Why does creating space, make men more attracted to women?

tiposk · 2020-02-03T04:48:13+00:00

Giving someone too much attention is like trying to feed an already full stomach. Too much of anything becomes uncomfortable and mentally draining. I also don't think that this is exclusive to men. One of the reasons why "nice" guys are unattractive is their inability to give women space.

SunflowerBurst · 2020-02-03T06:22:47+00:00

Do you know of anyone who can annoy you into loving them more?

(Besides kittens)

NockerJoe · 2020-02-03T04:29:11+00:00

It worked on me and I hated it because I was already into a woman but suddenly it was maddening because I'd already mentally invested. She went from a woman I kinda liked to a woman I had to have.

The shitty thing was I did the same thing to her before that point and it worked both ways. I got a text from her on my birthday and threw the phone over my shoulder in front of my friends to be crass and responded the next day. Everyone acted like I was insane.

PrincepsOmni · 2020-02-03T05:51:12+00:00

Erotic/romantic love thrives on mystery and the concept of 'the chase'. It's hard to be fully attracted to someone who has little sense of their own autonomy. Even in sub/dom relationships people do their own thing as well.

This is why it's really important to have hobbies and interests of your own - 'wholesome' (which means things that do not put you in any kind of position to mess up your relationship) things you do that help you relax, learn, get fit etc.

Even when you can't get enough of each other taking a little time to do your own thing (which can be as simple as going to the gym, reading a book, doing some gardening etc) is a good thing.

TheLotusLover · 2020-02-03T04:33:32+00:00

It feels like the window of opportunity is closing and some men usually have a procrastination problem as is

WGttDS · 2020-02-03T05:30:52+00:00

Agree with what the other posters have added to the thread, and the one other consideration I'd raise is if he wants to see you X nights a week but be willing to see you up to X+Y nights a week. You had him somewhere between X and X+Y when you were planning things for him, and you've dropped him below X now that you've stopped, and he's pursuing you to get back to that level. In this scenario, your strategy has "worked" in the sense that it changed his behaviour, but it may not have changed his underlying needs/attraction.

As far as your quasi-ethical question goes, I think it's shitty manipulation if you're lying to him, but finding other ways to spend your time is not.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-02-03T06:42:50+00:00

Giving someone the opportunity to miss you is a great gift.

Ordinary-West · 2020-02-03T06:44:14+00:00

It's same with men. Once they become unavailable women suddenly wants them.

SherbertBacon · 2020-02-03T05:06:05+00:00

I’ve read many relationship books and the biggest point all my books made was- when a guy is acting distant/weird/ not giving attention, the women should distant herself instead of nagging him.

Men like to chase. It's hard-wired and a byproduct of testosterone-based incentives. I love working hard and pursuing my dates. It stems from a place of confidence (I'm comfortable with any outcome, and she's worth the effort), thrill (narrative of fighting for something challenging), and value perception (if she makes the chase this hard I bet weaker/lazier men gave up).

Note: It makes it much harder to filter guys who don't like you if you don't let this happen. They'll let you do the work when it's easy, but if it were up to them, they wouldn't be that attracted and would let you go.

I feel like this is manipulation to an extent?

Think of it more like a dance. There's a "lead" and a "follow". This isn't along gendered lines, value, or power dynamics, that's just how the roles of a dance work (and their designated names). By choosing to play the role of "follow" you wait for him to start the dance again. If he likes you, naturally he will.

Why do all relationship books mention this technique? Is there some truth??

Yep. Read Men Chase, Women Choose. No book is perfect, but this one shows there's evidence that we have physiological incentives to date in somewhat traditional ways (waiting for sex when you want love, etc.).

nosynobody · 2020-02-03T06:27:16+00:00

I think it works insomuch that it forces people to pick a side. Like if the guy/girl isn't invested they will leave, if they are invested they will pick up on the fact that they are slacking off. Every relationship is a two way street

Occma · 2020-02-03T09:14:36+00:00

instead of nagging him

Not nagging is always the answer

2020-02-03T09:35:51+00:00

Men like to chase, and women like to chase, too. You can love bomb through someone’s boundaries if they see you aren’t lacking for attention from others, but not if you’re a lonely creeper.

rossionq1 · 2020-02-03T13:19:50+00:00

Because one of life’s cruel tricks is you always want what you do not have. Some of the best advice I’ve gotten “give her the gift of missing you”. The second you feel the other party is totally “in the bag” there is inevitably a decline in interest. If you always keep in mind that relationships are voluntary associations that either person can leave at any time and you must continue to earn the other party’s attention, you will have better relationships. On the same note, the bane of many marriages is the belief you’ve locked someone down forever and you need not try to woo them every day.

The opposite is also true. Once I wanted to split with someone I was dating. She was a kind and sweet girl but there just wasn’t a spark for me. I couldn’t bring myself to crush her by telling her I’m done (I detest hurting people). I decided to go with a strategy of over the top attention. Calling constantly to talk about nothing, etc. in a few weeks she said it wasn’t working out. Got her to break up with me while thinking it was her idea. We both walked away without hurt feelings. Pretty pleased with myself how I maneuvered that one

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prodopro · 2020-02-03T07:12:21+00:00

The same reason as why you can't water a flower too much

Eastuss · 2020-02-03T08:07:02+00:00

Not more attracted, just more trying.

J_Milton_Jr · 2020-02-03T08:12:24+00:00

if something is simple/easy , it doesnt seem precious...

TiredOfForgottenPass · 2020-02-03T08:33:49+00:00

My husband and I give ourselves space because we value independence and it gives us time to reflect. For a few days each month, usually less than a week, we both leave the house and do other stuff. I will usually head to Mexico and visit my dad a few days and he goes to his cousin's house a few hours away.

It helps us appreciate the time away from each other, allows us to have separate lives, and also reminds us of how much we miss each other I think most people would let their partner handle things if they kept doing it and never said anything. For example, he was washing the clothes for a few weeks straight and I never really thought about it because it never came up. It wasn't until the basket was full that it even crossed my mind. At the same time, I do other things that never cross his mind because I take care of them and don't bring them up. He continues to do the laundry only I now thank him for it and help fold. I think, besides, help, we want our partners to notice us and appreciate it. I now remind him that I appreciate and love that he is willing to always wash clothes and how much it means to me. And he does the same with other things.

goneaway2thewind · 2020-02-03T08:44:32+00:00

Have you ever thought that maybe some people have different needs in affection? Some people don't mind not seeing their significant other every day. Especially when you're only dating. You're supposed to have other things to do. Naturally, he'll call you if he wants to see you. If he doesn't, that doesn't mean he doesn't like you, it means he's doing something else. You want him to have his own life not coddle you 24/7

You don't have to play games. Honestly there are better ways to ask someone to "Plan a date". Its so simple I can't believe women don't get this

"What do you think you want to do next together?"

It's that freaking easy.

rus9384 · 2020-02-03T08:57:20+00:00

the women should distant herself instead of nagging him

Duh. What kind of person likes to be nagged?

I feel like this is manipulation to an extent?? Why do all relationship books mention this technique? Is there some truth??

I mean... a guy did not plan dates because he did not have to. He had dates with you without that.

inchains · 2020-02-03T09:14:04+00:00

Females want a strong and committed relationship, while males want a relaxed one. You need to give him some space so he doesn’t get bored of you.

2020-02-03T09:16:20+00:00

Whoever cares least has the most power. It works but it’s also dangerous if while you’re giving space, you’re not out actively looking for better options.

Good luck figuring out who is faking it to get you to chase and who is actually disinterested in you, who really likes their me time and who has several other people in rotation or is secretly married.

wtknight · 2020-02-03T13:47:25+00:00

It can work both ways. If I start being too attentive to my wife then she gets annoyed, but if I get busy reading or posting on PPD then she starts bothering me for attention.

WIA20XX · 2020-02-03T14:06:40+00:00

A chick nagging is default. When she stops communicating, whatever is serious.

If the man were to attend to the chick's every need, not only would he lose himself and his purpose doing the chick's bidding, she loses sexual attraction for him because he's a pushover and lacks boundaries.

Lot of this would be solved is women had more agency and hadn't been infantilized by culture and society. Those women that do step up and solve their own problems typically overshoot.

2020-02-03T14:41:44+00:00

This isn't gendered at all, the same exact logic applies for when you are male and a female prospect or partner is being distant.

People have different levels of relationship...ness, which is the ideal for them. If you're above their preferred level then you will come across clingy, needy, fawning, etc. This will ironically make them want you less. This can even apply to platonic situations like friendships, business relationships, etc. If one person desperately needs the other, it's somewhat repulsive. The best relationships have a good balance in this respect, when it's driven equally by both sides rather than one side pursuing over and over.

sadomasochrist · 2020-02-03T15:28:10+00:00

This is a human tendency and is a classic sales technique called "The takeaway."

We're all also familiar with the song "Don't know what you got."

Basically people can't make truly objective decisions of the value of something until they're faced with not having it.

This works on women too, because it's a basic psychological issue. But it only works when someone is complacent.

So a woman you're trying to court doesn't care if you "take it away." A woman who is invested in you, will care if you remove your attention.

This is classic MRP\TRP stuff of removing your attention and shifting it somewhere else.

But if you remove yourself from the equation and your temporarily boost is still less appealing than another man\woman, well... you played yourself.

That's why at TRP, rule 1 is frame. You stop giving her attention because you don't want to give it to her, not because you want to trick her. That's a covert contract.

Forums are full of women who played games and lost, with women offering advice at the 2nd or 3rd round of the chess game. When men post about trying to trick a woman and it backfires, we call him a moron.

TL;DR Be invested in actually not wanting to spend time with this person, not for the possible pay off.

Twiteena · 2020-02-03T15:30:45+00:00

If you ever had a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend, you know how unattractive that is.

Teflon08191 · 2020-02-03T15:39:03+00:00

It is manipulation. Female dread game.

"If you won't meet my demands, you will be replaced."

Toss in a little FOMO on the guy's part, and you've got your answer.

mangolover97 · 2020-02-03T15:56:59+00:00

It keeps them on their toes and gives them a chance to miss you. If they like you they’ll also value the time you spend together more because you’re not as readily available to them so they what to make the most of it when you are.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-02-03T17:30:09+00:00

It creates insecurity which encourages mate guarding behavior.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-02-03T17:37:51+00:00

Human psychology is such that the more you do for someone the more invested you are in them to rationalize your efforts. Also people like people they did a favor for to feel good about doing it. If you want someone to be mad about you dont do shit for them ever. And if they let you down at least you can say "well fine I was shit to them anyway" rather than cry why you're not good enough like a pathetic person

PapaPinyun · 2020-02-03T18:01:08+00:00

When I spend a whole day w my wife, she sees me sneak off to shit like twice, probably even hears the spray and the flushing. She must observe me sitting lumpy and useless for many many minutes at a time.

When I am occupied and only have a small window of time w her, I can manage my presentation effectively for the entire visit.

MuleFool42 · 2020-02-03T18:17:13+00:00

It works on any gender, but not for everyone, if that makes sense.

blackedoutfast · 2020-02-04T01:51:28+00:00

it doesn't make him more attracted. you're probably just normally too clingy and needy. so when you "create space" you're less annoying and he is more willing to spend time with you.

G77R23D · 2020-02-04T03:07:30+00:00

Dread.

authorpics · 2020-02-03T05:04:59+00:00

Research the “nag-withdrawal cycle”

Title	Why does creating space, make men more attracted to women?
Author	KickKathleeenKennedy
Upvotes	21
Comments	78
Date	February 3, 2020 4:16 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ey18je/why_does_creating_space_make_men_more_attracted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-creating-space-make-men-more-attracted-to.329890 https://theredarchive.com/post/329890

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