Trust. Your. Gut.

Exsqueeze_meh · 2021-04-07T22:30:28+00:00

I second this! I've ignored my gut for YEARS because i feared being called judgmental or people pushing back on my choices, asking "but why?" or "you know not EVERYBODY feels that way" when I express a personal like or dislike. No more.

Trust your gut feelings ladies, you don't even have to make a decision one way or the other sometimes ... you can just say "i need more time" if something is making you feel off. People will push but we are entitled to have boundaries. Nobody is entitled to an explanation.

I recently had alarm bells go off just looking a someone's photo, it was for a payment for something. I ignored the alarm, paid the person and got completely scammed. I didn't want to judge a scumbag because he looked like a scumbag. Never again.

Feral_Heartbeat · 2021-04-07T23:40:14+00:00

And this is why I WILL NOT talk to a male therapist. No. Not now, not ever. Not opening up those wounds, fuck you, go to hell, nope nope nope.

Feral_Heartbeat · 2021-04-08T00:45:59+00:00

Also, not the same situation AT ALL, but you just convinced me to trust my gut and unmatch with a guy on a dating app who creeps me out. There's something cold and almost psychopathic in his eyes, and it sets off alarm bells but I was trying to give him a chance and wondering if it was my past trauma clouding my perceptions. You convinced me to just unmatch and trust myself. Thank you.

Inspection-Critical · 2021-04-08T03:25:40+00:00

I've told this story a few times in FDS, but...

Once upon a time, I met a D-list celebrity at a party with mutual friends. He seemed cool, but he was too friendly. Nothing creepy, but something didn't feel right.

We kept in touch over the ensuing months. He added me on LinkedIn and asked for my thoughts on a business matter related to my area of expertise.

It was all the right moves, exactly how I'd behave with a professional acquaintance I was getting to know. But I couldn't shake the feeling that the guy was dangerous.

Long story short, he invites me to a party and has a visibly angry reaction when he realizes I'm not drinking alcohol. It was a tiny facial tic, barely noticeable, but behind his eyes, I saw rage. It scared the living shit out of me.

I left the party early, and he flagged me down and invited me to "hang out at his apartment around the corner", but I booked it outta there and never spoke to him again.

Soon after, his wife (!!!) publicly left him for cheating. Then a bunch of women came out of the woodwork accusing him of domestic violence and rape. Apparently he likes to get women drunk and then assault them.

Somehow, his reputation as a serial rapist hasn't caught up with him yet, so he's still in business.

TRUST YOUR GUT.

MoreMochaPlease · 2021-04-07T22:46:39+00:00

I’m really glad you went with your gut and fired him as your therapist. So many of us have to learn to trust our gut instinct and cast aside what others think or may feel.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-04-08T05:19:32+00:00

Wow, it's completely unprofessional to pressure patients to stay. But what great intuition.

Current Nobel winner Roger Penrose floated a theory years ago that microtubules in the human brain likely have quantum functions that may explain feelings like "deja vu" and the experience of prescience. Women in my family have had a few "quantum brain" moments in any case.

Once someone dragged me to a trendy ashram for evening meditation when I was in school. I wasn't into it and just went to be supportive. When I walked into the swank entry of the ashram, I took one look at a huge photo of the late founding guru and spent the next three hours ohming and trying really hard not to think about child molesters. I wondered what was wrong with me and never went back. The next year the late guru was splashed all over the NY Times for having raped children for decades.

Then my mother once saw some blonde guy on a motorcycle at a gas station who gave her a serious chill. She wasn't prone to pointing fingers and probably no one else would have noticed anything off about him. Still she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong so she went to work and sketched the guy from memory. She was a professional artist so it was probably a perfect likeness.

A report came on the news that night that a young woman had been abducted, raped and murdered while on a bike trail about an hour after and five miles from where my mother had spotted the eerie guy. Witnesses only remember seeing someone on a motorcycle on the same trail, so my mother turned the sketch over to the police and then forgot about it. The case remained unsolved for decades.

20 years or so later I was visiting my parents and took a call from the same department saying the cold case had been reopened and the killer confirmed by DNA. Though the culprit had died in prison some years earlier while serving time on another offense, it turned out he was a dead ringer for my mother's sketch. The cops were excited to tell us about it, blaming the corrupt old department for botching the investigation.

My mother, who has eidetic memory, remembered everything about the incident. I asked her what brought her attention to the guy and she said it was the way he stared at her with total hatred while she was putting air in her bike tires. She's agnostic but said it was like looking into the face of pure evil.

There were some similar stories about my stuffy maternal grandmother that were pretty dramatic.

Anyway, don't let anyone gaslight you and decalibrate your quantum brain.

Past-Friendship777 · 2021-04-07T22:49:03+00:00

The biggest predictor of how helpful therapy will be is the quality of the relationship between the patient and therapist. So many people try 1, don't connect with them, then decide therapy isn't for them and refuse to try it again. Its so important to shop around and find someone you like, a good therapist is worth their weight in gold but a bad one can cause even more damage. I hate when shitty therapists discourage people from accessing treatment that could really help them.

cmil7731 · 2021-04-08T02:22:05+00:00

Thank you for your post today.

One of my friends tried to set me up on a blind date, but when he called last night every cell of my being was screaming “red flag”. I wasn’t comfortable calling her to say no/ blocking him because I was worried I’d hurt HER feelings. But I did it as soon as I read your post.

Women’s intuition has developed for a reason and is usually spot on. Thanks for the reminder.

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-04-08T03:15:09+00:00

This is so real. Thanks for sharing this. A friend called me yesterday to say one of her professional male mentors is being weird, but she feels bad bc she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I said sis... The second most important thing I learned in this decade of life is women are taught to mistrust their intuitions -- embrace that sh**!

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-04-07T23:43:31+00:00

I am so grateful you got out of there. You have a fantastic gut! You completed your intuition mission by noping out of there quickly. 👟

IgetUsernameScraps · 2021-04-08T05:36:57+00:00

You know it’s funny, my alarm went off the other day. I was working in a psychiatric unit for elder patients and during report I hear one of the nurses say a patient likes young girls and even calls him a “pedophile.” It was my first time there and after about a half hour and seeing most of the patients, one guy goes up to a nurse to ask her for something and just hearing his voice behind me, my head snaps to him IMMEDIATELY and I think “this is the guy.”

It was so weird. I don’t even know how to explain it. It was an instant dislike, I wanted to hiss at him. I didn’t know his name, he wasn’t looking at me, he didn’t even say anything creepy, it was something mundane like asking about breakfast. Later on I see him beeline for me and I’m like “oh no” and he introduces himself in this stupid tone, you know the one when a dude 40 yrs older than you tries to be charming, “my name is so-and-so, just wanted to say hi” of course you are. I look like I’m in my twenties. Eww.

Partypuppers · 2021-04-08T08:42:20+00:00

It's also super unprofessional for both your doctor and your therapist to be upset or coercive about your choice of therapist.

Most therapists who are worth their salt know that their client may choose to go to another therapist if they feel more comfortable with them, and it's seen as normal practice because the needs of the client come first. They don't get offended.

You shouldn't have even had to have apologised and your Dr and ex therapist definitely should not have been pressuring you to stick to a person you didn't click with.

idktryagain123 · 2021-04-08T00:36:46+00:00

I totally agree. The first therapist I saw was when I was 17. I paid for the sessions out of my own pocket which was about 500 usd a visit. I was making good money and didn’t mind investing in myself. I wore no make up to the first 3 of my visits. The last one I felt like wearing make up. I still even remember what I was wearing. This guy told me at that appointment that I was “ too pretty to have these problems”. I never went to him again. It really betrayed my trust feeling yet again like a object to a man. So fast forward 12 years later I decided to try it again. With a female. I was only working on my issues and past trauma and not focusing on my advising boyfriend. She told me I had ptsd. I asked her to bring in my boyfriend so she could help him understand what it is like for me. Instead she told him to not put up with my crap and to have boundaries. She didn’t know he was physically and mentally abusive to me and he took that advice on his high horse. She also told me prior that she left her daughter and her daughter feels a lot like I do about my parents towards her. Her was projecting and I can see it now but it takes time to find a therapist that’s right for you. The first one usually isn’t it.

mustpetallcats · 2021-04-08T05:54:21+00:00

ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

I was in severe, horrific pain that turned out to be a reproductive disorder, and for months I saw four male doctors across practices who acted like I was making it up (the first female practitioner I met with knew what was wrong with me IN THE FIRST APPOINTMENT, and to this day I don't let male doctors or practitioners of any kind near my body.)

At the time, I had a male GP and he literally ignored all of my issues at every appointment, and just made an issue out of my blood pressure -- which, shock of shocks, was sky high because I was in so much pain I was considering suicide. Just an absolute asshole, made me incredibly uncomfortable, and I quickly fired him as my doctor.

It turned out that he was a member of a small ring of doctors and medical equipment distributors that were committing one of the worst acts of health care fraud in U.S. history (scamming the elderly and medicare, of course). I check his court case every so often and his sentencing is finally scheduled for this May. Enjoy federal prison, fucker.

FeelLikeRollinDice · 2021-04-08T05:30:09+00:00

Always always always trust your gut! In most cases, it will NOT lead you astray.

I am glad you did! He could have worsened whatever issues you wanted to address in therapy.

The times that I did not trust my gut are the ones I struggle to forgive myself over because it had such a traumatic impact on me.

One of the biggest ones is this...I was an intern in a congressional office. Around a year later after being an intern, I end up meeting up with one of the staffers and his friends also in politics. I met up for networking purposes. I had no romantic interest in him at the time. He walked me to my car. The way he looked at me in those few seconds before I got in my car freaked me out. I quickly wondered "Is he going to rob me or try to kiss me?" He had this weirdly intense stare. Well, nothing happened until months later where we started dating. It ended because he had a fiance! In the confrontation conversation, one of the things he said he was "I have demons inside me" and "maybe I am a sociopath." So chilling and frightening. To this day, he scares me. He KNEW he was disturbed. The whole situation was traumatic for me for several reasons, not just the deceit. Had I recognized and followed my instinct from the moment he made me uncomfortable with that stare, then I could have avoided the whole situation and the impact it had on me.

Years later I heard more disturbing tales about him.

In case you are wondering, yes, I told his fiancé, and of course, she married him! Sad. I pray she is doing well, but I know better.

CandidKick · 2021-04-08T13:44:46+00:00

I strongly advise women to see a female therapist. Yes, you can still be mistreated, but the chances of that are much lower + you are more likely to have an empathetic therapist.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-04-07T23:20:14+00:00

Love it. Never doubt yourself.

Whateverbabe2 · 2021-04-08T03:56:29+00:00

Also: never trust anyone else completely

Pale_Yam_Straw · 2021-04-08T11:33:46+00:00

Thank you. I am dealing with a different issue atm, but really needed to hear this story to keep me going.

Title	Trust. Your. Gut.
Author	Confident-Coconut-58
Upvotes	822
Comments	52
Date	April 7, 2021 10:05 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mmd7cb/trust_your_gut/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/trust-your-gut.764320 https://theredarchive.com/post/764320

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