For men or women wanting a ltr, how do you prove you are ltr worthy in a fucked up dating culture?

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-10-04T17:34:15+00:00

Take a damn breath, stop over analyzing, and just enjoy each other’s company

You’ll keep wanting to spend time together, and eventually you’ll be in a LTR with the person

StandardObjective · 2019-10-04T17:34:34+00:00

i think honesty and communication go a long way, but they have to be seasoned by experience. Go out there, do the best you can, learn lessons and dont let these lessons make you bitter and jaded. It isnt rocket science - just try to have a good time with people, and if something seems odd, or like a red flag, then pause and investigate.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-10-04T17:40:00+00:00

It seems like communication is the obvious answer here

Women thing communicating their feelings and men thing communicating their logic. Women hear male logic as power plays and men hear women's power plays as logic.

Prime example of that is a man in a dead bedroom trying to get the logic down to his chick (for the millionth time) that she needs to be DTF and it never changes.

Fuckboy's know its about power plays and appeals to women's emotions but doesn't give much back in the realm of commitment. Beta orbiters are the opposite of fuckboys because they offer commitment with no exchange of pussy.

Women want those two men in one man. That's really fucking difficult and most men just want pussy.

In the end, communication doesn't change the nature of men and women.

hyperrreal · 2019-10-04T18:05:55+00:00

For men and women:

Step 1: Be as hot as possible

Step 2: Be challenging enough to be interesting, but not totally psycho.

Step 3: Have some degree of stability in your life.

Step 4: Put yourself out there.

I guarantee any non-hideous man or woman can get an LTR following these steps.

AngryMantra · 2019-10-04T21:33:35+00:00

I feel like the environments of coming to understand the other person brings a lot of expectation into play.

In a college environment, you have a chance to take classes and eat in the cafeteria together and get to know them. Otherwise, you meet people at restaurants or bars or clubs, where or first impression is their only impression.

I think it's easy to generalize "what men/woman" want and sexualize the encounter accordingly in these shorter encounter.

Ofourkind · 2019-10-04T18:13:37+00:00

The idea of trying to prove my worth to a man is absolutely ridiculous to me.

I am the sum of my experiences, beliefs, goals, and actions. Either he likes that or he doesn't.

TheoremaEgregium · 2019-10-04T19:04:28+00:00

People enter into LTRs without knowing the future anyway and then see how things develop. And then they stay together or don't, depending.

KikiYuyu · 2019-10-04T20:51:09+00:00

I just kinda hope I'll happen upon someone like-minded. Idk.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-10-05T01:23:31+00:00

The most effective way for a man to get an LTR is by doing the exact same thing that fuckboy players do, but then just don't ghost her when she starts getting attached and wanting more and asking "what are we?"

If you can establish a sexual connection with a woman, it's trivial to turn it into a more serious romantic relationship. You basically just let it happen because most of the time she will be pushing for it.

It's MUCH harder to go the other way. That's how guys end up in the friendzone. Familiarity kills sexual attraction for women. That sexual tension and excitement and uncertainty is what turns them on. She may enjoy hanging out with you and doing non-sexual activities together and establishing a close platonic relationship. But that stuff doesn't make her want to fuck you.

Sometimes a guy can do this, and it looks like he successfully escaped the friendzone. But the sexual attraction was there the whole time, it was just never acted on for whatever reason. He probably could have saved a lot of time and fucked her from day one if he had just escalated sexually.

gunbusterxl · 2019-10-05T03:36:14+00:00

The only way to prove you are down for the long haul is with time. If she's the one you really want, then the wait is worth it. If she's not... then why are you dating her? Break up, and keep looking. There is nothing you can say to ease her fears, so don't even try. Just be patient.

AnarchoNAP · 2019-10-04T17:42:19+00:00

You can communicate and also ignore statements that contradict how they are acting.

It also helps to look where the type of person you want is. Looking for a husband? Gtfo Tinder. Looking for a hookup? Gtfo the church choir. This requires knowing what you want, which I don’t think most people do.

If you do that and actually communicate what you want you will get rid of most of this problem. You can’t be friend zoned if you state your intentions and leave if she gives an answer other than yes. Most guys just looking to get laid are scared off by women who state outright that they want marriage and children.

That doesn’t mean ignore their actions. Just that most people don’t bother lying about it so you’ll filter out most of the people with incompatible goals.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-10-04T18:08:06+00:00

At some point you have to stop hedging and ignore the extremely low trust romantic culture we’ve created. Hopefully the other person does too, but that’s a risk you have to take.

pngmafia97 · 2019-10-04T18:38:36+00:00

I have never tried to get a ltr. In fact my preference has been and is the opposite. At this stage in my life I’d want a fwb or multiple. However, for the past several years I seem to get “caught” in serious dating situations. I believe it’s because I’ve cultivated myself to be “wifey” material: competent at everything (academically, professionally, intellectually, musically/artistically, athletically, socially, domestically, etc.) I have developed my personality, skills, and interests such that I am someone that a guy can integrate into all circles of his life comfortably — be it family, “the boys,” girl friends, old friends, new friends — not as “my gf right now” but rather “this dope person who is my best friend and will continue to be.” To be ltr material I think it’s important to cultivate a unique, seemingly irreplaceable 1:1 connection and intimacy with someone (takes genuine compatibility) AND a very rich set of roles you can play in the other circles of their life.

brotherblackpillABC · 2019-10-04T21:05:33+00:00

how do you prove you are ltr worthy

You don't. Would you climb Mt.Everest naked only to have people make fun of you as the prize?

Hypergamy means that many men can literally do everything humanly possible and it STILL wouldn't be enough to compensate for their flaws.

On the female side, there are only so many men they genuinely find hot, and instead of being the first men to be off the SMP and locked down, they are now bachelors until 45. So women keep trying their hand at Mr.Alpha, hoping he will pick her.

goneaway2thewind · 2019-10-04T17:41:06+00:00

My best advice, if you can think about it and go from thinking, to believing and finally to knowing, there is no such thing as love.

There is no such thing as "in love".

There is no such thing as a true friend.

Unconditionalal is a myth.

Every one from your mom to your dad, your GF to BF, have a point at which they all will cut you off. Even Snoopy.

Once you fully get the above, you won't let oneitis control you, family manipulate you, be stuck around people who suck.

This knowledge is what has worked for me.

AutoModerator · 2019-10-04T17:28:24+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-10-04T19:22:05+00:00

I use the principle of: intuitions come first, reasoning comes later

Thus I make myself as appealing as possible on a basic level, ie looksmax and be as fit as I can be. I also have a lot going for me in my life, ie good job good family cool friends etc

Then she reasons to “wow he’s relationship material” somehow idk how it works but it seems to

[deleted] · 2019-10-04T19:43:40+00:00

I've been in an LTR for a long time (closing in on 15 years) but how I maintain it is probably how I'd establish myself if I suddenly found myself out there again.

Respect boundaries, both his and my own, and always work towards self-improvement.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-10-04T19:51:59+00:00

I’m so not LTR material. I have never had one that lasted longer than 10 years. I just keep lucking or unlucking into them. My partner and I have been together 7 years and he was just supposed to be a summer fling.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-10-04T22:29:27+00:00

1) tell joke 2) joke succeeds 3) ????! 4) profit 5) take over the world 6) she takes her pants off

merrill1400 · 2019-10-05T01:12:34+00:00

It is very simple: stop treating human beings as objects, and start treating them as human beings.

This whole thing is predicated on the idea that a man and woman can't fall in love, and that they will be forever in vicious competition. The latter can be true in most instances, but there are exceptions. A great man once wrote:

"...that is why authentic love presents itself as unrenounceable, and to this degree it is happiness ...the lover, even the most unhappy of lovers, thinks that his love has been worth while; he would not accept it not existing, would not want the calm, tranquility, and pleasure which he could enjoy without it. He prefers his love, with all its consequences, no matter how troublesome or painful they may be, to its lack of existence; he says "yes" to it unconditionally, because anything else would be saying "no" to himself".

PrideInIndividuality · 2019-10-05T05:02:38+00:00

Classic game theory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9Lo2fgxWHw

If both partners will cooperate, they'll have fascinating outcome.

But...

Only if they would..

Conservatives recognized this fact and created the construct called "marriage" which FORCED both of them to cooperate with each other. The issue with conservatism is the word FORCE, which actually took away both of their freedom.

Fast forward to 18th century. US was created on the strong constitution of individual liberty. Liberalism was the foundation of America. Liberals do not like the conservative concept of marriage, since it takes away the liberty of humans. When humans are free however, they behave in selfish manner and will not cooperate with the other, because cooperation is not guaranteed by the other person.

The ultimate question is....

How would you feel if you are forced to eat healthy tasteless salad every day of your life and not allowed to taste cake, which is what you like. Conservatives would be fine with that, liberals won't.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-10-05T13:48:30+00:00

“I see men complaining that if he isn't getting sex then they think she just wants his time, attention...I see women complaining that they think the man only wants sex”.

LTRS are about BOTH. I’m not going to be in an LTR with anyone who isn’t giving me time, attention and sex. If a woman is complaining he ONLY wants sex, then she has a right to complain. If a man is in an LTR and providing time and attention, and not getting enough sex, this obviously also needs to be addressed and needs should be met within reason.

You are right it becomes a stalemate...I know it’s a corny old trope but the best relationships aren’t 50-50, they are 100-100. If you don’t want to bring time and attention, or decent sex at acceptable intervals, move on. Otherwise if you want it to work, bring your A game. Or find someone whose need for attention and sex matches your own.

[deleted] · 2019-10-04T18:48:42+00:00

I have high RMV and I’m aware. Some people don’t want me, and that’s fine, but I don’t spend too much time on someone who isn’t what I want, or isn’t giving me what I want, or doesn’t want me. As weird as it sounds I just sort of show my value, I don’t tell people all of this and can’t meet on promises. It’s worked out so far.

Title	For men or women wanting a ltr, how do you prove you are ltr worthy in a fucked up dating culture?
Author	crushplanets
Upvotes	24
Comments	97
Date	October 4, 2019 5:28 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ddaiks/for_men_or_women_wanting_a_ltr_how_do_you_prove/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-men-or-women-wanting-a-ltr-how-do-you-prove.288775 https://theredarchive.com/post/288775

Comments