Living together before marriage- is it a good thing? Why or why not?

Aaren_Augustine · 2020-01-27T18:06:59+00:00

I did it. I had a spare room and said if you hate my guts move into the other room, save the next couple of months as a down payment somewhere else and GTFO. But if not, we're working towards marriage.

I did ever bad thing TRP says not to. Moved in too soon, moved too fast, was married within 18 months after getting together. Now, we are still married because we both find marriage EXTREMELY important and we've never been cruel to each other.

3 kids and 12 years later, I can say that if your mindset is on progression, you will progress. If you were looking to placate your SO and get "the milk for free" you will fail because you designed it to fail.

rus9384 · 2020-01-27T18:27:15+00:00

Living together before marriage STATISTICALLY is bad because hardcore religious people don't live together before marriage. AND they are less likely to divorce.

Karmanger · 2020-01-27T18:18:09+00:00

Good Idea, Why move in later only to find out that your S/O is a slob who uses a poop knife for cutting veggies.

Orange_Paisley · 2020-01-27T18:16:06+00:00

Good idea. If you move in together and find you are incompatible, it's easier to just go your separate ways than going through a costly divorce. If it all works out well together, you can always marry at any time.

Creation_Soul · 2020-01-27T18:35:44+00:00

I lived with my wife for 4 years before we got married and it took some time to get used to as it was our first time living with someone for the both of us after college.

I think it's good to live with your future spouse as a "test run" of sorts. Like you want to screen for sexual compatibility, you also want to screen to "living together" compatibility.

rizzyraech · 2020-01-27T19:54:32+00:00

I'm gonna test drive a vehicle before I buy it.

Much like how males prefer to see if you're sexually compatible before getting into a serious commitment, I would demand that partner live with me if we had to get married.

(Of course, I don't ever plan on marrying though, so eventually, personally, I'm going to decide this person isn't really all that serious about our relationship if they're refusing to cohabitate)

MuleFool42 · 2020-01-27T23:07:02+00:00

Never. If bad things happen it's harder to break up because you both live in the same place. It's better to live independently. If you are away from that person you tend to work harder at the relationship. When people move in together they don't try as hard.

Ordinary-West · 2020-01-27T20:54:56+00:00

It's good. And should be done. It's like a final test of compatibility.

azngirl7689 · 2020-01-28T00:28:55+00:00

I would’ve said it was bad before but that was when I still mattered and was a catch. Now what? I don’t care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

At this point, sure I’d do it, I don’t even want to marry anymore. Engagement rings make me feel nothing but panic and weddings make me feel nothing. So sure live together, it sucks anyway, better to just be alone.

jalapenopancakes · 2020-01-28T00:39:11+00:00

It works for some but having lived with a man for years as his girlfriend, and also having refused to live with a man ever again until I was married... I learned the hard way why cohabitation before marriage sucks. I learned my lesson, never did it again, and refusing to live with my husband before we were married was ultimately the right move and it worked swimmingly.

Cohabitation a one way ticket to forever girlfriendville. I can’t recommend it. I got sucked into being fuckable mommy for too damned long and raising a 33 year old grown ass man. It makes it so much harder and expensive to dump these fools too.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-28T02:58:42+00:00

It's a good thing. You'll test each other on:

territoriality
organization
financial management
shared responsibilities
each other's bodily functions
and more

CatchPhraze · 2020-01-27T18:02:30+00:00

There are also studies that shows it helps. Studies that show it doesn't matter.

People mostly do it because cohabitation is cost effective

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goatismycopilot · 2020-01-27T18:26:28+00:00

Good idea you can see what day to day life will be. Love is nice and stuff but if you cannot negotiate day to day life together and find it enjoyable then you are done. Saved me from marrying somebody.

PennnyLame · 2020-01-27T18:38:34+00:00

Statistically if you’re both college educated, it’s a good thing. Bad if you’re not college educated. I loved it. We were young and broke together and it was wonderful.

yasee · 2020-01-27T19:19:16+00:00

most of those studies do not actually say that living together before marriage is bad

It's a good test run plus it's good for your wallet. I would absolutely recommend it

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-01-27T19:44:25+00:00

You should definitely do that. Always. You should know how living together with that person will be and if you are compatible before marrying and then perhaps finding out that you don't like living with that person at all.

kimmiesaurus · 2020-01-27T21:19:48+00:00

I think it's good to see what your partner will be like full time. It's easy to put on a facade for a few hours or even a long weekend. But once you're living with someone the pretense begins to fall. It's nice to see how compatible you actually will be if you decide to get married. If they have a habit that you can't stand, or if they're a neat freak and you're a messy person.

saladfingers4141 · 2020-01-27T22:36:04+00:00

I have no idea what those studies are but I can confidently say they are worthless in relation to normal people.

There is literally zero negatives relationship wise to moving in prior to marriage. You have no idea what someone is truely like to be married to until that buffer zone is removed and you have to live together every day.

2020-01-28T01:12:31+00:00

I think it is a good thing. You really don 't know someone until you live with them and every avenue to get to know each other should be explored before marriage. Unless you are in a rush to have kids, there is no reason not to up the relationship by steps, and moving into together is a step.

NarniaFox · 2020-01-28T02:33:09+00:00

We lived together for a few years and got married afterwards. I think people do need to have some close time together to see whether it's going to work out or not. I'm not talking about domestic chores and who and how does it, not how willing both of you are to make changes in your life to accommodate your partner.

couldbemage · 2020-01-28T05:39:22+00:00

Everyone who isn't hardcore religious does. So you aren't comparing similar groups of people.

nosynobody · 2020-01-28T06:53:36+00:00

No way. Not doing wife shit for my boyfriend. The only man i will move in with will be my future husband

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2020-01-28T11:29:57+00:00

I will never cohabitate with a woman that isn't my wife.

Bluegreenbananas · 2020-02-01T16:51:08+00:00

Bad idea. There’s research to support this.

majani · 2020-01-27T21:14:42+00:00

Marriage isn't the metric for moving in IMO. The only logical reason to live with a woman is to start a family with her. Move in if you plan on starting a family with the woman in 6 months or less. Otherwise stay apart, even if married.

Title	Living together before marriage- is it a good thing? Why or why not?
Author	KickKathleeenKennedy
Upvotes	5
Comments	56
Date	January 27, 2020 6:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/eurlbv/living_together_before_marriage_is_it_a_good/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/living-together-before-marriage-is-it-a-good-thing.315561 https://theredarchive.com/post/315561

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