She was woefully unprepared and thought she was going to walk all over me. In her words I have “no fight”, but she hasn’t seen it from me yet.

The therapist asked why we wanted to see someone and she had one line about not feeling like she’s getting from me what she gives from me.

Me? I was prepared. I came with a list of items:

Feelings of resentment (she resents me because she ignored her own red flags, some things which I told her upfront)

Feelings of inadequacy (nothing I do is enough, in her words. I spent a week doing more around the house, making special meals, bought flowers and candles to try and set the mood. “It’s not enough”)

Not being ready for home ownership (we blew our savings on the house, have a 7k mortgage, and she’s balls to the wall buying furniture when we should be saving and paying down debt so we can refinance and get a lower payment)

Dealbreakers and ultimatums (she loves giving me these ultimatums and then going on like nothing happened. For my own sanity, I can’t take it anymore. It’s making me physically ill. I am losing weight even faster than usual with the weight loss drugs. My chest hurts sometimes, trouble sleeping, etc)

Need to control everything (she’s a corporate attorney so not much more to say there)

Holding grudges (I’ll do something small like forget to pay a bill for a day or make a mistake and then I’m getting the cold shoulder)

———————

The intake person asked if we’re seeing our own therapists to which I answered yes. I am actually going to a psychiatrist and a therapist starting next week. I’m having trouble coping with my emotions and feel there’s an imbalance of some sort. She has not made the same effort to work on herself. Just blame blame blame me. Everything is my fault.