Try not to take low value behaviour personally. They’ve treated women badly before you and it’s very likely they will treat women badly after you. THEY are the problem.

throwaway631391220 · 2020-09-03T13:33:07+00:00

💯

Also don’t think their compliments mean anything. They say the same stuff to every girl. The compliments they give aren’t even about you- they are simply compliments that have worked on other girls before you

Cautionary_Legend · 2020-09-03T13:14:35+00:00

Thank you for this, I needed it! LVM will only lose their power if we block and ignore.

ezadaze · 2020-09-03T14:50:32+00:00

A man's low value has nothing to do with women at all. They choose to be like that and won't change unless they want to.

L/NVM are L/NVM men to EVERYONE, they're just looking for someone with low enough self esteem and weak boundaries that will accept it. That's why you never give them an inch or they'll take a mile.

kantarra · 2020-09-03T14:13:01+00:00

This is so true. LVM can be really skilled at putting up a good front for a time- but eventually, the facade crumbles and they reveal who they really are. So if you see your LVM ex treat their next girlfriend like a queen and feel hurt why he didn't do that for you, just remember that he almost definitely didn't change, probably treated you well in the beginning too - and sooner or later, the poor woman dealing with him now will get to see the real him. Most people like this don't change, as it would require suddenly developing empathy. Since empathy provides no actual benefits to the empathetic person however... why would they. It's easy enough to fake being empathetic for a while, but eventually, it probably becomes too tiring to keep up or something. Anyway, long comment to say that yes, don't take it personally at all, never believe that how he treated you had anything to do with you at all!

FurryBellyButt0n · 2020-09-03T15:41:09+00:00

And many times, the LVM will initially treat the next pickme or woman VERY well to make it a point and try to manipulate you into internalizing their abuse to gaslight you into thinking "you deserved it" by seeking validation and accolades for their "reformed" behavior. But it's a show and it's to further hurt you emotionally because they no longer have control over you so they want to control the narrative.

The mask will come off at one point, it's just going to take some time for the other woman to eventually catch on, but it will come out in due time.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-09-03T17:27:34+00:00

It breaks my heart when women internalize LVM behavior. Him being a shitty person says everything about HIM and nothing about you. HE wasn’t good enough to treat you well, NOT that you weren’t good enough to deserve it

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-09-03T13:33:17+00:00

It's true, and if you listen closely, you will hear evidence of their generalized misogyny in the things they say. For example, I've heard a male say that if a woman has been in Playboy, then it's logical to assume she would be down for any sex act whatsoever. It's really sickening, rapey and depraved. Stay woke!

hail_galaxar · 2020-09-03T15:42:26+00:00

My ex witnessed the most toxic marriage. His parents are both physically and psychologically abusive. It was unfortunately what he thought was normal. I didn’t know this until after we were married and his sisters said, “oh my gosh, my dad used to do that.” Where was this group 17 years ago.

kettleodumplins · 2020-09-03T15:46:07+00:00

Amazing outlook, and great advice for all! The less you see any LVM's behavior (in any aspect of your life, not just romantic relationships) as something impersonal, the more power you have. LVMs are like venomous snakes: toxic, lacking in self awareness, and always willing to lash out. They can be hard to spot, but once you do the best thing that you can do is just walk away. It's not personal, it's just their nature.

BasieSkanks · 2020-09-03T18:24:00+00:00

It’s very hard when you were treated like shit by the guy and then you see him getting in a relationship with another girl and treating her way better like she was worthy of a relationship to him and you aren’t.

Either way you know how he treated you so maybe he sees the other girl as higher value but he can’t suddenly be caring and empathetic in the relationship right?

It’s hard to know because men are very good at compartmentalizing and if they only see you for sex they will treat you as such. He love bombed me too at the start but I never made it to the relationship stage

I agree with your post it’s on him however it’s really hard not to take personally in my case

NoThisIs-Patrick · 2020-09-03T18:28:56+00:00

I try to remind myself of this often, because part of me often wonders if my recent ex is going to give the next woman the time and affirmation I always wanted from him and the thought of that always upsets me. That old "he'll marry the woman after you" saying fucking kills me.

yegerska · 2020-09-03T18:14:56+00:00

100% true! It’s hard to do at first because women are tought to be super responsible for everything in a relationship. When I was with my NVM ex no matter how hard I tried or never tried at all, the outcome is always the same. It’s never been about us and never will, it’s about their demons and insecurities. When you feel horrible about how men wronged you remind yourself that it’s not about you and walk away

Rebirthed_Queen · 2020-09-03T17:09:58+00:00

Amen! As soon as I cut off a NVM this spring, he latched onto another bright, promising young lady to use for emotional labor and validation. Just before, he made a huge proclamation to me about how he has changed fundamentally as a person. I saw through it then and he confirmed it with his behavior. Block and delete, queens.

Karthasis11 · 2020-09-03T18:45:28+00:00

Absolutely this!! This was such a hard lessons to learn, and a even harder thinking pattern to unlearn.

Once I was madly crushing on a guy my college, and he felt the same about me. But he had some ego problems and started already treating me poorly and I knew it would never work out. Plus, he was going to study abroad for one semester a couple of months later. I rejected him, but felt utterly crushed for month. Later he came back together with his ex-girlfriend, and I thought, I was too hard on him. I thought, I was just a bitch with trust issues and his GF would appreciate him nd could see all his good qualities and they would make the long distance relationship work, because they were so much mature than I was....

WRONG!

Many month later, after feeling like crap, I found actually out, that they couldn't even make it for two weeks, when he went abroad. The pretty much broke up right away, because he would neglect her.. and the kicker is, they had an ENM relationship, therefore cheating wasn't even a threat. How can someone mess that up? xD

That was when I learned, that a guy won't change all of a sudden, or that I was misinterpreting things. He just would treat other women like shit, and I was fucking happy, I wasn't the one sitting at home and hoping for texts from him.

I just wished I would have gotten that information sooner, I was blaming myself for not being woke and or mature enough to make an ldr that is ENM work... I couldn't stop laughing when I read about their breakup, I really dodged a bullet

Incredible_Alligator · 2020-09-03T20:35:19+00:00

Thanks for this reminder! I know the way my LV ex situationship treated me wasn't really about me, but sometimes it's hard to remember that. I have a hard time with ruminating about "all the things I did wrong" when reality is even if I was "perfect", he still would've treated me badly. Plus I know he treated at least two of his exes just as badly as he treated me.

IDontExist4u · 2020-09-04T02:37:16+00:00

I needed to see this today. I feel like a fool. I feel like I'll never be loved and wanted. I wasted a year of my life to someone that thinks of me as a sex doll and I'm just now figuring it out. Ive been in denial for too long. And they are so low value. I feel so ashamed. The sad part is, he must pity me bc he finally basically admitted it. I feel so worthless.

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-09-03T22:45:59+00:00

Feels good to hear this.

anxious-american · 2020-09-04T09:33:21+00:00

I needed this, thank you

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