Just started, she wants cake

Alpha_Rising · 2016-07-13T21:33:23+00:00

IMHO, no need to be so anal about the sugar thing. This isn't Sharia law. You don't have to be a fanatic. It's a fucking birthday cake; it's what everyone does for their birthday. Refusing her a birthday cake will make you look like a fucking fanatical lunatic.

It's great to be more decisive, leading, and stoic, but a good general knows how to pick his battles. Birthday cake ain't one of them.

addictedtoyourface · 2016-07-13T20:40:46+00:00

Don't focus on your wife's eating habits. Focus on your own. If she wants a cake, get her one, but don't eat any yourself. If she asks, tell her why and leave it at that.

It may not happen right away, but if you truly start to get in shape and fix your body, your wife will follow. Remember, she is a mirror of you. Also, remember it's a slow change so be patient with yourself and with her.

UEMcGill · 2016-07-13T22:02:45+00:00

Let me fix this for you edits in bold:

Just swallowed the pill a few weeks ago. Trying to be more decisive, leading and stoic as a husband. Reading and learning through posts and resources provided here. Cutting out sugars to lose weight and keep my temper at bay. I do most of the cooking, so, in effect, cutting them from my wife's diet also. I am a fat fuck and have a strong reliance on food and emotional eating. Wife's birthday is approaching next week, and she keeps dropping hints about a cake. I feel giving in and buying it is a detriment for me on many levels.I blame her for being a fat fuck

Is the best approach: Stay quiet and let her eventually throw a tantrum because I didn't buy one? How do I continue to blame her for me being a fat fuck?

Communicate with her that it's not in our best interest, and she can buy one if she thinks different? Defer responsibility for me being a fat fuck to her again?

Buy her the cake and communicate that it's for the special occasion? Try to make her feel guilty but give her the cake, because you know FAT FUCK.

Not sure where to go with this. I really don't want to get one, mostly for me, but to help her out also. Just not sure how to best convey this and deflect the wrath that may come Because FAT FUCK

Listen, I'm being cruel for a reason. This aint about cake. You got fat because of your lack of control and lack of ambition. You need to kill your ego and accept responsibility for your actions.

If you want to give her a cake, and can do so freely and without needing something in return (a covert contract) or guilt in doing so (she made you) then by all means give her a cake and kiss her happy birthday. But if I'm on a cut, I tell my wife "no thanks babe," and put the fork down, regardless if she wants a cake or not.

dandar4600 · 2016-07-14T01:24:48+00:00

One of the many good things about being fit is that once in a while you can pig out on cake, beer, drinks and not worry about the temporary couple of pounds you gained. Today was a gym day. For dinner I had grilled turkey breast with veggies (cabobs) and later two scoops of ice cream. Life is good.

ColdEiric · 2016-07-13T20:50:25+00:00

If you do lift consistently for a long time, she will learn to hate cake and chocolate and everything else, when she notices how many thinner and younger girls are hitting on you.

Before that, don't expect any chance from her.

We are both overweight and have a strong reliance on food and emotional eating.

What's the emotional trigger before your emotional eating? When does it come? Why? Find the answers to that, and you know what to do.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2016-07-13T21:10:28+00:00

You want to be the leader of your household? Part of being a leader is giving your crew appropriate levels of autonomy. You cannot directly control others. You cannot force them to change. You can only control and change yourself. You may state your preferences, or try to offer guidance, but at the end of the day, she decides exactly what she puts in her mouth. (e.g. I prefer your hair longer... I would love a blowjob... Lets try a different delicacy for your Birthday, like some fruit with fresh creme). Whether stating your preferences is a good idea or not, well... that's a whole different story.

Seems you're expecting wrath from her no matter which of the three options you select... i.e. wrath a 'given' from her. I'm guessing it's also a 'given' that you'll be her punching-bag during her emotional tantrums. These have probably been 'givens' for years, right? Well guess what -- you don't have to be a part of it. When she behaves badly, remove yourself from the situation. Leave the house and do something productive with your time. Verbal intercourse is optional. Also see this.

You're afraid of her emotions. She's trained you to walk on egg-shells when it comes to any topic that might 'trigger' her. Not a pleasant or healthy dynamic. How to solve this? Step 1: get out of her frame. By obeying her Pavlovian training you're operating firmly within her frame: if I'm nice and do what she says, maybe we'll have some sex! If I broach any subject that can be construed as criticism toward her, I'll be the victim of her emotional wrath! Step 2: slowly and methodically develop your own frame. Become awesome-- you alone decide what that is, and you alone achieve it. None of your awesomeness is dependent on her, or any other woman. Step 3: one day in the not-too-distant-future, she'll willingly join you on your journey, if that's what you want.

trpaxiom · 2016-07-13T21:14:04+00:00

Get a very small but amazing dessert from a boutique bakery. Quality not quantity.

IASGame · 2016-07-13T21:26:35+00:00

Let them eat cake.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat_cake

I think you are losing track of what is important if you are worried about this. I'd say get her the cake this time, continue working on yourself. You just started, don't go out of your way to make trouble.

Maybe next year she will drop hints for something else (but don't "covert contract" yourself to that).

throwawaypille · 2016-07-13T21:51:50+00:00

I think if you are avoiding birthday cake altogether then you are on the wrong path. This isn't about turning into a controlling asshole. It's about taking charge of yourself and have her willingly follow - or not. Plenty of others will in that case, because you are the Man. Not ramming your opinions down her throat.

Matrix_observer · 2016-07-14T04:47:12+00:00

Get her the cake, and don't eat any if having a small piece will tempt you to gorge. You have much work to do grasshopper. Keep reading. Keep practicing. You will make mistakes - don't beat yourself up - just stay on the path and learn your lessons.

My wife is overweight, and I am in great shape, and quite frankly, I don't give a damn because I like juicy women. In any case, focus on what you can control... yourself. Don't make a point of it if you don't have cake, just do it. Actions speak louder than words. STFU when unsure

Countpudyoola · 2016-07-14T15:29:04+00:00

Make something verboten or taboo and you increase the pull.

Buy a small quality cake. Or even deluxe cup cakes (one for each person).

That way once the birthday is over there aren't days of eating it afterwards.

I'm partial to Publix fancy cakes. Are they're tiny.

Scurvemuch · 2016-07-13T21:00:58+00:00

here baby

nopeToThe43rd · 2016-07-13T21:18:48+00:00

In this situation, I'd probably buy a cake CD and look for other things that say cake but are not edible sugar bread with icing. In my mind, that's A&A, but I don't think that's the right approach. Asking the experts - what would be wrong with this?

2016-07-13T21:51:01+00:00

Me and Marie Antoinette. Makes me want to write a song for ya. Problem solving 101. Places sell cake by the slice. One won't kill ya. Save your guillotine for the big battles.

Russingram · 2016-07-13T22:32:34+00:00

Make her a keto cake:

http://www.wickedstuffed.com/keto-recipes/berries-cream-keto-cake-with-brown-sugar-whipped-cream/

ex_addict_bro · 2016-07-14T01:47:14+00:00

Let me show you another perspective.

You decided to stop eating sugar. You hurt your body by eating sugar. Sugar is addictive.

Your wife wants sugar. Your wife is fat. She hurt herself with sugar already.

You have no fucking obligation to bring her sugar.

You should NOT look at her eating sugar or be nearby.

Just like recovering alcohol addicts are told on therapy not to buy alcohol for anyone, the sole fact of buying sugar for your wife may cause you to decide to break your sugar abstinence later.

But, I'm not sure if you're "fat fuck emotional eater" or "sugar addict".

I stopped buying sugar for her and for my kids few years ago. Guess what, kids don't mind. They want something sweet, they buy fruits. They never choose any sugary food when they're with me because they know I won't allow them.

As for your wife, she may not like this approach at all. She choose fat fuck for chemical comfort and when that comfort is gone, she may be gone as well too. Will you miss her? Or, is your own health the top priority for you?

Aechzen · 2016-07-14T01:51:19+00:00

My opinion:

If you regularly cook, you can bake a cake. Baking a cake isn't very hard unless you've making a seven layer artisanal thing for a giant wedding.

Bake the cake, you'll know what's in it, and you can do way better than the average shitty store-bought cake with frosting made from car wax and high fructose corn syrup.

And giving a cake you made is more thoughtful than slapping money on a counter at a grocery store deli anyway.

amalgamator · 2016-07-14T03:36:26+00:00

Just do IIFYM - If you want to be hardcore, then fast the morning and lunch and then eat some cake and then don't eat cake again for a long time - it's not rocket science.

Plus - it's her fucking birthday ya retard! What does everyone on the fucking planet do on their birthday? Eat a piece of cake. So either bake or buy a cake ya dingus.

Sepean · 2016-07-14T08:40:54+00:00

Doing a cheat meal once in a while isn't dropping your diet, in fact a lot of people recommend it and find they have better overall compliance with them. Make a set rule (a cheat male on special occassions and every 2 weeks) and stick to it.

Remember that a cheat meal shouldn't be an all out binge. Decide on the amount of calories, don't let he total it go above maintenance for the day.

spexer · 2016-07-14T20:25:17+00:00

Buy her a cake. It is her birthday. MRP does not preach "be an ass".

Your job is to fix yourself, not her. So. focus on your growth, and who you want to be. She will come along for the ride if she wants to.

battmaker · 2016-07-16T16:09:25+00:00

I thought this post would be metaphorical, then realized it wasn't, then I realized it was still quite symbolic! Nicely done and good luck.

Show her the direction she needs to go and she will love you for it.

RealEstateRockstar · 2016-07-19T02:05:16+00:00

Get her a cake. It's her birthday.

battlergregatwork · 2016-07-19T04:56:54+00:00

Don't get her a whole cake, just get 1 really fancy cupcake?

Grimsterr · 2016-07-19T14:43:18+00:00

It's her birthday, make a cake using some slightly healthier upgrades to the lard/sugar icing shit you get on bought cakes. A basic yellow cake with some whip cream and fruit on top is at least better than that sugary icing bullshit. Then don't pig out on it.

FlosCarmeli · 2016-07-20T15:32:09+00:00

It's her birthday man, just get the cake and stop over-thinking it.

fuckmrp · 2016-07-13T21:15:18+00:00

I really don't want to get one, mostly for me, but to help her out also.

Trying to avoid shitty food is not the answer, you need to develop will power. Diets are temporary and equal temporary results. You need to change your lifestyle.

Ask her if she wants the cake and if so buy it but eat none of it. You can not control her, you can only lead by example.

SorcererKing · 2016-07-13T20:44:37+00:00

Get her a single slice or a cupcake. Put a big candle on it. Remind her you're both eating more healthy and that is her special treat for her special day. Whatever you do, maintain frame.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-07-13T23:26:15+00:00

Hey guys, I'm a fat fuck, but I found TRP three weeks ago. Since then, I have really buckled down, I must have lost at least two pounds. I mean, I'm on my way to being Adonis. So, how do I deal with my family, who do not recognize my greatness?

My fat pig of a wife wants, get this, a cake for her goddamn birthday. Doesn't she see the sweat glistening off my two weeks of noob gains? We are on a cut motherfucker! There's no cake in a fucking cut! Fuck your birthday! You can have a rice cake for your birthday. I'll even light a candle for you.

I'm also not having success with my new nickname as head of the household, "il duce". They just won't say it. The kids do give me the hitler salute, as I requested, but they laugh when they do it. I get no respect for my two weeks of grinding it out, putting down the fork, and lifting 10lb weights.

Why doesn't this fucking red pill shit work in the real world?

Title	Just started, she wants cake
Author	Zumbaboomba
Upvotes	15
Comments	49
Date	July 13, 2016 8:33 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4spbm0/just_started_she_wants_cake/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/just-started-she-wants-cake.199761 https://theredarchive.com/post/199761

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