Will you succumb to hypergamy if another man is more successful than you?

Exis007 · 2022-04-10T02:57:49+00:00

Get out from behind the ideology; let's talk about the real fear.

Is it possible that you could love someone very much who leaves you for someone else? Sure. It happens every day. It's not a woman thing or a man thing, but a human thing. Humans fall out of love when they are in relationships and sometimes they fall in love while they are in relationships and it sucks so hard and hurts so bad it's not an irrational thing to fear.

What is irrational is reading a bunch of psuedoscience and using a largely made-up jargon to justify this pretty normal, quotidian fear and then saying somehow women are to blame for it instead of general human frailty and fickleness.

The central conflict here is that you can never really trust other people. Not completely. Not 100%. No matter how sure you are or how well you think you know someone, you can't trust they won't betray you and get it right infallibly. But the fact that you can't do it with impeccable odds doesn't mean you can't do it better or worse than other people. There are ways to assuage your trust and hedge your bets such that you can be reasonably certain (if not completely) that you have a trustworthy and loyal partner whose love and affection for you is deep and abiding. There's no guarantee, but there is an interior feeling of certainty that is comfortable and easy. But you're missing the point if you think that trust comes from the other person and their actions because it really doesn't.

It comes from you.

I've been married five years, I've been with my husband for 13. I trust him, certainly. But mostly I trust myself. I trust a few things about myself. I trust that I can tell the difference between someone who loves me and someone who doesn't. I can trust that my judgment of his character is sound, that his behaviors matches what he tells me, that he practices what he preaches and that my assessments of him are correct. That's me trusting myself first and foremost. I trust my emotional resilience that if we were to break up, if he betrayed me or died in an accident or just fucked off to Puerto Rico one random Wednesday with nary a backward glance, I'd be okay. I'd be heartbroken and sad and it would be hard, but I'd get through it. I trust that I am capable of going through a really hard time and healing from that experience and living again and falling in love again and moving on. So while I am confident in my assessment that he's a wonderful person and we're really happy and we love each other desperately, I am also certain that I'd be okay if something terrible happened. I believe in my judgment and my resilience and that tells me that everything is going to be okay. No matter what happens, I'll be okay.

So, yes, I hear that you're afraid that someone you love might leave you. That's reasonable. But I also hear that you're afraid of what you might feel if that happened, what that feeling might do to you. The real fear is not that this terrible thing might happen, but how it would feel inside if it did. And that's reasonable too, because yes, of course, it would hurt very badly. But if you can look inside and know yourself, really know who you are, you can know that despite the pain you'd heal and live another life after that bad experience. You'd be okay eventually. And if you don't know that about yourself or you fear you wouldn't be okay, maybe you're less worried about the possibility of being left and more worried about your own ability to process negative emotions. And the good news, if you can call it that, is that better emotional processing and higher emotional resiliency is something you can cultivate within yourself. Good self-worth, therapy, healthy processing, strong connections to friends, family, and community: all of these add up to better skills to weather tumultuous life events.

Risk is inherent to every and any romantic endeavor. There's no falling in love without risking it all. You mitigate those risks by selecting for partners who show strong signs of good character, reasonable decision-making, trustworthiness, and other desirable qualities. You also mitigate that risk by being centered in yourself such that unfortunate outcomes don't sink your ship. That's the absolute best you can do if you're in the business of falling in love.

CFinCanada · 2022-04-10T12:49:03+00:00

Will you leave your wife if a younger, hotter woman shows interest in a relationship with you?

It's a hell of a lot more common than the scenario you're talking about.

I sometimes think that the basis of redpill philosophy is projection. Redpill men are projecting with all this crap because they know how untrustworthy they are and how little it would take for them to bail and leave for someone else. I mean, they're constantly talking about and fetishizing barely-legal women. No way they'd stay loyal to an aging wife if a younger woman came along and showed serious interest.

I think what they're truly worried about is meeting their match - someone with as little character and integrity as they deep down know themselves to have.

xXMachineWomanXx · 2022-04-10T03:52:25+00:00

Honest question. I see a lot about hypergamy. Does redpill completely ignore women who have careers and aren’t looking for a provider?

2022-04-10T04:34:40+00:00

You are confusing terms.

Hypergamy is the act of marrying someone who has more income than you, regardless of whether you do it for the money or not.

What you are referring to is optimization of options, which both sexes do.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-04-10T13:32:04+00:00

I feel like this is a fear that some men have that parallel's women's fear that her partner will leave her for a prettier woman.

But the way to mitigate this is twofold.

One, be an interesting and appealing person, and be a good partner. Make your wealth the least interesting thing about you, and don't lead with it!

Secondly, vet the people you're with.

If you're afraid that you're being used for something, revoke that thing and see how the person responds. I tell this to my female friends as well if they fear that they're being used for sex. I tell them, okay, tell the man you're seeing that you're having some vaginal procedure and won't be able to have sex for 6 weeks. See how he responds. Does he respect that? Or is he like, well can we do anal???? Can you still suck my dick??? Or maybe he ghosts? Just observe his response. If he's respectful of the boundaries and still wants to see you and spent time with you nonetheless, then he's probably not just in it for sex.

And the same goes for wealth.

For one, don't be ostentatious. My first boyfriend came from extreme wealth. The first time I met him, he was at the bar with a stained white t-shirt and gym shorts. But he was hilarious and a great dancer, so I gave him my number. Our first date was at this small shitty Chinese restaurant in China town. He asked me to cover dinner because he forgot his wallet at home but he said he'd pay me back. I did with no issues.

It wasn't until our 4th date that he pulled up in his Porsche carrera, and over time I saw how wealthy he was. But he never led with that. He dressed super casual and wasn't flaunting his wealth as a way to try and attract women. He "vetted" me by seeing if I was into him for who he was as a person. And we developed a great connection before he decided to show me his (family's) wealth because he knew that if he led with that, some women would try and manufacture a connection or show more interest in him because of his wealth.

And I think this is a mistake that some men make, they lead with that. They lead with their wealth as though it's their most valuable asset that they can offer a woman. And if that's your strategy, to be ostentatious and indulgent around women, then you can bet you'll attract women who want a wealthy partner.

And the same goes for women. I know some women who complain that men only see them for their beauty, but then they go out with thousands of dollars in hair extensions, lash extensions, fake boobs, and a full face of glam makeup. If you don't want to be seen primarily for your looks, tone it down. Dress casual and see who is still interested in getting to know you.

Lastly, there was this interesting post of a woman who went on a first date with a guy and she was turned off by how much money he spent. He spent 300$ on dinner and tipped the waiter 150$. She didn't like how much he flaunted his wealth and seemed like he was trying to attract her not because he was a great guy, but because he had money. This was a big turn off for her.

I think if you step outside of the RP community, you'll see that women value a diverse number of qualities and traits. And they don't often leave their man for a wealthier dude. He might attribute the breakup to that, but read through some relationship subs. It'll probably give you a different perspective.

mammajess · 2022-04-10T02:39:21+00:00

Do you have any idea what kind of bullshit women put up with from men (and vice versa) when they love the person. Love still exists, right?

thecomingomen · 2022-04-10T14:13:47+00:00

You will never be at peace or happy in a romantic relationship if you don’t conquer this fear of yours. It is the fear of the unknown.

You have a fear of abandonment, regardless of the reason. It’s just that financial reasons would hurt you more. Why is that? Are you insecure about your financial status that if a woman left you because of that, it would break your heart? Why? Where did this come from? Does this stem from childhood/the younger years? When was the first time someone shamed you about your financial status and how did it make you feel? Who was it and why do they still have this power over you? Start from the root and slowly (but surely) kill all of your masters (demons). With love.

Yes, peace and love. Peace cannot be bought. It’s an inside job. Remember this.

Oh and to answer your question: I wouldn’t give a damn bro. Good riddance. Also, I’d just put it on myself to learn how to discern better. I wouldn’t blame a human being trying to survive financially, irrespective of gender. It’s a human thing under a capitalist system. There are pros and cons of being part of a system where you can lift your family out of poverty in simply one generation. The con is that as a man, there will always be someone who has more. Even a billion dollars wouldn’t be enough for someone who has a fear of financial abandonment because she could just leave you with someone who has 2 billion dollars. Etc. You would not be able to rest your head.

Now even though I wouldn’t judge that person, I just don’t need that behavior around me. She will be replaced, either with my time being freed up to hang out more with myself (which is the ultimate prize) or potentially get with someone else who is of “better” character. I wouldn’t want moochers around me anyways, platonically or romantically. But I had to learn to ask certain questions and observe certain behaviors to know what kind of woman (or just human being) I was with so I could cut my losses early in a relationship. I had to conquer my fear of abandonment in order to taste what freedom in life felt like.

Edit: added way more sentences and actually answered your question.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-04-10T03:21:40+00:00

Id be so pissed off if a woman left me for that reason.

But not if she left for some other reason? Sorry, I couldn't resist the quip. How would you know what reason she is leaving for anyway? It's not like she will give a detailed explanation if it comes to that.

How many women do you see doing this? Don't you have women relatives? How many have them have left their husbands for a wealthier man?

Why are you worried about this specific scenario? Seems a weird thing to worry about. And even if it does happen, is that such a tragedy? If a woman leaves you, you are free to find another. Is your real worry that you won't be able to find another?

lingualistic · 2022-04-10T04:29:15+00:00

Don’t choose broke ass, uneducated ass, dependent ass bitches to date???

I can provide for myself. Alone. So no, I would not leave a man for a man who made more. However a man needs to make at least 50-70k (I make in that range now and will make significantly more over my career, I’m totally fine with being the higher earner) this is only to be able to afford the lifestyle I want in this economy (our own decent home, reliable cars, regular travel, possibly children) and because generally if you make that much you’ve worked hard to get where you are in life, which, I’ve busted my ass and while I enjoy a lot of friends who kinda float through life, I’m not attracted to it romantically at all.

MelodiousTones · 2022-04-10T02:22:55+00:00

This is not real. Only psychopaths do this.

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-10T18:09:18+00:00

I had been in a relationship with a CEO/President of a multinational corporation. He clearly was way more successful than me. Long story short, no. I would never choose him over my current boyfriend who doesn't even make 5% of what my ex makes. Women who can afford their desired lifestyles, and have a bit extra know money isn't everything. Money alone most likely won't make a reasonable woman switch partners. If the rich man acquires other important qualities (especially in the personality department), the less rich could get dropped pretty fast. If the new guy has more money AND treats the girl better? It might not be much of a brainer.

Mriconicdev · 2022-04-10T05:05:38+00:00

Look hypergamy is real BUT I don’t believe to generalize that all women succumb to it. At all. Some yes not all I say this as someone who was broke fat ugly before and now tall, successful, in shape and have my pick of litter. I can see both sides but I’ll tell you one thing all women aren’t like that. If she respects you as a man and you make sure she good on a emotional level, other men are invisible to her.

mazu74 · 2022-04-10T14:03:20+00:00

Personally I see it more as if a person is shitty enough to leave you for someone else’s wealth… I mean, bullet fuckin dodged, why the hell would you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone that shallow anyways?

FastMoneyRecords · 2022-04-11T22:26:57+00:00

This will only bother you if you have insecurities that cloud up your logic. Women like a man that provides, but they also aren’t on this climbing spree going thru different dudes that have more to offer. If that were the case, no one would be in a fulfilling relationship since there is always someone with more money. Jay-Z is filthy rich and has a beautiful superstar wife, yet she remains by his side despite there being men with more money than him.

Also think about how there’s always other women in the world. You can love your gf/wife and think she’s gorgeous, but believe it or not, there’s someone with a prettier face, perkier breasts, fatter ass, etc. (it’s all subject anyway). The point is, there will always be someone with more, and you will never truly be happy unless you’re content with yourself and your significant other.

Just like our needs are met with our lovers, same applies for women. They may be with a man that makes enough money to keep them happy, and not feel the need to find a dude who can provide more luxuries. If this is a concern, like others mentioned before, it could be the women you go for.

dottywine · 2022-04-17T03:16:39+00:00

So... I don't think women in general go man-hopping the same way people leave a job to get another job that pays them $5k a year more.

As long as you are able to like... pay your bills... you're not asking to borrow money from her... like as long as you're a functioning adult and able to live a good life YOURSELF, then your income shouldn't be a problem. I have exes who COULD rationalize "She moved on to someone who makes more than me" but that's largely because he was not making enough to take care of himself, anyway.

I have an ex who was like "I knew it. I knew you wanted a guy with a six pack!!! You left me for a guy with a six pack!"... but it's like "Well... yea, I like six packs but he is overall just a better man for me than you are. Overall. You can take 3 months to work out, diet and get a six pack and I would have still broken up with you."

BlackmesaTBX · 2022-05-08T00:04:28+00:00

She’s not yours, it’s just your turn. Never forget that.

Title	Will you succumb to hypergamy if another man is more successful than you?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	15
Comments	73
Date	April 10, 2022 1:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/u0796a/will_you_succumb_to_hypergamy_if_another_man_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/will-you-succumb-to-hypergamy-if-another-man-is.1110557 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110557

Comments