From wtfdivorce on Instagram.

Does this sound familiar to your divorce?

Does this sound familiar to your divorce?👇

repost the.holistic.psychologist 👈

This is why so many people are blindsided in relationships breakups. They’re dissociated as the other person is going through what attachment researchers call the 3 stages of detachment.

Our earliest relationships predict our future relationships. We go through these stages as children and then again as adults.

Protest: a consistent ask for change in behavior, more connection, unmet needs.

Despair: the stage when we feel lost, hopeless, and start to process the grief and loss.

Detachment: letting go. Moving on. Finding hope again.

HAVE YOU GRIEVED THE LOSS OF A RELATIONSHIP WHILE YOU WERE STILL IN IT?

I am relatively calm, but I hit the ceiling when I watched this Instagram post.

My wife echoed these very statements back to me as justification for filing for divorce in August.

I struggled to understand how I missed my wife’s repeated bids for an emotional connection for months. Here is the woman I love telling me that she is in great pain, and all she wants me to meet is her communicated emotional needs. Just like the patient tells her therapist, "I asked over and over again for an emotional connection."

But how did she ask? Did she ask in a way that her husband could understand? The video does not recognize the responsibility in a marriage to communicate your wants and needs in a manner that your partner can understand.

A wife asks her husband to get you a glass of water in French, a language she knows he does not comprehend. He brings his wife a napkin. Does she keep repeating the request in French, getting increasingly frustrated by her husband's failure to meet her needs? Or is she responsible for asking in English, a language she knows her husband understands?

The wife does not, according to the therapist. The relationship has run its course. She should feel at peace for deciding to leave her husband.

This video forcefully demonstrates the wife's complete lack of personal responsibility to show up in a relationship.

How many women have used similar logic to justify their decision to divorce their husbands?

Wives, are you not getting what you need from your marriage? Divorce is the clear solution!

You don't need to communicate your needs effectively. It’s his fault for not understanding you. You stated the same request again and again using the same words, how could he not understand. You understood what you were asking for.

Those marriage vows and commitments? Disposable, just like him if you are unhappy. If he really casred, he would have understood what you were asking for.

The kids? They'll be fine. Kids are always better off if their mother is happy.

Maybe the video hit a little too close to home, but the way the therapist affirms the wife’s decision to end her marriage without any introspection or recognition of the role she played in creating the problem is infuriating.

Sadly, I know my wife is using this very line of reasoning to cast herself as blameless in seeking a divorce. It hurts knowing that while I play a significant role in our marital problems, she has attempted to absolve herself of any responsibility because I did not give her the emotional connection she needed after she "asked over and over again."

TLDR: Effective Communication is the responsibility of both spouses. It is your responsibility to communicate your needs or wants to your spouse in a way that he/she will understand.