What does the sex/dating life of the average man look like?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-05-21T14:26:44+00:00

It's an interesting blindspot that none of you ever talk about what this mans personality and lifestyle are like

PlayLikeNeverB4 · 2019-05-21T14:22:16+00:00

I guess I’m considered average based on the attention I receive from women. Even though I’m 5’6 , I still do try in terms of style, grooming, gym, hygiene, and I make about 60k a year. Normally if I was what you described but also short I would definitely be below average, but everything I do more or less just brings me up to average status being that my face is also average looking.

That being said casual sex is impossible, like absolutely unattainable. I also have friends who are considered average looking (but not short, average height) and they have it the same way, except one who after like a year of pounding the pavement got a hook up with a girl like 80 pounds heavier. Relationships aren’t a problem at all for me, usually if I’m looking for one it takes about a month or so to find one I genuinely like and am 100% attracted to. Any average man can get a gf easily provided he doesn’t outright act like a straight up autistic incel. So if you’re looking for a relationship, being an average man is relatively easy, but you do have to look, they don’t just fall out of the sky. But if you’re looking for casual sex, it’s pretty bleak out there.

Christian_Kong · 2019-05-21T15:49:59+00:00

The average man you described is going to have a lot of troubles with anything sexual since he is unlikely to be able to get anything going with any woman other than an overweight woman. Assuming he does start to date his overweight equivalent, the last thing the relationship would be built on is sexual attraction.

Pretend an alien came up to you and asked you about the sex/dating behaviors of the average man. What would you tell them?

I think I would tell them that most go through multiple phases of trying to date, failure then give up all together for some period of time until they actually find someone, who they hold onto for dear life.

muddydanger · 2019-05-21T19:06:02+00:00

I'll take a stab at this one and answer a couple. I'm pretty average and so is my immediate friend group(4-5 guys). We are all early 20s (22-24), make between 30-50k, college degrees or working on degrees, struggle with fashion. I'm 5'10 and the shortest, they are anywhere from 5'11 to 6'2. All of us except one are in ok shape. None of us are outrageously overweight. We are all in florida, in a small-ish tourist city.

How hard is it for the average man to get a date from the average (and/or above average, or attractive) woman?

Answer: Extremely hard for us. We all dated extensively through highschool-college and then once we got out the dating life died. I have had maybe half a dozen dates in the last couple of years. About the same with the other guys. (Maybe it is a southern US thing, but with so many women overweight, a cute in shape girl went from being average to being top tier)

Typically how many rejections would the average man get before a potential score/gf, and how often would that potential score flake, ghost or fizzle out before sex?

Answer: Mixed. If your looking at OLD, then many rejections. Dozens, hundreds? If your looking at in-person, non-cold approaches, maybe 2-5.

How often does the average man get a ONS/STR/FWB?

Answer: I have never meet anyone in person who has had a FWB. So, for the average guy, pretty rare I would assume.

How hard would it be for the average man to spin plates?

Answer: Impossible? Same chance as paddling a kayak to the moon.

How many matches does the average man get on dating sites?

Answer: Quite a few actually. Mostly low grade, really overweight, clear crazies, kids, etc. Of the matches I actually messaged, maybe 30% led to any conversation. As an average guy you have to chase, aggressively. From my experience, you have to lower your standards and be prepared to carry the conversation. There are so many average guys that if you aren't fighting to keep her interested, she will find someone else who will.

Side Note: The biggest struggle for us in dating, is less getting the date and more-so finding single women. It maybe a small town thing, but almost everywhere we go has at least a 70-30 men to women ratio.

NockerJoe · 2019-05-21T20:31:07+00:00

I had a few friends like that in college. They didn't do super well.

What a lot of people don't get is that the 80/20 rule isn't some metaphysical concept as much as it's also an expression of how vast lifestyle differences have become. If you live a standard lifestyle and become overweight that's one thing, but if you really want to get heavy into fitness you have more opportunities than literally any other group in history. The amount of supplements and specialized machines and classes and sports has never been higher. The average dude has gotten fatter, the exceptional dudes have gotten more exceptional, and the gradient between them has gotten more stark.

PMmeareasontolive · 2019-05-21T17:13:22+00:00

I think I and my peers are average as described.

A lot depends on sociability. If you are very social, your dating success will be reasonable. ONS are not terribly hard to get if you put in the hours, but if you are looking for a relationship it's probably going to take a lot longer.

If you aren't especially sociable it's tougher. "Men love the chase" is the mantra women live by. If you don't like the chase you're a little fucked coming out of the blocks.

OLD as an average dude is a tough row to hoe. With exceptions for the exceptionally clever, women don't give a fuck what you say or think, it's all about that picture.

By contrast, it is nothing like the experience of my average looking female friends. Many of them have never been without a relationship for more than a few weeks. With minimal social skills they can find whatever they want (close enough anyway) in men easier than it is to choose a tomato at the supermarket, because men make themselves present and communicate, and while looks make a difference, don't emphasize looks to anywhere the same degree.

yasee · 2019-05-21T13:07:02+00:00

This is something that merits actual academic study. And not by a "hey, fill out this survey online" but actual observation.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-05-21T13:46:03+00:00

that one study showed that men getting sex regularly are like top 20% or something. and thats only a couple times a week which isn't enough for me. can anyone link it?

that means the bulk of married, LTR'd men are getting scraps. brutal

rus9384 · 2019-05-21T12:59:50+00:00

Not nearly as difficult as it's made out to be on PPD that's for sure. This place is tipped heavily by incels.

I believe the average man is not having frequent casual sex. Sure.

But he does probably have a girlfriend and regular sex as a result.

Most of the guys who don't get laid (before anyone brings those stats up) will be guys who sit on their Xboxes all day and wonder why the pussy fairy never gives them a visit.

the_calibre_cat · 2019-05-21T16:11:08+00:00

Average man is maybe 3-5 sexual partners in a lifetime. Almost always through relationships, except for that one time at a college party or at a bar that he got lucky and still brags to his friends/tells stories about/ laughs about with buddies 10 years later

Guy isn’t a complete loser but pretty forgettable. In a relationship with its ups and downs with another girl who is average

jonascf · 2019-05-21T19:31:14+00:00

I'm the most average man in my circle so I'm gonna assume that my experiences are valid for this discussion. I'm a little bit shorter than the average man described by op and I make a lot less. Also I'm swedish so the cultural context might differ a lot.

How hard is it for the average man to get a date from the average (and/or above average, or attractive) woman?

Somewhat hard, it takes some time to find someone that has a compatible personality.

Typically how many rejections would the average man get before a potential score/gf, and how often would that potential score flake, ghost or fizzle out before sex?

I haven't kept count. Maybe somewhere between 5 and 10 rejections/flakes/fizzles/ghostings for each score. If that sounds like a low number keep in mind that I chose kind of carefully when to make a move.

How many dates does it typically take for the average man to have sex?

2 - 4 dates

How often does the average man get a ONS/STR/FWB?

ONS; once in my life. FWB's: occasionally.

How hard would it be for the average man to spin plates?

I wouldn't know, that sounds too stressful for me.

What would the rejection rate of the average man be doing cold approaches?

I have no idea, I should try that out some time :)

[deleted] · 2019-05-21T20:59:47+00:00

That wasn’t picking on you or anything, just kinda fed up with the “woe is me” crowd.

That’s the thing, there usually is a market even if the guy isn’t giga mega yardlongdick Chad. Just gotta pick your battles.

couldbemage · 2019-05-21T22:05:29+00:00

The big missing detail is that very few women are looking for casual sex. So they can easily pick from among top tier guys when they do seek it.

Chad is a new term. When I was young we called those guys players. Meaning they got laid by leading girls on. That's still what Chad's are doing. They're not getting tons of girls to offer up no strings sex.

Now. I've gotten a bunch of no strings sex. The legit, no game playing type. But always in a swinging or swinging adjacent situation. Never picked up and fucked a random stranger.

But I've never not been in a relationship. That's how guys get laid. And I don't get what's wrong with that.

The only guys getting proper no strings sex with hot women are one percenters.

rus9384 · 2019-05-21T14:11:21+00:00

First, do you mean the average man or the median man?

There is a big difference here, if you are talking about the average man, he has the most common aspects of the population you percieve. But if we are talking about medians, i.e. the one which 50% of the population is worse and 50% is higher.

TRP talks more about the median men, while the TBP talk about the average (as in their most perceived SMV).

How hard is it for the average man to get a date from the average (and/or above average, or attractive) woman?

Extremely hard or impossible to the median men, a hard for the average man.

Typically how many rejections would the average man get before a potential score/gf,

From some dozens to hundreds, depends on the definition.

How often would that potential score flake, ghost or fizzle out before sex?

half a dozen times in their lives. Max. Only the top 20% really have a choice.

How many dates does it typically take for the average man to have sex?

1 to 4. As before women are giving it easily and more than 4 dates he is already losing his patience, on average.

How often does the average man get a ONS/STR/FWB?

The average and median men? half a dozen times in their lifetime, if they are lucky.

How hard would it be for the average man to spin plates?

Impossible. It is already hard enough to have a single woman.

How many matches does the average man get on dating sites?

less than a dozen for every 100 women he chose.

How is it be for the average man to walk into a club/bar, chat up a girl and leave with her that night?

Not being an average man or median.

Or if she is really drunk.

What would the rejection rate of the average man be doing cold approaches?

80% if he is smart. 99.99% if he isn't.

Feel free to add anything not mentioned. Pretend an alien came up to you and asked you about the sex/dating behaviors of the average man. What would you tell them?

'Increase your value.'

oneprettycoolcat · 2019-05-21T20:13:01+00:00

I don't think a woman could ever actually understand what it's like to be entirely invisible to the opposite sex (At least until she's elderly, if that.) If I don't initiate, drive interactions, and escalate, I get zero sexual attention whatsoever. Women don't put in any effort so if it's going to happen, it's 100% on me. I imagine that's not out of the norm for guys.

RoyalAugur92 · 2019-05-21T13:29:27+00:00

It's pretty fucking bleak.

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ohheyhi99 · 2019-05-21T16:05:18+00:00

I’d be interested in seeing a sub or a PPD post category where people create hypothetical profiles and project their dating success.

Zippo-Cat · 2019-05-21T17:32:45+00:00

For some reference, the average American man is 5'9.5, overweight, doesnt have much of a fashion sense, makes around 30k a year, has a highschool diploma with some college but no degree and a 5.1 inch penis.

You don't even have to be a woman to see that kind of average as a shit deal.

[deleted] · 2019-05-21T19:57:49+00:00

overweight, doesnt have much of a fashion sense, makes around 30k a year, has a highschool diploma with some college but no degree and a 5.1 inch penis.

Ewwww r/changemyview

blackedoutfast · 2019-05-21T21:06:17+00:00

the idea of trying to figure out the life of an "average man" like this is retarded because of assortative mating and socialization.

especially income and education. there is a definite correlation between them, and they are going to have a huge influence on who and where you live, work, socialize, date, and fuck.

i'm very social and know a lot of people. but out of all the people in my social circles, i don't know anyone who just makes $30k a year. even the service industry people i know like bartenders and waiters make more than that. and same for school. just about everyone has at least a college degree except for a few people in their early 20s who are still in school. but somewhere else, there's some bizzarro world version of my social community where most people earn less than $30k and very few people went to college. so the "average man" ends up making $30k a year and quitting college halfway through, but in reality that person isn't very common or typical.

the only thing that may be somewhat relevant is height and possibly dick size. but even then height is somewhat correlated to the other stuff. and dick size is mostly concealed.

reddtormtnliv · 2019-05-21T23:52:06+00:00

Your post mentions the "average" man in physical sense, but doesn't grasp much in social sense, which I think is important. Men do need social contacts to make it more likely they will get a gf. So a man may be physical average, but not so much social. In regards to getting a gf at a comparable SMV, I think this is not too difficult for the "average" man (although would be harder based on their lack of social contacts). Another thing is that having a gf probably wouldn't be a guarantee. The average man would probably deal with 1-2 years gaps without a gf, even if everything social was in order, and assuming the man is making an effort to actually find a gf. The gaps could go longer assuming the man is making no effort. In terms of hookup culture, average men would probably have to put in significant amount of time and effort. That's where the 80-20 rules come into play.

flamingoinghome · 2019-05-21T18:54:02+00:00

You...you've left out desire. This Average Man's sex/dating life is going to be hella constrained by personal preference--not "women's", but his. Does he like casual sex, or prefer relationships? What type of women is he attracted to? Does he like parties and other events like that, or is he more reserved?

CainPrice · 2019-05-21T13:19:38+00:00

People are definitely guilty of projection, myself included. If we accept your "average" as average, I have no idea what it's like for a broke, uneducated, fat guy.

I'm 6 feet tall, skinny but fit, my fashion sense sucks but at least shows a little effort, and I have a post-graduate education and make six figures. Most people in my neighborhood and friend circles are just like me. So that's my "average". And most women I target online or run into in nearby bars are middle class and upper middle class white chicks with at least college degrees and usually graduate degrees, late 20s to mid 30s, 5-7s.

So when I say that an average guy gets dates online without too much trouble and can have some casual sex if he keeps at it, what I'm really saying is that I and most people I know can have sex with the kind of women I tend to run into.

In your world, if a poorly-dressed 5'9" fat guy with no college degree and a shitty job tries to flirt with a hot barista, she'll be creeped out. And that guy will get no traction on Tinder or other online platforms. Maybe the occasional match with a fat woman that never pans out. So in your world, "average" guys never have causal sex and are lucky if they find the occasional ugly, ungrateful girlfriend.

enpower56 · 2019-05-21T13:29:34+00:00

A lot of this is down to confidence ,lifestyle and effort on the guy’s part to be “out there”. As a black man living in an Asian country my experience is very different from most here.

I consider myself an average guy but I am black in an Asian country, so it’s almost impossible to attract a good looking Asian girl unless she wants to try the “BBC”...yes we get used for sex and yes it is common. An average white guy here though they can get any girl except the top tier girls very easily.

For me to get a date, it is pretty rare unless the girl is interested in me because I am black. I mean 1 in 50 girls might go on a date but they are extremely flaky like 10 minutes before the date flaky, the culture persuaded women to be scared of men and especially foreigners. I have been rejected by hundreds of girls from OLD, bars, cold approaches and social groups.

Personally I often get sex on the first date because the girl is literally only interested in my dick. I don’t have much experience with multiple dates.It’s sex or she ghosts if I try to get more dates.

I have had a few OWS FWB and STRs again because the girls are mostly interested in one thing. I have had only one LTR for 2 years but she was a foreigner as well.

It’s easy for a white foreigner to spin plates here too easy, the girls here even know they do but they don’t care. Any other type of foreigner though and it’s a big problem because these girls are very controlling and get jealous very easily. They check everything constantly.

Dating apps results are better than the average man here but not great 10+ a month. If you’re white though some guys get 50+ in a week. One friend had 500 in a month.

Most guys will have a hard time pulling from a club the girls usually move in groups and are hard to separate. So you need some ridiculous charisma and chemistry with the girl and her friends to not care. I only had it happen once in 6 years of clubbing every weekend.

The rejection rate is very high for cold approaches very very high. I have never had success with it I have cold approached above 100 girls and never anything came of it. The girls just get so scared.

All this from a guy who tries hard so the average foreigner if white gets plenty of girls if not will struggle greatly almost incel level.

Joey_Lopez · 2019-05-21T14:16:22+00:00

I don't think getting sex is the biggest problem. We live in an age of thots and desperate single moms. I think the biggest problem for the average man is finding a girl that is wifey material because we live in the age of feminism, thots, and single moms.

diffdedbed · 2019-05-21T13:31:52+00:00

For some reference, the average American man is 5'9.5, overweight, doesnt have much of a fashion sense, makes around 30k a year, has a highschool diploma with some college but no degree and a 5.5 inch penis.

Don't care as everything bolded is fixable to a complete or partial degree unless they are of substandard intelligence. In which case the 30k no degree probably can't change.

Everything in this post is just going to be complete guesswork.

Title	What does the sex/dating life of the average man look like?
Author	CamoWoobie10000
Upvotes	11
Comments	250
Date	May 21, 2019 12:50 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bra0ud/what_does_the_sexdating_life_of_the_average_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-does-the-sexdating-life-of-the-average-man.255674 https://theredarchive.com/post/255674

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