Why does the interest of many women seem to arise only after a man gives them attention?

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-06-23T09:38:03+00:00

“…rather than on who he truly is.” Unless this is a situation where these people have been platonic friends for a while first, how would she even know “who he truly is” before he gives her attention? All you know of someone you recently met is who they “manage to present themselves as being.” You don’t know “who she truly is” yet either. Dating is the process of (hopefully) finding that out.

IcyTrapezium · 2026-06-23T08:09:20+00:00

For the same reason if I give a man attention he’s more likely to be interested in me. People like attention.

Were you unaware that being open and available makes people more attractive to each other? This is equally if not more true of men. I rarely flirt with a guy and get a negative reaction. It often causes the man to fixate on me through the night.

Accomplished_Pack527 · 2026-06-23T09:13:52+00:00

So… are women supposed to be interested in men who don’t give them attention? Huh? 🤔

Are we supposed to be really intrigued by random men walking the street or sitting at a bar minding their own business?

love_in_october · 2026-06-23T09:32:45+00:00

People often don't want to show their attraction in an obvious way if it's not reciprocated. And attraction does grow the more you know someone especially in a romantic way. Neither point is specific to women.

Nobody but you knows who you "truly are". We can't read your mind. Your actions are the only way you have of communicating your true self to others.

pie-mart · 2026-06-23T08:02:30+00:00

So, I am shallow if I judge him on looks alone, but if i judge him on his merits and who he is, I am somehow also a problem because I actually care ablut who he is beyond his face and body and may find that attractive?

Lemon_gecko · 2026-06-23T08:09:44+00:00

"It often seems as though many women’s attraction depends on what a man does or says, or on what he manages to present himself as being" - Louder for the men in the back.

"rather than on who he truly is." - and how am i supposed to know that? Serious question.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-06-23T09:48:13+00:00

Yeah because it doesn't matter what man I find attractive, it only matters if I'm his type. Because otherwise he will pump and dump or cheat on me later

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-06-23T10:37:18+00:00

Unmoving things tend to blend in with the background. So a person that just sits and stares at the phone without any movement except the thumb does blend in with the background and becomes invisible.

anomalocarus · 2026-06-23T07:48:17+00:00

Because women care more about personality than looks. Looks arent enough to gain most womens interests, but talking to them will allow a glimpse into what type of person you are.

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-06-23T12:24:45+00:00

Because before that you're at most pretty to look at in an abstract impersonal way?

It's like asking me why my affection for cats depends on if they're purring, rubbing all over my legs, letting me hold them and tell them what darling beauties they are...cuz before that they were any old cute stray cat looking at me that I don't know.

How else would it work?

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-23T13:19:15+00:00

I simply am not sexually attracted to passivity. I have responsive desire and, to me, a man is displaying some degree of natural masculinity, assertiveness, confidence, and intention when he flirts with me. These qualities are a part of who he is. That’s what I want in a man.

I can think he is good looking or cute if he doesn’t approach, but I will never feel sexual for him or want more of him.

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Instigated- · 2026-06-24T09:35:54+00:00

Consider this: the world is full of people, and half of them are men. Which one of these men should I as a woman be attracted or interested in?

I have limited time and attention, so if a man shows interest, it makes me look his way and take notice. He now stands out from the crowd for a moment.

I will observe him, his behaviour, what he says, to see if it aligns to my own interests - or if it’s a redflag that sends me running.

I would add that for me personally, there is an element of “reciprocal attraction”, where I am not really attracted to people who aren’t also interested in me. I’m not the kind of person who is ever going to pine over someone who isn’t into me. Doesn’t matter how good looking or nice they are - if they aren’t into me, I’ll feel nothing but friendship for them.

My interests are varied. At a very base level I need to feel safe. Some men are dangerous but they don’t come with a warning label, so I have to go with my intuition based on observations. Do we enjoy each others company, do we make each other laugh, do I feel a connection, does he seem genuine, trustworthy, and into me, etc?

This mutual assessment (for he is surely also trying to decide how much he does or doesn’t like me) will be ongoing until either we split up or commit ourselves to one another. In western countries people on average are together 5yrs before marriage.

In terms of who he “really is”, there is no way for me to know that other than by what I observe or him. if he is pretending to be someone he isn’t, it will be hard for him to keep the act up. When he reveals who he truly is, if that is incompatible, then the relationship will likely end. However there is also the possibility that who he is is not too different from the act, and there may be enough good in the relationship to survive, or he may be inspired to become more like his ideal self.

I’m not saying that this is necessarily the best way to be. Being a woman in a society where we’re socialised to expect men to make the first move, it perhaps means many women expect that if a man is interested he will let it be known. Rather than for us to decide who we want and pursue them. Though of course it depends on the woman as some women do feel instant attraction and take initiative.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-06-27T04:04:10+00:00

99% of men are invisible to me until they engage me

Title	Why does the interest of many women seem to arise only after a man gives them attention?
Author	studente_telematico
Upvotes	0
Comments	46
Date	June 23, 2026 7:41 AM UTC (4 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1udaj9v/why_does_the_interest_of_many_women_seem_to_arise/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-the-interest-of-many-women-seem-to-arise.1583441 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583441

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