How do you manage to find time for sex when you’re married and have a baby?

philomexa · 2020-01-10T17:02:11+00:00

I second u/Aaren_Augustine, you make time.

babies sleep, a lot
they're also pretty dumb and can be easily distracted
chores can wait
master bedroom locks exist
you get creative with quicky locations
you get creative with free time
older kids can be distracted with electronics/tv
you get creative with what counts as "sex"
you maintain an attitude of physical receptivity for your spouse

my sex life picked back up pretty quickly after boychild was born. But I made a deal with myself that I can't let it fall by the wayside because ultimately 1.) I like sex 2.) my husband likes sex 3.) it's good for the relationship.

It won't always be perfect or sensual, but a consistent schedule of rutting each other took the edge off of the frantic, sleepless early days of parenthood. Sure sometimes I felt touched out after breastfeeding all day, but so what? It's only temporary, and turning my husband down would do more holistic harm than enduring some discomfort. I mean I just gave birth, I think my body and mind can handle some easygoing sex.

diffdedbed · 2020-01-10T16:51:32+00:00

I know reddit mellinials get fed a diet of how hard it is to be a parent, how you can't have a life with a child, how babies are just the worst to deal with, but unless your version of sex is 3 hours straight fucking, you will have plenty of time. Babies sleep, babies can play by themselves, babies are not 24/7 burdens.

Sex can go down for a lot because the hormones from breast feeding suppress sexual desire in a lot of women. This makes sense too if you think about it. Not all women get that way but a lot of post baby stress and postpartum depression is due to these hormone changes.

2020-01-10T16:46:02+00:00

After birth you normally have to wait 6 to 8 weeks before having sex. After that it depends how well your baby sleeps, and what other stresses you have in life.

For the first few months they wake up every 3 hours for feeding - so both parents are incredibly sleep deprived. After a few months some children only wake up once a night, but some children (especially if they have colic/ teething) will wake up several times or take ages to get to sleep in the first place.

After 6 months I recall our sex lives was back to normal pretty much. Again, it depends on your baby and other factors like the mans work schedule, post-natal depression and how the mothers health is post-birth (possible C section, episiotomy ect)

Aaren_Augustine · 2020-01-10T16:23:23+00:00

You make time.

Does your sex life drastically decrease?

It can depend on how your wife sees sex. I have a concept called "relationship discipline". It basically boils down to this - if the dishes need to be done, do them. Shit needs fixed around the house, do it. Be pleasant, be constructive in your attitude and learn to play the long game in everything between you two.

Yes, that includes sex and all sexual situations. And by all that's constructive, don't marry a woman that only has sex when she feels like it. She should see sex, at least, as the "glue" that keeps the marriage together and is okay with a quickie or a BJ BECAUSE it keeps the health and status of your relationship in the green.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-10T16:33:46+00:00

Babies do sleep you know. A lot.

2020-01-10T17:48:33+00:00

It depends. I honestly can't say when things picked back up after we had the twins. Both of us were too slammed and too haggard to think about sex. Both of us were up with the babies twice a night. That was legit hard, and we were lucky to have twins who were both healthy and full-term and who didn't need any time in the NICU. The first six months of their lives were a blur.

We had Thing 3 just before the twins turned seven, and the festivities recommenced when she was maybe three or four weeks old, and have not diminished since. Having a singleton was like getting a hamster. The twins would be off doing their thing and we'd put her in the baby swing and go to town. I imagine that we would have done the same if we had only had one on the first go-around.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2020-01-10T16:54:18+00:00

It absolutely does, and for every man who complains that his wife no longer wants to put out because "you'll wake the baby" there's a woman complaining that her husband sees her as a mother now and therefore off limits for sex.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-01-10T16:51:44+00:00

Depends on how well your baby sleeps/tolerates being left alone. It’s a crap shoot and some babies sleep better than others. There is legitimate recovery time too.

I will say there was a definite learning curve for managing a new human. If I knew what I know now four months ago I’d have had lots more time/ got more done. Fuck your feeding charts, dr.

If the baby is fussy and just won’t sleep that day then maybe it just ain’t happening. If they can be put in a stroller with a toy and turned around, there you go.

End of the day: do you have less time? Yes. Should you totally neglect one thing because of that? No.

kettlecallpot · 2020-01-10T20:51:42+00:00

Schedule it. Especially in the early days where everyone is tired adjusting to the new normal.

I know it may sound unromantic but Throwing it on the schedule like anything else helps (it gives something to look forward to, helps prioritize partners needs). Beyond the early days, babies and kids sleep. You’ve just gotta care enough to make it important

PapaPinyun · 2020-01-10T17:28:58+00:00

Why are you asking like marriage costs time? Marriage frees up time bc you can rely on patterns and formulate cooperative management strategies.

Kids do seem to suck. I always always wonder how humans made it bc babies to me seemingly beg to be murdered. Probably like a million years of evolution were wasted trying to figure out how to stop blueballed males from dashing them apart on stones.

Iamthegirliam · 2020-01-10T18:00:11+00:00

I don't have a child but i'm pretty sure that If I ever become a mother, I will have much less sex. I will probably do blowjobs more often (now I almost never do that) but that's it. When I'm tired there is nothing that could make me want to have sex. Nothing. And morning sex, or sex in the middle of the night are awful, because I'm too sleepy and can't get aroused. I hate being in rush, I need to be kissed and hugged during sex. Trying to find time to do it and rushing would kill everything.

poppy_blu · 2020-01-11T00:26:40+00:00

Marry a man who is a man and not a manchild and doesn’t react to a new baby and a tired wife with jealousy because he isn’t the center or attention anymore.

💥

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MrHerbSherman · 2020-01-10T17:46:40+00:00

I don’t know what you mean “find time”

You go to bed every night don’t you? Wake up in bed every morning? There’s the time

poppy_blu · 2020-01-10T19:10:04+00:00

I have friends who spent a week climbing a mountain nine months after their kid was born. If they can climb a mountain with a baby, you can have sex despite having a baby.

(That last part got dangerous.)

ToraChan23 · 2020-01-10T19:11:21+00:00

You can find time for anything that is important to you.

gimpgirl555 · 2020-01-10T19:53:13+00:00

Well, you're both home and you both don't work. That's the answer really. And even then it's hard. Some people recommend putting all of the kids to nap at the same time.

whydidntthey · 2020-01-10T20:03:40+00:00

Bathroom quickies, kids have an 8pm bedtime and the door locks, kids mapping? Well there's some time.

WiterS2 · 2020-01-10T20:36:34+00:00

When a woman loves a man, she always makes time for sex.

If a woman "doesn't have time for sex", is only because she no more loves the man.

Willow-girl · 2020-01-10T21:17:01+00:00

I had a co-worker who was a devout Catholic. He and his wife evidently followed church teachings, as they had two kids within three years of marriage. I recall him remarking that at that point, birth control wasn't really necessary ... :-(

HeckleandChide · 2020-01-11T02:28:41+00:00

We have a lot of kids so we’ve been through this a few times. Yes, it decreases for a bit, maybe a few months. But for us, by month 3-4 it was back to normal of several times per week barring something like a work trip or someone is sick.

Relationships are hard work. Sex sometimes is part of that work. Both ways.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-11T05:21:55+00:00

This is what I know about us, humans: If we really want something, we find a way; if we don't we find an excuse.

Sepean · 2020-01-11T23:13:29+00:00

The windows of opportunity narrow a lot, that's the main thing. So you'll often have to settle for quickies rather than elaborate sessions, and you can't do it just when you feel like it. Sleep deprivation also takes the top off your sex drive.

So it is more a loss of quality than frequency.

If the man is beta, it is different of course, then they can't "find the time".

Mindfullgent · 2020-02-05T16:00:41+00:00

Did you find an answer?!

King_Loser27 · 2020-01-10T17:29:14+00:00

Cheat

Title	How do you manage to find time for sex when you’re married and have a baby?
Author	PinkRanger001
Upvotes	4
Comments	91
Date	January 10, 2020 4:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/emt4hw/how_do_you_manage_to_find_time_for_sex_when_youre/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-you-manage-to-find-time-for-sex-when-youre.305617 https://theredarchive.com/post/305617

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