Need Help Shaking the Jealousy

jd385272 · 2024-08-08T02:33:03+00:00

You need to fill up your time with positive things, especially hobbies.
You need to rationalize the fact that she's NOT your wife anymore and that she does NOT deserve your love. It's been dead and done.
This might sound harsh, but if you still love (or care about) your ex, you're a bitch (sorry just trying to help).

ZackyAnarchyy · 2024-08-07T16:56:53+00:00

Honestly, I’m not a jealous person, by all means. I’ve come to learn that if they say things like that, upload posts on Facebook about her and some other Jack-off, there’s a reason behind. No matter how petty they’re trying to be, it’s going to hurt them more to see that your not affected by any of it. It will crush her when you’ve found yourself in a better state and possibly find someone better than your stbxw.

I’m still fighting it, but don’t let her play on your emotions. If she does and it’s breaking you down more, then she’s getting what she wants. If you don’t bend and you brush it off, that’s when you’ll be ready to move onward.

Ancient-Homework7557 · 2024-08-07T04:33:09+00:00

She did that on purpose to fuck with your feelings. Don’t let her do that. You CAN stop thinking about that. I was you a few months ago. The thing is. It’s not her. It’s YOUR reaction to outside forces you have no control over. Focus on you and what you control. Namely yourself and your reactions to things outside yourself. That was fucked up of her to say and she knew it. Thats why she did it. There was a purpose. And now you’re feeling that purpose. Mission accomplished by a woman who no longer cares about your wellbeing. To hell with her. Refuse to be discarded and disrespected. Rise above that shit. Don’t respond. Grey rock all day. You will get through it.

Jiujitsu_Dude · 2024-08-07T03:24:19+00:00

Ex bartender here.. it’s not a brag to get picked up by a bartender. It’s a one and done situation, You should laugh it off.

TheNattyJew · 2024-08-06T23:23:18+00:00

Wow that was messed up of her. She did that on purpose. Next time you should mention having a date lined up, even if you don't

stupididiot78 · 2024-08-06T23:21:13+00:00

Why would I ever get jealous of someone wanting my ex? That's like saying I would be jealous of some idiot who bought my 28 year old Carolla after it got totaled in a wreck. Actually, no. I take that back. The Carolla may have been worn out and old, but at least it was reliable and always worked. That's a lot more than I can say about that car crash of a human being that I used to be married to.

Feel bad for the guy who ends up with her and thankful that you got off that crazy train.

l3landgaunt · 2024-08-06T20:14:54+00:00

When I first discovered the affair I felt this way but reflection on how she’s treated me over the years made me just not give a fuck any more. The only reason I’m trying to catch her is so I have cause to sue instead of trying this “no fault” thing. Honestly with as bad as mine is, I feel bad for the guy

klondike36 · 2024-08-06T18:44:21+00:00

Imagine her doing all of the things that drive you crazy. Imagine her in every position, taking it from every angle. Imagine every disgusting thought that your heart and mind can conjure up.

I read this once in a thread as I was going through a very similar situation when my ex and I were first separating.

I know this sounds weird but it helped. It was like, after I tried thinking of all of the ways that it would hurt me, my mind got tired and numb the the various scenarios and actually just started to not care. It was like my own brain got burned out and annoyed and just said fuck it.

mr21vp · 2024-08-06T17:23:40+00:00

Attachment is the root of suffering

The Buddha

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-08-06T17:05:57+00:00

What an idiot to mention the bartender and how hot he is. She's obviously trying to make you jealous which means she still cares about how YOU feel towards her. She wants to see you get upset because that would confirm for her that she has the upper hand in this separation. It's an ego thing. We all have one.

Your best response - Total indifference. Even if you have to fake it.

shrimp_42 · 2024-08-06T16:40:13+00:00

Remember that she is a child. You are a man. There are literally millions of hot women in the world. Women might be the gatekeepers for having sex, but you as a man and all that you can provide and the strength that you have, you are the gatekeeper for a relationship.

Don’t stress about some guy that is just looking for sex, you’ll be meeting girls in no time. Beauty is actually not a rare commodity. Meeting a decent and loving woman is the rarity. Do not seek women. Become the best version of yourself, go to church or whatever you identify as a higher power and obtain mental clarity and support. Help others. Be kind. Challenge yourself. You will naturally attract someone perfect for you and all of this current jealousy will fade into insignificance like an elementary school daydream

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-08-06T16:38:24+00:00

The ex is the problem, not the bartender. Remember that.

Bermnerfs · 2024-08-06T15:40:23+00:00

The key to all of this is to not react. Just simply say "that's nice" and move along. She wants you to be jealous, she wants you to show weakness, don't give in to her twisted games. You don't need her, keep your dignity and be non reactive. Know your value as a human being.

If she sees she's not getting a reaction, she will stop saying these things and move onto a different tactic. Or she will become apologetic and start trying to come onto you. Resist her games, STOP REACTING!! I can't stress this enough, I know it's hard at first, but it's the only way you can win.

watermelonstrong · 2024-08-06T15:15:19+00:00

I read your other posts, I don't understand how your marriage broke down? Or who left? I feel like that's important to why you feel this way

Mine said the same shit to me, at a bar one night by herself during our last month together. That one of the band members was talking to her and wanted her number. I was like, well I hope you told him you have a husband at home?

Shortly after that I found out about her 7 month affair (with someone else, the bar/band guy was nothing). So, shit like that does not bother me in the slightest.

Why does it bother you? Did you leave her and regret it?

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-08-06T14:48:00+00:00

Mine says the same shit bro. She tried to say she will start having guys come to the house. Then she asks, “how does that make you feel”. I told her it only reiterates why I am divorcing her. I told her she is vile, spoiled and lacks common sense that I want in a woman.

I really couldn’t care less. For me, I filed so I have zero attraction to my wife based on her personality over the years. I’m sure it’s harder if you have feelings for you ex, so sorry to hear she’s doing that to you.

potatotornado44 · 2024-08-06T14:36:12+00:00

Stop falling for it.

Make up some shit that will get her jealous if you like.

This is the problem with remaining friendly and civil. It makes it more difficult to move on.

My ex and I are non-verbal. I demanded it, even though we didn’t have any real arguments.

We only text about things related to the kids. I know nothing about her daily life anymore, and I couldn’t be happier.

Brave-Talk · 2024-08-06T11:26:28+00:00

She’s just trying to make you jealous. Earlier you mentioned she got jealous when you were dating someone new this is her way of retaliating and making you jealous.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-08-06T07:00:26+00:00

Try to keep communication with her to a minimum.

Use a court approved coparenting app like "Our Family Wizard" to keep the bs to a minimum.

"I'm not interested in your love life."

"What are we? Girlfriends? I don't care who you go out with."

"Bartender, huh? You going to cosplay as a loyal loving wife for him too? Try cosplaying as a good mother first, mmmmkay?"

If you want to tag her with a DV charge against her, I got a foolproof way to do it. 😅🤣😂

kcinkcinlim · 2024-08-06T06:35:59+00:00

Keep your co-parenting relationship strictly professional. You don't have to be standoffish, but you don't have to be friends either.

When she said what she said, it might have been an innocent attempt to maintain some sort of friendship, because sharing those kinds of details is what friends do. Alternatively, it could also be vindictive, there's no way to know.

So the only way forward is to maintain this as a business relationship, stay professional, and focus on the kids. You don't have to stomach anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Edit: Saw your post history. 100% vindictive. Keep her at arms length

Is0prene · 2024-08-06T06:35:30+00:00

My ex got married 3 months after our divorce finalized and got pregnant the next day. It was just weird seeing her with another man and their baby. For the longest time I couldn't comprehend how someone who was married to me for 11 years can just move on that quickly. It's like I was just replaced over night.

Fishing is what helped me. Driving out to the lake and spending the morning watching the sun rise and fishing is what helped bring solace to my life. Even saved up and got myself a fishing boat I take the kids out on special occasions.

Find a good hobby that you are passionate about and get better at it. Sink all your attention into that.

Title	Need Help Shaking the Jealousy
Author	garfobo
Upvotes	17
Comments	27
Date	August 6, 2024 5:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ela60x/need_help_shaking_the_jealousy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-help-shaking-the-jealousy.1526472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526472

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