My parents tried grooming me, but I wasn’t having ANY of it!

sleepykittn · 2021-02-03T01:01:56+00:00

Yup, if it were about self sufficient skills boys would learn too. Being someones slave.

imarriedmybookshelf · 2021-02-03T01:52:13+00:00

I agree with being taught how to cook and clean IF THEY TELL US that these are basic life skills instead of always saying:

"Learn how to cook so your HUSBAND will have something good to eat"

"Wow you know how to clean! You can definitely get MARRIES now!"

"You can't cook rice? Oh your poor HUSBAND."

Like why are basic life skills that you need FOR SURVIVAL always taught with the intention of marriage or making mens lives easier and not bc i will be on my own without my parents at a certain time and i ought to learn how to support myself in all ways!??!?!?!

Espionagess · 2021-02-03T01:54:14+00:00

My parents tried to condition me to be this way too, but observing the way my mother was treated convinced me that being single is way better. Why do all that only to be ordered around and unappreciated? There's just no point.

pinkcloudzzz · 2021-02-03T03:33:15+00:00

The thought of doing a man’s laundry or cleaning up after him makes me cringe. I don’t enjoy cooking so I do it out of survival for myself. And that’s it. So glad the chances a man will manage to use me for domestic work are low lol

freedandelions · 2021-02-03T03:56:45+00:00

I had the typical traditional dynamic growing up where the dad works all week, comes home to home cooked meals and the kids taken care of, eats dinner then sits in front of the tv. My mom did everything...it's too much to list. You ladies know exactly what I mean. On top of that, my dad wasn't very social so it was up to my mom to organize literally every aspect of their lives other than the 40h per week tech job. I've had to constantly battle my inner instinct to be like my mom and do everything for 2 people, plus also earning a living for myself. They have tried grooming me but after 10+ years of shutting down their attempts I'm left only fighting myself. Which is at least a fair fight, one on one!

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-03T02:42:12+00:00

OUR MOMS LIED TO US

KelsConditional · 2021-02-03T01:45:13+00:00

My mother taught me how to cook, clean and instilled in me all the skills needed to be a good wife, and she did a good job because I turned out to be incredible housewife material.

The jokes on them though because I have zero intention of being a housewife and I have made it very clear that I plan to be single for as long as I see fit. I grew up feeling some type of way that my mom and I did all the cleaning and cooking while my dad and brother did nothing but eat the food and add to the mess. It didn’t sit right with me and now I know I could never do shit like that for anyone but myself.

For example, tonight I made myself a gorgeous pork tenderloin with a soy, honey and dijon glaze over a bed of onions and rosemary, with green beans roasted in garlic herb butter on the side. I cook my ass off for MYSELF and no one else because I deserve it. Cleaned my home from top to bottom last weekend, I live alone, I did that for me. And it’s even more rewarding that if I were to do it for a man.

2021-02-03T01:22:30+00:00

I would LOVE to fall in love with a man, have his children, be a SAHM etc but the reality is most men aren't even good for just plain, no strings attached FUCKING nevermind anything more!!!

2021-02-03T02:33:30+00:00

It should be considered psychological abuse.

ApfelEsserin · 2021-02-03T14:34:54+00:00

Yes! I escaped this too. As a girl, I just never had fantasies about babies or a dream wedding. I was a major tomboy, in part because my (immediate) family devalues femininity.

I had a small epiphany a few weeks back, that I can most likely attribute this lack of societal grooming sticking to me, to my parents' emotional neglect. You know how sometimes you laugh so hard you cry? It was like I didn't have the capacity to cry as much as that needed, so all I could do was laugh this hollow, half-hysterical laugh... I am grateful that the abuse I experienced as a girl paved a road to adulthood for me that bypassed some of the usual abuses that buying into the patriarchy often entails.

musicallymirrored · 2021-02-03T03:46:37+00:00

I wasn’t taught much about cleaning or keeping a home. I learned a tiny bit about cooking. I was always told my education was more important than worrying about chores. My grandmother, a lifelong housewife, would do it all and wouldn’t let anyone help. As an adult, I’ve had to learn most of these skills. Now that I’m in my mid-thirties I can do all of the household management things at professional levels (seriously, it’s a real job that goes far beyond cleaning). It was an uphill battle to hone those skills though because I was constantly told growing up that I had more important things to do.

Maybe though that’s the treatment boys usually get that makes so many of them awful at what seems like basic adulting skills. They are told they have better things to do and then one day expect their wife to fill the role their mom once did...

hateitherexx · 2021-02-03T18:31:11+00:00

(Me realizing just right now this happened to me): now I can be an independent young adult that knows how to do everything since age 12 :')

Davina33 · 2021-02-03T07:58:50+00:00

My mother taught me how to cook, that's literally all. I had a bad childhood but I taught myself how to clean, I studied hard etc. I got good GCSEs and A levels, unfortunately after that I fell sick with several autoimmune disorders but I do plan to do a degree. None of this is for the benefit of a man. I had to raise myself and I am a good woman. I am not being a slave for any man.

AwkwardDisaster4150 · 2021-02-03T14:03:56+00:00

Yeah, some of us actually want to be housewives and this thread is kind of shitting all over that tbh. Doing housework and taking care of your family isn’t oppressive. I’ve even met women who won’t cook and clean for themselves when they live alone because it’s beneath them somehow, my grandmother was like that.

If a guy can hold up his end of the marriage, provide financially, take care of the kids when he isn’t working, help out with whatever chore list I give him on the weekends, and appreciate all the stuff I do for him.. being a housewife is ideal honestly. For me, personally.

The problem is that most men can’t provide financially, are too lazy to help with any chores, and basically would make your life a living hell having to clean after them constantly while also working a full time job.. but if you find the right guy it can work.

Title	My parents tried grooming me, but I wasn’t having ANY of it!
Author	Yordana128
Upvotes	1146
Comments	40
Date	February 3, 2021 12:51 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lbbfiq/my_parents_tried_grooming_me_but_i_wasnt_having/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-parents-tried-grooming-me-but-i-wasnt-having.742610 https://theredarchive.com/post/742610

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