What most people want in a partner is just someone who's decent looking, shares some interests, can hold a conversation and won't make them feel embarrassed in public. Agree or disagree?

introvertmonologue · 2017-05-26T15:39:09+00:00

People don't checklist random prospects and green light those who make it.

They find other people they are attracted to, who are also single, available, and in their league, and then bring up the checklist.

It's the first part that has people ending up in their 40s thinking 'there are no real men'. Not the checklist.

ramen_deluxe · 2017-05-26T08:13:05+00:00

Humor. Please please add humor. It's so important to be able to laugh together.

If you're looking for someone to spend your life with, ideally you have roughly the same need for stability. So if you both want to travel the world with a backpack that's great, or if you both want to buy a house that's great. Having projects or goals together is good for any relationship.

alreadyredschool · 2017-05-26T08:33:47+00:00

It just feels like with all this talk about "game" and SMV, people are overlooking some basic facts.

Being presentable and attractive is step one, then you increase your chances by being better at flirting, creating opportunities and stuff like that. Do you really think that has no effect on the quantity and quality of your partners?

exit_sandman · 2017-05-26T10:21:32+00:00

Well, for starters, you totally omitted job/income/status etc. which most certainly is NOT a non-issue for women.

Then you ignored another important issue which you'll find on basically no woman's list but which is your entry card to the SMP/RMP: the guy has to do the legwork to make the relationship happen (he has to approach and to face rejection, he has to be able to bring her into a romantically receptive state etc.).

Then the fact that men seriously increase their chances by being extroverted, cool, non-needy etc. (there's a world of a difference between "not embarassing someone in public & being able to hold a conversation" and being extroverted/charismatic/cool/etc.).

And on top of all that there may be a multitude of reasons why a woman will just reject a man out of hand even if he checks all her boxes because she has highly specific dealbreakers or just "doesn't feel like it" at the moment.

But yeah, I guess that for the sort of woman with realistic expectations and once you've made it past the first hurdle (the entry into the relationship), getting into a relationship may actually be doable with these traits only. Just don't expect her to be super-passionate about it.

introvertmonologue · 2017-05-26T11:22:33+00:00

"So, what do you want to eat tonight?"

"I don't know. Anything."

"Pasta?"

"No. Too much cheese."

"Pizza?"

"No. Had that last week."

"Kebab?"

"No. Not feeling like it."

"Ramen?"

"Um ... no"

"Indian?"

"No. Too spicy."

"Thai?"

"Nah."

"Fish and Chips?"

"No. Too greasy."

"Mexican?"

"No. Had that yesterday."

"Steak?"

"I am vegetarian this week. OMG, I can't believe there isn't a single decent restaurant in NYC."

DeathByBeelzie · 2017-05-26T08:22:12+00:00

Well first off, I assume you're talking about dating. Casual sex most of that shit doesn't matter

I completely disagree in what you say, though. that maybe true from a male perspective, but women shamelessly put up laundry lists of requirements for a relationship. These requirements include: height, wealth, hobbies, political beliefs, things that they need the man to do, etc.. yea yea "not all women are like that" but all I'm point out to you is people have way more requirements subconsciously or consciously than what you're implying. A partner is not just a partner, they're a status symbol. I'd be willing to date much uglier women with amazing personalities, but people would look down upon me for doing. Vice versa, most women refuse to date certain men due to status.

Forgetaboutthelonely · 2017-05-26T08:50:55+00:00

I don't think that's enough. Most guys who claim to be struggling, at least here on reddit, seem to be okay at communicating, at least in written form, probably have some interests, and are at worst average looking.

UhKhat · 2017-05-26T10:09:01+00:00

Mostly I agree. Being able to share in interests is very important, as is conversation and being physically attracted to each other. Sharing a sense of humour is important too.

But it depends what constitutes 'making you feel embarrassed in public'. This is something I hear men talking about when it comes to fat women - they'd have sex with her and might even like her a lot, but wouldn't want to be seen in public as they find it embarrassing...To me public embarrassment is being with someone who is rude, bullying or has the worst dress sense ever maybe! I'm not embarrassed to be with someone because they're fat or not objectively good looking. I don't really care if other people find them attractive, as long as I do...

wub1234 · 2017-05-26T13:43:24+00:00

I think you are essentially correct. However, I do think there is a certain chemistry and connection that draws people together which goes beyond anything rational. What Leela is saying is correct and understandable, and it's something I've heard lots of women say. But what they tend to overlook is that they've probably come into contact with loads of men like this, and quite probably some of those men were interested in them, but they weren't attracted to them so they instantly dismissed them.

That's not unique to women, there have been several women who have been really into me and I just wasn't attracted to them. I always instead make the sensible decision of falling for women who aren't into me.

despisedlove2 · 2017-05-26T14:53:48+00:00

There are no "people". There are men, and then there are women. Whose preferences are you talking about?

voteGOPk · 2017-05-26T19:50:44+00:00

sounds right.

especially about the "won't make them feel embarrased in public"

generally, this is why women don't like short men and why men don't like fatties.

Forgetaboutthelonely · 2017-05-26T08:01:12+00:00

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disposable_pants · 2017-05-26T08:51:45+00:00

You're describing what people will settle for, not what they want.

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Lyanina · 2017-05-26T08:44:13+00:00

Humor and shared goals/values instead of interests for me, but yeah, pretty much.

PurpleBanner · 2017-05-26T09:27:57+00:00

Agree completely.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-05-26T13:37:48+00:00

Yeah, basically.

grandaddychimp · 2017-05-26T13:59:11+00:00

Zero to Low partner count

Superfluous_Toast · 2017-05-26T14:36:00+00:00

Pretty much. If I like his face, like his humor, and share interests with him, he goes in the attractive category.

Five_Decades · 2017-05-26T14:36:26+00:00

I'll try to find it, but I saw a study where women and their mothers were asked to evaluate potential men as suitors for the women. They were given photos and a personality description of various men.

Both the women and their mothers were indifferent about personality unless the guy was above average looking. If he was above average looking with a good personality, then great. His personality earned him bonus points. If he was average or below average looking with an above average personally, then meh. His personality alone wasn't enough to create attraction.

And women place less value on looks than men. You can assume men are even worse about it. Point being, people don't care about personality unless you are attractive enough for them to view you as a sexual creature.

w33disdope · 2017-05-26T15:32:55+00:00

A good sense of humor is the most important thing for me when looking for a partner

purpleppp · 2017-05-26T16:47:23+00:00

No. I have a lot of deal breakers. I'm sure other people do, too.

cxj · 2017-05-26T19:59:42+00:00

I point blank disagree with you.

This list would be closer to what most men want, except it would include regular sex and being nice, and the "not embarrass them in public" could be taken off.

I don't really see how I can argue with you here, IMO you are oversimplifying things because thinking about them in more complex terms is daunting.

wtknight · 2017-05-26T20:25:11+00:00

I think most people want a lot more than that. If that's all there is, I don't think the relationship is going to last all that long.

theiamsamurai · 2017-05-27T14:15:30+00:00

Guys want a chick who won't stop fucking him like she did with guys before him.

bala-key · 2017-05-26T09:06:07+00:00

OP, there is no mention of sex or sexual compatibility in your post.

It could apply to gay best friend, beta orbiter or dead bedroom spouse.

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