RPW and Interracial Dating

whistling_dixie · 2017-01-06T15:08:10+00:00

INTJ.

I personally don't have a problem with interracial dating, but mostly because I don't care what others do with their relationships.

My view on interracial dating has changed a lot over the years, entirely through meeting different people and hearing them tell me about their dating struggles and relationship issues. A lovely biracial friend of mine has had a lot of trouble attempting to date white guys, but isn't interested in dating black men. I had always wondered why, because her father (black) is a really great, loving dad and wonderful husband to her mother (white). She ended up posting a lot of the OK Cupid messages she got, which cleared that mystery right up.

One of our close friends is a black guy. He's extremely intelligent, is an engineer, and pretty hilarious to boot. However, he won't date black women. I've never really gotten a good answer from him on why he won't date black women, but I think a lot has to do with how he grew up. He grew up in the projects and got teased heavily for "talking white" and being smart.

When I first started forming my thoughts about interracial relationships as a kid, I was against them because I thought that it would cause problems down the road due to cultural incompatibility and it would make things more difficult for the kids - where would they fit in? I still see biracial friends questioning where they fit today, so maybe I was on to something. And I see a lot of dating relationships facing issues due to cultural incompatibility - not on the part of the man and woman, but from their families. Black families do holidays a little different from white families (unless you're po' white, in which case there are some similarities, lol).

So, overall, no - I don't think there's anything particularly wrong about it. I just think it's probably more difficult for most people.

Also, I've only ever dated white guys, no casual sex partners.

Irisandoleander · 2017-01-06T15:26:29+00:00

Dating someone outside your class or religion has a number of its own challenges and I think dating outside your race is similar in that it has its own challenges. I really love learning about my heritage and celebrating the countries and cultures I was born out of. So that's something I want to share with my children. If my partner had a clashing background/heritage/culture that could lead to challenges I may not want to deal with.

But also - People are attracted to who they are attracted to. And growing up (I'm white) around almost all white people I'm just not super attracted to non-white men. I've only dated white men. Mostly northern European. There is a familiarity to that I guess.

I'm an ESFJ

sunfloweries · 2017-01-06T15:06:05+00:00

I'm biracial (Latina/white), and I don't have any issue with interracial dating. My fiance is also Latino as well (PR).

My (short) male dating history would show dating one Italian, one Afro-Latino, and a Polynesian/Latino guy. No casual sex partners.

I'm an ENFP.

md8716 · 2017-01-07T15:00:45+00:00

I'm a guy, but the topic was interesting enough to warrant a response. I'm a black man married to an asian woman. We have 2 kids. I grew up working class in the South, but now I'm upper middle class in the midwest. INTP if you care.

Anyway, the culture aspect is completely dependent on the work each side puts into it. For example, I spent a lot of time learning Japanese, learning her history, art, food, rituals, current events, and so forth. She's also done a lot of the same for black culture. It's easier to just say "don't do it because it's hard" and most people are lazy and selfish, but it can be done.

Would I marry a black girl if I was single? Yes, but I never liked the boorishness of most american black women, rich or poor. On the other hand, I don't think I could marry most white girls, because they can't relate to the "fish out of water" experience of being an ethnic minority. I suppose my wife threads that needle for me perfectly.

To wrap this up... having biracial kids requires threading another needle. I want them to be able to operate successfully in society while not having the shame and insecurity of not being able to fit in or relate to their own people. It takes work and costs money, but I think we'll be able to pull it off.

littleeggwyf · 2017-01-06T16:09:13+00:00

ISFJ

To me it's something where the race wouldn't matter but the cultural gap would, and sometimes a cultural gap would be expected but say in a big city with lots of groups the cultures might be more similar to each other than someone from the rural areas.

There's a bit of a cultural difference in my marriage, and it does sometimes cause disagreements, but nothing too huge, mostly we joke about it like we make fun of each other's regional and class stereotypes. I think it'd be much worse if your cultures completely clashed over something big like how children should be raised or the value of education.

violetpiecrisis · 2017-01-06T15:07:12+00:00

I think this depends heavily on your heritage and their views on interracial marriage. I'm mixed race myself, and because of that I don't really have a race preference. (My boyfriends were Iranian, Blended Caucasian x 2, and then a mixed Irish/Lebanese that I married)

I had a few first/second dates with a number of other races as well. It just never really mattered to me. I'm an ENTJ, raised in southeastern New England suburbs.

onacasserole · 2017-01-06T18:51:13+00:00

I have at different times tested INFP, INTJ, and INFJ. I think I'm a blend of all three as aspects of each apply and don't apply to me.

I don't care about interracial dating. I don't think it's a very big deal, especially since so many people are of mixed ethnic backgrounds. Most Americans have no idea what their actual genetic background is, so I'm not sure why (other than just pure racism or negative personal experiences) someone would draw the line at a certain race/ethnic group. I do know a few Asian women who stopped dating white guys because they were being so strongly fetishized. That's understandable to me, but it's based on experience and not just some hard and fast rule.

I do think dating across highly different cultures could be logistically problematic. An African American guy dating a third generation Swedish American girl is a totally different thing than a guy from Haiti dating a girl from Sweden. However, I think that has less to do with actual race and more to do with culture. I think you'd see the same problems in a relationship between two white Americans where one is from a blue collar working class family and the other is so wealthy that the last two generations haven't even worked.

gabilromariz · 2017-01-06T17:56:04+00:00

I think that culture and class matter FAR more than race, and that the inter-racial dating issues can come up in areas where the race and class/culture are heavily correlated, otherwise I see no issue.

That said, I think my perspective on this would have to do with my upbringing in a 99% white-ish town (I say this because in other countries people refuse to believe I am white, I not sure what the protocol is here, mediterranean? I digress). People from other races and even countries were few and far in between, so it was never an issue.

I have been told this is generational as my generation won't care, but their parents will. I don't think it is specifically racism, but has to do with war in Africa in the recent-ish past and people who were kicked out of their home country during a partially-racially motivated war will be touchy about having their kids date black people.

The way my parents say: nothing else matters as long as a man loves you, you love him, and you guys treat each other good. Other than that, nothing matters.

DemonConsulting · 2017-01-06T15:41:46+00:00

I'm mixed half German, half Bulgarian (pale white looking with dark hair but very obviously not what one would expect as "German"), fiancé is half Philipino half German but born and raised in the US.

I personally don't have any strong feelings about interracial relationships/marriages, since for one I am mixed myself and I also don't really care what other people do with their lives as long as it doesn't harm anyone or affect me negatively.

Living in Germany, I haven't really noticed anyone under 70 judging people for interracial marriages either (and even then never openly). The only odd thing that happened imo was that everyone's first reaction in my family was to try and see a picture of my then bf when we first started dating and I told them he was American. Everyone reacted with "oh he looks nice" and then after a short pause "I was wondering if he would be black" because apparently it's still kind of a stereotype for only American Soldiers specifically to be black (they used to be pretty much the first/only black people in Germany after WW2 until maybe 10-20 years ago)

What cartainly is an issue often enough is religion and culture, most commonly for Turkish/German couples. But that's a seperate issue from race and I haven't persobally dealt with it so I cannot say much about it. Regular German society doesn't really talk about/ judge those either though, a traditional turkish side seems to be the biggest problem.

I'm INTJ

hostwithmost · 2017-01-07T07:38:05+00:00

INFP and in an interracial relationship. The relationship was a result of combination of proximity, interest, eerily identical core values made rich by vastly different life experiences.

Our families are same class but our culture is very different. I'm not an active participant in the culture for my birth country - anything I participate in is a factor of my parents' involvement. So presently, mine and his culture of choice revolve around books, good music, travel, intellectual friends and creativity. Our culture and the way we have defined life for us is elastic enough to enjoy the perks of varied celebrations and traditions both sides of our family bring. We are both not religious but enjoy learning about the religions the other person grew up with. What helps the most is willingness to share thought processes and trust that there will never be any judgement.

It works for us. I can't imagine not being allowed into a dimension I would never have been exposed to had it not been for him - a good burger anyone? I imagine this is true for him as well- recently been catching him humming songs he doesn't understand and he says he misses homefood when he meant he misses my fusion style cooking. 😍😍

He has a relaxed and competent attitude about all things important and I am anxious as hell (in what I consider a typical immigrant fashion where everything up to this point has been for survival in a place with no insiders knowledge). I add long term thought to us while he ensures we are happy right now as well.

I agree that most interracial relationships will have to deal with discussions that same race couples do not have to.

The racial whitening is much less obvious in my mind. When you mix heterogenous population (immigrants) in a place with a pre established culture (western, as this is where most immigration is observed and we are concerned with western culture at large in rpw anyway) that rewards subscription and adherence to said established culture in social and economic ways, it's only natural that the newcomers will embrace the culture inherent to the place. This results in lowered barriers to interracial dating via diminishing class and culture gaps. It's inevitable.

KlaiFrai · 2017-01-08T00:32:47+00:00

Interracial marriage here, European/Asian, I'm INFJ. I think two factors that limited the amount of culture clash we faced was that I grew up in a house that cooked every kind of food, and we got to know each other from our tweens, and kind of... grew into each other? So at least food is never a problem, and we've had lots of time to teach each other about our cultures, media, classics, etc.

I fall into blue-collar category, and he's lived every class at some point in his life, so he readily gets along with people from trailer parks to private schools, so blue collar is fine to him.

Snags we run into is differing values from in-laws here and there, which took me a good decade to come to terms with, and I now find endearing, even if it means stowing a baby stroller and baby clothes in a closet for a solid 5 years before kids are a thing because his parents don't want to throw out his brother's stuff if we can use them, meanwhile my Mom keeps insisting that we can just rebuy everything when it's baby-time and have a usable closet in the meantime.

Perks are twice the holidays, an awesome diversity of food because we both like to cook, and family to stay with in more countries if we travel. We're also picking up eachothers' non-English languages slowly.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-01-07T12:55:42+00:00

ENTJ

I'm an Asian woman who never dates Asians and a couple of other races. The only way I can explain it is that I just think Asians look too similar to me? It just feels as if we are distantly related, similar hair, eyes and skin colour. That's just too much to me. I've dated white guys but I found I do like only specific ones that actually have some similar values to my background, usually Eastern Or Mediterranean Europeans (wogs, in politically incorrect terms). We look different enough with different cultural histories to learn but share enough values to get along, they're great family men, especially the more old fashioned ones.

beforeihitthewall · 2017-01-07T23:00:01+00:00

INTJ
I'm biracial. My mom is black, dad is white, been together since HS. I've never dated anyone but I'm usually attracted to white guys. Maybe it's because my dad is white and 95% of the people at my school are also white. Aside from one other person, I'm the only non-white person in my graduating class.

If I am attracted to another race, the guy is usually an 8+/10 and therefore out of my league, which means I don't expect to date them. However, I would be open to dating someone from another race/culture but I would only date someone with the same religion because my faith is very important to me.

whitebunny87 · 2017-01-08T02:53:47+00:00

INTP

The romantic in me would love to think that race doesn't matter in dating, but it does. I do think it's got a lot more to do with culture and class than race itself though.

When I was young I had fun flings with foreign men when I was traveling and it was all "omg it SO doesn't matter that he struggles with english/grew up poor/doesn't understand my culture cause it's LOVE etc etc". That kind of cultural conflict can be great fun when you're young and exploring, but if you're trying to build something lasting it's just looking for trouble.

There's already so many hurdles to overcome in a regular relationship, going outside of your culture is just going to overcomplicate things IMO. In my mind it's in the same vein as the sheltered UMC girl going after the hot starving artist - it CAN work, but it's less likely to.

My SO and I are almost disgustingly similar culturally, and I think that's part of why it works so well. We grew up in the same semi-rural area, our parents all have a British background and mannerisms, we have similar traditions - when he talks about his childhood or I spend time with his family it all just feels familiar and easy. I know the right things to say, I understand why certain things rub him the wrong way, his family find me easy to get along with and we value the same things in life.

I think that in the big western metro areas we're headed toward a point where cultural differences far outweigh racial ones. My best friend is a Chinese/white lawyer dating a Pakistani/white lawyer. Both are highly educated, UMC and very culturally western. The fact that her mum is from China and his dad from Pakistan doesn't mean much when they've been raised and educated in the same culture.

SadestLittleGirl · 2017-01-08T05:12:12+00:00

I'm just not attracted at all to non - white men, They dont even register. Maybe that makes me racists.. I dont know,... but the lady parts want what the lady parts want and thats just not ethnic men. :/ ETA- I dont mind what other people do, many of our friends and mixed couples. It just doesn't appeal to me personally.

tintedlipbalm · 2017-01-06T16:21:25+00:00

INTJ, have many thoughts on this depending from where you tackle it, since other movements that formed/intersect with RP (HBD, tradcon, WN...) are prohibitive, in RPW I think we have only pointed out the compatibility aspect in the long run (in which cultural background and religious values define a lot).

It would be hypocritical of me to be claim to be strictly against it because of my own personal example, but overall I think it has more disadvantages than advantages for society in general, but it remains a big part of global hypergamy (nonwhites selecting for racial whitening, the white man being the highest hierarchically) so in this sense we've seen interracialism is coveted by nonwhite women. Men in general are not as picky so they might date out of their race for convenience, fetishism (yellow fever et all), and perceived stronger power dynamics (the idea that <other race> women are more submissive).

It's also troublesome when it comes to the offspring of said couples, where they might not have a strong cultural identity (especially if they look very different from the dominant culture). There have been many studies that consider the psychological problems of interracial children.

Overall I think that with a very strong common background (commonly found on religious values) compatibility can be reached, but it's definitely starting uphill.

I love this discussion, I know it will be very controversial, I don't want to frame it just in a "RPW way" but how this affects men and women of different races in the SMV/RMV.

WildFireRose · 2017-01-06T16:14:21+00:00

ISTJ

I don't have a problem with interracial relationships, though I do believe different races usually means different culture which can be really hard to get past. So although, I myself am married to a man of a different race, I don't think interracial dating is for everyone. It can take a lot of work and understanding.

My husband is Chinese and I'm white. We've been married for 6 years, and sometimes it's been tough to understand each others culture. The thing that gets us through though, is that we respect each others culture, traditions and beliefs. He's actually gotten me really interested in Chinese culture and language. Which then led me into reading books about it, and helped me to understand him more. As far as RPW things are concerned, from the get go we talked about it, and discovered we're both more traditional about marriage and lifestyles.

Title	RPW and Interracial Dating
Author	Sunhappy_DC
Upvotes	15
Comments	52
Date	January 6, 2017 2:06 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5mdqdn/rpw_and_interracial_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/rpw-and-interracial-dating.209246 https://theredarchive.com/post/209246

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