What are some gender norms/roles you dislike performing/being imposed on you?

Lysa_Bell · 2026-06-06T16:55:28+00:00

I think the one that is most annoying to me at this point is my pain response expectation. I have very painful periods. So I am used to controlling my response to pain. I had to smile while almost passing out from pain. But when I tell my doctors about my pain I am not taken serious because I dont behave like I am in pain. It led to me now overexplaining everything about myself. So when I am seeking help for anything (physical or mental) I have to describe in excruciating detail what is going on because I never look like what people would expect to be a woman in pain. At this point I have kind of given up on most doctors because they just refuse to acknowledge my suffering so I just live with the pain.

krackedy · 2026-06-06T17:04:31+00:00

I'm not overly ambitious. I'm emotional and sometimes talk about my feelings. I love taking care of my kids. I'm bi.

I've never been a particularly "manly" man.

My ex had a huge problem with it, luckily my wife doesn't mind it at all.

AlarmingToe8503 · 2026-06-06T16:14:05+00:00

I hate being expected to be the brave one who makes the first move. It might surprise some women here, but I actually do see women as people and I don't like making people feel uncomfortable, so I hate having to be the one to make every move because no matter how much mental calculus I do to determine if she's going to be cool with it or if Jupiter is solar alignment or whatever, I'm still expected to repeatedly risk making the person I like very uncomfortable if I've gambled wrong. I don't like doing that. And if women could just take the same gamble 1 time in 10 I would feel a lot better about the other 9.

AmandaPea · 2026-06-06T17:05:19+00:00

God the expectation of all women to be nurturing and motherly. I am not that.

esdebah · 2026-06-06T17:16:21+00:00

I dislike it when dudes say something along the lines of 'ladies are crazy, right?' And then I'm expected to show solidarity in some kind of weird boys vs girls middle school conflict.

And of course I hate it that it's 100% more acceptable for me to say hi to a random child or dog in public when I'm walking with a woman. I've talked to my male friends who are teachers and there's just a bunch of extra care they have to take. Being a man means folks will randomly just assume the absolute worst of you and it's jarring as hell when it comes up.

criticalcry-tactic00 · 2026-06-06T19:19:13+00:00

As a men i don't want to be a provider and i don't like to only being loved for what i can provide or a mask i have to put on. I will never be loved for being myself.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-06-06T19:29:16+00:00

I don’t like that my physical body and appearance is allowed to be commented on. I have rosacea. In the summer I wear makeup to cover my red cheeks because I’m tired of people asking or commenting about me “getting too much sun” I wear it to be more invisible. To fit it.

I don’t like that I can’t be more sexually aggressive. That I’m viewed as easy or a slut if I openly flirt with a guy. I don’t like that I can’t tell if he’s flirting back because he’s interested in me or because he’s interested in my interest in him. Because that means he’ll get pussy whether he likes what’s attached to it or not.

I don’t like that any self improvement I do doesn’t seem to matter if it’s not just changing how I look. I could be a raging cunt , unemployed, with no self accountability or reflection but if I was hot enough I could have a loving bf that accepted it because I was hot enough.

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2026-06-06T19:54:06+00:00

i’m a masc lesbian how much time ya got lol heteronormative expectations pretty much delayed me coming out to myself for years, thankfully that chilled out when i went all out on the masc style

this is a mild example but it happens most often where i just want men around me to treat me like they’d treat another guy/person but it’s obvious they’re seeing me as a woman first and foremost and sayin shit they’d never say to a guy. the “you should smile more”s and the “that’s such a pretty name”s and the one time a friend i was walking with moved so he was walking between me and the road, well-meaning but still made me think can we just not lol

edit also thanks for the post these are some interesting replies

bondepart · 2026-06-06T18:11:05+00:00

I hate when people assume I’m stupid or don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m feminine and softly spoken, when the reality is I’m highly educated and well read.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-06-06T18:57:40+00:00

Miss me with the BS notion that men need to be "stoic providers" who never say no to night shift, weekends, overtime, or raises and promotions because the only thing that matters to us is being absentee parents who can sometimes show up to a birthday or graduation.

Also hate the stereotype of us being overcompetitive assholes and I instantly dislike any dude who shows up and inmediately starts trying to flex/act important because deep down thats nothing more than a really annoying form of insecurity.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-06T16:17:08+00:00

Being confrontational or direct makes me a bitch, but it makes men authoritative.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-06-06T16:11:42+00:00

I can't be upfront, can't be demanding, can't be anything other than calm, or i'm dismissed because i'm "hysterical woman".

SimilarChampionship2 · 2026-06-06T17:07:19+00:00

that I must do the cooking/be good at cooking because I’m a woman
that i’m too assertive or confrontational as a woman and yet a male coworker acting the same way is seen as “leadership material”.
being told to smile all the fucking time by men
expected to wear make up to events, otherwise i “haven’t put any effort in”
expected to look attractive but not too attractive otherwise i’m attention seeking or a slut
being expected to be naturally nurturing just because im a woman
not allowed to be angry or upset because i’ll be labelled “too emotional” or “hysterical” or “menstruating”
having to constantly modify my behaviour just to avoid harassment or sexual assault from men
being told I’m “objectifying” myself or look inappropriate wearing a tight fitting top just because I have big boobs, meanwhile a woman with tiny boobs wearing the same top is seen a chic and elegant
the general expectation of performing femininity, otherwise people think you’re a lesbian
being told to cover up because my nipples are visible in cold weather even through a bra and it’d “inappropriate” yet men are allowed to walk shirtless in public.
being expected to like/care about kids just because i’m a woman

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-06-06T18:26:32+00:00

Guns

I’m definitely a staunch believer in personal freedoms and the second amendment, but I honestly hate guns personally. I don’t want anything to do with them.

To me, they just pose too much of a risk because of the potential damage they can cause that I really don’t think there’s anything cool about playing with them or even owning them. Mentally, I just feel like if I were to own a gun, the chances that it would be involved in an accident are astronomically higher than the chances that I would actually need to defend myself from a home invasion.

A FWB pulled out a handgun one time after we hooked up and we’re relaxing in bed and was loading and unloading the magazine/sliding it in and out, showing me the gun and then of course she hands it to me because she knows I’m a guy and I’m definitely going to want to handle it and see how cool it is.

I’m sure it was a very cool gun.

I was very uncomfortable, but I just kind of acted like it was cool because I really didn’t want to mess up the vibe.

Kaleidoscopetide · 2026-06-06T19:53:31+00:00

I like sex. When I’m not in a relationship, I still like to have sex, which is mutually pleasurable for me and my partners and is a fun social physically active activity. Because I am a woman, this is supposed to be a bad thing or somehow degrading to me.
Similarly, a lot of men view sex, especially casual sex with a woman, as a sort of victory over her. He’s won something, and she’s lost something; he’s “gained value” and she’s “lost value.” This means a good number of men I would otherwise like to have sex with are discounted from my pool: I like sex, but I don’t like losing.
Sometimes I am, in fact, the best-equipped to lead a group of people, but god forbid I try to actually do that. Even if I succeed, I’m considered “bossy” “bitchy” and “unlikeable.” If I propose something at work without adding ten million qualifiers and exclamation points, I am considered bitchy, bossy, and unlikeable. If I wrote emails the way my male colleagues do, I would never get the results they get now or that I get now with my “hello!” And “I wonder if you might consider” and “I may be wrong, but” etc.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-06T16:49:25+00:00

If I'm pointed I'm a bitch. If I demonstrate knowledge in excess of a man I'm being a know it all or too much. If I'm angry or upset I'm menstruating or overly emotional. I'm supposed to look pretty and put together all the time. I'm supposed to absorb a man's bad behavior and I react, my reaction is the problem. I'm supposed to just forgive a man even if he's never said sorry because I know he wishes he hadn't done that and is sorry. I'm supposed to remember special events for people I do not care about and do something...because they're special to my husband.

Yes, it would.

Tylikcat · 2026-06-06T19:58:17+00:00

There are a lot of things I just break with. I'm supposed to flirt subtly and wait to be asked? Fuck that, too much and fuss and drama, I'll just ask who I like. I can be a warm an gracious hostess and function well in formal company. But if anyone goes over the line at an event I'm running (or in my house) I'll throw them out. (IME, people knowing this has made this sort of thing a lot less likely.)

There is so much about appearance. And in so many ways I lucked out - I'm tall, well proportioned, and naturally busty*, even when I'm thin. I have good facial features, clear skin, and dramatic coloring. A sorority girl would have taken it and run with it. I've spent most of my life wearing glasses, obscuring my figure, and dressing quirkily as a way of not drawing too much attention and signalling that if you're looking for a pretty normie girl, that's not me. Now, some of this is fine - I enjoy clothes, and the quirky look is more me. But it sucks that if wear my hair down^ and wear something a little more feminine colleagues who have known me for years will act as if I'm way dumber, but also more of a dating prospect. Or even people I know socially. (There was a pretty hilarious incident where I went to a party that had a theme of "come as something you're not". So I came as a submissive femme, and really committed to playing the role. I figured everyone would get the joke - and my close friends definitely did, and were amused and appalled. But there were guys there, including some of my martial arts students, who tried hitting on me. Guys who'd known me casually for years. Guys! No!)

The assumptions that I'm weak and helpless. Ye gods, I'm 5'11" and muscular and know how to move. Having boobs on does not cancel this out. (I also get a lot of surprise reactions from men because I have a firm handshake. Not tight, and I don't play dominance games, but I learned that a firm handshake is how to do it.)

The related assumptions that women can't be good at fighting. I've been in situations where a man of similar stature could step in and be taken as a threat, and everyone would quietly back away from whatever shit they're doing, whereas folks wouldn't take me seriously until I actually hurt someone. (Which can spiral so quickly, as there are a lot of men who freak the fuck out when they're bested by a woman.) So unnecessary. (I may love sparring, but I hate actual fighting. But I will step in if I see a situation that sufficiently concerns me.)

This doesn't get into living in Ohio, where people frequently let me know that they didn't approve of how I went about being a woman. (But this was solved by leaving.) I also hated it when the older women told me that when men behaved badly it was basically because they were socially retarded, and that just came with testosterone and the poor dears couldn't help themselves. Yick.

*Okay, I would dispute this really as lucking out. A C cup would have been enough, folks. But in terms of conventional aesthetics.
^Not the current issue, my aggressively wavy hair is a bit past chin length, but for a long time I had hip length hair that was always french braided or pinned up to keep it out of my face.

pie-mart · 2026-06-06T16:42:59+00:00

I can't be upfront. Or else I am demanding ir naggy. And if i do try and communicate to some men about the things I'd like some dudes see everything as a personal attack.

Its like telling a chef "I really like the dish, but I would really like some Chipotle aioli"

And the chef going "i am just not good enough! You hate me don't you!!!"

And then you have to calm the chef down and then go without the sauce you want until you low key are so put out by the experience you don't feel like coming back to the restaurant again...

We also have to word things incredibly carefully so we don't hurt the guys feelings. Because they tend to take everything personally

I have to smile and laugh and be obnoxiously nice when I am expressing a concern, hurt feelings, or lack of my needs being met.

As the woman, I am also expected to be the one to have all serious conversations as well

The man will have an issue? Not bring it up at all. Act distant... then you notice this distance, ask him what the problem is. Then he will express his issues.

Then when things may be rocky or theirs a glaring issue, as the woman, you also have to be the one to bring it up

All hard conversations land on your lap

And so, the guy is never made to feel like the "bad guy" for bringing up those difficult conversations or little things that make him not satisfied.

So, I am often pressured into have all the difficult conversations and I have to also make sure I express things in a passive and sweet way in order not to hurt the guy

And I am then labeled as nagging or seen as being overly communicative, despite the man not sharing this root of the relationship with me

When we tell guys we want them to be better at communicating its about them actually bringing up problems as they arise versus waiting for us to ask if things are ok, and not only bringing up their issues when we bring up ours..

I am not saying women are perfect communicators but men often will quiet quit and ghost and disappear or dissociate from the relationship versus telling us the problems so we can try and fix them or so we are the ones to end things versus them so they don't have to do the hard work of communicating the problems they have and or communicating the end of the relationship

They put it all on us and it is very frustrating

If you're mad at something I said just tell me. Don't go weeks on end ignoring me until I ask you what's wrong....

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princeofbreads · 2026-06-06T18:56:58+00:00

i really hate when people hear my opinion or decision on something and say, 'what does your boyfriend think about that?' like i need his permission to make my own choices 😓

i dress very femininely, , i'm short, i'm soft spoken, people tend to speak to me like a child or like i am stupid.

i dislike when people assume i want to take care of the home, or that i should have kids. i think i want kids, but i'm too young to decide for sure. i would never want to be a stay at home parent. my biggest goal rn is to get a good enough job in life so my boyfriend would be able to tend the theoretical kids- because he WOULD be an amazing stay at home parent. i love being a breadwinner, i love being relied on. i love being the 'strong' one. i love being needed. i want him to live an easy, happier life :) that brings me so much peace.

mostly i hate how i'm viewed for my body. i'm a curvy lady. i was wearing a DD cup bra by the time i was like 13 and it only got worse from there honestly. i can wear the exact same outfit as my friends but likely only one of us will be labelled a whore (me).

wolf2424b · 2026-06-06T19:07:41+00:00

A lot of women these days, especially young women, want and expect a man to be super-dominant in bed.

In my day, "kinky" meant a gentle spanking. Or trying her wrists with a silk handkerchief.

A few years back, I gave in and had a contractor install a full on dungeon in my house.

Ultramontrax · 2026-06-07T21:18:31+00:00

I just want to be me. I don’t want to act macho, look tough and imo being a pretentious fuck. I guess I’ve always been sensitive and, for some, emasculate or effeminate I guess although I don’t feel or want to be a woman nor do I like dick. So, I’m just me I guess.

ouishi · 2026-06-08T14:38:03+00:00

Oh my gosh, all of them? That's why I opted out. I have no sense of gender and absolutely hate being treated like I do.

For example, I like holding the door open when someone is entering behind me, at the gas station for example. Every once and a while I run into a man who can't fathom a "woman" holding opening and door for him and will literally refuse to go through, insisting on "ladies first." It's so weird and ruins the flow.

Also, having a stranger pay for anything for me feels very weird. I don't even love when friends do it.

KayRay1994 · 2026-06-06T16:41:00+00:00

I think - especially being a trans woman - there is this general expectation to overperform femininity to ‘prove myself’ but it just isn’t me, and I don’t like that because I am a lot more complex than that, but also I don’t like the butch label because I do enjoy femme stuff as well. Like sure, I’d describe my personality as ‘masc in a femme way’, but also, I don’t own any skirts, the only makeup I do is my eyes and foundation, I love getting dirty in hikes, I will touch gross shit, I talk like a bro, I love sports, I prefer having a muscular-ish build and I prefer beer to wine. But at the same time I don’t like fully putting myself in a masc box because I do love fashion, I do love painting my nails, I do love doing stuff associated with femininity like shopping, and I admit I do enjoy stuff like gossip (listen I love drama and I’m all here for it)

As far as relationship roles. I generally like to be pursued and approached, but at the same time I need my space. Like I don’t want someone to fully come into my life and take control of it. I also weirdly like leading despite also liking being approached.

Basically, I’ve reached the ‘fuck gender roles’ stage - just do your own thing

KoninginVanRotterdam · 2026-06-06T18:07:20+00:00

I don't let anything impose on me. Never have Never will.

The absolute dumbest thing is the women are submissive, men lead thing.

I find it hysterically funny because, come on, i eat men for breakfast, lunch and diner.

Fuck off. 😂 I don't want bitches, but if i wanted too i could easily make y'all men, my bitches.

Title	What are some gender norms/roles you dislike performing/being imposed on you?
Author	FoxyMoxyy
Upvotes	13
Comments	56
Date	June 6, 2026 11:38 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1tyey4s/what_are_some_gender_normsroles_you_dislike/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-some-gender-normsroles-you-dislike.1582219 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582219

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