Do women expect men to fix their problems?

PriorPineapple3778 · 2024-09-26T04:26:05+00:00

I think a lot of men are raised to be the "provider" or "protector" of others from a young age. We unthinkingly accept this as our role in life. However, after my divorce and lots of therapy I am much less willing to fill that role. At certain times I'm willing but not before fully thinking through the issues and consciously making a decision. Solving others' problems is no longer a default option. There are a lot of rocks that just aren't mine to pick up.

pk2at · 2024-09-26T01:52:16+00:00

Women do depend on male relationships for a lot of things in exchange for babies. That is just biology and not much you can do about it

coryh922 · 2024-09-25T19:54:32+00:00

No, if you are finding women like this it is because you haven’t fully healed yourself and project confidence. Filtering these women is difficult af, but being attractive to the secure person is easier once you’ve find yourself in a secure emotional state.

THX1138-22 · 2024-09-25T19:01:21+00:00

I really can’t blame women for expecting men to fix their problems—there are so many simp men out there who eagerly will do that for them. I know because I was one of them.

So, as a woman, it makes sense that if a man offers to do things for you, you say yes. Why would you say no? If the man offers to pay for dinner, why would you say no? If they offer to pay for your vacation, why say no?

So in many ways, men have only themselves to blame for allowing themselves to be so subservient in the first place. We should really strive to create relationships based on equality, where each person contributes and each is grateful for the relationship

CrazySanta7 · 2024-09-25T18:51:33+00:00

Finding a needle in a haystack is difficult. Women are brainwashed to think Prince Charming is going to swoop in and save the day. Most women are always on the lookout for prince charming, even when married/in a relationship.

One4All992 · 2024-09-25T18:29:24+00:00

Not even remotely interested in dating, but from my experience when I've gone out with friends and started chatting or over hearing what females have to say, my first thought is this is pushing me further away from dating. Literally, 2 weeks ago I went out for NFL Sunday and this girl started talking to me. 10 minutes goes by and this dude introduces himself to me and I think wow that's really odd. Then he sits down next to her and I go oh are you guys dating? He says yes and she says well I don't know we have a dog together. I was like wow this is really fucking weird maybe she's just being sarcastic about the whole thing. Then he says no we've been dating for 2 years. I was like oh nice and I was trying to exit that convo quickly and she says wellllll we've been on and off for 2 years but we do have a dog. What's your situation? I was literally in awe like there is no way she's asking this right now. So for shits and giggles I said well I'm not looking to date I'm divorced with three kids, and I have a dog so my life has no room for a significant other. Bounced shortly after that.

I get the feeling most women are looking for someone to financially take care of them or their next best perceived option. I know a lot of men here will find this silly but I'm leaving my love life up to God. If he sends me a unicorn I'll be sure to let y'all know.

fixingmedaybyday · 2024-09-25T17:29:23+00:00

I don’t think so because mine just wanted my sympathy. If I did fix a problem, she’d complain that I got too dirty doing it or that I didn’t fix it her way or or that I didn’t fix the right problem or that I was trying to control her. Either way I went, I was wrong and needed to be put in my place. It was as if she was entitled to be angry or upset all the time and I wasn’t allowed to happy or satisfied. And of course when I finally called her out on it she claimed she was tired of my toxic masculinity.

FinnyIzzy · 2024-09-25T16:21:57+00:00

At a certain age, men are no longer seen by women as men but as financial bailouts for a lifetime of bad decisions.

Internal-Wolverine13 · 2024-09-25T13:22:31+00:00

If you're dating a single mom, you can be certain that you're a means to an end for her. Resources for her and her kids along with filling the void left when she cut the kids' father out of their lives as much as possible in court. Steer clear for anything but short-term fun, they are recreational use only.

dnbndnb · 2024-09-25T16:09:57+00:00

Went on a few dates. One shows up and the date literally goes pear shaped. As in she was literally pear shaped. I was nice, we chatted, I bought us a cheap pizza. She was obviously not very bright. Asked her how online dating was going for her, and she tells me not very good. Says she can’t understand why as she thinks she’s pretty cute. (In what fucking universe?!)

techrmd3 · 2024-09-25T16:00:16+00:00

well different people approach problem solving differently.

Certain people have never had to solve problems on their own. These people simply tell their friends or passing strangers about their problem and if they are pretty enough or smexy enough to prompt action poof! their problems go away.

I have had several women that are friends or potential partners say to me they want to date a man so that "things get fixed when they break" or "heavy stuff is moved". And they say these two criterion like the potential men are simply walk on extras in the movie of their life.

In As Good as it Gets Jack Nicholson says he writes women like this "I imagine a man, then I take away reason and accountability!"

I would add to that, "take away caring about anyone besides yourself"

In plenty of people's lives there have been no real problems that getting someone else to fix it has not worked out to their benefit.

4th_times_a_charm_ · 2024-09-25T15:56:57+00:00

I don't know if it's expected as much as it's what we do... it's certainly what a good man does: we see a problem, and we fix said problem. We see someone in need, and we try to help. Unfortunately, when it comes to core issues of character, many people don't want help. They want supplementation in the form of a husband or wife.

jimsmythee · 2024-09-25T15:52:31+00:00

From what I've seen? A solid 75%...

I was newly split up in my early 40's. Exwife and 2 kids with 50/50 custody. Finances were great (for me) because I kept my house, 50/50 custody and then she got $0 alimony. So I had loads of cash.

And then out on the dating market? Had to wade through the addicts -- the drunks, the pill poppers and the pot heads.

Then I had to weed out the princesses.

After that? The ones that just wanted a free therapist to listen to them droll on and on about their problems with their ex's, etc.

Then there's the ones with money problems. They make poor financial choices and then have nothing left to pay for disasters. "Just got paid, time for starbucks foo-foo coffees, lunches out, dinners with friends, new clothes! Retail therapy!" Literally 2 weeks later? "Oh no, I have a flat tire and I have no way to pay for a new tire."

that's the one I saw the most; The money problems. They have no way to budget themselves.

Odd_Statistician_254 · 2024-09-25T15:41:04+00:00

Short answer: about 98%… Yes.

ADHD_247 · 2024-09-25T15:18:40+00:00

It's an interesting observation and it echos mine as well.

Based on my findings of this subreddit alone, men were willing to work it out. Their wives however not so much.

And so what you are observing are people who essentially ended the relationship likely not taking accountability or putting an effort into really confronting the issue and trying to work things out with there former partner when things got tough.

... And sadly, because they didn't overcome that inevitable hurdle previously so they're likely to face it again... Because life is life and not a fairy tale.

Vikatan007 · 2024-09-25T14:55:58+00:00

A lot of women are looking for therapist not a boyfriend or husband. That's what my experience has been. Sad

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-09-25T14:18:25+00:00

Don’t be captain save a damsel in distress aka hoe. Lose the savior complex and live a peaceful life on your own.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-25T14:08:21+00:00

Look for women with a career and above average income.

In my limited as it might be experience, they generally don't need you to fix their problems and if they like you, they like you for who you are, not for your problem solving skills.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-09-25T14:08:08+00:00

Yes, that's why they want to get married right away

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-09-25T13:23:13+00:00

Once you get a sense of that, move on. No one is worth it. They’re putting on a show, expect you to complete them. It’s a recipe for disaster. At best, keep it casual. Don’t fall for these people.

Obv this goes both ways. Don’t expect a woman to complete you as well.

xosto · 2024-09-25T13:17:35+00:00

A lot of women are looking for a hero. Somebody to save them from themselves. But that same hero becomes a villain to them.

Maybe they want structure and stability in their lives and you provide that. Then they resent you because you're either controlling or boring.

Maybe they want to have fun and live life in the moment. Then they get mad at you for not having emotional depth or connecting with them beyond the surface level.

It's entirely a them issue It's not you. No human is capable of mirroring and understanding another person at the level that they expect. That's why communication is important and that's why self-awareness and emotional maturity are necessary.

The earlier commenter talking about sex and what men will put up with to get it is so true. There are lots of men that will put up with a lot of crap from women just to occasionally get a chance to sleep with them.

And every time a woman gets that attention and validation she feels that she is doing something Right with their life and that if there was something really wrong with her then nobody would be giving her attention and nobody would be sleeping with her.

That's why a lot of the conventional wisdom about dating women is to avoid the nines and tens and focus on sevens and eights and I'm talking about the seven or eight that you will grow to find over time becomes a 9 and 10. But the very conventionally attractive women have a distorted view. Don't get me wrong they're very fun to be with in the short term but if you are a relationship person then it is challenging.

This is just a long way of saying yes I agree that a lot of women don't do the work necessary but as other men have said here a lot of men don't do the work they need to do and they perpetuate the cycle so those kinds of women are perfect for the kind of men who are willing to tolerate that behavior.

We need to live better lives and that starts with dating better women

koboboba · 2024-09-25T12:58:32+00:00

Most men will accept any behavior from a woman as long as she has sex with them. The result is delusional women using that and ending up alone with their delusions and no options as their beauty window is about 30 years shorter than they think it is.

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-25T12:52:11+00:00

Don’t take on their problems. We have enough problems of our own.

SoloUnit2020 · 2024-09-25T12:34:54+00:00

My wife was very controlling and when I made steps to make healthier life decisions, she got very insecure. For the longest time, she blamed me for not helping her with her depression. I was just confused, I never knew what she wanted, she never knew what she wanted. I told her to get into therapy, she said it wouldn't have helped and that I should have been the one to call the therapist. Little did I know that she was actually declining therapy when she was going to the doctors. She said that I should have done something, but I didn't do anything. I didn't even know what to do, I wasn't even sure how to approach her in this state so I kept my distance because she was just nasty.

It's one thing to learn and know about depression and mental health but there's another whole thing to live in it because you sometimes just don't know. She tried to blame me, but after awhile I told her that it's not my responsibility for your mental health. To which she got livid, but this was after the divorce and I told her that no one can pull you out of depression except yourself. I told her that she had destructive habits that were only digging herself deeper and I was trying to help establish healthier habits. Like our food choices, better financial decisions, and working out together but she viewed that as changing her and became more resentful.

It's safe to say that some women lack some self awareness and accountability. In my situation, my wife was always taken care of whether it was by her parents and then she's never went without anything within our relationship. So she never really grew up in a sense.

TDLR: My wife had post partum depression, denied therapy, and blamed me for her not taking the steps to get better.

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-09-25T12:30:35+00:00

No men do.

Women want men to listen to them. Men don’t want to listen, so men figure by fixing the problem they’ll shut up talking about said problem.

So men create this thing in women where men are expected to fix things.

ramad84 · 2024-09-25T12:15:40+00:00

dont ever try and guess what they think or why they think it

just be you

Title	Do women expect men to fix their problems?
Author	DudeforRighteousness
Upvotes	53
Comments	61
Date	September 25, 2024 12:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fp2q0a/do_women_expect_men_to_fix_their_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-women-expect-men-to-fix-their-problems.1531333 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531333

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