should I divorce him?

DistinguishingOne · 2022-06-14T23:49:14+00:00

I have seen this come up often in different subreddits. I normally stay quiet, because this take is not PC…. Do you look anything like what he married?

Love/intimacy can get a person to sex. Attractiveness is a heavy lever in frequency.

anonymizered · 2022-06-15T01:22:33+00:00

I’ll tell you why I stopped.

The constant nagging.

The “work” of it. There was never just something for me anymore, like no quick oral before work. When we did have sex it was usually me trying extra hard to please her, with little in return aside from her lying there waiting for me to hurry it up after she was done.

The drinking. Sloppy sex was fun was I was 19. Not 39.

The drinking and the berating and insulting and then anger when I didn’t want to sleep in the same bed afterwards.

The weight gain. Once I began to not be able to move her around without great effort, that was a huge turn off.

If you’re actively trying not to be a controlling nag, you’re a controlling nag, sorry.

AirSailer · 2022-06-15T00:05:12+00:00

How do you treat him?

Do you emasculate him by questioning his manhood?

Do you nag him?

Do you boss him around?

Do you demand he have sex with you?

Do you drink a lot?

Have you gained weight?

Do you practice proper hygiene? Do you smell good down there?

How long have you been married?

Is sex "work" for him?

How stressed out is he, or does he have a high-stress job?

Rock_Lizard · 2022-06-15T00:23:50+00:00

Why did you post this in Divorce Men?

Longhorn9801 · 2022-06-15T01:17:11+00:00

He loves you, but he doesn’t like you AT ALL. Ask yourself why, and then change.

xjeeperx · 2022-06-15T03:01:42+00:00

I’m just glad I’m not the only one to go through this.

How does a woman not know that when you bitch your husband out for 2 hours about what he didn’t do after he worked all day and came home and cooked and bathed kids and put them to bed, he’s completely exhausted and you turned off every fucking desire he had for you?!

And you have the fucking nerve to question his sexuality because he doesn’t want you?!

And yea, his self esteem has a lot to do with it, and you’re making it worse, and if he’s stressed at work, it may not have anything to do with you at all. But you’d rather divorce him than fucking talk about it?! But I guess it’s a woman thing that you think asking if he’s gay is “talking about it” he could spell it out for you and you still wouldn’t get it because you’re looking for something to be wrong with him, and the first place you should look is in the mirror!

whatskeeping · 2022-06-15T02:06:06+00:00

So the grass is greener out there? Better work on your game, dating is rough out there you know.

HelixFish · 2022-06-15T02:28:01+00:00

Very confused. OP, are you a woman? Go to r/deadbedrooms. I divorced my LL wife, but we were together >15 years. Is your husband in shape? Does HE think he’s attractive?

Also, quit harping on him being a closeted gay man. It’s super fucking offensive and I’m a straight cis man. That shit right there is a massive turn off. Dial the pressure down and make him feel wanted, cared for, sexy, and SAFE. Safe is sexy. You’ve not mentioned any of YOUR issues at all which is pretty damn suspect.

Have you both tried weed? Anything else? People react differently but weed makes many people horny. Alcohol is not a good choice for being horny, but maybe that works for him.

Lingerie? Sexy makeup? When my fiancée puts on sexy smoky eyes I can’t keep my hands off her, but ymmv.

Edit: I came on strong there, sorry. I don’t know you or your husband. Maybe you are hurting and angry, I’d be too. The way you write though doesn’t make you sound kind, safe, attractive, or sexy. I spent over a decade with a deadbedroom and it definitely fucked me up. It’s good to get out early if appropriate. Please see a therapist for yourself and to bounce ideas off. I spent months with a therapist before deciding to divorce. That was a good thing to do. Please do that for yourself and your husband.

Gxl4 · 2022-06-15T05:57:10+00:00

There are clue’s in your topic here, that you should pay attention to. Let me mansplain it to you.

Your guy tells you he’s attracted to you, but still wont have bedroom fun with you. So thats a fucking lie. He’s not attracted to you, a guy will pretty much bone a girl he’s attracted to 24/7 when he gets the chance and time.

Get his Testosterone checked. Now dont go full retard on him “ I WANT YOU TO GET IT CHECKED!!!?!!!11” just throw it out there that maybe he could get it checked, it might help.

Do you BOTH eat healthy? Is he overweight? Go to the gym. Both of you.

You say you “cut back on the nagging” i dont believe women have that setting in them, its testing their man in their opinion.

Repeatedly asking if he’a attracted to you, or if hes asexual or gay, is… drama for a guy to say the least, and highly unattractive. Its like that kid in the store asking his mom 36 times to buy him that bag of chips, yeah. Fuck that kid.

is he gaslighting me.

Well, i don’t know. If so there is a reason, and that requires a good hard look in the mirror.

I dont know how you look, however i can say that majority of the guys don’t like fat girls, these girls saying “im thick” or “ i’m big boned” are delusional.

Majority of them are 200+ pound land whales, sitting on the couch, demanding their husband to clean and cook shit, after he comes home from work and she did fuck all the whole day, but otherwise she’ll divorce him and take half his shit. A real trojan horse some have let in..

You say you gained weight and that he seems to like it, i call bullshit.

How about your hair did you change that over time? Personally i like long hair, and i know a fuckton of girls going from long to short hair when they become 27+ y.o which is a no no for me.

The Political correctness police movement can fuck off by telling me i cant have preferences when girls want 6feet 6 inches, 600hp cars and 6 figure salaries.

Did you use makeup when you guys started dating and did you stop using that now? Guys are visual beings.

Do you do nice things for him? Small stuff like baking a cake when he comes home is enough for most guys to be happy as fuck lol.

However, i forgot about the i DoNT cLeAN oR CoOk generation, i hope you’re not one of them, or you’re shooting yourself in the foot here.

Do shit together, stop blaming HIM for everything. “He’s a lazy person” you state, but it doesn’t seem you give the guy a goos reason to get up in the morning.

If i need to choose between my Playstation , Porn and a drama free life, or a negging wife and “real sex”, i’ll take my playstation every day.

Rustic_Father · 2022-06-15T09:08:51+00:00

I stopped initiating sec with my wife because she was hyper critical all the time and just generally was not a person I wanted to talk to let alone be intimate with. She yells, and throws things over the slightest problem with me or the kids.

Also sex was a chore for me because she did zero foreplay. At most she would run her finger softly over my pants.... Then it was up to me to do the foreplay to her and to perform. And on top of that she had too many rules; only in the bed, missionary or doggy, no oral unless immediately after a shower, and never oral on me. Basically she took the passion and fun out of sex. She even started calling me a pervert if I attempted to initiate sex outside her normal rules or if I suggested to try anything different. I was also called discussing for asking for a blow job.... something I have gotten maybe 2 times in the last 10 years.

The third reason is she gained weight. Nobody would say she is ugly but she lost a little of who she was before. Oddly enough it would be fine if she were happy with her body but she constantly complains about it and constantly makes declarations that she is going to lose weight. We started dating she was a size 8, then she went to 10, now she is buying size 12.

Overall the woman I dated and subsequently married is nothing like the woman I share a bedroom with... If I were to have met this person today I honestly wouldn't want to be friends with her.

Gattsama · 2022-06-15T05:39:58+00:00

So assume you posted her because you want a male POV and are worried is he thinking about jumping ship. Every one is different, but was there a time in the past when he was more into sex? If not then, this might be who he is. IF however, things were once hot and heavy, and now are cold and dead; there is a reason for it.

The list is too long: ED (HTN and DM need to be eval), stress, being tried, bored, no longer physically excited by you, no longer emotionally excited by you, seems like another chore, not fun, lack of after care, depression, etc.

You need to stop, sit down with him and try to have an 100% honest and open conversation. If he was into sex before and now doesn't care he has to be open to discussing it. My wife went from 180 when I meant her to 250. I was still into her. She also: repeated asked am I gay when I didn't want to have sex with her, told me I was a huge pile of shit with a little pee of goodness on top, that she didn't respect me, and had nothing.

Sex with her was the last thing on my todo list. I liked sex in the morning, she hated that and preferred right before bed. Right before bed was great for her, fuck and sleep; but more work for me and at the end of the day (which were long). Then we had a fight and she said no more sex, this went on for just over two years. And I truly didn't give a damn. I mean, yes, we are clearly not healthy. But again, sex with her was the last thing on my mind.

So either you man has issues with you and/or he has internal issues that he needs help with. Either way you need to talk. Stop questioning his sexual orientation and using shaming language. We hate that shit!!! Makes us not want to be around you.

Wish you luck.

Correct-Perception94 · 2022-06-15T10:09:23+00:00

He is suffering from all the female growth hormone in all the fastfood meat, all the bysphenol-a in all the food we eat and the water supply, and if he is masturbating even once a week, he likely has no testosterone left. If he's not breaking a sweat at least once a day his metabolism isn't getting up to speed to keep up... believe it or not, you can get your metabolism going well enough to overcome the onslaught of your body chemistry.

Aechzen · 2022-06-16T04:40:14+00:00

I had to go read your post history, to get some more information.

Does your religion / culture have arranged marriages, or did you choose this man, and he chose you?

I only ask, because some people really do think that sex is for making children, and if he doesn't want more children with you right now, he doesn't see the point of having sex.

There are also men who only see their wife as mother / housekeeper / maid, and if they want sex, that's when you see prostitutes, pay them for thirty minutes, and go home to your wife.

SpiritualEnema · 2022-06-15T00:15:04+00:00

Try and be more demure/feminine. Sexual attraction is strongest at the poles (masculine/feminine). Why is he not being masculine? Could he have low testosterone? It’s kind of early for that but it’s not unheard of.

Does he have a pornography addiction? I would want to know more before making a judgement. You’re obviously thinking of leaving, I would have a REAL talk with him.

saygrace2 · 2022-06-15T17:40:33+00:00

Ha… I could never imagine this dynamic as my ex never initiated sex. We went 3 months without sex when we decided to call it quits. We also have a child but she always used that as an excuse because she was “tired”.

He could have low testosterone which in turn lowers his sex drive. Maybe he can get that checked out.

Are there other problems in your marriage aside from sex?

Title	should I divorce him?
Author	mayaluismi
Upvotes	0
Comments	60
Date	June 14, 2022 11:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vcgqe0/should_i_divorce_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/should-i-divorce-him.1119704 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119704

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