“Not looking for anything serious”

balladwilds · 2020-11-15T00:29:57+00:00

yes it means he wants a fuckbuddy. Tell him it was nice to meet him but you're not looking for the same things. If he argues, don't reply but either way after this text you should block/delete. you deserve better

PenneyPence · 2020-11-15T04:11:21+00:00

Date went well overall, there were a lot of green flags. He’s very much my type and meets a lot of my criteria that I look for in a man.

I’m cringing so hard at this because I used to do this. The fact that a man can chew with his mouth closed, hold a conversation for 2 hours, and pay for dinner does not mean he’s very much my type. It means he met the lowest of the barest of minimums, I am projecting an idealized version of him into my future, and I’m trying to make it mean that this can be the one if only I can somehow convince him to actually be my type: a guy who wants a relationship and doesn’t waste my time.

But wait, big red flag: he doesn’t meet the lowest of the barest of your minimums: wanting a relationship. So, all he is doing is asking you to sink lower than the bare minimum so he can blame you for it later when you realize you can’t change his mind and your self esteem has taken a nose dive and you’re wondering what’s wrong with you (read: nothing is wrong with you).

If you choose not to block, come back to these comments often to remind yourself that you deserve to get what you want, and that someone who is actually your type and meets your criteria won’t have you wondering if the biggest red flag is outweighed by the bare minimum ground floor green flags after the first date.

circescircus · 2020-11-15T04:49:27+00:00

Don't feel devastated. Why do you allow such a meaningless interaction to conjure feelings of devastation? Devastation is for death, divorce and disease, it's not an appropriate or healthy reaction to "not looking for anything serious" from a scrote you went on 1 date with.

The trash took itself out! Maybe because he does know you as an acquaintance, he felt guilty and wanted to be upfront. If he met you on a dating app, he would dehumanize you completely, rationalize to himself that you're doing this with other guys on the app anyway, and would pretend to want a relationship just to get sex and validation.

Also the "green flags". The difference between a red flag and a 'green flag' is that the red flag only needs to be seen once in order to make a decision. A 'green flag' can just be an act, social niceties, can just be the guy's characteristics on paper, the guy might have more than 2 brain cells and knows what women react positively to, etc. You have to pay attention to green flags for MONTHS, they have to be consistent. You can't just go on 1 date and be like "There were a lot of green flags"

I'm saying this because maybe this explains your disappointment? You see the green flags, start making up an image of him in your mind, and then get disappointed when he doesn't pick you. You put him on a pedestal, and you put yourself in the gutter.

lightanddaffodil · 2020-11-15T00:31:52+00:00

definitely block and delete!!

Minute_Sign_9042 · 2020-11-15T03:30:09+00:00

If he says he isn't looking for anything serious you better believe him. If you hold on to your hope that he will change his mind and get close to him - you will get hurt to which he will say "I told you".

eluriaeve · 2020-11-15T03:09:31+00:00

Yes. Block and delete. Any time a man says “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” add “with you” to the end of that. He will never want anything more than to be a fuck buddy with you.

azureangel35 · 2020-11-15T00:30:14+00:00

yes.

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-15T02:58:06+00:00

Please read the FDS Handbook/recommended readings. It has the answers to a lot of your questions. Good luck in the future to you, we're rooting for you.

N2Gen · 2020-11-15T08:05:28+00:00

Yeah. He’ll pretty much try to use you as a flesh light and do the bare minimum if at all until he finds whoever he wants to be serious with. Don’t waste your time + energy.

bananna_nut · 2020-11-15T04:33:04+00:00

Believe people when they tell you what they want or who they are. He doesn't want a relationship with you, if you want a relationship then your ideals don't match up so there's nothing to pursue here.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-11-15T04:29:18+00:00

Yes. Block him.

daisy_0720 · 2020-11-15T08:38:38+00:00

"Do I have to block/delete him now?"

Have to? No, sis. You should WANT to. He's revealed that he's perfectly fine and dandy with using you to get off instead of his right hand. That he's fine with using any woman like a object, a warm body to stick his dick into without feeling a trace of love, care, affection, respect, trust or intimacy. He's straight up told you he doesn't see you as human, let alone a valuable woman deserving of a mutual, loving partnership. The nice 'date' you went on was an attempt to soften you up so you would be more easily manipulated into sex that benefits him 100% and you not at all.

If your overwhelming feeling right now is devastation and not absolute disgust and contempt then maybe you shouldn't be dating right now. You haven't lost a prize here, you wasted an hour with a talking trashcan.

2020-11-15T14:17:23+00:00

Devastated???

“Have to” block/delete him???

Girl, he just gave you a gift and you should be thrilled to exercise block delete.

Unless you need another hard learned lesson. If you do, simply keep seeing him.

fireforestfairy · 2020-11-15T10:41:20+00:00

So this basically just means he wants to hook up, right?

Of course. He admitted it himself.

Salty-Tomorrow · 2020-11-15T03:07:30+00:00

Yes.

KateJ1982 · 2020-11-15T04:27:24+00:00

He's not your type. You deserve way better! Time to move on.

chateauduchat · 2020-11-15T04:09:08+00:00

Yes, block and delete, and make sure to read the handbook.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2020-11-15T04:24:33+00:00

It’s gonna feel like total shit for you if you agree to do “nothing serious “. But go ahead, purposely sign up to be used by him, while he actively pursues, wines, dines, and chases other women.

-badmadAM · 2020-11-15T12:17:10+00:00

Either he just wanted to get laid from the beginning, or he decided after the date that this is what you are good for to him (or that he can get away with that with you). None of those options are what you want, I guess. Put the trash out and move on.

Ilovemy3labradors · 2020-11-15T03:16:52+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me a few weeks ago. When he gave me that line , I told him I wasn't interested in having my time wasted. Tell him bye and move on.

FierceMentality20 · 2020-11-15T05:48:17+00:00

Girl yes! It’s good that he even told you upfront without you being the one to ask what his intentions were! He made it easier for you to clear out. If you continue to stick around you’re gonna keep looking at the green flags when you should be focusing on the obvious red ones. (How he’s not looking for anything serious.)

He seems like the charming type who’s gonna lure you in with his looks and his proper mannerisms. They do all of that so that it doesn’t cheapen their game as a man instead of being upfront and saying “I’m looking for something casual” or simply “I’m trying to fuck... no strings attached”.

He legit did all of that wining and dining only for him to tell you that he’s not looking for anything serious? But he’s definitely NOT OPPOSED to a sexual encounter?

BLOCK. DELETE. GHOST HIM MAMA! He’s not worth the sweat!

randomgirlimok · 2020-11-15T20:09:09+00:00

It means “I’m going to have sex with other people at the same time as you, and you can’t be mad about it. I’m also going to go MIA for days bc I’m with another chick, and you can never come by unannounced”

light_workerx3 · 2020-11-15T13:06:43+00:00

He probably put up the facade of green flags that aren't true to him . Deep down inside he's probably just a LVM that wears a mask to get HVW in bed with him . I've lived this before ...

yesmme · 2020-11-15T19:16:17+00:00

Just skip to the blocking and deleting. Give no explanation. He’s a parasite and a time waster

Title	“Not looking for anything serious”
Author	PalmFruitWine
Upvotes	176
Comments	59
Date	November 15, 2020 12:27 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jucjm2/not_looking_for_anything_serious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/not-looking-for-anything-serious.733372 https://theredarchive.com/post/733372

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