Grown Men with Room Mates

ughthanksbutno · 2020-10-01T23:56:51+00:00

it would be a red flag because i live alone and the last thing i want is someone treating my apartment as an escape to their situation. i live alone for a reason. visits? sure! can you come by practically every night so we can have “us” time? no.

Sage_Planter · 2020-10-01T23:53:02+00:00

It really depends on the individual, and it really depends on where you are. For example, I live in a VHCOL area, and roommates are very normal, even for individuals with well-paid jobs. It's not a deal breaker for me now, but if I lived back in my hometown where rent half the cost, it probably would be.

eveninghope · 2020-10-02T00:00:43+00:00

I live alone. I was dating a guy who was late 20s-early 30s who had roommates. I literally never wanted to go over to his place bc of it. So yes, for me it would be a dealbreaker.

Kimpractical · 2020-10-01T23:56:51+00:00

I’ve honestly never even thought about this. With the exception of one, all the guys I’ve dated in the past year or so have lived alone. The one guy who didnt, tried really hard to have sex with me one night after I told him no several times, so I dropped him. And that was right before I discovered FDS.

Now that I think about, I don’t think I’d even be interested in a guy who has roommates. I live alone and manage pretty well on my own, I want him to be able to do the same.

That’s not to say though that a guy is a HVM just because lives alone. We actually have to vet these independent guys harder because they are more likely to hide their low value status better.

TexiMcCrae · 2020-10-02T00:10:52+00:00

I live alone. They best live alone too

vitryolic · 2020-10-02T00:33:59+00:00

It would depend on the setup. If it was friends helping each other out with a place to stay, having a lodger help with your mortgage, or renting in an expensive area I could understand it. But not a huge house share with a bunch of strangers.

I would say if they’re 35+ it’s a massive red flag living with roommates. I’m living with a 36 year old LVM housemate (no romantic connection whatsoever, were strangers before he moved here) unfortunately due to COVID, and he is honestly the worst person ever. I can see why no one would ever want to live with him.

a20922 · 2020-10-02T01:03:53+00:00

The roommate situation reduces your ability to see how they really life. You really want time alone in their space to see how things run.

likearealreptile · 2020-10-02T02:58:13+00:00

i’m torn. i’ve lived alone for 10 years but would actually LOVE to have roomies again if i found the right people. i just live in an area where people marry young and finding responsible single folks to live with is annoying. i can afford it on my own so 🤷🏻‍♀️

i could see “it’s fun” as a valid reason to live with other people.

timetofliptables · 2020-10-02T05:11:59+00:00

There are so many variables, like others said esp if you live in a big city where cost of living is steep. I know two hvm that had excellent jobs that lived together for years. I assume they used the time of lowered expenses to save up for long term goals (buying a house, saving for marriage, etc). It’s just practical. I don’t get the obsession with independence to the point of just throwing money in the toilet. If you like to live alone, fine... but I don’t think people should have to just to save face or look like an “adult.”

Also as a dog owner, having roommates that are also dog owners is a life saver. I’ve been finding fellow dog owners as roommates for years. We help each other out a lot. I love having roommates (when they are good ones). To me it’s preferable to living alone, esp now that going out is extremely limited.

tellmesomething11 · 2020-10-01T23:49:42+00:00

It’s a deal breaker for me because I live alone. I got my first apartment making 10 dollars an hour (the apartment was 800 a month) I was 24. I did have a relationship eventually and we lived together but I mostly paid the rent 🤦🏽‍♀️.

So yeah. I also want to point out I moved from a small town to New York City. And still had my own place. And now I’m 39 and have my own place.

BlondeBeginning · 2020-10-02T02:43:35+00:00

Dealbreaker. It feels like there's several life stages between living with roommates and being a mature and capable partner/husband. A man in that position in his 30s is behind the curve.

Ningernaught · 2020-10-02T03:15:04+00:00

I'll throw a bit of a wrench in here... What if he lives with a family member? Specifically, the family member lives in his home because they are not able to live independently.

I'm talking about an elderly parent or sibling with special needs, to be clear... Not something like letting LVM incel gamer cousin to live in the basement.

BellaMob · 2020-10-02T01:09:01+00:00

Deal breaker unless there are unique circumstances and he is letting someone stay at his place temporarily because they are struggling financially. For example dated someone whose sister moved in with him while she was going through a divorce (he covered all her expenses).

If he is living with roommates in his 30s simply because he can't afford a place of his own then he can't take care of myself the way I can. Why date down?

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2020-10-02T00:01:24+00:00

A person over 30 no. A person in their 20's I could understand. In my city specifically if you 1. want to live somewhere were you won't get bust in the face or robbed 2. Want to see a dead body laying on the corner 3. Don't want to be greeted daily by the local drug dealer You probably will need a roommate unless you make 70,000+. Rent for a studio in those area start at 1500 not including utilities.

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-10-02T04:53:26+00:00

I live in Manhattan and I’m 25, so I don’t expect other men my age to live alone. Granted, my ex was a trust fund baby so his parents paid for his own 4K apt and it was very nice that he didn’t have roommates. But other guys my age almost always have roommates in order to live in a desirable neighborhood and luxury building (rent is easily over 2K+) I would rather date someone who lives in a luxury building and has a roommate than someone who lives in a dingy studio in a bad neighborhood. That’s just me.

Outside of the high COL area like Manhattan and SF, I expect a man my age to have his own place. That includes LA. The only two places I accept a man to have roomies is Manhattan and SF.

fleuretpomme · 2020-10-02T05:13:20+00:00

(I'm mid-late 20's for reference)I live in one of the cheapest COL cities in the US and bought my own place, so I expect him to at least rent alone. I'd also be ok with him having a roommate if he owned the house and just wanted to tear down the monthly mortgage payment. I used to be ok with the idea of roommates while renting, but it doesn't give me the chance to 1. see how he lives alone and 2. involves coordinating private time and thus defaulting to my place out of convenience

StrawberryMoon3 · 2020-10-02T05:58:11+00:00

Def a deal breaker

Substantial-Ad-1745 · 2020-10-02T07:37:03+00:00

Depends on the area, in some cities like mine it’s quite common to have roommates even with good jobs. Also it depends on the apartment being shared - is it a nice big clean and well kept and furnished place, or does it look like a frat house after party. If the roommates are decent professionals and the apartment looks good not a red flag for me. Also, why is he sharing an apartment - is it to save money to invest? He could be financially responsible

a20922 · 2020-10-02T08:00:22+00:00

I live alone and would not date someone who lived with roommates. To me it indicates that they are not at the same stage in their life as I am. It might be judgemental but hey, I have to be . I want someone who can afford their own place who does their own cooking their own cleaning who looks after their own house who pays rates, pays his bills, not someone who needs their friends to afford their lifestyle. To me owning their own house or renting on their own is an indicator of where they are with their career as well- people who are living with other people send a message to me that they’re still a kid which is not what I’m after. I don’t want to be anyone’s sugar mama or looking after anyone. I want proof that they can look after them self.

11ben478xyz22hrtx12- · 2020-10-02T12:14:18+00:00

Red flag. Only guy I ever dated over 30 was LVM who had a well paying job so I was confused as to why he needed a roommate. Then found out about his gambling addiction. Buh bye

whenthenbloopdrops · 2020-10-02T20:42:44+00:00

You must have read my mind because I almost posted this exact thing the other day.I will not date anyone ever again who has roommates above the age of 25. I have been living alone since 21, whether that's in studios or whatever I can afford. It speaks to a sense of personal responsibility, good money management, and ability to be on one's own/emotional strength. Every time I've compromised, I've regretted it. STAY STRONG.

riotous486saturn · 2020-10-02T07:50:37+00:00

I am 20 in the midwest. I own my home and live alone on a part-time wage. I started out with a roommate, hated it, and got a better job to afford living on my own. I wouldn’t date anyone with roommates because they’re not on my level and I personally don’t like the idea of a partner who hasn’t lived on their own or had the stress of paying their own bills. Also, if I can live on my own with enough financial security to have zero issues and growing my savings, I am not interested in dating someone who can’t. I want someone on my page.

randomgirlimok · 2020-10-02T02:47:20+00:00

Red flag. I haven’t had a roommate since 21.

mayb3n3v3r · 2020-10-02T13:48:32+00:00

I wouldn't date someone in that situation, but I when I do purchase a home, it will have a separate area for rental income so someone else can basically pay some or all of my mortgage related expenses. I've rented rooms for years and the majority were owners getting their mortgage payments covered so they had more disposable income.

2020-10-02T16:43:00+00:00

They’re usually manchildren but in some contexts it can be acceptable

faux_naturale · 2020-10-02T21:31:08+00:00

No roommates. We’re grown.

daisy_0720 · 2020-10-03T13:47:42+00:00

No grown ass man over the age of 30 should have roommates. All that tells me is he's either not willing to grow up or has poor money management skills. Instant red flag.

dalenoriah · 2020-10-04T03:04:22+00:00

I wouldn't, but that's only because I rent my second bedroom of my house. The cost of living in my area is bonkers for the job market, but maybe in a different area, I would consider it a red flag.

a20922 · 2020-10-02T04:59:50+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Grown Men with Room Mates
Author	a20922
Upvotes	80
Comments	66
Date	October 1, 2020 11:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j3jvpu/grown_men_with_room_mates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/grown-men-with-room-mates.274189 https://theredarchive.com/post/274189

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