Therapy is not for men

her_dog_is_odd · 2023-08-05T06:17:46+00:00

1) posting in online forums is a form of therapy

2) therapy is for anyone, men or women, who are willing to speak, listen, receive feedback, and make change.

I am better off financially, professionally, and romantically and am even a better parent after my divorce and therapy is one of the reasons I have been able to achieve that.

TheBoyBand · 2023-08-05T05:57:19+00:00

To each their own, therapy helped me, and im still kicking ass.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-08-05T13:51:34+00:00

My grandfather, like so many men, served in WWII. The only gift out of that mess was learning and needing to create bonds with friends that you I can’t imagine. These guys never had therapists, but they had each other. Everybody. I remember my grandfather sitting on the front porch with friends for hours just talking. Whenever I would approach, the conversation would halt.

Men are completely isolated today. Very few men have true friends they can completely open up to. Think about it. back then you grew up with friends, served with them, lived and worked in the same town, married to a girl you went to high school with. Today people move to new towns, marry people from across the country, and are afforded he ability to live in isolation due to technology.

This is where the therapists and counselors come in. The need was and is always there, just filled in a different way.

postalmaner · 2023-08-05T06:19:01+00:00

This is your narrative around one type of therapy.

Therapy is a broad range of approaches, tools, and techniques with the broad aim of improving personal well being.

The phrase "personal well being" is not clearly defined nor universal; reducing anxiety, improving communication efficiency clarity or depth, reducing intrusive or unwanted feelings or thoughts, correcting generational relationship deficiencies.

One-on-one talk therapy is one type of therapy.

Aimless walking or directionaless wandering is another.

A day at the shooting range, fly fishing, motorcycle racing, weight training are another form of action therapy that can address a certain type of need.

You have a formed caricature of the character that is your grandfather. Likewise with a fictional book and movie character. These caricatures are not living, breathing, thinking and reacting humans with complex thoughts and emotions.

Therapy can helpful to:

address and remodel things
sudden or cumulative stressors
providing tools that you don't have

Personal capacity to handle and process stressors is built slowly as we experience small stresses, and then have time to recover and decompress.

Sudden or cumulative stress can overwhelm our capacity to cope. Talk therapy, pharmaceutical aids, activities, etc can help with personal well being.

...

I'm tired of this, and the comment I was writing requires far more detail, TBH.

Your post feels like young or naïve edgelord, "haven't actually seen or done shit", jingoistic Machoman BS posturing.

yuehhangalt · 2023-08-05T13:15:26+00:00

Individual therapy with a therapist trained to address PTSD helped me immensely. I only went to him for two months, but he was someone I could unload everything on without fear of being judged or ruining a relationship because I was paying him. More importantly, when my ex was gaslighting me, he provided validation that I wasn’t crazy and I was taking the right approach when I absolutely needed it most.

Finding a therapist is a lot like dating. You often have to meet a lot of them before you find the right one that clicks for you. There’s also a lot of therapists who haven’t done their own work to address their own issues. Think obese cat ladies telling people how to improve their mental health. It’s best to avoid them for obvious reasons.

In addition to seeing a therapist, I usually suggest individuals look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), take up meditation or yoga, and learn more about some of the core philosophy teachings we’ve seem to have forgotten like stoicism (Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius), Buddhism and mindfulness, and even the Hagakure.

Your position is the exactly why so many soldiers return from war broken, suffering from PTSD and other mental health issues, and refuse to get the treatment they need. This attitude is why there is a mental health crisis among men and young boys.

You cannot nor should not compartmentalize and avoid your emotions because you think you need to act like some fictional action hero. Grow up, learn how to confront your emotions, make peace with them, and integrate them into who you are. Much of true, proper Masculinity is about mastery of oneself. Mental health is the most important part of that and therapy can play a significant role in achieving that mastery.

WorriedDrumSoloist · 2023-08-05T13:18:28+00:00

Counter argument: James Bond is a fictional character, and assuming your grandfather was a combat veteran as so many of our grandfathers were, he surely would have gotten a whole lot out of therapy if he'd gone into it with an open mind.

One of the first things a therapist could help you sort through is this whole "men versus women" thing you seem to have going on in your head.

dadplup · 2023-08-05T17:20:37+00:00

If my grandfather had gone to therapy, he probably wouldn't have been caught cheating and being divorced by my grandma after having 4 kids with her, for a grand total of 10 kids that he had before being killed

James bond would've needed therapy after vesper he struggled with it for a while too

You can most definitely gain power from therapy , you find out more about yourself and what makes you weak, so that you become stronger, power over oneself is harder to gain than power over others because eventually that power goes away, attaining power is not as valuable as knowing how to use it

Power without wisdom is still foolishness

wakablahh · 2023-08-05T12:41:35+00:00

My therapist is more like a counselor, less venting on my end & more practical.

Spam_It_All_To_Hell · 2023-08-05T17:03:28+00:00

Therapy is just talking, really it’s almost just talking to yourself. Most of my revelations were of me just voicing a thought out loud and having that validated. The stigma attached to it is just wrong. It’s like a shortcut to your own realizations.

Intelligent-Bed-4149 · 2023-08-05T22:57:13+00:00

Just because something has been a certain way is not a good argument against changing it. I did CBT therapy and it gave me tools to handle the abuse from my stbxwBPD. Now I’m getting free since she wouldn’t work on her issues.

ciphrr · 2023-08-05T05:47:05+00:00

I would not have coped with my divorce if I didn't go to therapy. Never been before and probably never after but... My divorce was bigger than me and therapy helped me untangle my feelings and hate.

DriveByTroll · 2023-08-05T16:09:25+00:00

This is the most fragile, bitch-made, baby brain worldview. More men should attend therapy and BECOME therapists. Women enjoy power and respect, turns out those things are tremendously validating. There is too much in the real world outside of your locus of control, and smart people seek external perspective to process that reality objectively. All kings had counsel and advisors; all the conquerors and all the inbred anemic effete dandies born from concubines and effete dandies.

James Bond didn't kick ass in the real world. He was a fictional power fantasy that was likely a therapeutic creative expression for its author.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-08-05T09:46:26+00:00

This IS Therapy 🤷🏻‍♂️… group, amateur therapy.*

*i also do actual therapy .. cause why not it’s Free. Every little helps (tm)

Illustrious_Cut_1839 · 2023-08-05T10:34:40+00:00

Therapy helped me leave a bad marriage and enabled me to kick ass in aspects of life. In therapy people learn that Narcs don't change, and all you can do is leave a Narc.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-05T12:49:06+00:00

I 100% agree that many women go to therapy simply to have their feelings validated. You have to understand two things - First that a therapist is running a for-profit business and therefore needs their clients to return. Second that the feedback they give is based on the information they are given by the patient.

So the people that go to therapy and don’t actually tell the truth about what has happened or currently happening aren’t looking for solutions at all they are simply paying money for validation.

I think therapy is an individual choice and many men can and have found benefit from it. Especially those with small family / social circles or if they are simply uncomfortable talking to their friends and family about their issues.

Personally I haven’t utilized a therapist and don’t think one will be necessary as the worst is now behind me. At the initial start of my divorce had I not had my father and brothers to talk to on nearly a daily basis I probably would have leaned on a therapist. Having another set of eyes on your problem can be a huge help.

nevernevertired · 2023-08-05T21:12:19+00:00

Yeah you’re right. Until you almost kill yourself with maladaptive coping strategies and and are forced to go to a program with a group of other people who avoided feeling their feelings and realize…oh, maybe it helps if we all talk about this shit.

AmbitiousPosition705 · 2023-08-06T20:56:57+00:00

This attitude right here is exactly why guys are afraid to go to therapy, they’re afraid of being judged or seen as weak and it’s bullshit. This couldn’t be further from the truth, I’ve learned that the hard way. It takes guts to find a good therapist, talk through your issues and do your own self work. Like with anything else in life, each experience will vary, but mine has been a game changer. Find a therapist that you feel comfortable connecting with and you’ll see what I mean.

Seeing a therapist has helped me to make sense of so many things I would not have been able to otherwise. Having somebody unbiased to talk through things with (and somebody who contractually can’t gossip about them later) helped me work through some of the roughest times of my life and keep a level head.

niceatty · 2023-08-05T21:36:30+00:00

My response is that this community is filled with so many misogynists it's sickening. I mean I understand that a lot of you had bad marriages, so did I actually, but I don't blame the entire female gender for that.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2023-08-05T16:43:13+00:00

Every one raves about how great and helpful it is but therapy was the biggest waste of time for me . Nothing but cliches and cheerleading .

I tried a different one just to see but same results .

A drunken session with friends was much more helpful . You can’t bullshit your friends and they know you and what’s going on .

To each their own though..

I went to a different one just to

Rahvenar · 2023-08-06T23:31:48+00:00

Honestly, I agree with you. I see a bunch of men on this subreddit clinging to their exes and having second thoughts. Truly pathetic.

Maybe if they weren't so pathetic, their spouses wouldn't have left.

Title	Therapy is not for men
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	0
Comments	52
Date	August 5, 2023 5:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15in7a5/therapy_is_not_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/therapy-is-not-for-men.1230238 https://theredarchive.com/post/1230238

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