It Happened

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-07-08T02:20:04+00:00

Jesus. She really squeezed the last bit out of you before discarding didn’t she.

You served a purpose for her and now that there is nothing left she’s moving on to her next victim. Your wife is the human version of a black widow spider.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You’re likely in shock and disbelief right now - this is normal. Next you will experience unbearable despair, I know I sure did. Please know that it will get better with time and I encourage you to work at it. Get angry and use that anger as motivation to rebuild your life and be the best father you can be.

lotsofhubris · 2023-07-08T05:18:37+00:00

Do a dna test on your kid too fyi

yosemitesam00 · 2023-07-08T05:04:27+00:00

Things you should be doing in no particular order:

Make photocopies of all important documents, put those in a secure location

Remove your ex from all credit cards as an authorized user. Report all credit cards as lost or stolen so new ones must be issued.

Change the passwords on all your accounts.

Freeze your credit at all credit bureaus.

Open a new bank account, one she has no access to.

Consider getting a PO box and having all your mail forwarded to there.

Get a lawyer.

Get lots of sleep.

Eat healthy, stop drinking alcohol smoking weed or any other substances that will alter your mind at the moment.

Find your tribe whether that's confiding with friends family Etc. You're not alone in this and you're not a failure. Be the best damn dad you can be.

Document everything.

jimsmythee · 2023-07-08T03:19:44+00:00

Cancel your other credit cards. Before she maxes them out too. Then put a lock on your credit reports.

FUMoney · 2023-07-08T03:49:45+00:00

What the fuck do I do?

Terrible this is happening to you. You do three things.

First, you recognize you've been handed a massive shit sandwich for the next two years; if your ex spouse becomes a jerk about raising the child, it's going to suck for fourteen years. You recognize this, accept it, mourn it, and then get on with it.

Second, you get militant about separation, divorce, finances, your child, and fighting for the very best financial terms and deal you can get. You take the initiative. You file for divorce. You get a great lawyer. You go on the offensive. You become cold, calculating, rational, and you fight for everything that's right and fair. Don't give an inch -- they'll take a mile if you do.

So prepare to fight, fight, fight, fight for the best deal you can get. This is now your mission. The best possible dissolution order, with the best possible financial terms, with agreeable child custody and support terms you can get. You focus on this, laserlike, for the next couple years. If you can't settle on appropriate terms, never give in -- take it to trial.

Third, to hell with counseling, reconciliation, making amends, trying to meet (or even consider) "expectations" of your now ex-spouse. You know who you are right now? You are someone who very soon is going to be a legally independent adult, legally divorced from your credit-card abusing spouse who has no interest in you, in your relationship, in your marriage.

You read these paragraphs. You accept them. Now you have your mission statement. Get militant about this shit. Starting today. Starting now. Your marriage is over. Over. Now it is all about money, property, custody. The rest is bullshit -- as you are very soon going to find out.

Had a child although I never wanted one. Always provided for her and her family,

Let this be a lesson to those reading. If you don't want a child, never have one. Stand firm, and be ready to immediately divorce if your spouse (male or female) insists. This is non-negotiable.

And do not start paying freight for the spouse's family. Do not do it. This only leads to unrealistic expectations, unreasonable demands, and financial ruin. Again, if the spouse (male or female) is demanding cash transfers to the inlaw family -- pop smoke and get the hell out of that marriage.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-07-08T05:02:41+00:00

Get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Newliam1986 · 2023-07-08T09:26:18+00:00

Jesus it’s like I almost wrote that myself 😂😂😂 Keep your head up be when you accept it’s over and stop beating yourself up, she’ll probably change like a switch because she’ll believe that you didn’t Care when the reality is (YOU WILL HAVE REALISED ITS FOR THE BEST INTEREST TO YOU) there is only so many things you can change and she sill looks at you how she did when you accepted to change the first problem. Get you affairs order and and be prepared for the next chapter of the Ricky Road.

To give you an example I’ve been living in a different house now (my home) l left the family house 2.5 years ago and 6 weeks after walking away we were f##king again, now I can’t deny the sex was amazing after 10 years we knew each other or so I thought.

All the changes later which I will admit some definitely benefited my own health, but it was relentless and the requests started getting pathetic, 20 months separatedI ended up secretly seeing a councillor for me because at the time I felt like I could do nothing right in the family settings (I worked away always have done so for me family when home was important) the 1 piece of advice that stuck with me was it takes two people to argue so if I felt the urge to escalate the argument it was best to walk away, so thing stopped improving with my STBEXW because she mistook my silence as a sign of weakness and the arguments got even more petty..

FOR THE GRAND FINALE I had been been home 5 weeks in the time she only stayed one night, amazing sex always can’t fault her in the bedroom department anyway , but what followed a few days later was the frosty atmospheres when we were doing stuff with the kids . I suggested we should probably restart the Divorce proceedings to which she agreed,

Father’s Day she had our 18 year old son drop the two young kids to me with presents (for 10 minutes) She fucked off with them and spent the day with her dad. 2 days later I informed her I was going to be making it public we were finished and would be proceeding with the divorce, that was the first time in 2.5 years I took back control FOR ME because I knew if it wasn’t made public we would continue to F##k and both still be miserable in the relationship outside of the bedroom

Remember I said changes like a switch two days after she lost that control over me I get a text she’s going no contact not to directly contact her or she would be forced to call the police again.

😂 That’s what I responded because I’ve never a finger against any woman, she lives 12 minutes away and 20 minutes later I had two one sided police officers in my house warning me not to contact they got put out quickly when it was evident they had nothing but a story and wouldn’t accept my offer of reading out chat history that proves I wasn’t the aggressor.

So had just proved to me that not being in control kind of upset her 😂😂😂😂there’s a long road ahead and I’m not playing her game any more.

rsmiley77 · 2023-07-08T11:39:35+00:00

Can I just add to please stop bending over backwards for her. Stop that right now. No more. Do you demand she change different things? Is she perfect in all ways? I seriously doubt it.

As someone else said she got you. You were her mark and she’s now decided to move on to the next. You now have to put yourself together for you and your child. You have to be strong for both of you because she sure as hell isn’t. Take care of all your bills now to make sure she has no access. Get a lawyer. Then take a day just for you.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2023-07-08T13:14:46+00:00

She checked out long ago.

So many other replies here put it very well. Most everyone here has gotten their custom shit sandwich.

But now, it’s a new game. The thinking that got you into this mess will not get you out of it. You need to take some time and clear your head this weekend and start calling lawyers on Monday.

The first reason is to get the ball rolling. Now is the time to strike first. You need to be willing to go maximum Putin and nuke everything.

The second is that any attorney you talk to about your case cannot be used by your ex as representation because of conflict of interest. It is rare, but some women will interview all the attorneys in an area to make getting counsel much more difficult.

PAGPRS · 2023-07-08T01:47:44+00:00

I’m sorry man. Women that will spend and spend and never save and call you cheap while not earning much money are the worst.

johnsnow202020 · 2023-07-08T03:02:13+00:00

I would call you a turtle but your are missing the shell. So that is too much. She took the first swipe . Swipe back and get ur vagina out ur ass .

WindowFuzz · 2023-07-08T13:19:14+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It will get better, I know it does. The most important thing you can do now is reach out to friends and others for support. A big mistake men make is to retreat into themselves. We are not good at asking for help. There is no shame in moving back in with your parents, or a relative, for a short time. That will give you emotional and financial support. Join a men's group, gym or other activity. I found the MensWork book to be superhelpful too--it will help you become the man you want to be for your daughter. Hang in there--it will get better.

TheBoyBand · 2023-07-08T01:48:00+00:00

My dude, your life is about to change for the better, you just can’t see it yet!!! Heauxxx like these belong in the streets, nothing will ever be enough, e.v.e.r! You have an attorney?

Oh… “I don’t want to be the bad guy.” It’s an affair I fkn feel it in my gut!

Edit: FOCUS ON YOU who doesn’t deserve THIS…. The four year old will adjust, but take care of you to be the best for her. (Child)

theduckbilledplatypi · 2023-07-08T03:41:14+00:00

File for divorce and get full custody of your kid. She's nothing more than a con woman at this point and will probably wind up behind bars eventually (not even joking).

Illustrious_Shape_78 · 2023-07-08T19:44:32+00:00

Unfortunately you were (and still are) a weak man. You should've stopped supporting her business ventures after the first one.

Your broke ass should get an attorney and get evidence that she's the one maxed out the credit cards. If not you'll be financially fucked for many years to come. Good luck.

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2023-07-08T02:21:17+00:00

Focus on you clearly she isn’t in the relationship build yourself up sleep eat right gym spend time with your friends and family. Your child certainly doesn’t deserve this . She deserves a father who is happy and has his cup full inorder to be the best man and father ! She’s more worried about her ego than taking care of you and providing a sound environment for your family do not let her drag you down she is only going to continue this behavior focus on you start the healing

Newliam1986 · 2023-07-08T09:38:10+00:00

It the end of Y last councillor meeting it was suggested that I look in the Book below. I never actually got the book because the insight given was enough for me. I never doubted my ex and always trusted her but the last year to 18 months she became so secretive with her phone face ID on WhatsApp fuck knows where else because I’ve never looked and a partners phone, it was about. Year ago while she sat beside me I seen it say faceID required, and drove myself insane wondering the worst until I decided I had enough.

https://womensinfidelity.com/women_after_an_affair.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIt-uLs-Oe_wIV1PjtCh1Lcgb1EAMYASAAEgJFivD_BwE

imthebusman · 2023-07-08T11:13:58+00:00

what were her 4 business ventures?

Kitchen-EngineerX · 2023-07-08T12:51:47+00:00

Remember, she has to split the debts too. Not just the assets. Don’t let her get one without the other.

tyyyy110 · 2023-07-08T13:36:40+00:00

This vampire in the disguise of a wife has used and sucked you dry. She never loved you. She only wanted want she wanted..you were a tool in her little game.

It hurts dude, it sucks.

Don't engage with her or try to show any emotions around her. She will certainly play on them. Go away for a few days, get your thoughts together. Seek legal consultation immediately. This is were you need to be strong! And yes dude she more than likely has been cheating on you. Trust nothing of what she says!

georeddit2018 · 2023-07-08T13:42:46+00:00

I'm so sorry about what you're going through

fewdo · 2023-07-08T14:32:50+00:00

Do not move out of the house. That would show that you trust her to raise your kid and that you don't want to be involved in the kid's life.

Look into digital audio recorders and how legal they are. Many women's lawyers advise them to make abuse accusations so the can get temporary restraining orders. This requires no evidence. Having a continuous audio recording might help you defend against an allegation of abuse. Don't get a recorder that cuts out silence. You want to be able to show that you were being sane at any hour.

Hugs. This is going to be hard. You have done hard things. You can get through this.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-07-08T15:24:57+00:00

Dude you move on. You have a child already so now you can have your child and your life. Get another business going fix your finances go date and fuck who you want and stop giving your credit card out

BlackAnvilEgo42 · 2023-07-09T16:47:18+00:00

Its gonna hurt, but she probably spent that vacation sampling some Richard, and that's what pushed her to take the plunge. She tasted "freedom" and wants more.

Title	It Happened
Author	Alexd203
Upvotes	34
Comments	33
Date	July 8, 2023 1:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14tq2fp/it_happened/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-happened.1224646 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224646

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