Here's the thing: I think a lot of men out here are unconsciously gaslighting. I used to think gaslighting was an intentional tactic only used by master-level narcissistic abusers, like men who set out to destroy a woman with purpose and full awareness. And that absolutely occurs with terrifying frequency.

But I'll tell you who has done me far more lasting damage: the Nice Guys who gaslight not intentionally, but because gaslighting is the result of moving through the world with the "I will do or say whatever can get me out of this uncomfortable situation right now."

They don't think, "I'm going to gaslight this woman," or "what can I say today that will make her doubt her reality?"

They will think, "I don't want to hurt her feelings."

The actual underlying reality is, "I don't want to face the emotional consequences of my actions."

What they say/text out loud will be, "I always thought of us as just friends."

It's utility that makes most men gaslight. They don't even know they're doing it. It's far more subtle and far harder to combat--it requires you to double down on the reality of your own perspective, and society will neither equip nor support you in that.

The micro and the macro reinforce each other. I am more vulnerable to individual LVM because the patriarchy gaslights me, and I am worn down more by the patriarchy because of being undermined by individual men.

But your experience is real. Don't let a man deny it or make you deny it yourself.