I’m a married father (36) of two very young children, ages 4 and 2. My wife (34) and I have been together for 13 years and married for 9 years. We live in Florida. Over the last several months, our marriage has deteriorated badly. 2 months ago she told me she wanted a divorce, moved emotionally and physically distant, and I initially tried to work on things for the sake of the family.

Recently, I was able to confirm she has been having an ongoing affair with a man connected to her work. She has traveled repeatedly for “work,” and now I’m questioning how much of that was actually business versus personal. I also verified she admitted she is in love with him and wants to marry him.

The part that is messing with my head is not that I’m “losing her.” I’m honestly past that. I do not want her back at this point. What disgusts me is that this was happening while we had a 2-year-old and 4-year-old at home, while she was still living in the house with me, still acting normal at times, still participating in family events, and still having sex with me. That level of compartmentalizing is what I’m struggling with.

I’m trying hard not to let my anger or disgust control my decisions. My priorities now are:

• Protect my relationship with my kids and get true 50/50 custody/time-sharing.
• Protect my assets and financial future.
• Make sure all accounts, credit cards, retirement accounts, and separate accounts are fully disclosed.
• Avoid becoming reactive, emotional, or giving her anything she can use to paint me as unstable.
• Get through this cleanly and legally with a family law attorney.

There are some financial concerns too. A few years ago, I discovered she had hidden $43,000 of credit card debt, which I paid off, and she signed an agreement to repay me. Recently I learned she opened a new credit card without telling me, and I also found out she has separate accounts I did not fully understand before. She has already retained a divorce attorney. I’m preparing to consult attorneys now and am organizing documentation, but I’m trying not to spiral or jump to conclusions before proper disclosure.

For those who have been through divorce after infidelity, especially with young kids:

• How did you stay calm in the house while still living together?
• What mistakes should I avoid making right now?
• What helped you protect 50/50 custody?
• How did you handle the disgust/anger without letting it damage your case?
• What financial documents should I make sure my attorney asks for?
• Did the affair matter at all legally, or only if marital money was spent on it?
• Any advice for keeping the kids protected from the chaos?

I’m not looking for revenge. I’m not trying to “win her back.” I’m trying to stay disciplined, protect my kids, protect my assets, and not let the emotional betrayal cause me to make a stupid mistake.