I've been considering dating men recently. Unfortunately, this is the 'best' response I've had so far, and it STILL contains red flags.

ChocoBananza · 2020-08-09T13:21:35+00:00

(1) Killed the friendly joke on your side (2) just to be condescending (3) and to throw in sexual innuendos (4) which can be easily turned against you if you call him out on it. In second paragraph there is the (5) ‘not like other girls’ trope, and to me the word ‘naturey’ is just out of place, but maybe not a red flag itself.

Did I get them all? 🤔

Sunday_V · 2020-08-09T08:35:41+00:00

I think I was right to stick with dating myself.

burpleseaurchin · 2020-08-09T10:26:11+00:00

Honestly what got me was OP basically invited him to banter with her, and he immediately shut that down in his response, almost to a condescending amount (but I may be rather sensitive to this sort of thing due to personal experiences). It makes my "he wants me to be a happy and simpleminded woman" radar go off.

ETA: he also mentions looks twice somehow in his response. Stereotypes her in a way that would match the "happy simple woman" vibes i got earlier.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-08-09T09:51:09+00:00

I’m guessing the red flags is he’s doing the “you’re not like the other girls” neg? Like he’s saying most girls are vapid with boring profiles unlike you. It’s subtle but I’d consider it an orange flag and proceed with caution.

Hhjjuuy · 2020-08-09T09:50:52+00:00

For those who can't see it:
Being boring is low value. Tripping over himself to pull the conversation 10 different ways is low value. Poor language skills are low value. "You're not like other girls" is misogynistic and insulting. Poor chemistry is avoidable and a waste of your time.

Raise the bar out of hell please.

OP yeah, I think you were right as well.

a_throwawayy_ · 2020-08-09T11:06:58+00:00

that emoji by itself is a red flag

keep_my_stuff · 2020-08-09T09:50:16+00:00

I do not see red flags in the sense that this person would be unsafe or an asshole. However, I do see that he would possibly be boring/no spine. How I deduce this:

She makes banter about them being enemies, he immediately tries to smooth this over (even though it was not real conflict). Boring!
He gives her two compliments on her appearance and also throws you-are-not-like-other-girls in there

So if the OP noticed these things as well, I can see how the match is not that exciting, and since.. she actually engages in banter and he seems more into co-mutual XD collaboration in perfect harmony, their respective vibes seem to be mismatched as well..

MakeURegret · 2020-08-09T11:30:23+00:00

The not like other girls is really bad.

There are ways to compliment your love of nature without pitting you against other women.

For example: “I loved that you wrote about your garden.”

We block at first red flag, so that we don’t encounter worse problems later on.

No you’re not being too harsh at all. I’d block him too.

heliodrome · 2020-08-09T14:33:40+00:00

Ugh, a projectionist. Why can’t men ask questions? Why is it so hard for them? The crochet question is not a teal question.

eveninghope · 2020-08-09T15:13:50+00:00

It's the "not like other girls thing" and also focusing on your looks in the first paragraph. If it were just the joke about mutual appreciation, that would actually play really well for me. If he had just foregone putting down other women, that would also be great. It's like... so close, but this ain't it.

Saitschik · 2020-08-09T12:15:42+00:00

If he can't handle a woman who likes nights out there is certainly the Madonna-Whore-Complex lurking somewhere behind. His emoji choice is a red flag, too

mrs1001nights · 2020-08-09T09:20:42+00:00

“naturey”

margitaolympia · 2020-08-09T09:48:12+00:00

maybe the red flag is about like her not being like the other girls that "loves nights out and good bants"

wonkyeyes8877 · 2020-08-09T21:47:45+00:00

"😋"

No.

throw2422 · 2020-08-09T09:22:53+00:00

I am confused about the red flags too ?

danyeergirl · 2020-08-09T09:17:03+00:00

wheres the red flag?

Gremmy29 · 2020-08-09T09:19:53+00:00

I don’t see any red flags?

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-08-10T17:54:20+00:00

(Exhales violently) here we go again lol

Leavix · 2020-08-09T09:17:37+00:00

English is not my native language so I might be missing something... Is he saying something suggestive?

Title	I've been considering dating men recently. Unfortunately, this is the 'best' response I've had so far, and it STILL contains red flags.
Author	Sunday_V
Upvotes	50
Comments	51
Date	August 9, 2020 8:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/i6g27i/ive_been_considering_dating_men_recently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ive-been-considering-dating-men-recently.723638 https://theredarchive.com/post/723638

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