To all the divorced men...

Chip512 · 2021-12-02T15:35:48+00:00

No need to get married or even cohabitate - the span between one night (often intoxicated) stands and marriage is vast. Find someone who has their own place, has their own finances, and isn’t looking for a meal ticket. Spend time with them as you both wish and have your own space when either needs it.

hombredelgato · 2021-12-02T16:03:48+00:00

I just finished reading "Chapterhouse Dune" this morning and Frank Hebert had included an acknowledgement to his wife who died in 1984, right before the publication of the book. That letter shows the benefit a woman CAN have in a man's life if he is blessed to find that woman. I don't know what kind of man I would become if I lost hope that a woman like that can grace my life as I move into the future.

For now, my goal is to establish myself, recover financially, focus on my children as they grow, and build a life I am proud to share with a woman of grace and dignity.

AgropromResearch · 2021-12-02T16:12:23+00:00

At 40 and after 13 years together, I've been single for 2 years and while lonely at times, the freedom and peace have been glorious. No more disdainful attitude, disrespect, and bullshit.

In fact, I have absolutely no interest in dating and hookups aren't my forte. Time may change me, but as of right now I think I'd rather be single for the rest of my life rather than deal with that shit again.

Not just women, a large percentage of both genders in this day and age are so entitled, inconsiderate, and self-centered.

Enjoyable, interesting, engaging, delightful people are of course out there, but most of them are taken.

My dreams are definitely much more sexual in nature then they had been since I was a teen, so my mind definitely wants something for sure, it's just not worth the headache or heartache. So yeah, I get what you are saying.

chakamaki · 2021-12-02T16:37:05+00:00

Even sex is transactional … she will use sex as currency to do certain things from you… infact if you count properly prostitutes are way much more better and respected than wife…

Snowbirdy · 2021-12-02T17:31:46+00:00

Companionship, physical affection other than sex, intellectual partnership, a plus one to take to events for the museum or go see a movie with, someone to share the joys and sorrows of daily life.

Honestly at this point I’ve even let go most of the anger I had about my divorce

clayduglass · 2021-12-02T16:03:09+00:00

No benefit at all. Unless you're the kind of person who is good at kissing ass and laying down. I couldn't stand what I called the "committee". If I wanted to hang a picture there needed to be a committee hearing. What movie to watch, where to vacation, who to invite for holidays, etc. Some say that's what marriage means and it's normal. I'm not good at it. I don't like bossing others around but I hate committee hearings. So I ride solo for now on. Divorce was the greatest thing to happen to me!! Cheers for divorce!!

Jonger1150 · 2021-12-02T18:59:47+00:00

If other men were more willing to want to do things outside of their opposite sex relationship, we could all have more friendships and fun without women. Sadly, in 2021 -- that's just not the case. I have a few friends and others that I could kick it with from time to time, but for the most part I would sit around by myself and be alone. Work, drive home and sit by myself day in and day out.

I have 2 kids, but within 7 years they'll be grown. Then what...? More sitting around alone. Sounds like a good recipe for suicide.

thefudmaster · 2021-12-02T16:57:27+00:00

This is a great question. I should mention that while I have been divorced for years, I am not bitter, and fought tooth and nail to secure a custodial schedule which provides week on/week off time with their mom. I think this is important to mention because when I discuss a lack of need for marriage, I am consistently attacked by people who ask "who hurt you?" and "you're just a person who experienced a failed relationship and you are bitter".

I have been far happier without a wife or a girlfriend. For me, it is best I do not even date anymore or pursue long term relationships. There are a few women here and there who come over occasionally and we have sex, but I rarely do this anymore because I have consistently been asked for money to "help them out" with their bad decisions they have created for themselves. I have never given a dime to any of them.

To explain more on sex, I have always noticed a common theme in any relationship I have been in. Sex is great at the beginning. You both are exploring things and willing to do anything the other desires, and it is intoxicating. Once the relationship settles in, that type of sex completely disappears. It is replaced with nagging, constant complaining, and it makes you not even want to be around that person. Without a marriage, you can simply break it off. With a marriage, you are allowing the government (from day 1 of marriage) to come into your life and unfairly dictate how everything will be.

Some will say the tax benefits are an incentive, but I believe it is worth it to have my peace of mind, and total control over my life. I take trips when I want, I do activities I enjoy, and I do not have anything in my life (material or otherwise) which would cause drama or cost a lot in maintenance. I look at my older kitchen now and know a long term partner would want to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to "update" it with stuff I truly do not need.

My kids are all near the age where they will be adults. I plan on living abroad as I have found many locations I would prefer to live for months at a time, while enjoying a work free life due to the investments I've made post-divorce. Marriage in developed countries is dead. The marriage rates and birth rates are in massive decline because people are waking up to realize it is not worth it. None of my children are interested in marriage, and I don't blame them.

Orlando1701 · 2021-12-03T00:25:43+00:00

I honestly don’t see myself ever getting married again. I just don’t see the benefits. I have our son and a solid career. When my wife and I separated I didn’t even lose getting laid as she’d shut down shop for almost four years before she took off.

CyberToine · 2021-12-03T03:36:23+00:00

I've been going round and round with my wife currently. I've even offered counseling a total of 4 times and she's turned it down. I'm finally done being dismantled and disrespected. I have a career I would like to actually excel in and a opportunity to be a shark in big lake, while she's just another guppie in hers so there's some jealous shit going on there. I'm so far gone I almost forgot who I was. Hell I served this country and fought in the first gulf war and she damn near doesn't even acknowledges it. However her brother just signed up and he's a hero? WTF? Yeah I can do without the disrespect but dissing my service to the country? Kick rocks boo. I'm a nerd and a soldier. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts and see my girls grow up properly than see me weakened by a disrespectful woman.

Millhouse201 · 2021-12-03T00:22:37+00:00

I’d honestly say I would be happiest to live the rest of my life with a dog … people suck

jakester451 · 2021-12-03T00:43:15+00:00

Get a dog!!

JD-Anderson · 2021-12-03T02:24:20+00:00

In the many years post divorce I only almost married 2 women. Both wonderful ladies, but I just couldn’t let go of my independence. It freaked me out at first but now I’m settled with it. Now I just date for fun.

Classic_Dill · 2021-12-02T17:38:18+00:00

Sorry, i disagree. I'm not saying i need a women, i am saying i like experiencing life with a female by my side. Its not healthy to constantly be your own source of affection. And women are worth more then sex, i cant stand my ex, but....i refuse to demean all women because of her shitty behavior.

fixingmedaybyday · 2021-12-02T20:00:17+00:00

Damn I wish I had the hard feelings you all have and the love of your independence. But for me what she meant was damn near everything. A companion, a friend someone to look forward to seeing after work and waking up to. An adventure buddy and travel companion. A life partner to share all the good times with. And now that she’s gone I cants stand it. I feel like I’ve lost everything that was worth living for.

Rough-Area4765 · 2021-12-03T06:08:09+00:00

Been married. Had the kids. Got ran through family courts with false accusations, stroked the 7 figure divorce settlement check and got my shared custody along with the state of Texas after my buttocks for the next 9 years to ensure I pay my child support on time. Even though I am a willing, fit and able father with shared 2/5/2/5 schedule, I am still treated as a second class slave in the system.

Never again. I would rather pay child support for another 18 years to any girlfriend I get pregnant and have a life partner that lives separately than go through the demoralizing wealth-distribution family court system.

My snipping appointment is already scheduled. My advice to any man, including my two sons, have kids from a loving relationship but never cohabitate or marry. The laws are stacked against men and the financial damage isn’t worth the hassle.

LAT lifestyle. Living Apart but Together. If a woman wants more, ask her what she is bringing to the table other than her psleeve?

stiff_muffins · 2021-12-02T17:27:16+00:00

yikes lol

BobQuasit · 2021-12-02T15:28:23+00:00

Jeeze, that's pretty dark! I try to be a bit more optimistic than that!

jalopkoala · 2021-12-02T22:36:19+00:00

I’d rephrase this to say what benefits does “marriage” bring to your life.

There are many reasons heterosexual marriage seems to go sideways. All of it I think cultural. And, given the current culture, I don’t think I’ll sign up again.

But do I love my women friends? Absolutely. Do I have gay and lesbian friends with amazing marriages (or so it seems)? Absolutely.

Do I know a lot of straight men and straight women happy with marriage? No I do not…

EasyGoingSpiros · 2021-12-12T06:23:00+00:00

If you believe that, why are you bitching about online dating? You just want people to feel sorry for you don't you?

Title	To all the divorced men...
Author	Protomize
Upvotes	24
Comments	66
Date	December 2, 2021 3:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/r79teg/to_all_the_divorced_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/to-all-the-divorced-men.1089119 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089119