So, dating

a_day_at_a_timee · 2024-06-29T02:54:53+00:00

Do you want to start over and have more kids with a new girl?

This is the main question you need to answer because how you go about dating will depend on the answer.

If the answer is yes, you will have a large selection of prime choice 30 to 40 women who are literally losing the minds to meet a man who will put a baby in them before their womb dries up. Women with degrees and good careers. Doctors and attorneys etc.

If the answer is no, are you willing to raise some other man’s kids? Lots of milfs looking for a baby daddy to give them a free ride.

If the answer to that is no, you will have to date women over 45. Ones that missed their chance to have kids and women with grown kids.

So spend some time reflecting on this question.

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-06-28T20:36:37+00:00

When I dabble in it, Facebook dating seems to be the best. I haven’t tried bumble or tinder, and stir was a fucking shit show. You want the worn out of the worn out, go to Stir.

Facebook dating, for me, has been almost overwhelming positive. On average, I’d get 3-5 matches a day.. and that’s spending maybe 15 minutes of my time a day swiping. I’ve met a couple great girls on there, and a couple hoes. Both ends were fine.

It’s all completely free.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-26T22:50:48+00:00

I've about 2.5 years out, and been on a whopping 9 dates at age 47. I've gotten most of those dates from OLD, but none have been worth anything, just awful times for more work than it's worth. Just terrible.

The three I've picked up organically were all much better. One was a co-worker, that was very very brief (she was basically on/off with her ex and they went back on again. Also the worst of the three by far.) The other was a 25 year old best friend of my best friends little brother's wife, which was a great time, she just despite saying she wanted the whole serious relationship, marriage, family, etc, still wanted to go out to rave festivals, do drugs, and have sex with randos, so that couldn't last.

The best, and one I still regret to a degree, was a realtor I worked with, she asked me out, we hit it off, and it was going great. About two months in, she started pushing hard for the marriage and kids decision, and I was about 2 years out at that point, and just not in a position to be happy with that. Two more months of that I had to break it off, as she really wanted it, and I just couldn't give it too her in a time frame she wanted.

I 'console' myself as she's already moved on with someone else not even 4 months later, so I feel I was just a 'good choice' rather than 'her choice'.

letsbehavingu · 2024-06-26T18:33:13+00:00

I’m getting back on the apps after 8 years out. It’s good. I take selfies and reconnect with ways in which I can be attractive or not. I quickly move matches to phone calls and flirt like crazy and try to say things that scare me. I date and go in for a kiss. I’m closing in on my first night of sex. 6mo post 8yr together with kid. It’s not easy, read about pickup then go try and fail. It’s very validating and rewarding to find out your market value after all these years and better understand all the women, their needs and situations

thro281 · 2024-06-26T17:25:58+00:00

Outsource things my man. You don’t want or need someone to lighten your load. You are approaching this new life all wrong. It sounds like you make a decent living. Use Care.com to find babysitters and house keepers that have background checks approved through the website. I started a premium subscription and it has been great. Last week I hired 2 babysitters for 3 events/dates. They cost $25 an hour so I spent $400 last week. They are reliable, do light housekeeping and play with the kids 9 and 7. I just pay them through the app and it is no problem. Now that I have that option, life is less stressful.

mtmartinez72 · 2024-06-26T16:43:26+00:00

I got separated at 45 and divorced officially at 49. 4.5 years in the courts and $85k in divorce/attorney fees. I lost a lot of money/ 1/2 retirement, child support and indefinite alimony (CA of course) and life status I had built over a 18 year marriage. I have my kids 50/50. I lost so much but gained peace of mind and freedom. I could have spent my time focusing all the negatives that I lost. I realized, at this advanced age I don’t have a lot of time left so I focused on be healthy and loving my new life. I spent any free time I had reconnecting with old friends and traveling the world. Get out of your comfort zone. Work out, eat good meals, have great conversations, make love to beautiful women, travel all over the world. If you don’t have much money, do small trips and last minute deals. Get out and see things. Be brave, have fun. And remain flexible and open to new experiences. Be thankful for your health and freedom. Yeah, it sucks losing so much but you also gained the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want.

Educational-Ruin2382 · 2024-06-26T15:21:39+00:00

The best female to male ratio I've found is at line dancing. The women are young, capable, and in short shorts and boots... I'm not really into country music but it's fun, cheap, something to do, and there are 3:1 women to men (prior to this post 🤣)

On the other side of the coin. I've also been separated for about 18 months. 3 dinner dates that went nowhere, the apps ... If you like being ghosted... As others have said, find yourself again and get out of the mindset that you need a woman.

Like you I work a lot and my X used my income against me for child support and to sit on her ass more than ever. I sometimes feel like I don't get to see my child even though we are 50/50. Use PTO, change jobs, get rid of anything that takes your time away (money is almost equal to time). Spend your time and money with your child while you have the chance.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-06-26T13:54:07+00:00

Firstly I would not entertain dating at all until you get divorced. Then give yourself at least that first year for reflection and personal growth. If you go straight to a new partner you miss out on that growth opportunity permanently and your next marriage is going to be a replay of your first failed marriage. You really want to learn why your marriage failed (you are both 50% at fault) and how you can show up differently in your future relationships.

Learn to be self sufficient. You are 50/50 with your kids so you have plenty of time to take care of the day to day as well as your physical health. You don't want to be dating to find a partner to help you, you want to get to a spot where you have a good life locked down on your own and dating is just the cherry on top. Being needy and looking for a caretaker is not going to fly with mature women. They have done the work after their divorces and will not be looking for a man child (that is why they divorced their ex).

When you are ready to date my advice keep it to your days off from your kids. Give it 2 years before you introduce any partner to your children. As for meeting women if you are in really good shape physically then you will meet them just doing your day to day....in line at starbucks, grocery shopping, wherever. When you see a cute woman checking you out go introduce yourself, get her phone number, and go take her out for coffee and see what she is about.

Don't feel you need to go the traditonal romantic route either. Go date lots of women, short term, casual, FWB, LAT, multiple women at once. Experience it all and then decide what you want.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2024-06-26T12:02:12+00:00

Check out the sub “dating over 40” to get a sense of what is going on.

In general it is a total shit show: women want a guy who is serious about a long term relationship, has money, and who is ready to get married again.

Men want to date around, not get involved with drama queens and don’t want to get married again.

Now these are obviously generalities, but when 80% of the dating pool feels this way, it leaves very little opportunity.

99corsair · 2024-06-26T11:40:51+00:00

from experience.

Everything from dishes to laundry to just

can you afford to pay someone to come a few times a week? use that free time to date, go out for drinks, meet friends, join clubs, hobbies, etc. You shouldn't partner with someone just because you need help around the house.

Ok-Software4407 · 2024-06-26T11:13:25+00:00

So, I see Bumble as a recommended app. What else?

Thank you for the comments. I am experiencing some of the same things. Also, when you go on a date with a friend of a friend and it turns out things do not work, you can hurt existing relationships. Which is pretty terrible as an outcome.

I am not nearly in the shape I want to be in, but I am not doing poorly on that front. 31-32” waist, visible abs, still have my hair, though it is receding fast, weigh 180 lbs, 5’11”. Kinda afraid to find out where that falls on the spectrum in the apps.

idiskfla · 2024-06-26T09:18:12+00:00

Family, gym, career, hobbies, dating in that order.

For dating, I recommend trying online for a couple months. If you see success, great. If you don’t, delete the app. The only men I’ve known in their 40s who have had great success in their 40s have been two of my really good looking guy friends who also happen to be wealthy and own their own companies. And one of them is a widow, not divorced.

Online dating today is very different from just 10-15 years ago. It was a gold mine for men that had their shit together 15 years ago and understood the text game. Today, it’s just a shitshow unless you’re a Chad. The Pareto principle is in overdrive where the top 5% of men are the only ones who can legitimately match with the top 30% of women.

As a bald 5’6” Cambodian, I get filtered out pretty quick where I live in the US. I’m real life has been 5x more success for me, and that’s not saying much considering how bad OLD was for me.

The best way to meet people is by just being social, but that’s easier said than done when your hobbies are mostly “guy hobbies” and you’re viewed as too old to be going to music festivals and clubs (although that shouldn’t stop you).

I went through a period of going to meetup.com events, volunteer work, and animal shelters, and I swear, it was mostly other divorced men i was meeting. Women who want to meet men just need to spend 5 min on an app. Their inboxes fill up with likes almost hourly if they are decently attractive.

jgjg9999 · 2024-06-26T07:45:43+00:00

I've found most single people these days who live on their own either have multiple jobs or work crazy hours. I work nights and weekends myself and it makes meeting people even more difficult.

My X never helped with anything around the house so at least that was an easy transition.

I've been single going on 4 years, I went on a few dates and had a two week fling with a mutual acquaintance but otherwise just have been enjoying time by myself and hanging out with friends and family.

Based off what I've seen out in the market I'm not putting any effort anymore into meeting someone. If it happens, cool.

Own_Saucer1993 · 2024-06-26T06:30:19+00:00

Dating is rough out there. I recently matched with this nurse from a dating app. From our talks she’s mentioned things that I’ve mentally noted as red flags.

She says she works a lot of OT. Has stated that she is a lot to handle and is very out going.

I also just learned today that nurses are notoriously known for cheating. Their work environment is similar to a restaurant,bar,night club, cruise line and really lends itself for sleeping around.

I’m not accusing that she’s of this type but the flags are up and I’m proceeding with caution. At the same time this could be a test of my discipline or could be a gift to be handed a promiscuous woman with no expected strings attached.

Then again I ask myself, do I really need to have another relationship? If sex is the issue then why not just opt for an escort? For companionship maybe a dog.

The more I think about what society is becoming the less I see monogamous relationships thriving. Or it’s just becoming rarer and rarer over time.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-26T05:53:33+00:00

I'm 45. I've been separated for almost 2 years and divorced for almost 1. I have no clue how or where to meet women. I came into this post to see what other people are saying. There was one lady that was a friend of a friend that I thought was into me. I was wrong. She's not. She's got a few warning flags but no red ones.

Square-Choice-3672 · 2024-06-26T04:55:44+00:00

Been separated 6 months now. No kids. Same as you own my own home and she left me with the two dogs. Between work, dogs, gym, looking after everything don’t have much time I’ve realised. I’ve gone out to pubs and joined bumble. Met up with a few etc but like above said amazing how you spot red flags so quickly (for long term prospects). So I’ve decided will just focus on myself and go camping, fishing etc with the dogs. All the woman I’ve met in the past that turned into relationships etc I wasn’t looking for at the time… they sorta just come along when you least expect it.

lifeisallihave · 2024-06-26T04:36:03+00:00

When she hit me with the divorce, I went to the gym and reconnected with old friends. This is crucial and if you haven't met up with any old friends, you should, men always welcome you back even if you haven't seen them in over a decade. I have been on one coffee date with a woman I met while I was out dancing. I quickly noticed the red flags and that was the end of it. I also wasn't ready so I went back to working hard on myself. Hope that helps.

UTHook3m · 2024-06-29T03:07:19+00:00

I already did my part for the continuation of the species, so got ✂️✂️ With no plans to reverse. So if someone wants me long term, then they will need to understand: (i) My kids will always come before them. (ii) I expect the same from them if they have kids (iii) They will never be my kids “mom”

Bumblebee56990 · 2024-07-01T13:14:09+00:00

Hire a housekeeper?

Title	So, dating
Author	Ok-Software4407
Upvotes	23
Comments	41
Date	June 26, 2024 3:46 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dop8vu/so_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-dating.1522156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522156

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