Men No Longer Even Trying to Date: The Reason Is Obvious

As a gay man, I’ve been watching this whole situation unfold in the heterosexual dating world from the outside looking in, and I genuinely understand why so many straight men have checked out. Because I’m not in that dating pool myself, I see the patterns without any personal stakes clouding my view. It’s honestly wild. A lot of women online are constantly complaining about why men aren’t approaching them anymore, why no one’s pursuing them, and why there are barely any guys out on dates. My question to them is simple: why don’t you figure that shit out?

Go online. Look at the endless rhetoric about men. Scroll through the videos and posts that dunk on men just for existing—“kill all men,” “all men are rapists,” generalizing every decent guy as if he’s one bad day away from being dangerous. Young guys are seeing all of this on their phones every single day. They’re internalizing the message that they’re not wanted, not liked, and not respected. So they’re not bothering to pursue anymore. They don’t think women actually want to be pursued. A lot of them also just don’t see the benefits of dating in the first place.

And what’s women’s response to this? A lot of them call men cowards or throw around “gay” as an insult for not even trying. As a gay man, that one hits me different. When you use “gay” like that—to shame a straight man for not chasing you—it shows exactly how some people truly view gay men: as weak, lesser, soft, or pathetic. It’s not just a casual jab; it treats being gay as the ultimate downgrade, the punchline for failure or femininity in the worst way. From my perspective, it’s revealing and pretty homophobic, even if they don’t mean it that way. It tells gay men loud and clear where we still stand in a lot of people’s minds—not as equals, but as the insult you reach for when you want to cut a guy down. No, they just don’t like you. If you want men to make the first move so badly, why don’t you make it yourself?

Beyond that, men feel like they’re not truly valued as people anymore—only as protectors, providers, or walking ATMs. Society constantly tells us men are privileged and have no real problems. Anytime we bring up our issues, the reply is “your problems are caused by other men” or “it’s mostly men doing it anyway,” while women are painted as perfect creatures who can do no wrong. If a woman does mess up, it’s immediately blamed on a man somehow. Speaking as a man who was sexually harassed by a woman while I was just out jogging last week, that dismissal hits different.

The man-vs-bear debate is probably the clearest proof of my point. It basically generalizes every single man as a potential predator. “Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?” The assumption is automatic: the man is the bigger threat. But think about it—literally anything could put a man in the woods alone. He could be jogging. He could love hiking. He could just want some peace and quiet. If he actually wanted to hurt someone, why would he be out there by himself in the first place? My response to the women asking that question is: why are you in the forest alone? Why would a kid be in the forest alone? None of that justifies an attack if it happens, but do you see how insane the framing is? It’s not always malicious on the woman’s part, but it still paints every man as a default threat.

I think back to how things used to be, and it’s clear something has shifted. There was a time when a woman really was a man’s safe space. After a long, brutal day—fighting wars, building the roads and buildings we all drive on and live in—men came home to someone who loved them, cared for them, and made them feel valued. That comfort, that emotional home, was the prize. It wasn’t just “your existence.” It was the love and peace you gave him. And it went both ways: women got to feel beloved and protected in return. No one was superior. That mutual respect is why men were willing to protect and provide. It was balanced.

Nowadays, To a lot of men, there is no prize and no safe space in dating a woman. It feels like they’re expected to bring everything to the table while getting nothing emotionally nourishing back.

And just to be clear—I’m completely fine with women being more leading and independent. In fact, I love it. I have zero problem with women taking the initiative, being assertive, building their own careers, or living life exactly how they want. I support stay-at-home dads, high-powered women, or any mix in between—everyone has a choice, and that freedom is great. The issue has never been about gender roles or who makes the first move. It really comes down to respect, all of it. The constant disrespect toward men as people. We’re generalized, demonized, and dismissed because of the bad apples. If that’s the game we’re playing now, then men can do the exact same thing: assume every woman is a selfish, entitled, gold-digging brat. But that’s not healthy for anyone.

At the end of the day, if women want to be approached and pursued again, they might want to look in the mirror at the culture they’ve helped create and ask why so many men have simply checked out. It all boils down to mutual respect.