QForMen: Do you see sex as a “reward”

wtknight · 2018-04-21T21:04:51+00:00

I see sex as an expression of love, which is why I don’t sleep with women who have casual sex as they obviously see it differently.

TheGreasyPole · 2018-04-21T21:46:36+00:00

I think men see it as something very enjoyable and pleasurable.

I think they also correctly assess that in addition to finding it enjoyable and pleasurable, women are also aware that it can be used as a reward with men. Whether the either consciously use to use it as such, or whether they just sub-consciously (or I'd say genetically) exhibit that behaviour.

I think there are women that consciouslly employ it as a reward tool, but there are many more who "don't feel like it tonight" or "do feel like it tonight" based on instincts/emotions they're feeling that are, with geneticly created processes under the hood, assessing the use of and employing the emotions to guide a woman into rewarding the behaviour those genes want to see with sex, and not rewarding behaviour that harms their interests with sex.

Men are just happy to have sex. We'd like to do it if it's a reward or not. We're pretty much DTF.

But men would also be blind if they didn't see this dynamic going on, initiated by women consciously or (more likely IMO) sub-consciously.... it's employment as a reward tool by women pursuing their genetic/personal interest.

Pope_Lucious · 2018-04-21T21:50:40+00:00

No.

Sex is the thing I enjoy most, but it isn’t a reward.

lost_jellyfish · 2018-04-21T21:40:21+00:00

No. Its something I have to work to acheive, but that does not mean getting it is a "reward". I used to feel it was a "reward" back when I was blue pill.

Frankly its a pretty messed up way to think about it.

It creates the nice guy / blue pill culture where if guys put in good behaviour tokens they get sex tokens in return.
It implies female sexuality is subservient to her getting her other needs met. Which is a very transactional, almost sociopathic view of how women activate their feelings.

I actually think the latter point is accurate, but when I learnt the red pill I also learnt the reward->sex model requires ever escalating rewards so eventually you lose. But also that it can be completely short circuited by the red pill.

Once you sexuality on its head the guy becomes the prize and the reward aspect stops being relevant since there is actual real desire rather than calculation involved.

I thitk people in this thread might be talking at cross purposes with subtly different understandings of what the word "reward" means. Its going to seem like there is more agreement than there actually is.

jonascf · 2018-04-21T21:56:57+00:00

I used to kind of think that when I was younger. Not in the sense of a reward for a certain behavior but more like I didn't really deserve sex if I wasn't a good enough person in general.

Now when I'm older and a bit wiser I think of getting sex as something that happens simply because women like sex and some women like sex with me.

woefulwank · 2018-04-21T20:52:17+00:00

Not a 'reward,' per se. Although it is rewarding.

Getting sex is more of a signifier that I'm doing things right. Hitting all the touchstones in life. It's more 'fruits of labour' than a gifting.

S1imdragxn · 2018-04-21T21:08:18+00:00

I do not see sex as a reward, but a woman's body can be pretty close to heaven.

Million-Suns · 2018-04-21T23:27:06+00:00

I don't see sex as a reward. If it was the case, that would be a turn off. Both the man and the woman are supposed to enjoy it, so why one of them should feel the other did them a favor by having sex with him/her?

stats135 · 2018-04-21T21:20:48+00:00

I see it more as compensation and return of investment. The words "reward" have connotations of a competition and the word "prize" have connotations that I gained something by shear luck. The word "compensation" is more associated with working. I do work and invest in being attractive to women. In return I expect to be compensated in sex for this investment.

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T22:03:56+00:00

No. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who thought they were doing me a favor or "giving" it to me. Done right, sex is good for all participants. It can be done for all sorts of reasons but there shouldn't be giver and receiver.

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T22:29:53+00:00

Nope. I see it as part of a loving relationship.

AstuteBlackMan · 2018-04-22T10:17:47+00:00

No. It's something that should be given to me. I'm a King.

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hammerhaunts · 2018-04-21T20:33:25+00:00

theambivalentrooster · 2018-04-21T20:56:28+00:00

Yes.

Women reward men with sex for a variety of their own reasons but it’s a reward at the end of the day.

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T21:27:11+00:00

All relationships are transactional in nature when you drill down deep enough.

The transaction I want to have is.... I want to fuck you....

She replies .... I want to fuck you too....

So, no. Any woman that so plainly prostitutes/weaponizes her sexuality/ places such a high value on pussy is a turn off to me.

Then again, we're humans. She could just be shittesting you.

FairlyNaive · 2018-04-21T21:38:04+00:00

Obviously yes. Men want sex, there is less sex than there is demand for it => men compete for it => the winners get the reward.

Im really surprised at other answeres in this comment section.

Priene · 2018-04-21T21:55:44+00:00

Yes. I am very superficial, and all of my life I've been surrounded by guys the incels and red pillers would call super saiyan 3 Chad, not the average-looking man they like to call chad so that they, the 0/10 men can feel they are 5/10, and because I was born with short legs, I've sorta always felt a tad insecure about it. That's why I've always had my iron sights set on tall, scandinavian women.

Those women in particular because they're tall and usually tall women are only attracted to taller men than them, so when I get to bang them I feel I've beaten the system, that I am an average man after all, that I'm not below average, and I get a kick out of seeing taller guys than me with a wondering look on their faces when they think to themselves ,''why did that girl pick that manlet, he's not Tom Cruise?!''

I also see sex with with big arses as a reward, because every big ass girl I see has her face eclipsed by the face of the girl who rejected me 10+ years ago when I was at the University and I was rejected by the hottest girl in class.

There have been women who were pretty much ideal for a relationship, physically, emotionally and mentally, sweet and caring and loving, but I rejected a relationship with those women because I would rather chase the arrogant, narcisistic girl because if a girl treats men like shit, and if I can get her, I'm better than most men, no?

Men are dumb, I tell you that. We are our worst enemies and we deny ourselves the chance to be happy because of our inflated egos. Shame our wallets aren't inflated, I could use a new car.

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T22:02:29+00:00

It's something they can provide, that I desperately want to get, and that they generally won't give me in absence of some kind of exchange. Be it making them happy, outright paying them, attending to all their relationship needs, performing in a TRP swaggadocious clown like way to "panty moisten" them, etc.

So while I don't see sex as a reward, it seems most women do. Subconsciously in most cases perhaps, but it happens all the same. Unless you have an attractiveness level 2 to 3 standard deviations outside the mean, no woman is just going to give you sex without you putting in some form of work to earn it. It is their greatest (perhaps sole?) form of power in this universe, of course they aren't just giving it away.

wattwatty · 2018-04-21T22:15:14+00:00

n. something given or received in return or recompense for service, merit, hardship, etc.

I certainly do not perceive sex as a reward according to this dictionary.com definition.

I do, I suppose, see sex as a reward the same way I would see getting a payout from a slot machine as a reward: I engaged in playing the game (put my coins in, and kept putting them in), I was there at the right time, and random stuff going on inside the machine finally resulted in me getting what I want. Putting aside the fact that slot machines are strongly tilted to benefit the house, it doesn't matter if I put in 1 coin and 10 seconds of effort or if I put in 10000 coins and hours of effort. I am, however, a bit of a chump to play very long when other machines are around.

Phoepal · 2018-04-21T22:21:46+00:00

No. It is something mutual and default in romantic relationship-wherever exclusive or not.

It is quite satisfying and dating without it feels very frustrating and you think something is going wrong.

reluctantly_red · 2018-04-21T22:27:44+00:00

Its confirmation that: a) she thinks you're hot; or b) she thinks you have status and/or resources that she can exploit.

If the first then you have indeed found a prize. If the second you have found a whole lot of trouble.

BewareTheOldMan · 2018-04-21T22:48:16+00:00

Assuming the proper approach, sex is mutually beneficial to both parties. A woman receives enjoyment, a man receives enjoyment - hence, both parties are "Even-Steven." No one is owed anything or rewarded any more than the other person.

Any other approach is transactional - e.g., man does something for a woman, woman does something for the man by "rewarding sex."

I present the "man does something" model because men exert more effort to obtain sex by virtue of the fact that women control access.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-04-21T22:49:26+00:00

No. I do get a sense of validation from it and a self-esteem boost. But I wouldn't say I see it as a "reward." What would it be rewarding?

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T22:56:40+00:00

Not really, just something to do after the fwb has a couple shots and she's decided she's tired of watching me play Xbox

Noxin__Nixon · 2018-04-21T23:10:22+00:00

No. its an expression of lust and desire.

PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH · 2018-04-21T23:11:44+00:00

Not at all. I feel like sex is something both parties should want. When some woman talk about men being dogs, they’re probably the ones who think sex is a reward. Because what do you give dogs when they’re well behaved and they do what you say? You give them treats. Treats = Rewards for dogs. And in these women’s minds Sex = A Reward for good behavior.

Ordinate1 · 2018-04-21T23:34:52+00:00

No, and I avoid women who think that way.

sketch162000 · 2018-04-21T23:39:49+00:00

It's a reward in the same sense that getting a job is a reward. Self-esteem boost from knowing that you've presented yourself well and are desirable.

QraQen · 2018-04-22T00:05:19+00:00

Ideally it wouldn't be but in practice it winds up being one in more relationships than not simply because men have such larger sex drives than women (on average ofc) that it becomes an easy bargaining tool for women to wield if they so desire.

That said I find it extremely repulsive when women do so, and have dumped women for such in the past.

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T01:32:26+00:00

i kinda do. regardless of how you see it, sex is great and is a consequence of successfuly seducing a girl, through your own merit

CookieMan0 · 2018-04-22T01:41:07+00:00

Anyone who treats men like dogs and sex like a Milk Bone has a really fucked up worldview, and I don't want to associate with them, as a friend or a sexual partner. Fortunately, this is not something I have encountered in my personal life.

DaphneDK42 · 2018-04-22T02:28:32+00:00

No. Its a basic necessity for any relationship though. No sex => no relationship.

the_calibre_cat · 2018-04-22T03:57:37+00:00

Not in such a manner that's so direct, but yes, basically. It is something that I'd like, and only women can give it out, thus I will tend to repeat the behavior that successfully gets me sex and ditch the behavior that doesn't. I don't think women consciously think of it as a reward, but it is undeniably one.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2018-04-22T08:26:07+00:00

Sex is NOT a reward. It is rewarding to have sex because it feels good, but sex is not 'given out' by women for completing tasks or receiving gifts. Sex is had when a woman is sexually attracted - and it's not had when she is not sexually attracted. Therefore if a woman has sex with Chad 15 minutes after meeting him and does not with me, it means that she was attracted to him but not to me.

She dangles the sex in front of me as a carrot, manipulating and conditioning me into thinking sex is a reward and being a good beta boy will get me my allowance. It's an attempt at controlling me through the dosage of sex, be a good boy and receive sex, be a bad boy and I have a headache. Such heinous manipulation tactics can only be carried out when there is absolutely NO attraction, admiration or respect on her part. Which is why it's better to be single than beta

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T09:55:47+00:00

No.

And I think I know where this question is coming from: Debates on the idea that women "reward" certain types of men with sex. When this phrase is used - it usually means that the sex and attention a guy will get from women acts as a behavioral incentive towards the type of acts that lead to this.

In a previous discussion I had, this misunderstanding was evident. The person I was discussing it with (don't remember who) was trying to convince me that women didn't hand out sex as a reward - they had sex because they wanted to. However, this person was (as he or she came to understand) attacking a straw man - claiming that men are "rewarded" with sex is a statement that makes no claim about the women's motivation for doing this.

That being said, I have seen several TRPers and some incels/Niceguy types claim that women "owe" men sex as a reward for some sort of marital commitment or desirable action that the man has conducted.

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T10:19:06+00:00

As others have said, we don't see it as reward at all, just a mutual attraction/intercourse. I think it is solely women who consider sex "a reward" and that's the problem. For men it is just something they get when there is mutual attraction, same with kissing a man, holding his hands, hugging etc.

N0blesse0blige · 2018-04-22T10:26:15+00:00

No, not in a normative sense of expecting a «reward» for work put in (the correct term for which would be due payment, or compensation).

Sex, is quite literally and descriptive a natural, biological reward though. It will trigger a dopamine release in the brain (quite consistently for most men).

I see all relationships as transactional in the broadest sense. You have something to offer, and get something you want or need in return, typically in proportion to what you have to offer.

What sets prostitution apart isn’t that it’s transactional but the nature of the transaction.

If it’s raining outside, do you see it as another rainy day? Of course you do, quite literally: It has rained before and now it’s raining again. (descriptive, literal)

But do you see it as «another rainy day», as in another sad and unforgiving day, though? (normative, metaphorical, or descriptive of one’s emotional reaction) That’s a very different meaning of the question.

Arobin08 · 2018-04-22T12:58:14+00:00

I see it as what I get by being with this person. She seems to like it as much as I do so not so much a reward, Id expect it even if I hadnt made her dinner first or whatever, it just results from being in a relationship

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T16:09:44+00:00

Yes. Sex is a reward, for women.

S1imdragxn · 2018-04-22T17:38:32+00:00

Yeah I see it as a reward. My nature is that I’m a wild dog that tries to be civilized, I have a male dog who I train with treats, the results are in the shit works

daveofmars · 2018-04-22T17:52:54+00:00

I don't. Sex is supposed to be fun. If sex were truly a reward for my "good behavior" then I'd refuse to have sex.

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T23:24:38+00:00

I feel as if there's the rational answer and the RP answer. Both are true on some level and they are exemplified pretty well in this thread.

Entropy-7 · 2018-04-23T04:16:41+00:00

It is a "thing". It is part and parcel to a meaningful relationship so I give it great import.

There is only a narrow band of guys who judge manhood by their "n-count". Even among TRPers there is a debate about quality vs quantity.

clindh · 2018-04-23T05:24:29+00:00

That's an extremely unhealthy mentality for a woman to have. Men need to learn to recognize it and avoid it

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-04-24T21:50:21+00:00

I have used that concept in a playful way, but since I don't offer sex as a "reward" or a "prize", than this behaviour would feel quite foreign to me. I don't know to which extent women have viewed sex with me in this way.

Title	QForMen: Do you see sex as a “reward”
Author	Electra_Cute
Upvotes	6
Comments	92
Date	April 21, 2018 8:29 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8dydrt/qformen_do_you_see_sex_as_a_reward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/qformen-do-you-see-sex-as-a-reward.262798 https://theredarchive.com/post/262798

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