Marriage is an econmic proposition

theghettogirl · 2020-02-29T15:37:09+00:00

A heartbreaking and telling moment for me was attending the retirement party of a successful and wealthy CEO. His second wife was front and center sharing in the celebrations. His first wife, who raised his kids as he was building his career, who he then cheated on and abandoned when she had breast cancer, was at home in her small house, alone.

There was no mention of her in the hour long presentation on the CEO’s life and success.

99natas · 2020-02-29T15:14:16+00:00

Unfortunately part of the problem is our own patriarchal conditioning.

Men are not raised with princess dreams of someone taking care of them and pretty dresses.

We can all hope and dream for a HVM but independence is essential.

When I was a young girl we had a neighbor, very lovely couple with a child, he went to work and took care of his wife and she stayed home with their son and took care of him. He took care of her.

One day he went driving and got into a head on collision. Had he died she would have got the insurance money but he didn’t. He ended up in a coma for 20 years or so before dying.

There was no insurance and she didn’t even know where the bank accounts were, how much money they had, how to pay the bills or how to earn an income. She had to sell the house she lived in. Her brother in law and my father were left to try to figure out her affairs.

This situation made a tremendous impact on me as a child. No matter how beneficial a relationship you have with your HVM you need to be involved and aware of your finances and you need some marketable skill to support yourself and your family.

It is also not uncommon for said HVM to trade in wifey number 1 after the kids are raised because they no longer have anything in common because the wife hasn’t done anything except keep the house clean and watch Martha Stewart.

I’ve seen other ladies discuss the strenuous sheet delinting they did that day, (one ex mother in law) and so these ladies have no connection to their partners who are involved in the day to day grind of the realities of working and interacting with people.

What I’m talking about is a partnership of equals who work together in a relationship and not the dynamic of the man taking care of the woman.

Security in dependence does not exist.

Welcome to my TED talk.

2020-02-29T15:57:55+00:00

I remember reading the book as a teen and Amy was my favorite character! She says the wisest things.

greenappletw · 2020-02-29T13:20:35+00:00

I loved this scene! Even today women are more likely to end up in poverty than men after a divorce. So don’t tell us to give him a chance, not when we’re the ones that pay the price (literally)

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/480333/

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/19/divorce-women-risk-poverty-children-relationship

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115/amp

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/12/151211132229.htm

InayahDaneen · 2020-02-29T17:47:36+00:00

This breaks my heart so much since I’m from a culture where these rulings still apply even in this day an age.

Trocek · 2020-02-29T14:15:37+00:00

What movie it is? I love this actress

lonelybones1 · 2020-02-29T16:21:18+00:00

I love this movie 💓

2020-02-29T21:21:41+00:00

I'm an accountant. I have heard people on internet saying "oh marriage tax benefits". Yes, you can share insurance, but is the spouse with insurance hard working and at a good company? My company (fortune 500) offers paid medical at 80% coverage or $60 for 90%. But before I took this job, there was an offer where a person with a family would have to pay $500 for insurance a month for only 80% coverage. Does your spouse (or you) earn enough (together or separate) to pay for this insurance? You could get a full time job and get better benefits than your potential spouse's for less money. The marital gift tax is waived (gifts over $12k I believe need to be taxed but it's unlimited between spouses). Is he buying you a car? Paying your rent? Otherwise there is no benefit there.

Or paying taxes in general. You only save notable amounts if he's a high earner or you are BOTH high earners. If you are making $80k and your husband makes $25k, that's hardly a tax benefit, maybe a couple hundred or one or two thousand dollars (depending on where your combined income falls-the threshold between tax bracket is higher for married so you can pay less taxes on the same amount of money unless your spouse earns so little money (whether that's him or you) that it doesn't bump you up a bracket. Or, if you both earn barely anything, you will actually be hurting yourself. Instead of paying 12% for a low income individual (under 40k), you now are in the 22% bracket because of your combined (low) incomes.

Is it really worth it to combine your liability (any debt he takes on married applies under your name too, like if you share credit cards, etc if you have a joint account he can spend all your money in one day) just to save a few thousand in taxes?

Don't marry a guy unless he's going to benefit your life Emotionally, financially, and physically. Otherwise you'll end up like my friend who got slammed because her new husband failed to pay his taxes but said he did so she had to pay them. She also completely supported him after they got married. And they spent a lot on divorce. I know another woman who is so pretty... She married a short, pudgy abrasive man (my former coworker) who brags that he sometimes makes people cry with his demanding impatience and pushy behavior. They married after close to ten years of live -in relationship (he was 30 she was 20) that started with a first date hookup. He did this begrudgingly. She seems so broken down and she is financially supporting him one hundred percent while he's in "film school" at 43yo.

Only marry him if he's ambitious (won't sit around in sweatpants eating donuts), kind, generous and loving. And if he doesn't propose within 3 years he doesn't want to marry you. He wouldn't have wasted you time if he was crazy about you and didn't want you to leave.

Roxy527 · 2020-02-29T16:24:24+00:00

I love that scene! That whole movie has great feminist undertones.

felixfelicis2014 · 2020-02-29T20:36:16+00:00

Everyone was all about Jo. I always loved Amy. ‘We’re all going to grow up one day, we might as well know what we want’ 💕

StrawberryMoon3 · 2020-02-29T23:50:22+00:00

Amy was the most pragmatic of the sisters. She's also the one that folks hated the most. But she was dropping truth bombs.

Myshtah · 2020-02-29T16:32:12+00:00

Watch the movie little women! It's amazing and puts the lives of women in a great light.

TullyPride · 2020-02-29T20:15:22+00:00

Meg is my favorite but Amy is a queen, especially here.

stronginmyownright · 2020-02-29T17:33:35+00:00

I’m a SAHM. I love my kids and husband dearly, but I did miss working and having a life outside of the home. When we got married years ago, I worked and was military. When we had our first son, I was pressured to stay home, because we had so many issues with finding a decent and reliable babysitter. (I had to leave for two weeks for training, while my husband worked out of state, and I didn’t hear from my sitter for over two days. I panicked to say the least! Long story short: my sister called; said she was moving back to our area; I told her to go get my son until I got home. Fortunately, she was able to watch him until I got back. Now I have two kiddos.) I want to be home for my family, but over the years, especially during “rough” patches, I had severe anxiety and depression due to knowing that I had not worked for so long. I had a serious lack of confidence about being able to take care of myself, much less my children, if I ever became single. I also had became a little socially awkward due to not interacting with other adults daily for so long. I have been able to start overcoming the socially awkward issue, anxiety and depression, for which I am grateful. To be able to fulfill the desire to feel better financially secure, my sister and I have started our own businesses together, while staying home for our families. We only have each other as far as our family goes now. This has allowed both of us to be at home with our babies, but NOT be 100% financially dependent on our husbands. While now we are in strong, healthy and loving relationships, it hasn’t always been like that for me with my husband (been together for 15 hard won years). It’s wonderful to be in these relationships, but nerve racking not having SOMETHING set up for just in case. We were raised essentially by a single mom, and taught that we cannot rely solely on a man to support us. Also, working for ourselves, while raising our children is very rewarding too, gives us motivation to grow ourselves, and to be confident. It gives us more purpose, besides cooking, cleaning and the other essentials of taking care of a family. We are MUCH happier wives and mothers now. Fortunately for us, we got lucky, and have supportive husbands who help us out with whatever we need around our homes when they are home. UNFORTUNATELY, this isn’t the case for most SAHMs, and I have been there too. I apologize for the long post, but this hit home so hard. I want other SAHMs to know you CAN “have your cake and eat it too!” I do understand that not ALL husbands are supportive, or willing to allow you to do what you NEED to do to feel better, but you will always find a way to do whatever you feel you need to and want to do. Please note: I’m NOT saying to start your own business. I’m saying if you desire to change your situation, do what works for you.

AmandaHolly · 2020-02-29T21:22:20+00:00

I refused to marry my ex fiancé not just because he had a past habit of cheating, but mainly because he refused to sign a prenuptial agreement and I am the sole heir of both of my parents. He has nothing and will get nothing when his parents pass and has a long history of not making good financial decisions. I kicked him out when I was pregnant with number four, and now I get a pretty damn good amount of child support every month. Good riddance! I don’t see how women could possibly have anything to gain from marrying a man.

faircreditscore · 2020-03-01T01:22:17+00:00

I am so lucky to be born today

BubblyKraken · 2020-03-01T11:13:49+00:00

I'm reading a book that has a passage with an interesting take on this. The archetype of marriage was designed to assist physical survival - so it was seen as an economic partnership ( and was like this for a really long time).

The emancipation of women in recent history most likely generated this transition that we are still facing, where we think of marriage as an emotional partnership in the sense of spiritual growth.

Most men are anchored in the old archetype which is probably what causes the "scarce" options in general (especially in patriarchal countries). So we're here like can u men just get in tune with ur feelings and have your emotional emancipation already? It's getting old.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-02-29T23:26:49+00:00

What film is this from?

Title	Marriage is an econmic proposition
Author	AntiCircles
Upvotes	959
Comments	80
Date	February 29, 2020 12:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fbc58e/marriage_is_an_econmic_proposition/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/marriage-is-an-econmic-proposition.681248 https://theredarchive.com/post/681248

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