Cross posting so I can get the widest amount of view points.

It was a very trying last part of the week. I have been away from my kids for the past few months because of work. They’re mom entered a knot her relationship when we were still together and decided that I was not worth it anymore. My job moved me to Maryland while her and the kids stayed in Texas. My only request out of all this is to not have me and her dude in the same proximity, which I don’t think is entirely unreasonable l, and she has respected that. After not seeing my kids for a few months I decided that I would come and see my youngest graduate kindergarten. I let her know that I would be back and spend the long weekend (Memorial day) with them but I was holding off on buying a ticket right away to see if prices would drop a little. So finally a few weeks before his graduation I bought and paid for the flight, rental, hotel. She asked what my plan was and I told her; I would fly in after work on Wednesday, and take them out of school Thursday and hang out with them before graduation. Then take them for the weekend. I just needed to be at the airport on the afternoon of Monday the 30th. She then informed me that she couldn’t do that because she was going out of town to her boyfriends house and wouldn’t be back till late Monday night. I asked her if she could just postpone her weekend so I could still see the kids and make my flight, and she told me it’s not fair to her that her plans have to change. So because of that, I’d only see my kids a few hours before she’d take them with her.

I contemplated even going at all. But decided that I was tired of missing stuff so I changed my itinerary and would fly in earlier Wednesday and just leave Friday, figuring any amount of time I get to spend with them is better than none. So that’s what I did, I flew in Wednesday and hung with them all day Thursday till right before graduation. I took them to their mothers house (which I pay for btw) and she informed me that her boyfriend was going. I told her you know how I feel about that and told her that I knew she was going to pull some bullshit last minute. So we continued arguing over text and she said he was going because “he’s been there for him since I’m not around.” That fucking line CRUSHED me. After every sacrifice I’ve made for her and them, not asking for pity or special recognition, because I was always taught that you sacrifice everything for the ones you love. I told her that I was still going to go but she needed to stay the hell away from me. I went to graduation, took both my kids out to dinner and then took them home. I have blocked by ex-wife’s number and have made the conscious decision to not speak to her anymore. She’s ruined everything for the past four years, and while I may have my faults, I don’t think I deserved to be fucking cheated on while I was deployed and to have to have financed it as well.

So like the title says, I give up. I’m so fucking tired. I tried to be at least a halfway decent person, but it seems that I have just been consistently kicked in the dick by life/fate/ whatever for the past few years. I have resigned myself that happiness is not in the cards for me. All I can do now is make sure that my kids grow up the opposite of how I did and want for nothing. Life stopped being fun, so I made the conscious decision to at least be alive for the next 11 1/2 years, since both of them will be over 18 and their mom can’t touch the money from my life insurance. But I’m starting to think can I even fucking make it the next 11 1/2 years? I’m just tired of there not being any joy in life.

I just don’t fucking know what to do anymore. Thank you for letting me get this out and for reading all the way.

UPDATE: Thank you for your kind words, I will try and get back to each of you. For the important thing, I basically let her know that the free ride is over. She’s going to have to start pulling some weight (not all of it like she should, but fuck it, I’m a good dude not for her, but for that dude in the mirror.) Additionally, I told her that we cannot talk anymore, if there’s something necessary to discuss, email me. If it’s an emergency, then call. As for trying to get back to my kids, I’m doing what I can, hopefully my job can come through with a transfer. Again, I appreciate everyone.