Questions for divorced people

yef99 · 2026-02-15T01:08:06+00:00

Character is everything. Learn someone's character by spending time with them in different situations. Don't settle for less when it comes to character.
Slow down. Don't feel pressured. The world is not going to end if you go another week without getting married. Focus on the quality of the partnership.

many-styles · 2026-02-14T16:26:06+00:00

I’ll speak specifically to the men here.

The 'Peak' is a Mirage Whatever emotional or social peak you think you’ve reached at the altar is a myth. In the eyes of the law, you cease to be an individual stakeholder. You own nothing from day one, and if things go south, divorce will prove to be the single worst ROI of your entire life—financially, emotionally, and mentally.
Protect Your Future Self Don't let a 'happily ever after' fantasy lead you to financial insolvency. I’ve seen guys go from middle-class stability to total ruin because they signed a contract they didn't fully understand, including myself. My advice: Don't trade your lifelong independence for a temporary title if you aren't prepared for the total cost of the exit.

sexchairmillionaire · 2026-02-12T01:38:09+00:00

Take time to know and like yourself after honestly assessing your values. No other person completes you.
If you do get married, at any age, leave your regrets at the door. A marriage takes 2 people working constantly at it for it to work and it only takes 1 person to sabotage it. Don’t be the one to sabotage it. Be the one who works tirelessly for your relationship and if it ends then you’ll know you gave it your all and you’ll be back to yourself with a little time, lots of journaling and a good therapist.

tonyway7293 · 2026-02-11T13:54:02+00:00

Don’t get married
Most women are promiscuous and not loyal. Never assume she is yours just because of marriage. Only loyal to their feelings and loyal to extracting everything from you when they throw you away like trash. You are competing with a rigged system with the courts and constant validation from people on their social media so they always have a wandering eye for that “greener grass”.

bk2747 · 2026-02-11T13:07:22+00:00

Don’t get married
Don’t get married

ng_rddt · 2026-02-11T12:34:32+00:00

Marriage is great. I highly recommend it. I would love for my adult kids to get married. I would advise them to get a prenup and I would tell them that a prenup actually improves the chances their marriage will last.

Dark_Tint · 2026-02-11T06:58:06+00:00

Get a prenuptial agreement

RealDamage007 · 2026-02-11T03:05:20+00:00

Don’t. Just don’t .

People change, so you could do everything right and fuck shit will still happen. It’s like being the best driver that gets T-Boned by the drunken asshole. It’s out of your control. No benefit to getting married at this point. If you must, make sure she makes more than you. And even then…

Don’t. Just too stressful for no reason.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2026-02-10T23:50:51+00:00

You can’t force people to be who you want them to be. Accept them for who they are. Accept their strengths and weaknesses.
Stay off social media.

Ok-Preparation5316 · 2026-02-10T23:27:30+00:00

I’m on my 2nd marriage and I’ve learned to never ignore the red flags or the gut feelings.
Take your time to actually date each other. No matter how much you think you know someone, you never really truly know them.

Then-Alps8928 · 2026-02-10T23:27:15+00:00

Get a prenuptial agreement.

SeaworthinessOwn9328 · 2026-02-10T20:10:01+00:00

Whatever you do, no matter the promises even if in writing, do not cosign a mortgage for your father-in-law. Once mine got his $2 million, he and my wife wanted nothing to do with me.

Training_Pumpkin3650 · 2026-02-10T19:02:54+00:00

Sign a prenup and if you don’t it better be because she makes more than you 😂

I would also wait a very long time to get married because no one tells you how long annoying and expensive it is to get divorced even if it’s amicable.

notconvinced780 · 2026-02-10T17:34:04+00:00

No matter if you have assets or not, plan to have kids or not, do a prenup. Best case scenario, it forces you guys to talk out important hypotheticals and perceived roles/responsibilities during a time that there is mutual respect, love and affection. Since your marriage will be one of them that lasts forever, it was just an exercise in Which these important topics were discussed covered off on and agreed between you. That piece of paper will remain in a Manila folder in both you respective desks as well as an attorney’s and will never see the light of day. If you wind up getting a divorce, all the terms are spelled out and it removes conflict and expense and time.

Xan-Diesel · 2026-02-10T15:56:04+00:00

People (our romantic love interests included) tend to change the things about themselves we'd prefer they didn't while simultaneously *don't* change the things we'd like altered. Over long periods of time this is easier to appreciate and observe and include a gambit of human behaviors, perceptions and values. There's a reason you'll often hear "the woman you marry isn't the same woman who divorces you".

Desire cannot be negotiated. The best course for the vast majority of people is to work toward being 100% "them", their authentic selves and the best version of themselves. Surrounding ourselves with the people aligned to this person we are and are working toward will understandably mean some people will drop out of our lives while new individuals pop in. The human condition, our nature and the way things are mean that for many of us: lifelong romantic commitment just won't work forever.

As far as advice to young people, or people of any age, really ... I've learned that most people don't particularly care about seeking the objective truth. They prefer to decide what's true and look for things to confirm their bias. Sharing the reality of the world, marriage, heartbreak and losing your children because one party sought to benefit from violating their contract just makes them too uncomfortable to really listen. If I *had* to give somebody unsolicited advice I guess I'd ask them if they'd jump out of an airplane with a 60% chance their parachute wouldn't deploy. Nobody thinks or believes it'll happen to them. Not their woman. No way.

adl3026 · 2026-02-10T15:27:36+00:00

Never get married again. Most women are looking for someone to take care of them financially and otherwise.
I would say don't get married, but my son just got married a couple of years ago. I wish he and his wife well.

Ok_Builder_3285 · 2026-02-10T14:54:43+00:00

Never trust anyone. Nobody ever really cares about you.
Never get married.

Chauncy1911 · 2026-02-10T14:43:26+00:00

Do Not Get Married.

koskesh122 · 2026-02-10T14:13:43+00:00

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
- Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.
- You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP.
- The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and anyone who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for their kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
Read books like No More Mr. nice guy
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanley on YouTube.
- Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

SaaSWriters · 2026-02-10T13:20:37+00:00

My view is based on years of battling in family courts.

Trust your first instincts - if you know she is not right for you, don't let the sex convince you otherwise.
If you end up in court, learn everything you can about your case and the law - your lawyer will not fight for you because you can barely afford your lawyer to do the bare minimum. Your lawyer will not tell you this, but it's true.
Be clear about why you are getting married, or into a relationship for that matter. Don't get a girlfriend because of sex, companionship, and fun. You can meet plenty attractive women who are down to have fun and will respect your boundaries.

For examples, when I do decide to get married, it will be for kids and business.

Learn to value yoursel above else. When you do that, it's very difficult, if not impossible for a parasitic female to enter into your life.

Don't settle for the first girl who shows you affection.

Terrible-Mind2633 · 2026-02-10T13:04:56+00:00

Some men literally don’t walk away from divorce.
Don’t ignore red flags because you’re smitten and prenups are the responsible thing to do

UrAristotle · 2026-02-10T12:48:21+00:00

Marriage is a democracy and the vote has to be unanimous.
Do a pre-nup. Sure it sounds antithetical to the “happily ever after” vibe, but it is needed.

FirelineJake · 2026-02-10T11:53:36+00:00

The biggest lesson is that love alone doesn't sustain a marriage as you need compatible life goals, conflict resolution skills, and the willingness to keep choosing each other even when it's hard, because feelings fluctuate but commitment is a decision you make daily.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-02-10T10:34:17+00:00

Don't get married, people change, nothing lasts forever, Internal Locus of Control, divorce can be the best and worst thing that have ever happened to you.
Read the book: 'The seven principles of making marriage work' by John Gottman

electromattic · 2026-02-10T10:22:26+00:00

I would just say that the government doesn't need to be involved in your love. You should love each other, have a ceremony to celebrate it, call yourself husband and wife - just don't get legally married. Choose each other every day. And if it doesn't work out - it is much easier to walk away.

lostpassword100000 · 2026-02-10T09:38:29+00:00

I learned that you will have friends come in and out of your life situationally. That very few people are true friends thru thick and thin.

I learned the same thru family.

If you want to marry someone, make sure they’re loyal as hell. Make sure they’re on your team and have your back.

teodir · 2026-02-10T07:36:30+00:00

Love without safety is not love. If you cannot feel calm next to someone, you are not in a relationship but survival mode. Real love should lower your guard, not keep it permanently raised.

Endurance is not resilience.True strength was leaving, setting boundaries, and choosing myself instead of tolerating disrespect.

Trust is the foundation, once broken is over. Communication doesn't work, words don’t matter when actions say the opposite.

I tried for years to repair something that only one person wanted to repair. Relationships are teamwork, one engine cannot pull the whole train.

Childhood wounds choose partners for us.I picked what felt familiar, not what was healthy. Familiar pain can feel like home if you never learned another model

Self sacrifice doesn't buy love. Giving more did not create reciprocity. It only taught my ex that my limits were flexible.

Peace is more valuable than being right.I stopped explaining myself to her.

Healing happens by action, living. I started to recover the moment I began living for myself again.

2.

Behaviours, watch them, promises don't matter. The person you marry is not who they say they are in good moments, but who they become in conflict, stress, and boredom

Never marry potential. Marry what you see today, not what you hope they might become.

RECIPROCITY. If you are the only one putting effort, love, care respect, that's not marriage is survival.

KEEP YOUR IDENTITY. A marriage should improve your life, not replace it. Never abandon friends, hobbies, dreams, or your voice to keep someone.

DON'T IGNORE RED FLAGS. Character man, character

Observe accountability, character man. You might carry all the blame if she doesn't assume responsibility.

Set boundaries. Set them before marriage, you need to say NO before marriage.

Choose someone with growth potential. Life is hard, you need someone who evolves with you not escape. This apply to us also, so solve your inner child or other issues ans your partner is not an escape for you.

Have the courage to walk away.Staying in the wrong marriage teaches your children the wrong definition of love.

SRT10_ · 2026-02-10T07:19:54+00:00

Date your GF for at least 2+ yrs to really learn what kind of person she is when there's conflict/arguments and times of stress. How do they conduct themselves when they're angry? There will be conflicts and stress over the years and you want to be with someone who can work things out, not just get loud and try to bully their way into "winning".

Look at her family and how they interact with each other in relationships, especially her mother & father. If they're divorced, look at the one she bonded with the most and you'll learn a lot about what she'll be like as she gets older. Also, she'll likely look A LOT like her mother.

Maintain a manageable budget and don't run up junk debt, like credit cards.

heatseaking_rock · 2026-02-10T07:02:47+00:00

You are but alone in your life. Marrying someone does not means you should identify with that person or whatever marriage tends to make out of you. Never ever forget who you are.
Don't go marrying someone on a hunch or a feeling. Calculate, be strategic about it. A marriage is not a fairy tale, but a silent war.

Title	Questions for divorced people
Author	Any-Cantaloupe-1262
Upvotes	22
Comments	32
Date	February 10, 2026 6:55 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1r0tuh9/questions_for_divorced_people/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/questions-for-divorced-people.1573155 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573155

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