Why do you think (or from experience) that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate?

JolieMoley · 2026-04-21T20:10:27+00:00

Emotional baggage and blended families--even with adult children--are huge contributing factors.

joely276 · 2024-09-04T20:23:33+00:00

Most second marriages are just an unhealthy way of getting over the first failed marriage

Slowloris81 · 2024-09-02T13:22:19+00:00

Lower barriers to entry (or exit). One of the partners has the infrastructure and experience to initiate the divorce so it’s much less daunting.

FlyingSaucer51 · 2024-09-02T08:09:24+00:00

Because, one of the spouses decided to throw out communication, commitment, vows, etc…and wants a do-over.

Once that person feels like a marriage is not a sacred or permanent thing, it’s much EASIER to jump out of the next one.

In addition, the person who was most hurt by the divorce will then lack trust and hunt for “red flags” even if they aren’t there.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-09-02T03:14:18+00:00

Because the first one set a prescendence - before getting divorced (driven solely by my ex-wife), I was not aware that marriages could just be divorced. I mean I knew it happens. Just not to me, since we swore an oath.

Now I know. But that is actually the reason I will NEVER get divorced again, since I will never enter such a lopsided contract. Learned a lot.

roshi-roshi · 2024-09-02T02:58:22+00:00

You marry someone to meet the holes left by your parents parents. So unfair and it results in the other becoming more miserable. If we could see this, more first marriages might be saved.

celticmoose · 2024-09-02T01:26:56+00:00

Because if you divorce nice and find someone else and get remarried, it just shows there were no real consequences from the first divorce. And you know how the process works and it’s not so scary.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-09-02T00:31:09+00:00

Ok I am going on a bias with my 2cents. I hear a lot of what. What needs to be,could be and should be. I see those as forward answers- the what. I want to ponder on the WHY. As the world change, people change. We can call it evolution. Does the term “marriage” or “commitment “mean anything to anyone anymore? Now, the why. Morals,values and traditions are being dissected daily. The word respect is completely meaningless these days. We lost all those, that’s the WHY. That’s my WHY.

Mopstick86 · 2024-09-01T23:57:51+00:00

I got divorced in January. Just met a nice young lady in April. We dated. Things were going well. But I started seeing things that were red flags similar to what my ex did. Being selfish, withholding sex, nagging and complaining. I cut things off after only 5 months. Imagine if we got married. Luckily her acting skills weren’t the best. Once you’ve been mistreated your tolerance is very low the second time.

throwaway2323423477 · 2024-09-01T22:49:33+00:00

Blended family drama is probably a bit part of it. Too much strain is put on second families and too much emphasis is put on the first. If I were the state I'd try to keep families together and emphasize the current family, not tear up family 2 on behalf of family 1.

KookyPerception84 · 2024-09-01T22:37:20+00:00

Because people who get divorced for the first time are clearly the type of people who have a limit to the bullshit that they’re willing to put up with. And that’s also true of their second marriage.

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-09-01T21:39:53+00:00

Because if you know how to do something, it's get easier the second time.

Ofc one can say they didn't learn how to fix their problems and remarried too quickly but I don't think that's the main problem. We all will never be perfect, it's just easier to see the problems coming with the knowledge gained after the first divorce. And that doesn't mean one didn't work on her or himself.

Since women break up 70% of the divorces, it would be interesting to know if this is also the case for the second divorce.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-09-01T21:23:04+00:00

Because the parties involved never worked on the bullsh!t that screwed up their first marriages.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-09-01T21:08:22+00:00

58% of first marriage ends in divorce, 86%(?) could be wrong gets remarried within first 5 years. Rushing into things second time without truly understanding why their first marriage broke down and repeat the same mistakes over is why it fails again.

As a man, given what I’m going through, I highly doubt I want to get married again unless it’s a prenup involved and really screening the partner. Go through marriage counseling first and navigate the baggage we both have. Don’t fall for a pretty face or be captain save a hoe!

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-09-01T20:57:55+00:00

Never again government doesn't need to be involved in my sex life again

PristineGolf1543 · 2024-09-01T20:43:30+00:00

I actually married the same person twice. 7 months in between divorce and remarriage. I worked my ass off for 14 years to provide, but what I was missing was the family connection. But as my salary increased, so did expenses, which meant me working more. For us, I'd say it's unmet expectations and not validating each other.

We are separated now and she's pushing for divorce, after almost 20 years total and it's absolutely devastating.

MistakeIndependent12 · 2024-09-01T20:27:22+00:00

On my 2nd marriage. 14 years. Adopted kids. Wife and I also counsel/mentor pre-married couples

Typical stuff - Emotional baggage, blended family challenges, finances, and probably the biggest one: less willing to put up with the BS they put up with in their previous marriage.

Dense_Grand_1605 · 2024-09-01T20:22:45+00:00

Because most people don't learn from their mistakes. They just repeat their same mistakes from relationship to relationship. And add to it that most people are in new relationships before the ink is even dry on the divorce papers, and it's no wonder why things are worse the second or third time around.

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-01T19:44:31+00:00

If you look at the research, it is really interesting. Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages, my gut tells me, in a lot of those marriages, infidelity was involved and The cheating spouse went out and married their AP partner, and it just fell apart quick. I also think people just get married, almost as validation to their friends and family and ex spouse that see people like me! See! I can get married and everybody still likes me! I really believe a lot of that second marriage stuff is nothing more than validation attempts and they really should never have gotten married to begin with. Call it a rebound marriage. I was married once and once is enough for me! You won’t see me at the altar ever again, I’ll live with somebody 35 years, but I will not marry anybody.

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-09-01T19:29:52+00:00

It's most likely selfishness. Divorce maybe most often happens because the man or woman has expectations on how and when they will be served by their spouse, don't get it, divorce and find someone else who will satiate them. Then they find out the new person won't do it either. That's the only explanation for famous multi-marriagers like JLo, Zsa-Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor and so on. Very few figure out that a marriage works when you SERVE your spouse and put them first, and they do the same to you.

Title	Why do you think (or from experience) that 2nd marriages have such a high divorce rate?
Author	Unhappy-Nail-9281
Upvotes	20
Comments	41
Date	September 1, 2024 7:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1f6mimc/why_do_you_think_or_from_experience_that_2nd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-you-think-or-from-experience-that-2nd.1529087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529087

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