does it ever get better?

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-04-25T09:04:42+00:00

Bank on there being another man in the picture. Women do not just jump ship without a safety net (monkey branching). If she's not already involved with him, she plans to be. Sounds to me like she wanted a provider and now is bored of you. Sorry if this is blunt, but you need to take off the rose tinted glasses and see the situation for what it is. Attraction cannot be negotiated, it either is or is not....and she clearly doesn't find you attractive anymore.

As for your title question...yes it does get better...much better in fact. Since my Ex pulled the rip cord on our marriage I have gone from strength to strength, I've doubled my take home pay, bought a nice new house, new car, have had brilliant holidays with friends and have an active social life...None of which would have been possible with her dragging me down. So your life is not coming to an end, it's just a different chapter, one which YOU get to write as you see fit.

jgjg9999 · 2022-04-25T09:31:35+00:00

Yup. Hang in there. My X did the same thing except she found her soulmate in her boss. Timing for dropping the bomb was right after a great vacation for 20 year anniversary.

She's making his life miserable now. Good luck to them.

I thought we had a "good marriage". Once she was gone and after the shock the rose colored glasses come off and you realize they treated you pretty shitty. Im guessing you'll be the same way.

I made the mistake of making my whole life about my X also. Lots of us have been there and bounced back.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2022-04-25T08:28:27+00:00

It doesn't seem like it now, but you will be OK. You'll look back at this in a year and realize you should have thanked her and been elated.

Ok-LockenX · 2022-04-25T08:50:49+00:00

You'll be fine... I was thinking along the same lines as you. My life seemed to be over, yet that was not the case. Simply concentrate on yourself and do what you like. It is beneficial to see a therapist. Picking up a hobby and working out are the best things you can do. Don't date, don't blame, don't dispute, don't fight, and don't think adversely about anyone. It took me more than six months to get back on my feet. The outcome varies depending on how determined you are.

BlackDragon7_7_7 · 2022-04-25T09:32:17+00:00

I'll try my best

whatskeeping · 2022-04-25T10:03:13+00:00

Steady man. Keep you cool it'll pay off in the end.

Knave7575 · 2022-04-25T14:29:46+00:00

The first year was horrible, I felt that my life was ruined.

In retrospect, it improved my life substantially.

BobQuasit · 2022-04-25T12:39:37+00:00

It takes time, but it DOES get better - unless you have crippling issues unrelated to the marriage.

Generally speaking the longer the marriage, the more time it takes for you to recover from the divorce. The difficulty of the divorce itself is also a factor. I was married for about 14 years, and it took me about 2 years to feel fully recovered. But people vary.

You've already received some good advice here, so I won't repeat much of it. I will say that finding a good psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse who will listen to you and work with you is a damn good idea. Some of these people just prescribe whatever was recommended to them by the last drug company representative they got a bribe from. But effective treatment with medication can be a lifesaver. Particularly if you already had anxiety or depression.

Hang in there. Good luck!

Physical-Pie748 · 2022-04-25T17:47:58+00:00

"im not happy" "i dont love you anymore" "we need some space" "i want to explore sexuality" same sht, same results ......

jillyboell · 2022-04-25T19:25:23+00:00

It gets better. I’m 7+ months since D Day and the first 2 months were absolute misery and I was getting wasted almost every day. Like a whole bottle of vodka wasted everyday. Didn’t care if I died; some real dark shit. But, since then, I’ve mostly been okay and even thriving in some instances. I know it’s probably the last thing you want to hear, but time is what it takes. Every month or so I get a few days of sadness where the betrayal seeps in, but I pretty quickly get over it once I remind myself what a heartless bitch she is and that I shouldn’t waste another moment missing a slag. She can live in a fuckin dumpster for all I care.

In the meantime, hit the gym and start therapy. I became an absolute gym rat and it helped me exponentially. Also boosted my appearance and confidence so I was able to be pretty successful dating. I’ve been seeing this woman exclusively for the last few months and things are going great. When it all started, I was riddled with hopelessness and even suicidal ideation. I never would have imagine I’d be this happy not even a year later.

Sorry you have to go through this, but you can and will persevere. Stay up, brother.

JD-Anderson · 2022-04-25T13:17:11+00:00

With the other comments aside, like there’s probably another man, which is probably the case, I had the same thing happen to me a long time ago. I fell into having my identity as a husband and “family man” because society told me only men are that. I also thought I truly loved my wife. Years later, I tell societal standards screw off and realized not only did I not love her, the marriage was slowly killing me. Years later I’m now in a relationship with an amazing woman who actually make me realize what being with a good woman is possible. I have my fears so I won’t be getting married again. But I can see me with this woman for a long time.

southass · 2022-04-25T13:26:41+00:00

. Women do not just jump ship without a safety net (monkey branching). If she's not already involved with him, she plans to be.

This 100%

azwildcat74 · 2022-04-25T14:07:42+00:00

It does get better. It gets better when you realize that you've set up your whole life to revolve around someone else, as is clearly the case from the last sentence in your post. You have to get back to having your OWN life. You weren't that way when you met her, she wasn't drawn to that, you were a whole person. Focus on getting back into your interests and become a WHOLE person again and don't let that shit go again.

The most important part is that she said all of this. It didn't come out of her mouth the first time she thought about it, that's never the case. Now you need to BELIEVE her and act accordingly. Your marriage is done. Start acting in YOUR best interests, financially and otherwise. If you allow yourself to be a martyr she will happily take you up on that offer.

WartimeDad · 2022-04-25T14:54:42+00:00

Yeah man, it gets much better.

playerknowmore · 2022-04-25T15:19:37+00:00

Take time to evaluate yourself. Take stock of how much is love and missing her, and how much of these feelings are fear of failure. You can live without her.

Your story sounds like guilt driven exit strategy. She is embarrassed of her affair. She was on the fence; probably because lover boy makes what she makes. That probably doesn't afford her the same lifestyle you provide. That in mind you need good legal representation she is probably working a strategy to have you supplement her lifestyle. So sorry this happened to you; please start preparing yourself.

Masypha · 2022-04-25T18:41:55+00:00

Read the rational male by rollo tomassi & the unplugged alpha by richard cooper

warrior_up · 2022-04-25T21:02:53+00:00

Yes, once you accept this is where you're supposed to be in life. The only thing preventing you from being okay is 1.) your ego and 2.) not realizing that "it was just your turn my man" you spent years with this one, sure its gonna be earth-shattering, bu you're just another dude like the rest of us - the cosmos dont care about any of our divorces nor do they matter on our death beds. Relationship break ups and some wench you put all your hopes and dreams into wont be a second thought, shouldnt be a second thought when a man looks back at his life. So be happy - accept your situation, find the good in it and flow with the water man. Lots of fun, unfamiliar times and situations ahead.

Fuck her, fuck thinking about the other guy, fuck worrying. You dont have to worry about anything anymore or what anyone thinks. do whatever the fuck you want, fuck what everyone else thinks

CasanovaFrankenst1en · 2022-04-25T10:50:04+00:00

I'll probably get downvoted the shit out of this but fuck it. I think it's valuable that you have all points of view.

Does it get better? For me, it has not. You can go through my post history if you need details, but long story short, my wife of 10 years had multiple affairs, tried to work on things, she asked for a divorce on Christmas 2019. She got everything, house, car, kids, money. I got major depression and additional triggers to my PTSD. I cut off all my fiends and family, and the gods honest truth is that other than talking to people at work the only people I talk to on a regular basis are my kids and when your social interactions rely on the availability of a six and 11 year old, you fucked up somewhere.

I've woken up every day just so insanely bitter that I did. I work, I come "home", I go to bed. I say the word home loosely because a blanket and a pillow on the floor of a studio apartment with no furniture doesn't really strike me as home-y. Tried dating apps and they were fucking laughable, like statistically its impossible to not match unless you are the exception to the rule, I was the exception. I have no hobbies, not so much because of her but because what she did tarnished my enjoyment of those things. Life has stopped being fun and definitely stopped being fucking magical.

Everyone that has previous commented seems to have decent advice and that's what ultimately you should take away from these postings. But I think it's important that you see the other side of it as well. Don't do what I did. I'm alive for the sake of being alive and I promise you that that's not living.

Dry_Ad_806 · 2022-04-25T14:52:05+00:00

I'm beginning to truly believe there is something wrong with women. Is it society? Is it the way they are raised? Maybe it works both ways and I only see this side of it, but many of these subs have the same theme.... Women all of a sudden stop "being in love" and they ditch everything and everyone! Maybe it's the courts that allow women to file for any reason and have everything awarded to them by a judge. Maybe they truly can't find happiness? How do you get married, have kids, a family, great life together, but them BAM...um, sorry but I don't think I like you anymore and I'm going to go fuck around and find the next option? Society will pat her on the back , tell her how strong she is, and basically put her on a pedestal for doing "what's best for her". In reality, she's just being a selfish bitch and abandoning everyone that was ever important in her life to do whatever and whomever she wants!

Makes me sick! BTW, I am married for a long time, but it's coming I'm sure!

Just rambling, sorry.

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-04-25T12:03:07+00:00

You are living life wrong! You need to start living life for yourself and not for other people. Your wife likely realizes this, you have nothing going for yourself and you rely on other people to make you happy as you aren't capable to make yourself happy. You need to take the time to figure out what makes you happy. After all, how can you expect to make other people happy when you don't even know how to make yourself happy? The only person you can trust and depend upon in this life if yourself!

thefudmaster · 2022-04-25T16:13:56+00:00

OP, stop having sex with her immediately, and hopefully you don’t have kids. Beat her to the punch and go file yourself. Trust me, postdivorce life for a man is amazing. Don’t ever give up that freedom again.

pegleg_legal · 2022-04-26T01:42:15+00:00

Steel yourself. Prepare yourself. This drunken slip is the tip of the iceberg. She resents that you have taken her life from her and will let you know. Even though she never told you. You cannot win her back, you can fake trying - which would be an effective tactic to get this cancer out of your life with the minimum damage. Get into therapy. Grieve the loss that she grieved years ago.

Darkfire66 · 2022-04-26T01:55:45+00:00

I'm so happy now. My bucket is overflowing. It can get better.

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-04-26T04:04:54+00:00

Like others have said, it's hard but it does get better.

Every case is different, but I thought my life was over and I'm doing much better. I'm dating someone much more attractive and successful who actually WANTS to be with me.

It took some time to adjust to living alone, which was my biggest fear, but now I actually prefer it. Living alone while dating rocks.

Agitated-Fee-6497 · 2022-04-26T09:01:39+00:00

My ex said the same thing...I found out a few months later she met someone else. There must be a play book for them.

2022-04-26T15:23:26+00:00

Yeah, women never jump ship without a plan in place. Get her out ASAP amigo. Not worth it

Title	does it ever get better?
Author	BlackDragon7_7_7
Upvotes	24
Comments	58
Date	April 25, 2022 8:17 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ubg3ff/does_it_ever_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-ever-get-better.1113517 https://theredarchive.com/post/1113517

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