Amicable Divorce Could get Ugly Over One Major Issue

DicksOut4Edamame · 2023-03-20T23:32:52+00:00

Short answer: kids more important than anything

Long answer: do not fucking allow her to move two states away with your kids. She is playing nice to get you to put your defenses down. Don’t play into that shit. Fight for what you want and what you should want is to keep her from moving your kids away. Trust all of us in this thread telling you the exact same thing. Prepare for a fight and then fight like hell if it comes to that, but priority one is not letting her jet off with your kids to set a new precedent that she can point the courts to

CRobinsFly · 2023-03-20T23:19:44+00:00

She's trying to establish a status quo for the child being in her custody, 6hr away. She may have an "agreement" with you now but once she positions herself properly, it could royally screw you. Watch, she'll do 50/50 amicably initially, then it will get less and less and less until it's nothing (or you have to retrieve and return your daughter).

Never did say where you are. Perhaps she's moving to a state that has harsher divorce laws. Sounds like you're doing this outside of the legal system.

I agree, you don't have much of a choice here.

xjeeperx · 2023-03-20T23:10:15+00:00

How does she plan to manage 50/50 custody from 6 hours away?

mehmench · 2023-03-21T01:04:45+00:00

Your first mistake is believing you are in an amicable situation. If you're going to agree not to geolock her - what is she going to give you in return?

She's in the fog of her affair, limerence - it is unlikely to last. How will you do 50/50 with a child who is 6 hours away between you? Will you do week on/week off? Since they aren't in school that's possible but you'd be paying for daycare in two places? If that's how she wants to do it - I say sure - do it but what happens when the kid starts going to school in a couple of years?

You'll have to decide where. Who decides? She's going to try to make herself the tie breaker but you should push for either you being the tie breaker or there NOT being a tie breaker. If you're both equals then you have to figure it out or go to mediation/court.

The kid is young so you CAN do this but the schedule is the challenge. You can't stop her from moving in with her boyfriend.

There is the possibility that once she gets out though she won't let you have your daughter back but that just means you end up with the fight you thought you weren't going to have so it's not really a loss - it's just a realization of what always was going to happen.

softinvest · 2023-03-20T23:11:21+00:00

Nothing is more important than your kid. Do you really think your kid want to live their life on the road (or in the air). She wants her cake and to eat it too. Fuck her. Draw a hard boundary on that. She is choosing that guy over her kid by doing that and I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes to him with or without your girl. Do NOT live in a separate state from your kid or there will be consequences you cannot always anticipate.

OutlawShah · 2023-03-21T03:16:54+00:00

Doesn’t want child support now but if she moves away she can always file a modification for child support later. She can waive spousal in the divorce judgment but child support can always be modified after, so if she changes her mind once the child is now living with her and new guy you can’t claim she didn’t want any before.

orussell03 · 2023-03-20T23:52:40+00:00

Alternative: You can threaten her with a tough long fight. Which would make her dream of being with this new guy slip away slowly. That's where you can bargain and get her to relinquish the custody.

If you file right away everything locks in until this is settled. If you can make this drag on for another year. She has to stay put, if she leaves with the kiddo, that's parental abduction.

In short: Be a pain in the arse.

Adventurous-Box-745 · 2023-03-21T04:21:01+00:00

Not sound ridiculous, but did you test for paternity? I suggest you do that since you know they have been seeing each other long before you got married.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-21T12:06:26+00:00

Every man thinks they have an amicable divorce until they start disagreeing with their wife. It was never amicable to begin with. You were just falling on your sword.

> we have agreed on 50/50 custody she wants to move 2 states and over 6 hours away with my 21 month old daughter.

You don't listen to what women say. You watch what they do, because the two are not congruent. There is no logistical way to have 50% parenting time when you live that far apart. She's setting you up for failure so she puts the responsibility on you for your failure to adhere to the 50% time she "offered".

used2befast · 2023-03-21T13:07:39+00:00

NO NO NO NO NO.....DO NOT ALLOW THIS!

Biggest mistake of my life. You will essentially lose your kid.

I'd try to play it calm....sure honey let's just settle this other stuff first. Get the asset division and spousal support agreed upon. Then say 50/50. If she wants to move away ALL travel and expenses are on HER.

derelictherds · 2023-03-21T17:59:42+00:00

If I fight this then it probably gets very ugly very quickly.

So? My divorce was amicable until I started pushing back on my ex's ridiculous demands. This seems to be quite common actually. You can either stand up for yourself or sit on your hands and get steam rolled. 50/50 custody won't work with that much distance between you two and the court is unlikely to bless such an arrangement.

Sounds like your ex is setting you up tbh. Hire a lawyer ASAP and fight if you care at all about being in your child's life. My ex pulled some similar shit (met a guy from another state and wanted to move closer to him). Her plan was to extract as much alimony & child support as possible and to relocate with the children. We "fought" for about year before she ultimately gave up custody and relocated without them.

ranchdaddo · 2023-03-20T23:34:56+00:00

She’s trying to let you off easy so she can raise your kid with another man and cut you out for the most part. You’re not going to have 50/50 custody from 6 hours away, no matter what she’s telling you. And when this eventually goes to court as a custody battle, she’s gonna win cause you let her take your daughter 6 hours away.

The time to fight is now. Might have to part with some of that money to keep your daughter around.

Least_Attorney9006 · 2023-03-21T00:04:59+00:00

FILE IMMEDIATELY.

There is no way this is going to be amicable.

You need to establish jurisdiction in your current state, otherwise you’re going to fight in another states court system, should something go wrong.

This will not be amicable in the future for you. She is going to fuck you.

Positive-Neck-1997 · 2023-03-21T05:08:05+00:00

Document her desire to move the child out of state via texts, emails, a signed letter, and/or audio recording that you have transcribed by a court approved transcription company (Missouri looks like a one party consent state so don’t tell her you are recording), and have you lawyer concurrently file for divorce and file an OTSC (Order to Show Cause) to prevent her from removing the child from the state until the divorce is final. I did this and while it escalated the situation tremendously, my child is still around to fight over. Once she takes that child to another state, you will not see the child for 1-2 years minimum.

herf78 · 2023-03-21T08:19:12+00:00

Ambitious-Cheetah-36 · 2023-03-21T12:38:54+00:00

So double check, in my state (PA) stuff and kids are 2 diff battles. DONT let them mix. Settle the estate, the kids are seperate. That said unless you have a court order that says she must remain close, she can kinda do what she wants with your daughter as long as she doesnt break the 50/50 deal. It's so weird.

Barkaat · 2023-03-21T13:15:19+00:00

Don’t allow this. Why would you allow her to take you child and just move 6 hours away. Lawyer up don’t listen to her bs

Seemedlikefun · 2023-03-21T17:26:50+00:00

I hate to ask but are you sure that you are the biological father? It could be part of her plan because she knows otherwise. She gets away clean, then petitions the court for a DNA test from the safety of two states away. Without a legal precedent of custody, all you will end up with is your johnson in your hand. Once she and he file for parental rights, you are screwed. She also has her mom for support with the kid. She'll accuse you of not having a decent place for the child to live once you move into your shitty apartment.

pk2at · 2023-03-21T18:25:08+00:00

Its simple agree to all her terms, just ask her to stay for 6months to 1 year close to you with the children. This will lock in the custody agreement and all your money, and if she moves 2 states you can go to court and ask her for 50-50

Fyfel · 2023-03-21T18:53:05+00:00

As in come by her attorneys office? Fuck that tell them to mail the paperwork to you. Sounds like a set up if you walk in there without your own legal representation.

KnownDistance · 2023-03-21T20:56:30+00:00

Make it ugly. You can lose everything, but still be at peace, and that's priceless.

The fact that she cheated and that you're both being "amicable" says that you're being played like a radio. Stand up on your hind legs, man...

Busy_Cat9118 · 2023-03-21T22:34:56+00:00

When it comes to custody 50/50 does not work without close proximity. This is my experience. You also cannot stop someone from moving. I have found in my experience unless you are down for the "whole" fight to the brutal end, it is best to stand down and get as much as you can without lawyers. All summers, holidays etc. As guys we are already fighting an uphill battle.

Gattsama · 2023-03-20T23:30:45+00:00

Also you CAN NOT wave child support in most states. She can file for it down the line because it's 'for the child.' Talk to a local attorney to see how things work where you are. Many divorce degrees place limits on how fair either parent can move, it sucks, but otherwise she is free to move not just 6hrs away but to FL if she so chooses. Things can, do and always will change. You need to have these contendancies in the degree or surprises can pop up.

Even if you agree to her offer. You need to consult an attorney to get a 'real world' idea of possible issue that could occur, enforcement and options.

Good luck

Creepy_Contract_4852 · 2023-03-21T00:09:41+00:00

What others have said AND be prepared for DV an other accusations - start recording in home, video as well as audio...the harder it gets for her the more she is incentivised to play dirty. DO NOT tell her you are recording, set up cameras everywhere AND carry an audio recorder on you at all times always running.

orussell03 · 2023-03-20T23:27:10+00:00

She's incentivising you by not asking for money. You can do the same by saying Give me the kid and you start over. In return, you can sign a very open communication plan with the kiddo.

In terms of brutal honesty. I feel like She's the person who drifts wherever her feelings take her. Unstable parents can cause lots of issues for children. Better to fight for your daughter now than her yo yoing back and forth depending on how it goes with this guy.

Plus, get it in writing that she's making no claims whatsoever. They can come back and claim child support back payments with interest.

Title	Amicable Divorce Could get Ugly Over One Major Issue
Author	Error-Original
Upvotes	10
Comments	58
Date	March 20, 2023 11:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11wz5np/amicable_divorce_could_get_ugly_over_one_major/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/amicable-divorce-could-get-ugly-over-one-major.1186893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1186893

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