Anybody else have trouble dating after divorce?

Minute_Lavishness_32 · 2026-06-08T00:29:12+00:00

So after I made this post.. childhood friend and the first girl I ever had a crush on in 6th grade hit me up on instagram saying she just went through a divorce after an 18yr relationship… definitely brought back up a bunch of old feelings..

Responsible_Mud_394 · 2026-06-05T12:06:59+00:00

oh same 48 here and i just dont feel any kind of inclination top date. One thing that has helped in the general social matter, engaging in group hobby events. Like i like boardgames so going to boardgame cafes and playing with strangers etc.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-06-04T03:37:48+00:00

Start listening to man empowering dating podcasts and HIRE A DATING coach. There is SO MUCH men need to learn about attraction that we just don't know. And for some reason, it's taboo to talk about in the US.

If you don't know where to start, Mark Sing, The Whatever podcast and Fresh and Fit.

Be yourself, is crap. Being yourself brought you here, you want different outcomes, you need different tactics.

After my divorce, I could not believe how much sex I was getting.

Probably my biggest actual physical "thing" I did was date multiple women at the same time so as to be able to stay objective. If one chick said no, was busy or was doing something I didn't like, I had 2 more lined up so I stayed grounded, not desperate for one. This showed me abundance the accompanying mindset.

The next biggest mindset was: there is NO woman who will love me, completely, in the way I want. Ever. This made me a little sad, but who says the truth has to be happy. This also helped me set my expectations clear.

Good luck brother.

KingJon85 · 2026-06-04T02:29:56+00:00

I've been attempting some lately but just feel numb like some others have mentioned. Maybe im not ready yet. I still just see women as a threat to my peace.

I've hung out with some women and flirted and got some compliments etc. I just don't think I feel it. I hope im not broken forever.

Environmental_Tax_89 · 2026-06-03T14:41:14+00:00

33 and was seeing someone for a few weeks. We were really just having great sex but then she stayed the night a few nights and I got scared and backed off hard. Now she left and I’m like missing her but low key knew I wasn’t ready for something like that. I have a 3 year old so I’m very selective on who I date. It’s been a year and a half since me and my ex split. I think you just slowly let that shit happen. Vibe by yourself and do shit you enjoy. Be yourself and the person who appreciates you will gravitate towards you. Age is a number brother don’t set limits and boundaries on yourself. Be you and do what’s best for you. You’ll be good.

brebel240 · 2026-06-02T23:01:38+00:00

I’m not too far behind you (33) but I have had a really hard time. At first a year after my ex and I split I dated 2 women. When it got to the point that we would be exclusive both times I got cold feet. Since then I’ve gone on dates here and there, and last talked to one woman for a couple of months. But I just don’t want to give up the peace that I’ve found since divorce. Plus I have 3 young kids (11, 9, and 6) that keep me plenty busy on my weeks lol.

Stay strong brother 🙏🏻

Time_Designer1971 · 2026-06-02T21:41:05+00:00

I can see the crazy in their eyes. That’s enough for me to enjoy my own company.

somewhatpresent · 2026-06-02T18:39:11+00:00

Yeah I'm 39M and in late 30s dating market, seemingly infinite women looking to "date with intention" (i.e theyre trying to get married and start a family soon), which I'm not even close to ready for, but effectively zero willing to date casually. So yeah sucks but I'd rather be lonely than in a serious relationship so soon after ending a 17 year LTR. But yeah in theory yuo just find women on the same page, in practice, huge amounts of beautiful women willing to date me seriously, zero willing to date casually, so I'm just going to be mostly lonely and celibate for a while.

ungoloit · 2026-06-02T18:16:37+00:00

You have yet to realize how fortunate you are...you will eventually absolutely cherish your freedom. Motorcycle, fishing, hunting, snowmobiling or what ever moves your curtains WITHOUT a controlling woman's approval or permission. If you're sexually active then just rent them. That way they can't take your life's work and assets from you because their " I love you but not in love with you' bullshit. Give it time...happy apexes!

Training_Pumpkin3650 · 2026-06-02T18:13:45+00:00

I have a situationship or best friends with benefits. Part of me wants to commit but there’s definitely commitment trauma. So for the time being I am enjoying the ride.

WaitingForTheFire · 2026-06-02T17:30:09+00:00

Let me know if you figure it out. I’m basically in the same boat.

Ok_Builder_3285 · 2026-06-02T17:11:05+00:00

There’s no way out of the loneliness and isolation. Even when I’m around friends I’m still completely alone. Dating is impossible so it’s loneliness and isolation foreverZ

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-06-02T15:27:58+00:00

Work, gym, dog and travelling will fill your free time.

Romantic relationships require a huge investment of time and energy (assuming you want a healthy one and want it to last).

It's completely ok to max out a season of being single. Enjoy this time it never lasts long enough.

When you are ready for another long term romantic relationship the universe will make sure you cross paths with the right woman for you. No need to chase it.

The_Restructured_Man · 2026-06-02T13:27:41+00:00

Dating too soon is the most common mistake guys make coming out of a long marriage. You found out what most figure out eventually… you can't outsource the emptiness to another person.

Stop dating for now and build the structure instead. Consistent morning routine. Gym or martial art with a real community around it. Something you're working toward in your career and finances. A weekly rhythm that runs whether you feel like it or not. When your life has discipline and direction underneath it the loneliness stops running the show.

Friend reconnection at 40 works better through recurring situations than cold texts. A gym, a league, a class. Somewhere you show up consistently until new people become familiar.

Build a life worth being part of and the right women find you… they can smell it 😄 Focus on yourself for 6 months and watch the magic happen.

Techdude_Advanced · 2026-06-02T11:45:35+00:00

Loneliness and solitude are two different things. The former is kinda dangerous. Learn to enjoy your own company, be comfortable with being by yourself and your world changes. I enjoy my peace, women notice this and try to get close. I choose to keep them at a distance. Don't force it, it's a process. Take your time.

I will never roll the dice again, my assets are mine and for my kids when I'm gone.

Above all I have no desire to date. The peace is way too addicting.

dystinct · 2026-06-02T11:43:44+00:00

My problem wasn't the dating as much as my tolerance for drama. I've had some great dates and met some really cool women. After my divorce I can quickly see where things are headed and walk away easily.

UrAristotle · 2026-06-02T11:19:50+00:00

You give it time.

That feeling that you can’t put in the effort tells you everything you need to know. You’re not obligated to date, and you can find other ways to hang out with people.

Churches are full of groups for this very purpose. Join a team that plays your favorite sport. Or find a new sport like pickle ball to fill up the time. Restart hobbies you dropped or start new ones.

Once you’re ready to put in the effort, the dating part will take care of itself. My experience was that there was no shortage of women willing to grab coffee for a first chat and then see where it went.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-06-02T10:55:27+00:00

I'm nearly two years out from separation and I feel less desire to date than even a year ago. I just can't be bothered with the drama, gestures, the whole performative thing.

I miss intimacy a lot, but my loneliness has turned into a sort of solitude. I have my daughter 50-50 and honestly she is the only female I have the bandwidth for right now.

I know there is this urge to find someone new, but there is nothing wrong with being single after being with someone a very long time.

I'm just going to wait until I actually want another partner. Anything else is doomed to fail, and Im not going thorugh the hell of the last two years again.

123flocko · 2026-06-02T10:34:42+00:00

I'm finding that I just don't feel anything. I have been on a few dates, had some conversations, but none of the attraction. I've been leaning pretty heavily on family and friends.

Reflog1791 · 2026-06-02T08:27:26+00:00

Get out of your comfort zone and try new things that make you an interesting person. Be the man you want to be. Then you will have to learn to not marry the first one who will have you.

SalaryDull5301 · 2026-06-02T04:44:28+00:00

What worked for me were a series of unattached "friends w benefits" type scenerios. Emphasis on friendship.

There are a ton of women out there that feel the same as you. Dont look to get "serious" just let things kinda flow and have fun. Dont get attached, even though thats hard to do when you are in the headspace you are in.

Title	Anybody else have trouble dating after divorce?
Author	Minute_Lavishness_32
Upvotes	22
Comments	62
Date	June 2, 2026 4:31 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tugbco/anybody_else_have_trouble_dating_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anybody-else-have-trouble-dating-after-divorce.1581886 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581886

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