It wasn’t an accident

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2024-09-16T20:24:58+00:00

I feel very much the same!

While I am not an avid church goer, my faith and character were refined in the fires of struggle. I’ve still got a long ways to go, but the more I have placed in His hands the more I have been blessed.

Were I married, I would not have been able to take my current job which has allowed me to follow the purpose I believe I was put on this earth to fulfill. There is still much work ahead for me, but my mind and soul are at ease in ways I would not have considered possible when I started down that path.

familymanlikesfamily · 2024-09-14T10:29:31+00:00

Full agree with OP. Stay blessed.

Typical-Bit-2051 · 2024-09-14T02:36:02+00:00

I have been married 25 years and unhappy. I have done stuff that is wrong and it weighs on me. Feel like I am trapped in my marriage and always looking for something to fill my heart. I am lost and don’t know what to do anymore

Dacks8600 · 2024-09-14T01:42:27+00:00

I coulda written this 💪

Character_Pop_6628 · 2024-09-13T23:11:16+00:00

You go dude. I practice Stoicism and the universe (God, whichever higher power you relate to) definitely has plans for you. I have tried to maintain a growth mindset and see what obstacles can do to help us grow.

After a bunch of pain I see improvement in the long term. It may not feel like it's a growth opportunity when you can't eat or get out of bed. But I take it on the chin and spend just a few days feeling overwhelmed.

I do feel stronger and more confident without her negative toxicity. I have hopes for the future and if my plans fail, I know I can face whatever comes because I have already faced divorce and survived, even thrived.

CzarEggbert · 2024-09-13T20:16:48+00:00

No happy marriage ever ends in divorce... I repeat that to myself daily.

SufficientCurve4934 · 2024-09-13T19:13:10+00:00

Guys, I think it doesn’t really matter if there’s a white-bearded God sitting somewhere listening to your prayers or not. The psychological factor of praying (having an inner monologue, at least) helps process your trauma and might provide the good feelings you need in these hard times. And I’m not talking about the Christian God, but anything you feel comfortable with. Try it for a month and pray regularly. If the situation improves, great. If not, no one will know or think you’re stupid, but at least you tried.

ApprehensiveEcho9253 · 2024-09-13T18:43:35+00:00

Glad to hear you've come back to him op!!! I left my faith and am in the process of getting back into it myself.

Hog-Switchkey · 2024-09-13T18:37:12+00:00

You refer to your imaginary "God" as "He" and "Him"! Does this God have testicles? Maybe your God has a Vagina? You have no idea because you have Never seen It with your own eyes! Grow up!

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-09-13T18:16:01+00:00

OP, I will disagree with you again. God had nothing to do with this. Your stbxw allowed the spirit of Jezebel to whisper into her ear, and allow that snake Satan to influence her.

God may have taken the opportunity to pour into you during this time, but don’t ever think “God allowed this.” God allows free will, and your stbxw made many choices to end up at this result.

THX1138-22 · 2024-09-13T18:09:07+00:00

If God loved you, why did he let you marry her? I think it is wonderful to have a belief in a higher power(s). However, it can be helpful to step back and ask how much they are directly involved in the minute-by-minute details of my life, and how much of my life is actually under my direct control. The more agency we feel we have over our life, the more empowered we are to act.

Odd_Statistician_254 · 2024-09-13T17:26:11+00:00

It has been said that pain and fear are the most powerful motivations

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-09-13T17:09:18+00:00

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I am in the same place. I’m so excited in your relationship with Him. That’s awesome. ❤️

Competitive-Rub-6941 · 2024-09-13T16:44:58+00:00

If I take a kitten, mistreat it heavily for a long time, but then feed it and take it to a vet, you'd consider it cruel.

Same thing done to you - "oh thank you God".

Classic believer's Stockholm syndrome.

No, it wasn't necessary. You just had shitty years. Many don't.

GrimStreaker15 · 2024-09-13T14:43:46+00:00

I'm glad that you recognize and give credit to him for walking with you through your divorce. The same thing happened to me once I was forced to file.

People will try to dismiss your faith or act like God somehow punished you or was out to get you. The truth is God allows these situations to occur to make us stronger and give us the opptournity to overcome and learn from a tragic experience. That's how we grow and become more humble.

I always thought of it as I was in a bad marriage and wouldn't divorce my wife because I made vows and was willing to overcome anything to maintain those vows. But, once I caught her in an affair, I had a clear reason biblically to divorce and move forward.

From day one, I was running on adrenaline and not clear-headed. But, it was like someone else was in control making the correct decisions and guiding me. This didn't happen a couple of times. It happened daily for months.

I dumped out all alcohol on day one. Threw away all drugs, filed for divorce, changed all passwords, and was in the gym every day from that day forward.

Since then, I've dropped over a hundred pounds, have been sober for over a year and a half, became financially secure career is just going amazing and that's just a few of the blessings I have been given.

I give all credit to God for walking with me and guiding me through it all. So, I am grateful to see you sharing and giving credit to him working behind the scenes for you as well.

Don't let anyone make light or try to minimize what you and I recognize was helping us through our rough waters. Sometimes, God will have to destroy everything to help us rebuild a new and stronger foundation for our lives.

I'm proud of you, brother, and keep moving forward and giving him credit and thanking him. This life is a test to see if we can make it out with our souls intact, and it's apparent you are doing brilliantly.

"Great men are forged in fire. It's the privilege of ex-wifes to light the flame".

HawkThua01 · 2024-09-13T13:53:26+00:00

If there is God would not put me there in the first place.Would you let someone go starving homless freezing and abadoned if you live him? Nope.... I'm happy you find some delusion help process the trauma but I'm a realistic person and try to stay sane.. Not imagen something put me there to be here but each of their own. I kill my pain whit screaming loud music and riding fast on my bike hoping I will hit a pothole over 80+ so the pain goes away forever.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2024-09-13T13:13:16+00:00

How do you rationalize in your head that god got you out of that situation, but not that god put you in that situation in the first place?

soontobesolo · 2024-09-13T13:12:47+00:00

Good! Give yourself credit for moving on and changing for the better.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2024-09-13T13:11:52+00:00

Each to their own, but I’m not sure looking towards a fictional character for answers makes much difference.

I do believe in compassion, care and positivity. Wishing you all the best in your next chapter.

Title	It wasn’t an accident
Author	DudeforRighteousness
Upvotes	54
Comments	39
Date	September 13, 2024 12:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ffu1f2/it_wasnt_an_accident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-wasnt-an-accident.1530105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530105

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