Liberal feminism gaslights women into being complicit in their own oppression

jasmine-blossom · 2021-05-09T13:51:24+00:00

There is a very serious discouragement of any type of introspection or sociological analysis that’s inherent to the way that liberal feminism operates.

Women are actively discouraged from questioning why they feel the need for certain types of sex, for certain types of approval and acknowledgment from men, for certain types of presentation, and are discouraged from analyzing why they are so deeply unhappy with their lives.

The liberal mentality of “if you like it, do it” falls so flat when it comes to women’s lives, because what we value in ourselves and our lives has been shaped by the values of our culture.

Patriarchal culture values youth and beauty in women, so liberalism says women who pay and harm themselves to achieve youth and beauty are valuing themselves, when the exact opposite is true.

Patriarchal culture values women being sexually available, so liberalism says we should value ourselves by making ourselves sexually available, regardless of how few orgasms we get from that or how often we are sexually harassed and abused in hook up culture.

Patriarchy values male ownership of women’s bodies and the eroticism of violence against women, so liberalism says women can value themselves by being sexually submissive, selling their images online, or selling use of their bodies to men.

Patriarchy values women sacrificing their bodies and lives for motherhood, so liberalism says we can have it all while denying that privileged women “have it all” via the often underpaid labor of less privileged and often women of color.

Patriarchy values women who submit to male desires, so liberalism says women can value themselves by being a bang maid, adopting the mannerisms and personality of a pornstar at night while striving to survive under capitalism during the day, still making less than men as a whole.

We mustn’t demand more, we mustn’t demand better, we mustn’t recognize that all of these things are ways of devaluing ourselves.

There is a deep “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality in all of this.

I remember experiencing this mentality when I was in high school. I was being sexually harassed and abused so aggressively, and I had absolutely no recourse and no power, so instead of continually fighting a losing battle, I “chose,”out of having no real choice, to claim to embrace what was being said and done to me.

This was not a choice made out of genuine options, this was not a choice made out of genuine power, this was a submission, because there was no conceivable way out.

In order to salvage my floundering self esteem, damaged psyche, and poor emotional health, I had to live in a deep denial that I had made no choice and that I wasn’t truly taking charge of my life and body. I lied to myself that this was my choice all along.

This was the psychologically easier path than acknowledging my own powerlessness and fighting against the current of trauma.

Short term, it seems to work. I was less depressed, I was more confident, I could participate in the patriarchal world more easily.

However, my sense of self was incredibly fragile because I was still basing my value on patriarchal falsehoods.

I was swimming with the current, instead of against it, and it felt like I was doing fine because the rapids were flowing the same direction I was. What I failed to realize, is that the current was directing me down a very unhealthy path.

It was only when I stopped to ask myself the question “why” that I realized something was very deeply wrong with the way I was thinking, living, and acting. When I started asking myself why, I began to realize what was making me so unhappy, and I could start to face my own previous lack of free will. All of the puzzle pieces started fitting together.

I had built the foundation of my sense of self on unstable ground. I had allowed patriarchal culture to warp my identity and view of the world. I had given in to the lies I had been told about the world and myself.

I had to begin to swim against the current.

It is both psychologically harder and psychologically healthier to swim against the current of patriarchal bullshit. It makes my life both harder and easier. It brings all of my pain to the surface, yet gives me the opportunity to face it and heal from it.

It is in a sense, like therapy. When you are living in survival mode, denying your trauma, the idea of sitting in a room with somebody who is going to see through your bullshit and make you deal with it, is the worst thing you can imagine. You would rather experience more trauma, then face the trauma that you already have. You would rather shove it all down and let it eat you from the inside then take it out and look at it.

It takes strength and courage to look deeply into your own endless pit of pain, hold each damaged fragment of yourself gently and acknowledge how it’s changed who you are, in order to find out who you could be. It takes strength and courage to look around at the bounds of your prison cell and face the limitations of your enclosure, in order to truly plan an escape.

The work is long, painful, and hard, but it is the most powerful way of discovering yourself and owning yourself.

Liberalism and patriarchy and capitalism want you to avoid ever doing this work. Actually, all of the major players in social control perpetuate a cycle of brain dead people repeating the same patterns and ignoring the little voice in their head that says “somethings not right.” Brain dead people who repeat the patterns of their parents and perpetuate the values of their culture don’t make waves. They don’t change the system or challenge society in any truly meaningful and revolutionary way. They can only think in a very narrow, socially constrained box. They cannot face their own powerlessness in order to find their own true power.

As long as women’s actions are solely based in reactions and adaptions to patriarchy, we will never really empower ourselves (in the original meaning of the word). We cannot use patriarchy as a foundation or baseline from which we are forming our own ideas of freedom. We have to think far outside the box while simultaneously looking deep within ourselves to find a better path.

Edit: Powerful and lovely women of this sub,

I am so honored that my words resonated with so many of you.

Don’t be afraid to dig into the roots of your soul to figure out who you truly are underneath all of the bullshit the world shovels on top of you! And don’t hesitate to think far outside the box for the answers to women’s liberation. Men are not the baseline for how we should conceptualize our world or our lives! It’s tough work but it’s so worth it!

Love to you all! 💜💜💜

Lost_Kale90 · 2021-05-09T11:32:50+00:00

Yes this. Growing up, I thought sex work was degrading, porn was cheating, and casual sex just hurts the woman, etc etc. And then the last couple years I hopped on the libfem bandwagon because I thought was archaic in thinking. But now coming to FDS I realized I was never okay with the libfem ideas, they didn't serve me or women, and I feel freed knowing that it's okay to not want porn in a relationship, or to have casual sex etc etc.

_differentmentality_ · 2021-05-09T12:01:12+00:00

I saw someone on twitter saying that liberal feminism is trying to teach women to enjoy the cage instead of breaking it and it’s surprisingly accurate. Libfems are trying to pose the sexual objectification, degradation and dehumanization of women as empowering if the women choose it themselves. But is it really a choice when society continues to pressure women into hypersexualizing themselves in order to be recognized as women and the alternative is being seen as prudish and stuck up? Is it a coincidence that the amount of women who make that choice is significantly larger than the amount of women who don’t? Is there no reason behind the fact that it’s always women who choose to present themselves as sexual objects in order to empower themselves but no men do the same?

Liberal feminism fails to take into consideration the fact there are bigger factors that lead people into making certain choices over others and instead tries to pretend that decisions are made in a vacuum with no influence from any outside factor whatsoever, which is false. When Billie Eilish talked about how men are trying to shame women for dressing a certain way by calling them hoes and that she will embrace the label did she really have a choice to embrace it or not when she would have been called that regardless? “Men are going to call women hoes and sexualize them anyway so why not attempt to get some control of the situation by enjoying and being complicit to what they want me to be” doesn’t sound like empowerment at all to me, it sounds like a girl who had no choice but to try to enjoy a situation she was would have been forced into anyways. Women are now taught to embrace the role society expects from them all while pretending that this is empowering and that they had a say in it to begin with.

burritogirl101 · 2021-05-09T11:18:43+00:00

Ditching libfem was so freeing. I don't have to pretend to be "cool" with porn or kinks I never enjoyed anymore. I never felt comfortable with it to begin with but never complained because of course, I didn't want to be seen as a "bitch". Not now though. I'm done with that shit 🖕

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-05-09T14:54:40+00:00

Yes! This was such an insidious process, but it sums up exactly what women have been pressured to do/accept over at least the last 10 years. No wonder why we get burnt out on OLD, slogging through situationships and live-boyfriends, and sitting with our girl friends puzzling over why doesn't he like me or treat me with basic decency? No more!

Protoetype · 2021-05-09T16:13:07+00:00

Tradwife or libfem, either one you're down on your knees letting him wipe his ass with your perfectly made up cheek. Don't forget to thank him.

This is an excellent post, great job!

relationship_reddit · 2021-05-09T18:28:27+00:00

"Sex work is empowering" is the hardest one for me to imagine that anyone who calls herself a feminist could support. It is selling the use of your body for male (opressor) sexual pleasure. That is the least empowering thing I can imagine for a woman to do.

ughthanksbutno · 2021-05-09T10:08:07+00:00

preach it! I will never not be mad over how our movement, the one that was supposed to benefit women, give us power, and remove us from patriarchal standards, somehow transformed into something that still keeps the needs and wants and expectations of men in mind. it’s horrifying how libfem ideology accepts our exploitation and oppression because what? we can be “independent” now? we can profit from the male gaze? and if you don’t subscribe to this “cool girl” version of feminism, you’re a prudish man-hating hag with too high of expectations. how dare we not take men and their d*cks in consideration when we decide what is empowering to US. I’ll be mad forever.

Rowbloks · 2021-05-09T11:41:55+00:00

sex work is 'empowering'! Selling your body as a sexual object for male consumption is 'sticking it to the patriarchy'. Sure, you will ruin your career prospects, no man will want to date you and you'll be labelled a 'slut', but you've reclaimed that word now, so go you!

That part. Something is not empowering if it makes you heavily LOSE access to money and good quality social relationships in the long run. It's just not.

There are specific cases where prostitution is an understandable option like if, for some reason, you really can't make money any other way and your money problems are absolutely destroying your mental and physical health, or if you're homeless and you're about to starve to death if you don't make money like right now or something... but advertising prostitution to young girls who have their whole future ahead of them and plenty of healthier options to make money is so irresponsible. I will not stick my head in the sand and pretend that everybody always has access to a moral, healthy way to make money and there are no desperate situations where desperate measures have to be taken, but young girls who aren't in desperate situations are being encouraged to throw themselves in harm's way unnecessarily now.

We still live in a society where being labeled a sl*t causes women to experience one of the most severe types of social alienation. That's an undeniable fact. And encouraging young girls to just jump head first into this pit of social alienation anyway, which will cause them to develop psychological defense mechanisms like extreme denial just to deal with the cognitive dissonance and the abuse that they will face is just... wtf?

ScalesHaveFallen · 2021-05-09T13:35:47+00:00

Libfems are white pickmeishas named Lauren or Vanessa who have liberal arts degrees and put professional boudoir photography shots of themselves as their fb profile pic AND background and if you’re ever sat next to one at a group dinner, find a way to change seats asap or you’re gonna be hearing about her ‘polycule’ til you wanna polypuke

frostedgemstone · 2021-05-09T10:56:49+00:00

I went through the proliferation of libfem in my teenage years and at first I reluctantly bought into it, then I hated it so much I abandoned the idea of feminism. I couldn’t put it into words but I just knew that libfem was a hollow, meaningless philosophy that didn’t help me or womankind at all. Then I discovered there is actually a different form of feminism that is helpful to the liberation of women. Thankfully I think more women are waking up and realizing this as well recently

You hit the nail on the head with everything they’re about. It’s infuriating that this is now the most popular form of “feminism”

Nymphomaniac12345 · 2021-05-09T11:47:14+00:00

So true. It’s a joke! Many women spent so much time and effort to look good and then we are expected to pay half the date as well?!

I’m fine with going 50/50 WHEN men don’t give a shit about how women look but actually value us for our personality and accomplishments, when we get paid equally in the workplace, when childcare is truly 50/50 (even in case of divorce)

scaredfail · 2021-05-09T16:36:12+00:00

🗣🗣 YOU SPITTIN

lightcobaltblue · 2021-05-09T10:04:24+00:00

I love this. Thanks for the reminder. We have so much worth as women.

ScalesHaveFallen · 2021-05-09T10:29:37+00:00

Libfems are cringe. I can’t with them 😑

penelopekitty · 2021-05-09T13:15:29+00:00

Just call it what it is - PROSTITUTION. Truly, none of us should ever use the term sex work again. There is no such thing.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-05-09T19:50:20+00:00

This is the damn truth and written perfectly. I will be saving this and reading it often. Never feel ashamed or guilty for wanting to feel GOOD.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-05-10T08:11:20+00:00

A little clusterfuck of women at one job I had were telling horror stories about dating and relationships and it was like the blind pushing the blind off a cliff. The older ones, including an open lesbian, would give the shittiest libfem feedback. Then they'd all go giggly and cutesy (including the open lesbian!) when some male with status passed by. A few were "work wives" and sucked up by encouraging inappropriate sexual banter.

My ears were bleeding. I didn't plan to stay there long and they were all a bit bitchy, so I wasn't having to fight my usual rescuer impulse. Let 'em burn. One 34 yo was dating a high functioning heroin addict and was whining that her school friends didn't want him around their kids. Another 27 yo was bonking a 50 yo married dad and obsessing over when he'd dump his wife and kids. She assumed that the marital assets he embezzled to pay for her booze and grub was a tacit promise of happily ever after. She shared Kinkmeisha Cosmo sex tips in a squawky voice (last I heard she got dumped).

They all loved the pink pussy hats from the women's march. Bleah.

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curiousgoblin22 · 2021-05-09T10:10:44+00:00

Agree totally. Also if women are truly empowered, then every woman gets to decide what she will and will not accept. No one should be shamed for setting their own standards.

If women who follow FDS are viewed as "high maintenance", then so be it. It literally doesn't impact anyone else, except the guys who actually WANT to date a FDS woman and yet don't meet her standards - in which case, there is a fundamental incompatibility and both should simply move on.

starfighter07 · 2021-05-09T12:05:01+00:00

Also, you can add that if you don't orgasm because the dude only offers you mediocre sex, then it is YOUR fault after all, maybe you don't know your body well 🤡 maybe you don't add "kinky spice" to your intercourse. Kinky sex is soooo libertating for women after all, only true feminist perfoms it 🤡 ah and you SHOULD watch porn with your BF, it means that you're pro-sex positive 🤡 and then you can both learn your mutual fantasies 🤡

OnEdge49 · 2021-05-09T13:42:28+00:00

I ditched this thought process when I got away from my ex

Antinatalist-01 · 2021-05-09T20:50:04+00:00

When I watched sex education both seasons I thought that was absolutely gorgeous movie. I was in love with everything.

Only later I suddenly realized it's the trashest movie ever. It absolutely showed NO useful thing that actually had any connection to SexEd:

Girls there were easily promiscuous and this is the libfem message we are sending the young generation of women.

The guy could not come at all but that's unreal IRL. Guys never have such problem. I get wanting to laugh, but why lying? Especially in a something claiming to be called sex education.

Girls had easy orgasms just as guys did without mentioned clitoris at all, all that's gonna do is disinform boys and make girls think if they don't come it's somehow their own fault. That movie had to focus on female pleasure it never did. For a 2020 film, it's very bad.

AND WHAT ENRAGED ME. A cool Maeve Wiley dated an absolute LVM loser. They keep making this trope, a gorgeous girl settles for LVM. I have yet to see movies that show attractive guy choose a shy unattractive plain Jane.

And many more issues. The only good message was sexual assault report, we need more of this.

HeavyMetalLobster · 2021-05-09T15:55:35+00:00

Title	Liberal feminism gaslights women into being complicit in their own oppression
Author	daisy_0720
Upvotes	883
Comments	45
Date	May 9, 2021 9:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n8ax8l/liberal_feminism_gaslights_women_into_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/liberal-feminism-gaslights-women-into-being.758139 https://theredarchive.com/post/758139

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