Update: His girlfriend left him after I told her

Saitschik · 2021-02-03T17:52:14+00:00

It's just a man, sis. They are replaceable and they are no price. Not worth all the trouble.

chasingastarl1ght · 2021-02-03T18:22:06+00:00

Hey so I just want to validate those feelings of being "emotionally raped"

Yes, you were. He withheld important information from you and you gave consent based on false information.

If this were a contract for any other thing, it would be fraud and you could sue.

You gave consent to a relationship with this man under certain terms. He knew that and he had all intents to keep the truth hidden from you as long as he could knowing fully you wouldn't have given him the time of the day if you knew he was in a relationship.

....

Aside from that : being a pretty woman is a whole challenge because a lot of men will go to extreme length to try and trick us into sleeping with them. It's hard to weed out sincere versus good liars. Please do not think any lesser of you because some jerk exploited a blind spot to gain access to you.

simplicityduplicity · 2021-02-03T18:40:09+00:00

You had a textbook narcissist here. He put you up on a pedestal, fed you breadcrumbs to keep you in place while still having her, talking her down but never choosing you. Tried to keep you both, but instead, lost you both. Now he’s discarded you because you outed him for the selfish prick that he is. I highly recommend you read up on things like narcissistic love bombing, grooming, bread-crumbing, and discarding. This is precisely what he put you through.

You can’t see it now, Sis, but you’re gonna shine brighter than before. You did the right thing and you aided a woman who was in the dark about who her man really was.

I’m so, so proud of you.

JustMe2008 · 2021-02-03T17:55:11+00:00

Virtual hug

I am so sorry this happened to you. Keep focusing on yourself, getting therapy, and moving forward. He was beyond wrong for what he did, but don't focus on that at this point. You need all of your energy for you and your growth. Make sure you are resting and focusing on all of the good things you have going for you. Healing takes time and it will happen as along as you keep working towards it. You will get through this and be so much happier without him.

Saremis · 2021-02-03T18:04:18+00:00

Virtual hug.

You will heal. Work on yourself, on your mental well-being, on your self worth, on your inner self, it sounds that you need it right now. You were brave for telling to his other gf, you saved another women of this idiot. Stay strong 🌸

randomgirlimok · 2021-02-03T18:05:16+00:00

I don’t know why they think they can get away with it. Who even has the energy to maintain 2 relationships?

outgrabed-momerath · 2021-02-03T18:22:55+00:00

I sincerely hope you have blocked him on everything. Any little snippet of words he can get to you will continue to wreak hell on your mental health unless you do. You do not start healing until you stop communicating with him. I only say this because it sounds like you may still be hearing from him? He will only bring you pain with his words, whether they contain love or hate.

Sending love and hugs and peace to you!

kimjongchill796 · 2021-02-03T18:33:32+00:00

I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive but.....girl y’all were never together. He was just some guy who sent you messages that made you feel good. Now I’m only saying this to highlight a couple points: first, a man who wants to be with you WILL. Second, LVM will say ANYTHING to get you to believe them. And third, you gotta demand more from men in order for you to even CONSIDER if he’s good enough to be with you. Some nice messages just aren’t enough. This is why FDS says never stop vetting.

With that said, I’m very sorry this happened to you and I know how heart breaking and gut wrenching this whole ordeal is for you. Try to remember that all this is completely on him and his issues and has nothing to do with your worth. You DO deserve exactly what you thought you had with this man, except in REAL LIFE. The internet is amazing in the way in can connect us with people we would otherwise never met, but it’s also used to create false personas EASILY.

Sapphonie · 2021-02-03T18:52:54+00:00

What an evil man. I went through something similar one time, it took me about 9 months to move on (it's complex, I went through sexual abuse when younger too and this was my first consensual relationship). I am sorry you are in so much pain. Write down everything that sucks about him and everything good about you that you know to be true (you aren't narcissistic for that). Get your therapy and turn to all the support you have. Read similar stories, speak to other women. Preferably in person, not some man pretending to be a woman on the internet (it happens).

I always reminded myself of the timeframe. So for you, at least it as 6 months, not 2 years this man stole from you. You're free and you WILL recover. I still think about the guy who mistreated me this way, because I have achieved more than he ever will. He inspires me, because he is a loser. If I ever lose sight of my goals, I think "do I want to be like him?" and then I get back on track. You're already special and successful, you will be thriving again soon. Yes it hurts, but stay busy and surround yourself with good people. One day he will be just a painful memory.

MariaDolorosa · 2021-02-03T18:30:51+00:00

Sending you lots of support but please, block him!!! There’s nothing he can do for you except further damage your mental health. Time to put an end to the chapter of having this man in your life. He does not deserve one more second of access to you. You absolutely are entitled to peace and closure but you can get that in therapy and with the support of people who care about you.

Also, you deserve a lot of congratulations for not only doing the hard work of taking care of your physical, mental, and spiritual life but choosing YOU over his nonsense. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do to stop certain types of people from trying to take advantage of us. It’s a sad reality of life. It’s not about being “stupid” or “careless”. It’s a part of the human condition. What we can do though, and what you have done here, is to listen to our intuition and do the right thing by us. Yes, it might mean that you’ll still deal with heartbreak, betrayal, confusion, etc but you’ll be able to heal from those things because deep down, you know that you love yourself enough to trust that you deserve better. You have an amazing champion and advocate in yourself and that’s the most precious gift anyone can have in this life.

You’re doing great, even though it is painful. Take your time healing. Denial or suppression only impedes the process. Honestly, I’m proud of you for being honest and vulnerable. It means that you’re strong. So congratulations. You’ll get through this and fall even more in love with the amazing woman you are in the process.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-02-03T19:06:19+00:00

I know it sucks right now, but you were dating a ghost. He wasn't there mentally, emotionally or physically. Immediately block and delete.

Now, get angry with him. Do not turn feelings of shame or guilt inward, he deserves them. Unbundle your mental health from his actions (I know this is easier said than done) because they are NOT connected. There's nothing wrong with you, there's an abundance of LVM out there. Put the blame squarely on his shoulders, where it lies.

These guys are really good at emotional manipulation—especially through a smartphone.

Try seeing his WILD projections onto you for what they are: proof of how mentally unwell this man is. This guy must be moonlighting as a contortionist in Cirque de Soleil because look at far backwards he bent to pin his shitty behaviour onto you! Yeesh

Thank your lucky stars you aren't as sick and deranged as this fool. One day you will pity him, but until that day comes, just be your awesome self

*hugs*

pickadaisy · 2021-02-04T03:32:27+00:00

The only thing that doesn’t add up here is your math: you’re so obviously a 10. 🥰

2021-02-03T20:10:57+00:00

I would pay to listen to a recording of him crying.

olivegreenph · 2021-02-04T09:10:41+00:00

Hugssss.

I'm sorry for what you went through Sister. But your courage to leave and expose the asshole that he is, is very admirable. I hope that you will always remember to be kind to yourself throughout the healing journey. Huggss.

wagonwheel_ · 2021-02-03T23:21:22+00:00

This has everything to do with the type of person he is and nothing to do with the person you are.

One day you’ll look back on this post and laugh at how you literally never think about his dusty ass anymore

Edit to add: “everything was perfect between me and my REAL girlfriend before you told her what I did to you” HAHA the audacity runneth over 💀

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-02-04T03:52:12+00:00

You are not broken. You will get over this, it will be easy since he clearly ain't shit and you know it was 100% his fault. His ex even thanked you.

It hurts now, but it will start fading very soon.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-03T18:21:07+00:00

Sending you so much positive energy. I know you are hurting but it will get better. His behavior is not a reflection on you in ANY way. It is 100% him. You are leaving this awful moment with new lessons, new boundaries, and an even stronger commitment to self. You will be okay, and you’ve got your FDS sisters here when you need us.

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-02-03T18:44:51+00:00

Thank you for setting the other woman free. You're both free. It might not help with the initial shocked emotions today, but you dodged a bullet. His deployments and manipulative behavior probably ruined her mental health over the years, and he would have done the same thing to you if you had flown out to see him. She was pulling back to save her own sanity, and he resented her for it.

rainbowshummingbird · 2021-02-03T19:13:05+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you were hurt.

I do think men will do or say most anything to get away with stuff. You are their last consideration.

Karthasis11 · 2021-02-03T21:59:10+00:00

I am so proud of you! You pulled the rip cord. I remembered times when I was to weak to get out. But you did it! And it might be months of therapy, bit at least it won't be years and you haven't wasted so much time with him. And I absolutely can understand the feeling of being emotionally raped.
Hugs and wish you all the best!

_differentmentality_ · 2021-02-04T02:15:01+00:00

Thank god you decided to not put up with him any longer! You (and the gf too) deserve someone who will truly respect you,love you and cherish you. I know things may seem hard right now but I promise that in the future you’ll look back at this and you’ll be glad you dodged the bullet. With time things WILL get better. Sending you lots of hugs!

Also I love seeing just how supportive everyone here is! You ladies are the best!

duhyaan · 2021-02-04T08:09:15+00:00

Oh my goodness. I am sorry that you had to go through that. I’m glad you got answers and saw him for what he really was. Moving on is gonna be difficult but soo worth it. I promise you that! I’ve been in a similar situation where I caught my ex talking to his “ex” girlfriend but I’m pretty sure he was dating us at the same time while he was stationed in my city. It took a while to process and heal but when I finally cut contact with his dusty ass, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Remember to make yourself a priority bc you get to call the shots ;) I’m sending you lots of love and healing ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺

apozyx · 2021-02-04T14:01:10+00:00

You are so courageous, even if you feel humiliated right now. Everything you are feeling is valid, feel all your emotions, since you have a counsellor don't be afraid to fully process them. You have a right to grieve the fantasy of the man you thought you had, but his behaviour has nothing to do with your worth. He treated you like trash because he is trash and is incapable or unwilling to do better. You have so much love in your heart and that is such a beautiful thing... turn that love inward in the coming months (and beyond)... treat yourself how you wish you were treated. Love yourself unconditionally.

You will get through this, you are an incredible woman, I really admire your bravery in not only confronting him, but leaving him, and telling the other woman everything. That's some boss shit right there, and I'm so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself too. And you will be, because I promise, I PROMISE that you will feel better. If you fully feel and process and understand your grief and emotions, you'll get better very quickly. Meditation has really helped me completely change how I think and feel about things, I highly suggest it to anyone going through emotional turmoil.

:big hug from afar: (only if you want :)) you got this.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-02-04T18:16:52+00:00

He may tell you that you ruined everything, but you didn’t, he ruined everything he had by cheating and lying to you both. You absolutely did the right thing. He’s just mad he’s being held accountable for his own actions, nothing he says about it means anything beyond that.

AnnGwish · 2021-02-06T05:10:27+00:00

It will be okay. Life lesson. You will move past embarrassed to angry to embarrassed to empowered angry to accepting you dodged a bullet. He can suck it. He chose to enlist and get deployed. If he is a total bitch who cannot be away from someone he loves for a time faithfully, then he should have factored that in and not enlisted. That is not your fault. Who is he telling, people that are not part of your life and outside of your support network? You say he is blaming you because he is broken and will never see his own problems to solve them? Again, you will hit the empowered angry phase where those red flags you missed bring clarity and you will seem him for the wad he is and be glad it went down that way, because you save yourself and another woman from him.

Title	Update: His girlfriend left him after I told her
Author	Petrichor1995
Upvotes	166
Comments	33
Date	February 3, 2021 5:08 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lbg7uo/update_his_girlfriend_left_him_after_i_told_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/update-his-girlfriend-left-him-after-i-told-her.744019 https://theredarchive.com/post/744019

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