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Struggling... N-Count

by donedreadpirate | January 30, 2017 | askMRP

14 upvotes

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I'm about to admit something that makes me feel sick. Only a couple close friends, my wife and my sister know this.
 
My n-count is 1. I have only slept with my wife. I lost my virginity to her at 18. In high school, I was Christian and brainwashed by my alpha widow mother and beta bux father when I was younger - it wasn't until I turned 18 that I finally fucked a girl. That's all fine and well. But then I married her (@ 25).
 
So much has changed from 18-30. I'm a different person of course. I never really thought about how she had other partners (2-4) until recently. Now it's eating me like a cancer. We have two kids and I feel like I fucked up majorly by getting married and never playing the field. But it's this weird dichotomy because it would be so much easier if I was 2 years into my MAP and she was just a shit wife I could hard next. It's the opposite. She's done nothing wrong and is actually about as good as you could ask for an LTR. I'm not making any quick decisions but the FOMO is anguishing. It also disgusts me to think of her getting boned by her exes. Will keep you guys posted. Go ahead and tear me a new one or whatever but this is genuinely causing me grief. But why leave a good woman for no other reason than to fuck shallow women? Just because she had sex in high school and I didn't? Don't I have better shit to do? I'm not tormented constantly by this but it has been particularly gnawing at me lately.


Post Information
Title Struggling... N-Count
Author donedreadpirate
Upvotes 14
Comments 91
Date 30 January 2017 06:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206570
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5r2n3f/struggling_ncount/
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Comments

[–]bsutansaltRed Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child) | Copy

this is genuinely causing me grief....because she had sex in high school and I didn't

Found the root cause. You're never going to get over this as there's nothing to be done on your part short of fucking women outside the relationship. IF you stay, and remain faithful, then you're just going to have to deal with it.

How one does that is debatable and I'll leave to the others to recommend a course of action. You do need to formulate a course of action though for resolving this issue, otherwise it'll just nag at you from the inside making things perpetually worse over time.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

N=1 at marriage here as well and for the same reasons. My ex was a drunk and I spent a lot of time in Al-Anon. Went to meetings, read the books...did me a world of good. One of the things they tell you is not to make any drastic decisions for a year and the reason they tell you that is the program is about working on you. You focus on changing how you respond to living with an alcoholic and not how you try and change them. This is hard work and lots of people have a subconscious tendency to blow stuff up rather than go through the hard work. Instead of changing themselves, they eject from their relationship without fixing the core problem (their codependency) and fall into new relationships, with the same patterns.

Ask yourself honestly, are you doing something similar? If you're not lifting, not reading, not putting it all into practice...are you just avoiding the hard work ahead and using this as your excuse? You getting some strange won't make your kids' lives better.

Your posts go back 5 months. How much have you really changed? Take some serious stock of yourself man and figure out if you're just hiding from improving yourself.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

It is OK to feel bad.

It is ok to have regrets. And its ok to admit that maybe you made a mistake. Maybe not.

Are you venting and want a hug? Or are you looking for a discussion?

I am fine with either, but its Stoneys turn to give hugs.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You got a hug from Stoney? Really?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

He was drunk.

either way, its his turn.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would need proof to believe it.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. I don't want anything but the perspectives of RP-aware men.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

My perspective - I get it your situation.

I can't say I've been around a lot of blocks - but enough to know that what separates women is mostly inside their heads.

Pussy is pussy. Tits are tits and asses are asses.

What really makes the difference in my experience is how they approach sex. Are they willing to be as fun and sexual as YOU want in and out of bed.

If your wife can be your slut- good. If not - the advice is not different. She meets your needs or she doesn't. You stay with her or don't.

[–]2gunsgetsome4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pussy is pussy. Tits are tits and asses are asses. What really makes the difference in my experience is how they approach sex. Are they willing to be as fun and sexual as YOU want in and out of bed. If your wife can be your slut- good. If not - the advice is not different. She meets your needs or she doesn't. You stay with her or don't.

This, OP.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

If it bothers you, get divorce papers and go spin plates. Or build up a life of plausible deniability, and spin plates with her around.

Or get the fuck over it, and move on

Pick one, fence sitters have painful assholes

[–]dandar46008 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

If it's any consolation going forward if you nuke it and go play the field, know that pretty much every girl will have a higher n-count than your wife.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. A woman with N=4 is rare.

[–]2gunsgetsome1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a guy with N=1 when I divorced, I came here to write this EXACT comment.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No doubt

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret9 points10 points  (10 children) | Copy

If women and pussy were special, I'd say that you missed out. But women and pussy are not.

Your wife's pussy. Some other women's pussies. Pretty much the same thing.

But this isn't about you missing out. This is about your wife not missing out. You feel like she's more valuable. Better than you. More accomplished. She got to fuck around a little before you. She gets all of you. You get what's left of her after she gave herself to others.

But it sounds like what's left of her is still a decent spouse and mother, and you're not unhappy. So what's the big deal? You're getting laid on the regular, she respects you, and you're leading your family in a great direction, with her support, right?

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yeah you're right man. If she lost her virginity to me I don't think I'd care as much. And yeah things aren't so bad.

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

Exactly. You're not sad about what you didn't do. You're sad about what she did do.

She gave herself to other men before you. So you're not getting all of her. You're getting the remainder.

The thing is, it sounds like if you didn't know her sexual history at all and you just knew the woman, you'd be okay with the remainder. Whatever parts of her she has left and is giving to you, it seems like you have an okay sex life, an okay home life, and she's a good wife and mother, right? -- If that's not the case, you need to take action, but that would have nothing to do with her sexual history.

You're hung up on some ideological concept. You're not getting all of her, just what's left after her past. Even though what's left is subjectively enough for you, you know in your head that some time before you found her, there was more you could have had, but she gave it to other men.

So you feel like you're missing out ... not on sexual experiences with other women, but on your wife. You feel like you're missing out on all of her.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Hypothetical: If you divorce her, then find a virgin woman, then you have the higher N count of one. Should she leave you to explore then, because she missed out, because you have a higher N count?

How do you know that your wife gave better to anyone else before you? Maybe she got a quick shot from a guy that can't hold his load. Maybe she gave a terrible HJ or BJ to a guy that was so bad, he could barely get off with her pitiful efforts. Maybe what you are getting is much better than she was willing, or able, to give anyone else, besides you.

Kill your hamster before he she kills you.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

One More Thing ---When you get with a LTR late in life, like me, everyone has an N count. It is never discussed as it is a non-starter. You judge by what you are getting.

The quickest way to crazy, is to spend a lot of time comparing yourself to things you cannot change.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Very true. I'm positive I'm the best she's had. Is she giving me her best? I have to assume so because that question will never be answered. "Is it good enough for me?" is the better question...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Is it good enough for me?" is the better question...

YES This brings you back full circle. No one here can answer that or even really help you answer that. It is all in you.

You are the problem, not her.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Damn dude, you are exactly fucking right. Shit...

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

So you logically understand that the past can't be undone, and that 99.999 percent of people aren't virgins. You know it's not realistic to expect your wife to have never had sex before.

So you're thinking that a good "fix" is you fucking more women. She got all of you, you only got some of her. You're worried you overpaid for half a woman?

Be honest. What are you really worth. And what is she really worth. Because I don't think a whiner like you is the world's most valuable man. And by your own admission, your wife is pretty decent. And since you're red pill aware, you know it's unrealistic to expect Disney magic. It's just your turn right now to fuck this fairly decent woman, though if you work on yourself and become a badass, you can probably increase the length of your turn.

Besides, stressing out over not getting all of your wife instead of just what's left of her is classic oneitis. You are fantasizing about this idea of what your wife, the virgin, could be. Your wife, the virgin, was just a woman. Nothing special.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, boy you're provoking a ramble. I don't think you're alone. I'm also N=1 and wonder about it from time to time. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this problem. My sense now is a lot of it actually boils down to frustration with myself. For me "someone else" would be about fulfilling some unexpressed desire or curiosity while trying to avoid communicating about it. Usually either because I'm afraid of what my wife would think of me, or because I'm uncomfortable with the idea itself.

I used to spend a lot of time with the covert contract "if I can just figure out some secret desire of hers, I'll have something to negotiate with". But that's a pretty passive aggressive and backwards approach. I think the idea of "some girl out there" is just me wishing for a way to avoid having to be vulnerable and ask for it. Which I now view as pathetic and a personal failure. So at least for now I view the problem as me, not her. Since then everything I've actually told my wife I want to try, she's found a way to accommodate and we're having a lot of fun. Sometimes things are better in fantasy, sometimes things take practice.

Some key thoughts I've come to rely on are that I do not need to explain or understand why I want to try something (esp to myself). "It's hot" is always enough justification. Her fears and discomforts don't invalidate or negate my desires. And that's OK. I don't punish her about it. Actually knowing her fears and discomforts don't change my opinion of her. Sometimes she's had completely strange ideas about things that I would never have guessed. Direct motivated action is a hell of a lot more effective than guessing and subterfuge. I also encourage a much more experimental environment where mistakes and failures are expected. The first time of anything is rarely the best, anyway.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude who cares?! Get over it

I've had a lot and it counted for nothing. My wife still saw me as a beta kook

[–]sh0ckley4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Regret is totally counter productive without action based upon rational analysis of reality. Not feelings.

What do you want to change and why? What can you change and what must you accept?

If she's really as good as you could ask for, then count your blessings.

Epictetus - "The Art Of Living" helped me sort out a lot of what I thought was regret.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cool I will check that out thank you.

[–]QuickieStart5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Chill out! Why are you even ashamed of this? I know why, because i had the same upbringing. Was embarrassed of being a virgin. In fact in high school one friend would introduce me as his virgin buddy. I realized our culture says you can and should be screwing wherever and whenever you can, but my family said you only do it in marriage, not for fun, and never talk about it. I knew neither was right. Since then I've been able to erase much of that programming. Been married 20 years to the only women I've ever slept with - no regrets! The sex keeps getting better and better as I get better and better. It gets worse if i don't improve. That's why I'm here - to build a better man. I don't need more pussies for that.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right on

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck it man.

You have a deicison to make.

Get over it or go fuck someone on the side to make you feel better.

Anything inbetween is fucking pathetic.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Look at yourself. Here you are, a grown ass man, gushing to other grown ass men that the number of women youve fucked is 1. That your wife has had other dicks in her. And that this gnaws at your sense of worth. This screams 'no frame'. This screams 'I get my approval and self worth from sources outside of myself'. This screams weakness.

 

Get your shit together man. Life is hard and full of regrets and tough decisions. But end of the day it's all on you. If you want to go out and chase other women and that's what you want to do for you, fuck morals and go do it. But notice I said for you. And from what you wrote it sounds like it isn't for you, it's to soothe your ego. Because you think society is keeping score and youre eternally behind. And if that's the case I'd advise to take it slow. Develop a frame, some self worth, and a drive. Once you do you'll feel what YOU want as clear as day, based off nothing but your true wants. (For the record: My n count is 1. My wife has had other dicks in her before me. And she's not a complete bitch.)

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

She had between 2 and 4 partners. Which is it? What's the number? She can't tell you what the number is?

By your account, she's done nothing wrong, she's a good woman, and has done right by you in her marriage to you. Also, N=4 these days is actually pretty chaste. You did well to get a woman who mostly kept her legs shut, didn't fuck every guy who wanted to fuck her, wasn't a party girl, and didn't use her looks and body to extract concessions from guys. SOunds like she hopped on the carousel and then very quickly hopped off. Most girls with that N avoided the carousel, or tried it out and decided "nope, not for me." Which inures to your benefit.

My advice is to go talk to someone about this, and work on yourself to get past it. Because if you don't, you'll make your life and hers and your children's lives a living hell, and you'll be basically suggesting that she divorce you. Don't talk to your wife about this. DO NOT talk to her about this. You know enough from her.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

She said 2 so I assume more than that because "the one guy at that party who couldn't keep his dick up" doesn't count and "she only blew" that other guy etc... I will not and have not talked to her about it. You mean talk to a therapist or something?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, talk to a therapist.

OK, I see what your ambivalence about the N is. Assume the rule of 3. Triple the number she actually admits to.

I'm starting to wonder a little. "that one guy at the party who couldn't keep his dick up" and "she only blew" another guy suggests a woman who used to be a party girl.

Look. Assume she's not telling you the truth about this. You are NEVER going to get the full truth from her about this. Never. All the same, you say she's been a good wife and has done right by you. So go talk to a therapist, get this shit off your chest and find a way to make your peace with it. And fuck the shit out of your wife. And start doing things you want to do.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Never considered doing that... I think she was a partier in high school but I totally made up those scenarios.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

A woman whose N is as low as she says it is should be able to give an exact number without hesitation.

No matter. You'll never get the truth out of her about this anyway. Talk to a therapist and make your peace with it, particularly since you're saying she's been a good wife and has done right by you.

EDIT: By the way, talk to a male therapist about this. DO NOT Talk to a woman about this. AWALT. you know that. That applies to ALL women, everywhere, even professional women.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you have the strange hungers, why not take it to a pro? No Fee Fee's and you get to pretend you accomplished more than purchase a pocket pussy all for $150.00 or so.

[–]brinkleybuzz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is sex with your wife good? If yes, then don't worry about it. Believe me, quality is more important than quantity. It's much better to have great sex 100 times with the same woman than mediocre sex with 100 different women.

[–]innominating4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go fuck someone else. Ideally, you game that girl into bed, but if not, hire an escort.

As for your wife, get over it, she isn't yours, it's just your turn.

[–]anotherswingingdick1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In my service days, I had scores of vaginas, if not a few hundred.

they're not different from each other.

Stop worrying about it.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Join the club. We offer sad handjobs and the the tears gleaned from a thousand neckbeards.

This is a case of "when you're poor, $5 is a lot of money". The cure? Make a lot of money. Or in your case, get a lot of experience. Yes, I'm telling you you need to go fuck other women to feel better about yourself. That's ok.

And what you'll find in the end is that the Chase of the Strange Pussy is thrilling and all, but at the end of the day you're a man and you'll never be satisfied. You're never going to reach a point at which you say to yourself, "man, I'm so satisfied sexually, all I want to do is stay faithful to my wife now." Ask over60.

But why leave a good woman for no other reason than to fuck shallow women?

Look, there are things a man needs to accomplish in life. Not as a right, but as a rite. Banging lots of women is one of those, and, speaking for myself, I intend to achieve. Whether or not I stay married. It means I've embraced the "cheater" label and don't give a fuck what society thinks. And it doesn't really matter how awesome my wife is or how much we have sex (ok, I take that back. There was one time a year ago when she had a particularly random ovulation period and we fucked 6 days out of 7. All thoughts of other women were absent. But it's only happened once. She's not capable of satisfying me consistently). The fact is, that gnawing feeling you have (sans jealousy, my wife's n-count is just me) is going to remain unless you 1) satisfy it intelligently or 2) keep yourself so fucking busy you don't have time to think about it. <<<Pro tip: once I started a business and spent much more time on my hobbies/lifting/MAP, the obsession with anything other than my mission diminished.

Are you there yet? Are you attractive enough to pull it off? Are you OI enough to not care if she finds out and divorces? Are you level headed enough to not fall for a random? I doubt any of your answers are yes.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sure he could go fuck other women. What he'll find out is that the secrecy and the fact that pussies feel pretty much the same makes it not worth it for a lot of guys. Not saying don't do it; saying that fucking other women might not be worth it to him.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Right, but he won't believe us until he does it himself. Then he'll get to decide if its worth it. Right now he's making the decision without any other option/knowledge/experience, which isn't really a decision. I can completely understand how he feels trapped.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah this captures the paradox.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks I appreciate the perspective

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

After my pathetic OYS last week, this comment is needed from the "approved cheat". Lol

there are things a man needs to accomplish in life.

This really presents me with a tough question. Do I want to bang other chicks because my wife only gives it up 1-2× a month? Or is it because I legitimately want to fuck other chicks? I like to think that:

if she starts fucking me 2-3× a week by this summer, then I won't need to pursue strange (IDGAF if people want to call that a covert contract. Fully own it)

The reality is will that satisfy my urge to want to fuck other woman? In my MAP I view my wandering eye as a form of validation. Now I'm beginning to question that.

embraced the "cheater" label and don't give a fuck what society thinks.

This is a conclusion I've came to in the last month. Life is to short to worry if people are going to judge me for my actions. Fuck them. I only have one life. I'll live this bitch however I want to.

Are you level headed enough to not fall for a random?

This also poses an interesting question. I know I am, but what if the strange isn't? I'm not trying to brag, but as a whole package, I stack up pretty good against the average dude lookin to enter this seedy world.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I view my wandering eye as a form of validation

Unless you're truly stoic in the philosophic sense, everything you do is for validation, whether internal or external. Stop it with this "validation is a dirty word" bullshit.

Why you need validation in the first place, or more importantly, the methods you use to get it, or even more importantly, whether or not you can live without validation, is the more important issue. If I bang hot side chicks and get away with it, it validates my belief that I'm hot enough. If I don't, sure, there's a big question mark in that category in my life. But am I going to shrivel up and die? Is it going to affect my self esteem that much? Am I going to be unhaaaaapy? That's where outcome independence comes in. You should be so self confident that a little validation only confirms what you already believe. Validation is merely proof.

Side chicks can also be used as a gauge of your SMV. Some guys think their SMV is lower than it is because their wife ignores them. But SMV in what market? Their current marriage? Yeah, their target buyer (wife) has a whole skewed up rating system. But randoms on the street? Completely different rating system.

You take all this information - and a healthy dose of "WTF am I doing" - and come up with an affair MAP so to speak. Rules and boundaries and goals.

what if the strange isn't?

Don't stick your dick in crazy, move slowly when you can, and develop world class OpSec. Burner phone, don't give out your real name/occupation/city of residence, cash only... If she thinks she has a chance at locking down an alpha, she might try. You need to be able to truly ghost. Check out r/adultery for more tips and solidarity.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks boss

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My n count is rather large.

I have fucked a lot starting as a sophomore in high school.

Fucking is what it was. That's it. It wasn't that great.

Mrs Screech- she is great. Personality is most of it. Passion too. Definitely above a 6.

I fucked a lot of 9's. I fucked a lot of 7's. That's it. Fucked.

Fucked. Got it ?

Go lift, bitch

[–]Mecha752 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why is this even a thing? Are you just bored with your wife's vag? Are you looking for a blessing to go fuck other women or divorce your wife? Red Pill is amoral. We don't give a crap if you decide to spin plates or not. Come, read, learn, become a better man and share those experiences to help others like me on our paths to self improvement. But don't come looking for acceptance of your hamstered reasons to cheat on or divorce your wife. Do it, or don't do it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, I know how you feel. My n count was 1 because of religion. Blue pill me was so full of resentment that I went out and cheated. It made my life a mess. BUT, it led me toward a path of self discovery that I never would have found elsewhere. I wish I could have done it differently, and developed an assertive frame without having to break my wife's heart, but I don't know if I could have.

If your wife is being awesome, I encourage you to work out the regret in a healthier manner. Mine was a harpy.

Consider putting that energy toward outdoor and venture and business pursuits. It's way more productive.

[–]atlhartRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I haven't been with a tone of women, but I've been with enough and lived enough life to be able to say that N-count doesn't matter. For you or for her.

You could fuck 25 women and they all be terrible in bed. But hey, you're N-count my is 25 so you're awesome.

You can also fuck one. Whether she's good on bed or not, if she's open to experimenting and figuring out what you like, then that sex will be way better than 25 chicks that have no idea what they're doing AND don't care to know.

And who gives a shit how many guys have fucked your wife. You're the one fucking her tonight. Tomorrow, who knows. Maybe you, maybe Chad. Who cares? If you're working your lifting and reading sidebar, then you know there's plenty more out there. And you what you need to do if you want to keep her off Chad's knob.

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So...I have an N-Count of 2 (done other stuff, but PIV is 2). Easily could have been at least 6 if I was not such a bitch for most of my life.

Does it bother me - eh, sometimes but fuck that. My wife is a great person (from what I know), we have two great kids, and we have been married for 16yrs (mostly happy). And, she has also been reacting positively to my changes post MRP (more plesant, better quality sex, frequency is up).

Would a higher n-count make you a better man, husband and father? If you fucked 20 different women how would your life change from today forward?

Missed opportunites suck but you have to live in the present. I'd love to slay women from a couple of different races - just because. But I don't want to lose my family as a consequence. Maybe I will and maybe I won't. What I do know is that I am over my wife fucking other dudes before me and if I do decide to stray it will be for me. Not to feel better about a higher n-count for her.

EDIT: And to second others here, she is not yours - it's just your turn. Internalize that shit. Your post reeks of oneitis. You need to kill that motherfucker off. Once you do your eyes will begin to open. You want her to fuck you like no other? Irrational confidence - let her know that you DGAF that she has sucked and fucked other cocks - cause you are going to be the best that she gets - cause you dont give a fuck.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm N-2. My wife claims I'm her one and only. We started dating at 21. A few times over the years I've even been very understanding, playful and forgiving toned and said, "really, I won't be mad (I wouldn't be), Tom? Eric?" As I name past boyfriends I knew about. She holds frame and sticks to her story. I'll never know. If the rule holds, it's at least two others.

One thing you don't address is if she's fucking you enough. If she is, then STFU about this. It's not like she cheated. If she's not meeting your sexual expectations then you reassess.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah good point. She is. I mean, I am fucking her good enough and she is submissive to me. Wasn't always like that. I don't have hostility towards her or contempt. It's an ego issue I have to work past, or not. Either way I need to decide what I will tolerate/accept and take action.

[–]trp_ocd11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread has great effect on your wife, but a better effect on you.

Are you a swole well dressed dude, knowing you could pull and fuck any chick you want? Or are you the sassy fag with a sore asshole from being perched on the fence, as stone has pointed out?

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This issue resides in your head... Nowhere else. MAP, lift, read, and dread, and this insecurity will go away.... Maybe try a therapist (male) if it's really eating you up in the meantime.

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The grass always looks greener on the other side.

That ship, the one where you were in your early 20's, fucking hot babes who were in their early 20's, has sailed. Now what's available is a bunch of worthless skanks or your wife. Your wife treats you well.

If you're following RP, then you should be getting sex whenever you want it. You've won the game. If you play again, I guarantee it won't be better.

[–]hypergamous1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you have a loyal wife who listens and desires to fulfill her role by polishing her man and being a good mother, keep her.

N-count before marriage was 3, after divorcing a cheating wife I left to travel and date a bunch of women.

Made a point to not sleep with any of the women I dated and was focused on going out on as many dates as possible.

Whether they were 20 or 50, it was really difficult to find a quality woman. On the first meetup I asked the hard questions that so many of us did not do. Because the answers are not what we want to hear.

It's not about how many women you've slept with. What matters more is do you know who you really are sleeping next to?

Can you discern who she is versus who you tell yourself she is?

It's amazing what women will tell you once you remove the possibility of having sex with them on the first few dates and just listen.

In between the date I would ask all the things I knew were red flags from my marriage, but felt were too judgemental to ask.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Have you stolen anything before? Is it OK to lie? How many different people have you been sexual with?

When you are asking in a relationship that is already active, it's difficult to ask those questions without creating pain for both sides.

If you ask in the first few dates, people will tell you the truth if you don't judge them and actually listen, that's what I took away from the lessons.

Don't be so quick to toss away a functional relationship with a woman who will actually work with you. Stop pondering and get back to leading.

All your missing out on is lots of drama from broken women who will never stay beside you in an injury or disability. Focus on your children, your health and building stability in the event your wife ever had a physical injury and you had to be a single father.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for your perspective

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I see one problem with the replies of other ECs (which obviously stands for "Experienced Cucks"). They seem to be so invested in watching female sexual strategy unveil (aka "snooping through wifey messages on Snapchat, Tinder and Messenger") that they obviously forgot about more important thing, which is male sexual strategy.

I'm not discussing the fact that you may rely on external validation. You do, most of us does, we just need to keep it straightforward and not covert, like you did in your post. Lesson learned. But, let's get to the point.

Male sexual strategy is to fuck as many women as possible. Technically, I'm able to impregnate up to 3 girls daily. Yes, every single vagina is pretty much the same. Yes, AWALT. Which means "all women are like that". On the other hand, different girls have different... IDK, vibes? Auras?

You would be surprised. Not only in positive sense, but in negative too, because why not.

Many years ago I was with one of my first girls, I had about 3 yr long relationship with her. I had great sex with her. But, she was one of my first girls. I thought this is how the things are supposed to be. Then, I met another one, I felt "in love". Sex was mediocre, like really really bad. It sucked ass, pun unintended.

So, I guess you could be surprised. Both ways.

Today, I believe this is not as much about other girl as about me. I create most of the relationship, places we meet, things we do, the way I fuck her, this is all what I am creating.

Guys pointed out you have no proper frame. I agree. You don't. This may be your sexual instinct kicking in ("I want to fuck women"), but perhaps, in this case, it is rather fear of missing out.

My advice? None ("you do you").

As for me, from my experience... I don't mind, good woman, bad woman, it doesn't really matter to me that much. I've been with really good women in my past and I screwed it up, today I see that this is the way I am, this is what is what I want to create.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I'm not expecting 17 virgins if I nuke it but there's a biological drive to chase women that I denied myself.

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I've been away for a while focusing on my direction but I had to comment on this....the answer is simple and you already know it deep down. Go fuck someone get it out of your system and find out its not all that fantastic ...pussy is pussy, but you don't know that internally because you haven't sampled others. Once you do you mite even stop pedastooling your wife and even gain some abundance mentality. Win win.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah it's an option but I need to figure out what I want first. Getting there.

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You mean you need to hamster a reason not to fuck some strange....if you don't want to cheat, then don't. Don't lie to yourself though, and learn to understand your oneitis

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I guess I would be doing that. Learn to understand it so I can stop it?

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Understand it and get rid of it bro. Replace those "Feelings" with conclusions, and read and fucking lift more. Chat to other pussy when your out and about. Or are you unnoticeable? If you didn't have oneitis you'd already have been trying to address this shitty predicament your in by trying to persuade the wife for a threesome. (FFM obviously, and to pull this off your game needs to be strong) That way you dont have to cheat, sample some fresh meat and get to feel like a king. Something tells me your smv isn't there yet, neither is your frame never mind your mindset.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

10-4!

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your a pussy. All I read is I "feel" this and "feel" that and the FOMO line is all about your fucking feelings.

Oh and I can't stand the thought of her being banged by her exes. You have oneitus then. I can relate on this but refuse to do so in depth because this feeling comes from a feeling of weakness and pussificton so I'm stopping. Maybe I'm a little further ahead on killing oneitus than you are. But who fucking cares. This is for pussies not black belt MRP's which I'm expecting you are aspiring to be.

And news flash fuck head, you don't need to leave her to fuck someone else.

My ultimate advice: do what you need to do for you. What ever that's is. Have the courage to do that.

Does this mean stopping working to take a few months to reflect the places you've been and get in the best shape of your life? Does this mean to put the pedal to the metal and go for it in business? Does this mean to take some strange pussy on the side, or to ravage your current LTR like the slut she is, enjoying every moment of the experience including the game?

Internet dudes can't tell you this. Only you can.

Oh and stop typing your feelings in MRP it's reminding me of what a pussy I was and to a degree am still. Just. Fucking. Stop. It.

[–]jacksarmy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude the rule of 3, multiply whatever number she says and you will have the real amount of guys she slept with,12 cocks at least! Have you not seen American Pie..

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Today's quote. "Do what you want"

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Nuke everything, go get some strange pussy. What will you find? It's all about the same, and now you lost a great life. It's not a big deal. Also, women don't put as much weight in this, you're thinking about her past partners 100X more than she is. At this point she probably barely remembers.

The real question, are you bothered by your N or hers? i.e. are you worried you are measuring up, or that she isn't? Seems to me like you are in her frame.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret[🍰] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah... I'm figuring that out. I'm bothered by my N but maybe I wouldn't be if hers was also 1 which puts me in her frame.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is she having sex with you the way you want it? That's the only question you need to ask.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be a man and get side pussy.

Every woman I know has had her ass penetrated and a threesome.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your mom? Damn son!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Duh.



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