I'm about to admit something that makes me feel sick. Only a couple close friends, my wife and my sister know this.
My n-count is 1. I have only slept with my wife. I lost my virginity to her at 18. In high school, I was Christian and brainwashed by my alpha widow mother and beta bux father when I was younger - it wasn't until I turned 18 that I finally fucked a girl. That's all fine and well. But then I married her (@ 25).
So much has changed from 18-30. I'm a different person of course. I never really thought about how she had other partners (2-4) until recently. Now it's eating me like a cancer. We have two kids and I feel like I fucked up majorly by getting married and never playing the field. But it's this weird dichotomy because it would be so much easier if I was 2 years into my MAP and she was just a shit wife I could hard next. It's the opposite. She's done nothing wrong and is actually about as good as you could ask for an LTR. I'm not making any quick decisions but the FOMO is anguishing. It also disgusts me to think of her getting boned by her exes. Will keep you guys posted. Go ahead and tear me a new one or whatever but this is genuinely causing me grief. But why leave a good woman for no other reason than to fuck shallow women? Just because she had sex in high school and I didn't? Don't I have better shit to do? I'm not tormented constantly by this but it has been particularly gnawing at me lately.