The anxiety is really getting bad

Fuzzy-Alarm7363 · 2025-06-21T22:58:14+00:00

thank you for your service!! It is tough when the people around us do not appreciate the sacrifices and efforts that we put forth to not only make our lives/families safe but what we do for society as a whole!! Talk to someone!! you have value and you don't need to have one person define you. You may be a shit and she may be better off without you, but that doesn't change the fact that you have value. How many runs have you been on that you have seen that. Thanks again for what you do and I hope that with help you get to a better place!!

NoCommission3204 · 2025-06-20T20:54:29+00:00

I just envisage days going by without me speaking to another human being. I can see 4/5/6 days stretching out just on my own.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2025-06-20T02:00:56+00:00

Going through the same process. Stay strong. Make sure it isn’t acid reflux and you can pick up over the counter meds for that and prop yourself up when you sleep. Hit the gym and focus on your mental health. Try finding a gym with a group class so you can get motivated by other people moving. Focus on being the best dad for your kids and just go through the process. Don’t waste time on other women or dating until you’re fixed. It’s a disaster. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been and getting ripped and I’m getting enough attention to date and I just realized that all women are a headache.

THX1138-22 · 2025-06-19T14:57:14+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this. It happened to me too. You NEED to see a therapist. Suicide rates for men after a divorce are 5-8x higher than women. Get help. Most of the replies are telling you to go to the gym. Sure, that may help, but if you are struggling this much, you need to talk to someone—barbells are not good conversationalists.

There are a lot of low cost options out there, including online programs with therapist like betterhelp.

If you can’t afford that, at least try a free AI chatbot: Free or Low-Cost AI Therapy Apps: Wysa: Offers a free AI chatbot for emotional support and utilizes techniques like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Youper: Provides free AI therapy sessions with practical suggestions and coping strategies, incorporating CBT and mindfulness. Sintelly: Offers personalized therapeutic guidance, CBT exercises, and an interactive chatbot.

Venum-X7 · 2025-06-18T23:34:25+00:00

Focus on yourself! Take things one step at the time. One day at the time. We all there. It’s your time to become the motherfucker you always wanted to be. Get fucking jacked. There is money to be made. Pussy to smash! Raise like a mother fucker your kids deserve. I bitch at times too. I know you can do it! I believe in you. I feel you! I feel the pain of being made to be the villain in court. Fuck everyone. It’s about you! Find yourself

Able_Buy_7859 · 2025-06-18T22:31:16+00:00

It's absolutely awful out there. I've been divorced for five years. The dating scene is so bad. I've been ghosted too many times to count. Everyone is searing rage from their divorces. Everyone has damaged everyone so badly.

I haven't looked at a dating app in almost two years. It was causing me emotional and psychological distress dealing with these ladies on the apps. I did go on dates, but I always felt like I was wasting my time, money, and energy. All of my dates were women who were still carrying loads of resentment and hostilities from their exes and all the new assholes they've come across on the apps.

I'm 48 and done with the dating scene. The cons outweigh the pros by a landside. It's not even close.

DevinB12 · 2025-06-18T18:34:45+00:00

I’m 3 months in… closing on the sale of our house next week. Sat in an airport in Atlanta on Fathers Day crying and reading on this sub. Anxiety comes and goes and it has gotten better but I’m still sad. I miss her… it wasn’t long ago she said I was the best husband and father she could have wished for. Not sure I’ll be over her or ever stop loving her. Even now I try to help her and make sure she is ready for things. I can’t just say “F off” to her… OP it does get better but is a big struggle!

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-06-18T17:31:34+00:00

Dating world is the same as it ever was, and you don't even need to think about that for a few years.

Smoothies until you can down quality food. Whole milk, bananas and peanut butter.

Nothing wrong with renting. You cannot take a house with you. Let go of material things they are meaningless.

Missing out on that time with your kids in the beginning is hard. Hopefully you have 50/50. If not continue to fight for that. If you do just know in time you will discover having that time off is a huge benefit to you and your kids.

Get yourself to your local gym. Every person there is positive and looking to improve themselves. These are the people you want to surround yourself with.

DecentShallot6351 · 2025-06-18T16:58:15+00:00

Those are completely normal feelings. Your grieving let yourself feel them. I feel almost the exact same way. Lost 20lbs and I didn’t have much to loose in the first place. Started to feel like no one would wanna date because of the baggage but I’m learning that’s not true and just a natural feeling to grieving. Keep your head up stay strong

Metabater · 2025-06-18T16:39:07+00:00

You’re going to be ok. It will come in waves and eventually there is less time between them. It’s also ok to not be positive all of the time, you’re going to grieve for a while - the loss of the marriage etc,.

The most important thing is to be easy on yourself, don’t expect too much too soon. Dating and buying a home are not things you need to address immediately. Self care is now your top priority - not only is it survival but also; the better and stronger you are, the better for your kids.

Adjusting to seeing your kids less is difficult, so be sure you make the most of the time you do have with them.

Lastly, nobody knows what the future holds; it’s maybe possible you see them more and more over time.

Right now the wounds sound fresh, take the time you need to heal right now.

Chin up.

Spiritual_Grass_8993 · 2025-06-18T16:03:28+00:00

Emotional scar tissue fills the voids over time. Your mind will adjust. Minds and bodies are able and meant to adapt to survive. For now, just survive. Thats all.youncan ask of yourself. Therapy and self improvement will fix the rest. Enjoy the calming sense of peace that will wash over you .

Reflog1791 · 2025-06-18T15:41:37+00:00

I had the same depression, anxiety, and fears.

None of my worst fears happened. In fact every single facet of my life was slowly upgraded.

Do good healthy things. You know what they are you just have to do it.

Bring some joy into your life. Mine is golf and I can tell you I’m the happiest guy on earth after getting through this shit. The difficulty of getting healthy and moving on breeds resilience.

Let her go and move on. Make the best of the new situation. Make it better than your old life. It is hard and it takes longer than we like but the rewards are priceless.

c0ff33_b7ack · 2025-06-18T15:16:12+00:00

Cry it out, find your family and friends that will offer the space and support. The more you cry the less you hold on to.

Away-Cup8077 · 2025-06-18T14:55:00+00:00

Have you tried journaling?

Formal_Ad4612 · 2025-06-18T14:48:12+00:00

Sorry bro bro, I feel ya. About a year and half out from separation and 6 months from finalization. No kids, and I know this… “complicates” things. My 2 cents: I think the experience of divorce is one which, unlike much of life in general, requires you to compartmentalize things (in as healthy of a way you can). The dating, the home purchase, it all should feel impossible if you’re still knee deep in the process. But if you’re knee deep in the process, the gift is that you shouldn’t be focusing on this shit right now. You focus on getting a roof over your head (maybe 6 months at a time) and finding the man you were prior to marriage… this makes everything else fall into place when the time is right 🙏

metrii21 · 2025-06-18T14:17:46+00:00

Brother just know I’m in the exact same boat as you! Got my own place now, divorce has been final since April, I’ll tell you this, when the days got really bad like I’m at work literally with tears falling down my face, almost everyday. This weekend I had the kids and me breaking down in front of them, only made them more sad. It sucks when everything reminds me of what I’m used to but it’s not the end, just a new chapter. I’m still not eating and sleep you can forget it, but what’s helping me right now is taking in the little positive things. The laugh I had today, gives me hope that not every day is going to be this bad, and the fact that some days are better than others lets me know that I’ll eventually make it out of this! How long idk but take each day to heal! And take your time, way to many people in my ear telling me how I should go about it but stay true to yourself and try to stay active, YOU GOT THIS!

79709 · 2025-06-18T13:26:20+00:00

Been there dude. We completely lose our identity when we go through this shit and it’s devastating. You’re in the depths of the transition but you can come out of it.

Besides meds, there are ways to control your anxiety…eating healthy, exercise, stretching and breathing techniques, no drugs or alcohol.

My therapist told me this story too. It helped for a little while.

There is a battle of two wolves inside each of us. One is evil, representing anger, jealousy, greed. The other representing joy, peace, truth.

The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

Mindless-Maximum-959 · 2025-06-18T13:00:42+00:00

It was this subreddit that gave me support like what I'm reading now. I didnt have the close physical support team. so this was a good way yo hear what other men were doing. Taking one hour at a time, day by day. go for a walk and do not let what other people think and their stigmas get to you. your children need you. it took me months to realize, it wasn't that I was sad about not seeing the children and even sad I wouldnt be with them as much, I was honestly sad about them simply growing up and getting older, not fitting into their toddle clothes. Half the time seeing them is best you can get! It's all good. make the most of it! read, dont make any financial commitments, there's always another month or year to do that. your health is immediate, other things can wait and be changed. you have time to sit and breathe, walk, meditate.... then buy yourself a motorycle :-)) and rent! phuck owning a home!

kimm_Foot6620 · 2025-06-18T11:31:27+00:00

Finding ways to manage anxiety can make a big difference. Have you tried any techniques?

idiskfla · 2025-06-18T10:47:58+00:00

Take things one day at a time.

For me, I actually had to take things one period at a time (morning to lunch, lunch to dinner, dinner to sleep. The latter always being the toughest) for the first few months.

It’s tough. In fact, it’s probably the toughest thing you or I will ever go through. But time is a healer, although it will always leave scars.

What helped me was just setting a goal for each period. E.g.:

This morning, I’m going to ride my mountain bike for 2-3 hours. Then eat a healthy lunch.
This afternoon, I’m going to knock out that work item I’ve been putting off. Then eat a healthy dinner.
This evening, I’m gonna . . .

I found that the worst thing you can do is be idle and alone. If you have to be alone, don’t be idle. And if you have to be idle, don’t be alone (easier said then done of course). I found myself going to coffee shops and hotel bars just to listen to an audiobook or read the news on my phone so I wouldn’t be idle during the first first few months.

Good luck brother.

Exactly65536 · 2025-06-18T10:17:34+00:00

As a fellow anxious person, it helped me to address these fears one by one and consider them in details. When piled together, they looks immense and terrifying, but if you split them into pieces, the sometimes dissolve.

Like, not seeing your kids all the time. Yes, that will happen. But that happens anyway, with every single parent. Children go to daycare, to school, they want to spend less and less time with you and more and more with their friends. They grow up. I am not saying it's nothing, all I'm saying it's a fate of every parent, sooner or later.

Then, a home. The question is, can you afford having a roof above yout head? It's not necessary to buy (insert expensive option at your location); as long as you can afford something, you'll be okay.

As for dating, I don't have any advice here; but generally, the better you can live alone, the less anxiety you'll have about dating. You already have kids, and that's the only thing for which women are a necessity, everything else is completely optional.

justanotherfelo · 2025-06-18T09:55:04+00:00

Dude, I was reading your post and had tears in my eyes, but not because I’m sad. Because I’m happy I survived this shit. Only a year ago, I was speaking exactly like you. When everybody kept telling me “time will heal,” “it’s only in your head,” I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about. I was down the drain, in a living hell.

My first assignment was to fix myself. The hell with money. The hell with women. And the kids? I only knew that I needed to stay alive for them.

So it’s still my highest priority: to fix myself.

Now, I’ve done some major work on that. I talked with many people. I studied this thing from every angle. I know everything about this shit, man, because I got lucky enough to break the code and get out.

And now? I feel like my biggest purpose in life is to help people like you.

Here’s a quick cherry I can give you, something nobody will ever tell you. Not a therapist. Not a guru. Not a podcast. Only someone who’s been through the fire can tell you this:

I want you to ask yourself: what is the exact traumatic event that is causing you this anxiety?

Was it a sentence that she told you? Was it something that happened, a specific event? Was it a look your kids gave you? Was it a look she gave you? Was it something you said? Was it a breakdown, a moment where you collapsed?

Once you know that specific event, you can get to the core. That’s how you meet the mother of your anxiety.

ChocolateLocal8051 · 2025-06-18T09:07:56+00:00

Hang in there brother. Your babies still need you. You need to take care of yourself so that you can uplift them.

Prize_River9642 · 2025-06-18T08:59:28+00:00

Stay strong brother.

Remember there are better days (not 'good' yet, necessarily, but there will be) and worse days.

Sometimes the pain can be unbearable, I do understand this as I'm in early, early separation myself. But sometimes moments of relative calm are all we need to build a more solid foundation for the future.

Feel free to reach out.

Title	The anxiety is really getting bad
Author	Euphoric_Paramedic33
Upvotes	50
Comments	42
Date	June 18, 2025 8:37 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lebzhy/the_anxiety_is_really_getting_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-anxiety-is-really-getting-bad.1554825 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554825

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