Reading men don’t love women like you

RPWthrowaway7 · 2019-09-25T19:43:19+00:00

The book Why Men Love Bitches is about assertiveness, not bitchiness. The title is supposed to tongue-in-cheek. I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who did not like that I was assertive. The alternative to being assertive and up front about what you want may be that you are sacrificing your needs for someone who may not respect you.

I remember the book says things like you should be able to pay your own way, take care of your own needs, don’t always be calling him first, don’t always spend the night with him, don’t move around things in your schedule to fit his schedule, and don’t try to do things for him that a wife/ serious girlfriend would like cleaning his house or doing his laundry (unless you actually are in that situation). It basically gives the advice that you can’t force someone to like you by being overbearing and acting desperate is a turn-off to most men. I don’t think it’s all that different from the advice people give here, and it’s mostly common sense. Like if you are always giving more than he is then he will think you’re desperate/ he’s too good for you since you seem insecure. I think it also says things like don’t dress very revealing and don’t sleep with him right away which is pretty much in line with the advice here.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2019-09-25T18:27:08+00:00

Men don’t love bitches, men love hot women.

Because men love hot women, hot women have more leeway to be bitchy and get away with it.

As a result, the hotter than woman is, the more leeway she has to be a bitch. Also the hotter a woman is in comparison to her husband (the less likely he can do better), the more leeway she has to be a bitch.

So if a 9/10 woman is dating a 5/10 man, she could be Satan incarnate personality wise and still inspire his love simply because she’s hot. It’s pretty rare between couples on relatively equal footing that the woman can get away with being a bitch, unless the man she’s dating is a super beta.

ALSO, the way a woman treats another woman is very rarely the way a woman treats her man. She could be a raging bitch to you, and an absolute sweetheart who bends over backwards (literally and figuratively) for her man. Don’t judge how she treats him based off how she treats you.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-09-25T17:02:28+00:00

Before RP, I dated two men who claimed to be attracted to bitchy women ("strong, spunky, with an attitude") and I tried to play the part. Turns out the first one wanted a mom to boss him around and take charge in the relationship so that he didn't have to have responsibilities as a man. The second one was a player who used red pill tactics on me (realized this retrospectively). He was so bored with how easy it was for him to get women that he wanted me to be a challenge. Acting bitchy got him hooked for a while but he quickly lost interest when I wanted to drop the game, and it became clear that he was never after a real relationship in the first place.

So yes, being bitchy got me the attention of these men, but they were not the kind of men I wanted to attract.

The truth to "why men love bitches" is that you need to be able to assert a certain level of personal boundaries and properly express your needs in order to have a successful relationship. As in, don't be a pushover (which I feel is an especially common mistake for RPW trying to be submissive).

Rejoice7 · 2019-09-25T15:37:39+00:00

Ehhh... I think men that need to be told what to do/think, how to act etc like/need bitchy women. And it creates a horrible feedback loop with disastrous consequences for both.

Men that are confident, no BS, and on a path of success (not just money) dont really have time/energy for bitchy. If they do, it is purely for entertainment/self-ego.

A man on a mission is looking for a partner that will support and not sabotage him. Bitches have no value to the mission. Much love everyone. Looking forward to other perspectives. Great post.

Perhaps a bitch is a blue-pill.

THE_ANGRY_SHARTER · 2019-09-25T18:00:06+00:00

I'd like to recommend another book called "Why men marry some women and not others". It pretty much reinforces this notion that women who demand and insist on their standards, wants, and needs, are more likely to get and be married than other women and it breaks down the statistics on it.

Dominemm · 2019-09-25T20:06:18+00:00

Bitchy is the word that is used, but neither of those books are advocating for rudeness, meaness, etc.

They simply say do not drop anything, or build your life around a man when your dating him. Don't cancel plans with friends, if you disagree with something then say it, he should be reaching out more, let man earn your attention/affection and focus on vetting, etc.

I've been implementing these rules in the last month to fantastic results.

CausalityPrevails · 2019-09-25T15:51:20+00:00

Being nice and unselfish are not unattractive qualities. However, people who describe themselves as such often also have low self-esteem, low confidence, have a hard time enforcing their personal boundries, and allow others to push them around. Those ARE very unattractive qualities to high value people.

Being a Bitch is not anymore an attractive quality than a guy being a dickhead. However, having high confidence, high self-esteem, knowing what your goals are, and not allowing others to stand in the way of those goals are attractive. While it is true that some people with these qualities are bitches and dickheads, it is also true that some of them are just seen that way by those who do not know them. Just as it is easy to mistake confidence for arrogance if you have never experienced feeling a high level of confidence...and sometimes, that person truely does possess an empty arrogance.

BeginningSomewhere3 · 2019-09-25T17:50:09+00:00

I think some men like sassy women. Women who challenge them a bit and give them a game to play. But it's a push/pull. No man wants a woman that is just a bitch all the time. They would be miserable to be around.

Men also may perceive that attractive women act bitchy, and "I want attractive women" thus "I must want a bitchy woman". But truly attractive women aren't always bitchy, and if they are acting that way in public, it may just be to push people away in a sense. I do this in public, put on a RBF and appear a bit standoffish because I don't want to be bothered by everyone under the sun. And it works. Most people I encounter would probably think I'm a bitch, but I'm not actually bitchy all the time, and that's how I was able to draw marital commitment from a man.

MatSapientia · 2019-09-25T16:56:40+00:00

I’m a man, bitch behavior is a major turn off for me

ManguZa · 2019-09-25T15:54:54+00:00

Men don't love bitchy women, but a "bitchy" attitude can give the impression that the person have a higher SMV than he has in reality. It only work with people that don't know how to vet properly, and don't work anymore in marriage anyway.
That said, being too "nice" can give the opposite impression ie that you have a lower SMV than you have in reality so you can work to be a bit more distant to avoid that.

Deontic_Anti-statist · 2019-09-25T18:15:29+00:00

I don't know any quality men who like bitches and low quality men don't go for bitchy women because they're bitchy but because they can't get women who aren't bitchy.

goodtimes153 · 2019-09-25T16:28:51+00:00

Well it depends on how you define "bitchy" women. If you're talking about a truly nasty woman, like someone whos mind of crazy, I always presumed it was just weak men.

Controlling and mean women are often with weak men who don't know how to think for themselves. They don't mind being bossed around because they don't know better, and they tolerate the psychotic behaviour because the alternative is to think for themselves, which is arguable harder than dealing with a crazy person. A woman who isn't controlling would likely have boundaries and expectations in a husband, and would absolutely hate telling someone what to do all the time without fail.

I look at the way some of my friends/family run their relationship and it's baffling to me. My sister is an incredibly controlling person (she's quite nasty too, we don't get along) and she does literally everything all the time. It's honestly like having no partner at all for her. What's worse is her partner is completely incompetent at everything by no fault of his own, he just never learned to do anything right because she always takes over.

Personally, that would drive me up the freaking wall. If I'm going to live in such a way where my partner could leave and I would do the exact same amount of work, I'd sooner be alone. But he's weak and she's a controlling bitch.

Edit: I'll add. Perhaps since I'm assertive I come off as bitchy by being assertive on the outside, but I don't project that assertiveness onto my boyfriend. I know what I want and I know how to get it. Nobody likes a person who has no backbone, they're annoying. I think there's a soft middle between being bitchy and having no backbone. Be stern, know what you want and how to get it, be sure of yourself, but be nice to people. Don't be internally nasty and don't feed the internal bitch (yes it exists in all of us). Be self-aware of your flaws and who you are and you'll be fine!

TheLemming · 2019-09-25T19:22:45+00:00

I've often heard bitchy (and assholish) applied to someone who enforces their own boundaries effectively, even if they do so with kindness. And I've heard the word "nice" applied to someone who takes care of others before they take care of themselves. The plot twist there being that if someone is not taking care of themselves, they end up being an energetic/emotional/physical drag on the people around them, not actually taking care of others at all. And I believe that's the path to codependency.

So when I read your post, I can't help but wonder if you're using these terms in these ways.

[deleted] · 2019-09-25T20:24:46+00:00

That sounds like an interesting book. I'll have to check it out.

Anecdotally, I'll just say people usually think I'm a bitch. I'm pretty awkward and introverted, but also not afraid of a confrontation if I feel it needs to be had. I married my exact opposite. He is sweet, patient, even-tempered.

He really likes me for my loud assertive-when-I-need-to-be self. I probably am a bit selfish, but not with him. I'd do anything for him. But with other people, I'm like, "Yep, you can do it yourself. I don't care about your life-busy worrying about mine here."

My husband even makes jokes about it sometimes, like he knows he has a thing for abrasive women. All I can say about it is it probably works because he is my opposite. We balance each other out.

And like I said, I'm not a bitch with him. So having a bitch on your side is actually pretty convenient.

Also, (he hates when I mention this) but his mom is exactly like me. I've pointed out how strange and Freudian that is and he just tells me to stop mentioning it and gets all embarrassed :P Whatever, it makes sense he likes loud assertive women if is mom is one and he's close with her. Doesn't bug me.

I'll end by pointing out that I don't think I'm a bitch. I think I'm not afraid to tell off people when they need to be told off, and I'm not afraid to set or enforce boundaries. I also put myself and my people first. Like, no, you can't cut in front of me at the grocery store because you have a kid. I don't care about your kid. So, the rest of the world labels me bitchy, but I just think I'm existing in the most efficient and practical way.

WishIWasAMuppet · 2019-09-25T20:26:12+00:00

On the spectrum of Doormat to Bitch strong men like women who are about 3/4’s of the way there. Example: Leonidas’ queen from 300. Submissive yet strong & assertive.

red_philosopher · 2019-09-25T17:09:14+00:00

Nobody loves a bitch. Let's be real. In the female-bitch sense where she acts entitled and Narcissistic, and thinks she's got it all figured out while she's being pump and dumped to no end, yeah, no nobody is going to want that in their life forever. In the male-bitch sense, where he is constantly non-confrontational and never speaks up and whines about things, yeah no, nobody wants that in their life either.

TheBunk_TB · 2019-09-25T17:20:26+00:00

Spicy and saucy. Not vanilla. Bitchy?

ManInASuit1 · 2019-09-25T18:53:02+00:00

I’ve never read that book but I personally do not like “bitches”. I like smart, opinionated, caring, funny women.

FwoGiZ · 2019-09-25T16:22:10+00:00

What's the logic behind men liking bitches?

schielegirl · 2019-09-25T23:05:04+00:00

because their affection is high value. and theres intermittent reinforcement which drives ppl crazy. be nice but not too nice. and CERTAINLY dont tolerate any bullshit you know? they dont even want you to tolerate it.

RedPillMissionary · 2019-09-25T15:42:41+00:00

Because thats how beautiful women act

LateralThinker13 · 2019-09-25T17:14:06+00:00

First, some advice. English. It's your friend. I had to reread your post several times.

Currently reading men don’t love women like you and enjoying the read.

I am currently reading, "Men Don't Love Women Like You" and enjoying the read.

That's how your first line would make sense.

Why is it that men really do seem to love bitchy women?

Men don't. A common misconception is that there's a sliding scale with Needy/Clingy/Codependent on one end and Bitchy/Domineering/Controlling on the other. News flash: most men don't want EITHER. But bitchy is easier to deal with, relative to, a needy/weak girl. Most men don't want a helpless doormat. They want a (yes, submissive) partner and somebody worthy of being with. A bitch may be unpleasant, but it's much more likely that she's competent and able to manage herself.

Men make trade-offs. Your better option is to avoid the whole equation and just be a strong, competent, caring, and pleasant woman. Leave being helpless, or overcompensating and being a bitch, for those women who can't learn to do better.

CuckedSam · 2019-09-25T17:03:10+00:00

Trust me.. men with high smv usually don't really care much about what kind of personality a woman has (excluding the obvious anomalies, i.e. a psychopath). You just have to be good looking and pleasant. It is true however that all beautiful women are "bitches", simply because they can get away with it.

masszealots · 2019-09-25T20:24:38+00:00

This is blue pill projection

JBurger58 · 2019-09-25T15:34:13+00:00

A quick search reveals that it is based on feminist theory. Am I correct? Does Lambert ever refer to any peer-reviewed scientific research, such as evolutionary psychology, genetics, and behavioral endocrinology? I read a book called Sex at Dawn a few months ago and was completely persuaded until I read the rebuttal Sex at Dusk. It might be the case that the views in the book have been disputed.

Zauberspitze · 2019-09-25T15:37:58+00:00

Umm, it's not like I (a man) prefer a bitchy gf/wife. What you are talking about are (perhaps) men which aren't quite searching for a quiet 'nice' girl. That doesn't mean that all men want a "bitch" as their girlfriend. I think you have to go out more, maybe to different places to meet other men. This depends entirely on you: what type of man are you searching for?

Hope I could be of help

HitMan8811 · 2019-09-26T09:55:46+00:00

Men hate bitches. Men love women who can stand up for themselves and are not afraid to be a bitch if necessary. Big difference, but I see the confusion. Its akin to men appearing arrogant when in fact they are confident.

RoseBobtail · 2019-09-25T16:24:58+00:00

Men like the challenge of “winning” the bitch

lasteem1 · 2019-09-26T01:41:58+00:00

Coming from a Man’s perspective:

1) Men don’t like women that are “bitches” to them, unless they are complete beta cuckold. However, it is attractive when a woman will stand up for herself, not just to her potential mate, but to everyone. You might get some inclination from the manosphere that men like weak willed pushovers, but a lot of those dudes are complete betas fronting.

2) The ideas that guys like to pursue or hunt is given too much weight when it comes to women. We aren’t that complicated. We like the traits we like, but too much chase and we move on. The idea of a high value man chasing women and falling madly in love is for movies. Low value chases.

When you are dissecting how a man operates you have to ask “does this apply to high value or low value”. This book sounds like it applies to blue-pills.

Title	Reading men don’t love women like you
Author	GlamGemini
Upvotes	44
Comments	98
Date	September 25, 2019 3:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d94u5u/reading_men_dont_love_women_like_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/reading-men-dont-love-women-like-you.287654 https://theredarchive.com/post/287654