Working on your self esteem will take you a LOOOOOOOONG way compared to any tips and tricks here.

Special_Rice9539 · 2026-07-11T20:40:13+00:00

Idk why people talk about this like it’s easy.

Make yourself fall asleep right now. You can’t do it. It’s not like you can consciously set these mental states.

You need to go through a process building your self esteem over time. It requires tearing down limiting beliefs imposed by society, breaking off of cheap dopamine addiction, fixing your brain chemistry, understanding what your value is as a man.

You can’t take an insecure, hyper logical guy who’s been told he’s shit his whole life and just tell him to be confident.

Back2theCouture · 2026-07-11T21:29:31+00:00

I totally agree with it, but you gotta admit it’s an abstract idea. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it’s abstract. You gotta elaborate more. The idea of liking yourself or loving yourself is pretty often in this sub. Just search it.

But when it comes to the reality, there are some people who find it hard to like themselves. “There’s nothing to like about myself” is pretty much the common theme from them. Now you gotta dig deeper. Because when people don’t like themselves, they already got a rigid definition of what “yourself” means.

This is why nowadays the generic advice of “be yourself” is considered bad, or at least just vague. Imagine a typical stereotype redditor image; a basement dweller, chronically online, hairy body, hairy face and not groomed, overweight, doesn’t get sunlight everyday, doesn’t remember last time he took a shower or brushed his teeth. Of course people like this would think “there’s nothing to like about myself.” Even he hates himself, let alone other people. All he’s done in his life makes him hates himself. It’s a perpetual cycle.

When you start digging deeper, you will find out people who love themselves have pretty good self-discipline, are healthy physically and mentally. It’s also a perpetual cycle but on the positive side. If you were a parent, would you like to give garbage food to your toddler? Of course not. Because you love him. Then why you eating garbage food as an adult? Do you like your toddler getting unhealthy? Obviously no, because again you love him. Then why don’t you care if you’re getting unhealthy? Same principle.

But imagine the version of yourself that is well groomed, much better haircut, mentally and physically healthy, physically fit, wear clean, fit clothes, don’t you like that version? Now we can talk about “just be yourself” aka be the best version of yourself.

It sounds simple, maybe it is simple. But it surely isn’t easy to break off the chain once you wanna transform yourself from hating yourself to liking yourself.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2026-07-11T20:44:23+00:00

Everyone is different, so saying it’s an easy or fast adaption isnt necessarily correct.

It takes time to construct your self in way, but also managing set backs or other constraints that face different people.

Now, saying it’s worth the effort is a different story, you can start today and even if you aren’t flipping a magic switch, a little improvement is better than doing nothing. I would agree with that.

AcedtheTuringTest · 2026-07-12T00:14:02+00:00

This is not as easy to do as people make it sound.

For those struggling or lost, I would say do something anything that you could realistically do/complete and stand back at your achievement (personal auto work, building something, improving something tangible, completing a complicated work project without asking for assistance, etc.) and feel that feeling of "Yeah, I did that, it can't be denied." Feel proud, recognize that sensation.

Then you do it again and then start to apply it to your psyche. "Wait a minute, I have completed all of these things, why am I stressing myself about this?"

It builds your self-worth, acknowledges your ability to take a challenging/difficult situation and surpass it.

Then you start to see it alter your character in a more progressive, productive, positive way.

Exotic_Ad_4806 · 2026-07-11T20:45:01+00:00

yea but even if you get a girlfriend you wont be happy until you fix your self esteem and arent dependent on her and she probably wont want to stay around long because you need her to feel good about yourself and got not much going on

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2026-07-11T22:05:09+00:00

All the “game BS stuff” comes naturally if you had deep self-worth. You dont need to think about it because you behave it.

BurnItDownSR · 2026-07-11T22:10:36+00:00

First of all, do you even read the stuff on here? You act like we're still all doing Mystery Method. Stop attacking a 20 year old relic people barely use nowadays to make it seem like you're doing something.

Second, it's easier to create mental shifts from taking action than just by being on your own and thinking about stuff.

A guy who regularly gets into situations where girls are flirting with him, and even moreso when he gets farther than that, will develop good self esteem much faster than someone who just spends time alone trying to not be so hard on himself.

Even the stuff you listed, the habits, thoughts, and actions will develop faster when you're actually going out there flirting.

Having conversations with yourself is like trying to build muscle just from posing in the mirror, actually going out there, flirting and socializing, the correct way, in ways that are actually dignified instead of desperate, like what's taught a lot here, is like building muscle by actually lifting weights.

vlfavourites · 2026-07-11T22:47:54+00:00

Diet Excersize Get a haircut& trim (bi) weekly Compliments within 2 months.

abcsofattraction · 2026-07-12T04:01:34+00:00

Mostly agree, with one correction. Inner and outer game aren't a sequence where you finish one and move to the next. You run them in parallel.

The inner game work you're describing is the deeper, slower build, and you're right that it lasts longer once it takes. But if a guy only works on liking himself and gets no actual results for months, the self-esteem gains have nothing to stand on and they erode. Doubt creeps back in.

That's why you need the early, easy wins running at the same time. Get a couple of good conversations, one solid date, a few reps that go well. Those are proof of concept that the work isn't snake oil. They give the inner game something real to attach to instead of it being pure positive self-talk floating with no evidence underneath it.

The Inner Game Iceberg model breaks this into three levels: state in the moment, identity over time, and the societal conditioning under both. State is the fastest to move and where those early wins land. Identity is the slow permanent build you're pointing at. You work them together, not one or the other.

Halfwaytoanarchy · 2026-07-12T06:20:43+00:00

Fr. I’m literally just on a spiritual journey towards deepening integrity and unconditional self-love; and I can’t believe the amount of opportunities I have on a weekly basis. I don’t even need to try anymore. I haven’t even been putting energy into my social life and I still have to reject advances every couple of weeks. For context, I used to be a loser who wanted nothing more than to get laid. I dedicated six months of my life to it in a fucking hostel and failed. Looks have barely changed. Energy is the difference. Taking care of myself, being super grounded, being joyful, not needing anything from others, not performing; doing what I want to do, with who I want, when I want, aligned work, strength of character. I’ve been focusing on this for years now, and I cannot recommend it more for most of the people in this subreddit. Honestly reading the posts, I often just feel bad for most of you guys. “What’s the right thing to say in this situation?” like bro where is your fucking backbone? And all these tips and tricks about how to put on an act to seduce a woman. I’m sorry you guys feel the need to do that. Good luck to us all

it_aint_that_deep- · 2026-07-12T20:02:59+00:00

The best trick for self esteem is not telling yourself I will not fail but rather telling yourself that even if I fail miserably that doesn’t negate how wholesome of a person I am

frikandellenvreter · 2026-07-12T08:50:37+00:00

I've found faking it until you make it is very powerful.

Just imagine yourself being that guy for a while and you'll start believing it more and more over time.

MyUsername0_0 · 2026-07-11T22:02:21+00:00

Obviously internal game is very important and part of game. It’s been stated in this subreddit plenty of times

TA_batmanjr · 2026-07-11T22:18:01+00:00

are you going to explain how you improved your self esteem?

PlayaNoir · 2026-07-12T00:15:15+00:00

Self esteem yes, plus self respect. Never place women above you, don't worship them, they are just people. Pussy isn't a prize.

videogames_ · 2026-07-12T01:08:22+00:00

Reference experiences and proof of achievement like getting a first hookup does help a lot though

Imaginary_Ruin_7545 · 2026-07-12T01:39:55+00:00

Every good thing take time to shape. I guess the most important and often most underrated thing is taking the first step and then be descpline with it.

confused_8357 · 2026-07-12T04:43:24+00:00

I disagree ..you need to work hard on yourself to get the fruits of high self esteem.

1) You need to take baby steps and challenge yourself with a wide variety of diverse challenging tasks. It can range from learning to fix basic electronics at home, trying calisthenics yada yada

2) you need to keep your worf virtually all the time . You cannot make plans and fall lazy or show cowardice , it creates a neegative self loop that drops your self esteem.

3) treat yourself well - high quality nutritious food , amazing sleep, quitting smoking and drinking, dressing in the best clothes.

That leads to high self esteem

Such guys will be calm , grounded and upon subjected to unfair disrespect , they find the other person weird and just diengage.

Pristineonk · 2026-07-12T08:06:29+00:00

everyone on 'sosuave' prertty much says 'hit the gym' everytime people ask 'how do I get more girls'.

And 'goodlookingloser' who had a tonne of infield and a forum with guys proving they were actually getting laid lots, also just embraced the idea that you can't make a girl want you and to just improve yourself (gym, fashion, money),

jackthehat6 · 2026-07-12T11:16:58+00:00

The 'outergame' the books all teach is just stuff people do who are normal and confident. So learning it all doesn't give you an 'edge' over any 'normal' guy (which 95% of men are) and it certainly doesn't 'MAKE' a girl attracted. No more than a girl calling you 'trouble' and teasing you etc will make you want to have sex with her if she looks like Rosanna barr

razama · 2026-07-12T13:31:27+00:00

For anyone saying oh yeah sure that’s so easy to say, but how the heck are you supposed to do that?

There are countless ways to do it, even when considering each individual is different. Everyone has countless ways to do it. But something very important no matter how you approach improving self-esteem, as you have to have goals and objectives written down that are achievable so you can measure your progress or else you’re always gonna be in that mental funk and never appreciate or have gratitude for yourself, and that’s essential to having self-esteem.

I’ll say it again: you have to have gratitude and appreciation for yourself in order to raise your self-esteem and that requires you to have goals written down so you can do that without feeling like you’re trying to fake it.

unReasonable_Waiter · 2026-07-12T18:58:37+00:00

Neccesary and insufficient.

it_aint_that_deep- · 2026-07-12T20:00:59+00:00

The problem with having a very good self esteem is that most often you lose your drive to learn more theoretic game since feeling a sense of lack in earlier stages is very important since it helps facilitate the basics cuz if you have a really good self esteem it makes you self sufficient and hence you wouldn’t be as interested in the boring stuff as you were when you were insecure unless you were somehow genuinely interested in the boring stuff this is what separates the exceptional from the mediocre

Mountain-Elk8133 · 2026-07-13T02:10:48+00:00

How do you build self esteem after a decade of having none?

hydrolith · 2026-07-15T02:40:13+00:00

Yes I agree..you could say the same thing dress a million different ways have all kinds of social proof or whatever but if your energy isn't right then it won't work. The right energy is everything and low self esteem energy won't attract anyone. So figuring that out really is key I'd say get good at the things you already like, notice what you're doing in life that makes you smile and happy, and maximize those, take that energy with you and respond to any opportunities that pop up.

chespreso · 2026-07-25T16:40:53+00:00

Yeah, just like yourself bro.

Title	Working on your self esteem will take you a LOOOOOOOONG way compared to any tips and tricks here.
Author	wilhelmtherealm
Upvotes	277
Comments	38
Date	July 11, 2026 8:35 PM UTC (3 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1utuymm/working_on_your_self_esteem_will_take_you_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/working-on-your-self-esteem-will-take-you-a.1584799 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584799

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