you very much.

I hear you, maybe more than you expect, I am in the same situation as you are (successful professional), I too do not want to date down. I dated a lot after divorce, mostly down, and frankly no longer see any point in increasing my body count. So I stopped this somewhat miserable activity altogether. Sex was great, other things such as having intelligent conversations and have some senblance of the feeling of spiritual connection - not so much. Peace and quiet without women in my life feels amazing. If I feel like I need sex, I fly to Reno. I think, many among us in the same situation will equilibrate towards this state, too.

Title	When does staying above ground for your kid stop being enough?
Author	BloodstainedBearRug
Upvotes	12
Comments	31
Date	April 4, 2026 11:53 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1scom2s/when_does_staying_above_ground_for_your_kid_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-does-staying-above-ground-for-your-kid-stop.1577168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577168

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