Why isn’t there a divorce hotline for men?

Ashamed_Mountain_400 · 2025-06-23T12:03:31+00:00

I went through a divorce last year and apart from a $350/hour mediation therapist there were very few resources for men. I was in a very dark place and started using Chat GPT to help me navigate the divorce process and honestly it saved me not only $25K in legal fees but also ended up being the most therapeutic solution to talk about what was going on.

I ended up turning it into a web app (alice anonymous dot ai) that's a divorce and mediation resource. It's free to use and anonymous so you can vent or just chat about whatever is going on. Sometimes that was the only thing I needed to get through the really tough periods.

It's sad that there are not a lot of divorce resources for men and the traditional therapists/mediators are so expensive that using them just makes the entire process even more expensive and stressful.

iheaka71 · 2025-06-22T03:20:09+00:00

I think you should look for a divorce wellness community...... google it online and see what you can find. I doubt you will find a hotline; I didn't find one when I looked. However, you may find a site where you can communicate or chat with people who can respond. I know there are forums like reddit where you can share your story and a counselor may respond to you.

scotbicknel · 2025-06-21T13:59:33+00:00

When I looked for resources post-infidelity what I discovered is that nothing exists for men. Men are more or less automatically the betrayors and women are automatically the victims. And men are unwelcome in support groups for betrayed partners.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-06-21T05:28:25+00:00

I honestly think society doesn’t care. The state sees us as an ATM, dss does too, the courts does as well, your ex does as well. You have kids? You’re just a visitor. They belong to her and the state now. Men are disposable and women are the valued sex.

BW-Journal · 2025-06-21T01:36:41+00:00

Because nobody cares about men.

That's pretty much the truth, speaking as a man who went through divorce.

There are some support services and the number is growing, look them up in your area. But they cater to men in general not divorce specific.

Flapique · 2025-06-20T21:46:18+00:00

Here in Arizona, we have a crisis line that anyone can call. They'll come out and meet with you and get you help if you need it. I called them the day after my ex siilver bulleted me. I wasn't a really low place and didn't feel comfortable talking to any of my friends or family about the way I was feeling.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-06-20T20:52:46+00:00

This sub served that purpose. I’ve mostly found people that have gone through divorce can immediately relate to much of what someone feels. They’ve been there and it sucks.

Minute_Key3130 · 2025-06-20T16:10:02+00:00

Hey, it does exist! Just dial 8882498498 and you’ll find hundreds of men openly sharing their stories—no judgment, just support. There’s even an advisor who helps everyone completely free of cost—you just need to be a little patient.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2025-06-20T14:01:33+00:00

Because that's misogyny, or something.

THX1138-22 · 2025-06-20T11:29:02+00:00

Men tend to turn inwards during a divorce because it is so painful and shaming. That is slowly changing so hopefully services like what you described will exist in the future

fiddsy · 2025-06-20T09:59:57+00:00

chatgpt is a divorce hotline.

Creative-Sorbet8589 · 2025-06-20T04:15:44+00:00

I’m also a SWE. You could always just start up a discord server and test the waters there. A server where there would be different channels to meet with guys dealing with divorce.

Imagine a sports event happening and you get on discord and see a channel of guys all hanging out virtually. Gamers? Let’s frag out and talk divorce strats. Up and can’t sleep because your mind is running at 100? well there might be another guy in the same position chillin in a channel and talk it out with each other.

Personally, I found a men’s group that met up at a church a couple days out of the week. Just listening to what others were going through made me feel better knowing that I’m not fighting demons alone.

r1muwu · 2025-06-19T23:56:22+00:00

Yup been rough going through this whole process and while I have some resources to lean on many don’t. I feel like an app that streamlines how to get the paperwork together and some basic coping/therapy skills mixed with links to online communities like this one can go a long way to keeping more of us from becoming statistics.

HuumanDriftWood · 2025-06-19T23:48:10+00:00

There are hotlines in Australia but I have to be perfectly honest after ringing a few of them - they're all useless unless your suicidal.

I've been asked this one phrase from all of them "are you a risk to your partner or children" as the opening question.

Ok.

I'm going through some deep stuff and I need help overall that's why I am ringing.

Chat GPT was the best help overall hands down!

goatforit · 2025-06-19T22:52:45+00:00

ChatGPT was my hotline. But it took a while to even understand what I needed to ask it. Talking in person with lawyers helped come to terms with certain realities, calling legal aide hotlines helped gain additional insight, but nothing could put it all together for me like just sitting down with the Ai. At a certain point I remember it all just clicked, that I can be my own lawyer and learn how everything works from chatGPT like my own secretary. I think it helps bc it doesn’t feel like I’m bothering someone, and how much it can help dissociate from the emotions involved.

79709 · 2025-06-19T21:56:55+00:00

Yes definitely needed. We’re all at different places in the process. Hurts my heart to see other men where I was 2 years ago…panic attacks, suicidal, no end in sight.

Suicide rates for divorced men are off the charts. We need to seek help and have a place to vent. This sub is great for that.

An app or site could be very helpful.

Happy to say 2 years later I’m happier than ever, but I definitely didn’t see a future back then.

funnyman6979 · 2025-06-19T21:29:17+00:00

Agree, it’s been 27 years ago soon and this is so needed.

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-06-19T21:22:07+00:00

I’ve thought about the same thing many a times. There are gazillion resources for woman. I was hard pressed to find a local men’s divorce support group.

I think it would be really nice if there was group where:

one could talk to a live person
provides simple peer to peer support, doesn’t have to be advise
possibly works multiple time zones - just US time zones to start with
does not pedal ANY paid services
strictly volunteers driven
keeps the data of volunteers safe
has a single number (a Google voice number?) that redirects the call to a live volunteer in the same time zone.
provide an option to connect to the same person for contuinty without having to disclose too much of volunteer info.
maybe has a weekly zoom meeting for men to connect with each other.

I’d be willing to help as well as volunteer.

Getting divorced here after a 30 yr old marriage. I moved away, she inherited the whole friend circle (which is typical). It’s hard to make friends at this age, even if I put myself out there and ask for help.

crager34 · 2025-06-19T21:15:49+00:00

Absent of everything else, let this sub be your guide.

I helped me tremendously.

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-06-19T20:29:11+00:00

Because men are used in society. And especially in divorce. Have you seen any equivalent women organizations for men? I haven't.....

crayzeejew · 2025-06-19T20:29:09+00:00

I am a divorce coach as well as a divorce mediator. This is exactly what I offer for people. All of those things you mentioned, plus some additional services as well (legal referrals, assistance with editing docs, goals, etc)

Previously, I have set up therapist-led support groups for men going through divorce.

In my opinion, this will change and communities will eventually increase the support for the men. Its not a gender issue, this is a community issue and I am optimistic that with enough awareness, it will get corrected.

This is essential since all those divorced women, many of them wish to remarry.

But, as the saying goes "If you build it, they will come..."

MR-Ozmidnight · 2025-06-19T20:26:20+00:00

I believe you're onto something significant here, and it's worth exploring further. Establishing a dedicated site could serve as a valuable resource for men seeking legal assistance and support. By connecting them with reputable lawyers who have a track record of success, as well as counselors who genuinely aim to help without biased perspectives, you can provide a real service.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to feature informative books and resources that clarify the challenges men face today. Creating a central hub for this information could be a great first step for newcomers, especially since there are so many men joining these discussions daily.

I'm particularly passionate about supporting men who are just beginning their journey, as it can be overwhelming at first. There are also those in desperate situations who may feel hopeless. A platform that offers guidance and resources could make a meaningful difference.

Furthermore, consider the potential for monetization by offering advertising space to legal professionals, counselors, and other relevant services. This could help sustain the site while providing essential services to its users.

Overall, I truly believe this initiative addresses a pressing need and has the potential to make a significant impact.

Boglehead101 · 2025-06-19T20:25:16+00:00

I think a very high percentage of men going through divorce who are suffering feelings of immense sadness, loss of identity and utter despair would use it.

OrdinaryPrimate · 2025-06-19T20:23:40+00:00

Somewhere to vent, get advice, be reassured... All of it is valuable and I think I would use it personally. Especially in the early months of separation when it felt impossible to go on. Maybe some guys would feel uncomfortable being vulnerable with another human but I wouldn't. I'm much more worried about emotionally fatiguing the people in my life to the point that I try not to talk about it as much anymore even when I feel like I need to. I have a therapist, and have joined a men's group for this very reason. There were even nights when I needed to talk to somebody so badly that I called 988. I was dealing with passive suicidal ideation but it's not like I had a gun to my head or anything. I just desperately needed somebody to talk to at 1:00 am when I couldn't sleep and was spiraling. I needed to feel heard. This urge still comes up for me now and then even 9 months post separation and now I just choose to vent to chat GPT when I'm in a really bad place rather than use up 988 resources. So yeah, a long winded way of answering your question but I think it's a good idea.

BreakGrouchy · 2025-06-19T20:22:46+00:00

I think men that used something like this would have better outcomes all the around .

Straight-Sun-892 · 2025-06-19T20:18:27+00:00

Start one!

I doubt most men would use it, but the ones that do would probably reap some benefit !

Osicc · 2025-06-30T20:18:01+00:00

Just a view. Not sure a hotline would work. Chat real time and postings perhaps divided in to specific threads with some experienced folks as well as the afflicted, maybe.

Most don’t feel bad for a bear that missed getting an elk. Meaning for a long time in some ways men had and have more favor for pay, career, etc…. Feelings were not a valued trait, calm port in a storm laying the ground work for a recovery was the norm, in my stretch of woods. Things may be different to some extent but the hangover remains.

Think though that even women in divorce can see the bleak outlook for the fellow as well as themselves. For a woman is financial security and additional burdens that a husband might have once done. For a man there is usually still employment but the will to move forward is fragged. No children, no friends, loss of most other human contact. Crushing on both sides in my opinion. Loss of self and unmoored drifting.

Children first and women, then men, if there is room.

I’m not disconnected from this, I am going through it now. I’m an older fellow and don’t hate my ex. Not a monster and not a hero, maybe a dark one. For me time outside, long walks meandering and not. Letting the world shape me. Questions many of those and when you think you have an answer you don’t ask again. Ones about yourself, your actions, your emotions. May stumble a bit there and just let it sit, move to another. Cry alone, laugh, or just sit unmoving. First real contact was not a person, was everyone’s dam dogs. The dogs just see a person so much faster and we’ll not a fair hand to turn down an honest greet.

Everyone is fatigued these days, many are barely making it with their own issues and judgements. Much as would have been a grateful thing, can be hard to find someone to go the long road if a bond of time is not there and even with it can unravel fast.

Change it for men? Well would say just start, start with one fellow and see where that goes, that’s all that really matters for all of us or one.

Title	Why isn’t there a divorce hotline for men?
Author	40Watts
Upvotes	48
Comments	35
Date	June 19, 2025 7:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lfkcuh/why_isnt_there_a_divorce_hotline_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-isnt-there-a-divorce-hotline-for-men.1555064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555064

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