~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
ThatTexasBitch
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple229 points230 points231 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
That, plus too many people don't actually think before having babies.
Yes, society, your family, your friends... all want you to have a little bundle of joy. You've dreamed your whole life of starting a family, and now you've been with someone for years. It just feels right.
But...
Do you actually want to be a mom? Think long and hard about that.
Are you in a good place with your career, your mental health, etc...? Be honest.
Is your partner genuinely, enthusiastically wanting to have kids with you, or is he just going along because this is what he's "supposed to do"? This is crucial.
Do you want to co-parent with the person you're with for the next twenty years? Think long and hard about that.
Do you think he's going to change for the better when he's a dad? He won't.
Are there any issues in your relationship you're ignoring? They're only going to get worse.
Do you have one kid and are considering a second even though things aren't great in your relationship? Think long and hard about that.
Too many women just jump into the opportunity of being a mom without thinking through any of these questions. Do not let yourself get trapped in a less-than-ideal situation because you didn't think.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie96 points97 points98 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A lot of people don't even know that it's an option to not be a parent. In the midwest at least, it seems to be a very foreign concept. They're just looking for someone good enough to check a benchmark on the I-am-an-adult checklist off. Definitely afraid of missing out to the point where they jump in with a weird passive attitude, as if they do not have much choice other than approximate timing.
They're certainly not thinking about if this big leap will make them happy in the long term, especially with an unenthusiastic partner they're trying to drag into maturity.
I'm glad that's changing, but I wish more people went through a checklist like the above instead.
[–]wrice05FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is SO true
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Well said. Men should think about these thing as well and yet they do even less than women.
A lot of these couples don't last either because the man never had any intention of staying, one or both of the people weren't ready, or one of them was weak. My old coworker, I never liked her boyfriend, I always thought he was immature and disrespectful (ex: he lived at her place and would stay out until late at night w/o telling her where he was). A year into their marriage she wanted to buy a house and get pregnant that year. It was "too much for him to handle," so he coped w/ alcohol and by sticking his dick in someone else. Then he ran away from home instead of confessing lol. He filed for divorce but they "worked it out", yet it's been years since the cheating and she still doesn't have the big family she wanted or even just one baby (and she's approaching 40). She derailed her whole life and gave up on her goals for this man, who was so weak he couldn't handle the idea of having a baby. I wonder if she knows deep down if she does get pregnant, he's going to freak out and leave.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That is so sad. She wasted so much time on someone who is never going to want the life that she does.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know :(. I worked there for a few years and used to say she deserves better, but honestly, she's had so many opportunities to get rid of him, she had gotten a new place and was looking forward to her new life w/o him when I left. And then I learned a year after that she was back with him. She was literally out the door, separated, and she chose to go back. She had low self esteem about how she looked, but I think the biggest factor was she was afraid at her age she'd never have kids if she didn't go back to him. This is why, as my mom said, you don't wait 4 years to get engaged when you're close to or over 30. Because then you don't have a fear of starting over "at this age" holding you back.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
AHHHHHH. That's so frustrating. She was free and clear!
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And that's why you dont build a life to fit in a man, you find a man who fits in your life.
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So well said!
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saving your comment for later so I can check these off!
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
and it's even beyond 20 years. it's literally being tied to them for the rest of your and your childs life it's not like that goes away after they become of age. sure there is less reason to be in contact but you're still tethered. it's way more permanent than marriage.
[–]Mysterious_Midnight7FDS Apprentice221 points222 points223 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
And even if you manage to run him off, he is satisfied believing he crippled you financially and socially with a baby
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie201 points202 points203 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
God, I love being here where people can actually say this truth. It is exhausting to hear over and over again how a baby is always a blessing and at least this baby came out of some shitty relationship.
NOPE. Some smug turd is very satisfied knowing that he made a woman's life that much harder and she's socially pressured into limping along at a slower pace because of it.
[–]Danigirl_03FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yep having done this at 21. The single biggest reason I’m as successful as I am is because my mom is a rock star. Always in my corner always supporting me. Showing me that I could succeed no matter what. Work hard, hustle your ass off and you’ll get there. I beat the odds and I’m very fortunate because of that.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That is awesome! Your mom sounds amazing.
[–]Danigirl_03FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My mom is an absolute rock star. She raised three kids as a single mom. Left my abusive dad! And was never anything but a powerful role model for me. She had always said she would never want to have something from a man that he could turn around and say you wouldn’t have that if it wasn’t for me.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That is wonderful! It sounds like you two have a great relationship. And some very on-point advice. Always easier to leave if you're not handcuffed to someone else for sustenance.
[–]Queen-of-My-RealmFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup. What I WILL say though, is every woman I know who got knocked up by a garbage man took that and grew up so quickly. They all have houses and legit ass jobs now and seem blissfully happy. They all also have supportive family though. It’s amazing how women can take a shit sandwich and turn it into Michelin starred restaurant.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, I'd agree that a lot of them do have to grow up very fast! Because they usually have to "raise" their partner as well. And if they have a support system, they can get back to thriving. If their family isn't so supportive... usually they seem to get stuck with an unhelpful extra child to keep up appearances.
Honestly, this sub has changed my mind about a lot of things. I used to be a big ol' libfem who thought single moms were some sort of gold-digging leeches who forced poor innocent men into parenthood when they didn't really want it! And that's why men cheat, etc. Something something 50/50.
Being here (well and a "breaking" into few other subs) has really opened my eyes to the load that's expected of women and just how low value a lot of dudes are. I just can't take how much of a victim these men want to be while women clean up after their lazy asses.
Now I see single moms who bust ass to make it work and I realize just how much more work it is to be the parent who stayed.
[–]omfgreubenFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
AND pleased he's propagated his crummy genetics even if he never sees the child again
[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just to add to this: Some dudes are legit obsessed with passing their genes on. Not raising kids, but just pushing their dna into the future. Reproductive coercion is totally a thing too, and men know that you are going to be the one doing the bulk of the work, or all of it, if they decide to split or play games.
Men who purposely try to impregnate women without marrying them are throwing up huge red flags.
[–][deleted] 80 points81 points82 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I actually had a doctor tell me that she wasn't interested in having children, one of the reasons was that she wasn't interested in any man tying her down. She owned her own practice, house and car and said that once that baby is inside you they will drop the mask and go low effort and use you while you provide for his lifestyle. She went on further to say that it had happened to some of her colleagues. Color me not surprised. A lot of Jamaican men have multiple children with multiple women, they use and abuse and once you say the 'p word' they go ghost and you are left a single mother unless they can mooch off of you, then they'll stay around. Or, they purposefully get these women pregnant once they have broken them down and she's forced to stay because she doesn't want to break up the family or more than likely can't financially take care of themselves and a baby. The doctor then encouraged me to go back to school.
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this story is sad and terrifying! its unfortunately a common theme in the USA as well. some LVM just want to sow their seeds and knock a successful woman down by having her take on the burden of single parenthood. it can be their way to feel powerful, and if they do pop around to visit their kid, they'll actually play the cool and fun dad some even will demonize the mother "your mom is too strict, no fun, its fine to spend 8 hours a day playing video games, etc". becoming a mom can really make it harder to achieve your goals especially if you're still in school or not financially where you want to be, it can be done but its just harder. some LVM actually get off on seeing that struggle.
this is why its key to think, use birth control, vet/date the guy for a while first, and to get yourself more established before dating/having sex
[–]thrway01010FDS Newbie215 points216 points217 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
And women are the ones that get accused of trying to trap a man with baby... ladies, it's the other way around and always has been.
[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS STRATEGY COACH91 points92 points93 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a Soldier in my last unit poke holes in his girlfriends condoms to get her pregnant. She had 3 kids already and was struggling, but who cares what she wants!??
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice87 points88 points89 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Found condoms with holes poked in them in my ex’s last place. Noped out shortly after, for a lot of reasons. I tried to ask him about it and he turned so white, I knew I had caught him. Luckily I was on hormonal the whole time.
[–]thrway01010FDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's so sick... what a piece of shit.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LOL, there was just a huge discussion on a, shall we say, freedom-based subreddit, that totally got derailed into MRAs clamoring about how sexist it is for women to expect men to wear condoms. And how awful women are, how they're all out to steal sperm and men should be able to get a paper abortion no questions asked because something something equality.
It is more often than not the guy trying to control the woman in one way or another. So much of LVM motivation is to control or strike down a woman's ability to be independent.
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Classic case of projection
[–]MasCal769 points70 points71 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I believe that statement. I’ve had so many say “we’ll figure it out, people figure it out all the time.” And I just looked at them crazy. I’ve always found it unsettling that they’d have a baby with me, but not marry or (pre-FDS) date me.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It seems like a lot of people try to reinforce this among families, too. People wanting to be grandparents, adult siblings who already have kids and want playmates for their children despite the partner/financial situation of the pregnant women. There's a huge societal and familial push to try to make things work as well as stigmas/financial barriers to abortion that lead people into that mindset.
Sure, people figure it out and keep the kids alive and unabused. How many of them are thriving and happy?
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice121 points122 points123 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My abusive ex (age gap relationship) pressured me into resorting to "pulling out". I think I got a few gray hairs from stress in that last two months of the relationship before I could flee. After I left, I used to have nightmares about having his baby. I was so trauma bonded that I genuinely think I would have kept the baby and stayed and would have thought he would treat me better pregnant. The reality unfortunately is that pregnant women are abused and controlled even more by their abusers due to their fragile and dependent state. Women are more often trapped by pregnancy than men and no one can change my mind.
[–]BBQCoolRanchQueenFDS Apprentice93 points94 points95 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Women will always be impacted more by a child. A reduction in pay, demoted, fired, not hired, passed over for promotion, whilst fathers get a boost in income, dubbed the "fatherhood premium". A child can altogether bring a woman's life to a grinding halt, while life gets better for the man, can arrest her education, and keep her in perpetual poverty, both with money and choices.
[–]ItsFreezenFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
fathers get a boost in income, dubbed the "fatherhood premium"
This.
[–]frogchickenhorseFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When someone wants to do the pullout method, I gesture to myself and say I am a product of the pullout method. Put a condom on. ‘It feels better without one’. I don’t care... if they want sex, they will wear one. I’m not explaining std and pregnancy to a 42 year old man.
Well I’m on the pill now for my cycle and also will be celibate for a long time... now I won’t have to put up with this whining.
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For confirming this, take a look at how many pregnant women in JustNoSO trying to find help with their relationship with a man who's trying to push her down the stairs or openly talking about killing her... It boils my blood. What gives them the right?
[–]Woman_on_PauseFDS Newbie111 points112 points113 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
After divorcing 18 years ago, (Our son is about to be 19) I came here to tell you what I just went no contact with his dad. After 28 years. It sounds insane, but once he graduated HS, I was able to say, "I've had enough" I was kind this ENTIRE time, to a fault to keep the peace.
NO MORE.
Blocked, no contact.
This is for me, and a HIGH warning for anyone wondering what the next 18 years will be like.
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Congrats, lady. That takes immense strength. Good for you, seriously, for maintaining your maturity for your son. That’s a damn good mom. Get into therapy if you need — or go scream into the wind, sometimes they feel like the same!! 💕 glad you are here
[–]Woman_on_PauseFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You just made an internet stranger cry at their desk. But in the best way. Thank you so much for your kind words. Truly. I needed it today.
I am trying to get into therapy, and screaming into the void, pillows, into an empty car are currently my go-to stress releases. We do what we can <3
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🥲💕💕💕
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m also starting to see this more and more. It’s almost as if males know that women have more control and freedom than ever...so they suddenly want to be dads so the woman is stuck with them forever.
I disagree with having a baby with someone you haven’t heavily vetted, and aren’t married to. I will never have a baby out of wedlock, even if it’s a long term relationship.
My boyfriend’s 19-year old cousin got knocked up by her 25-year old boyfriend a month after they started dating. Everyone thought it was so romantic and sweet, and my only thought was...he’s definitely trying to control her and lock her down.
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️170 points171 points172 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I truly believe in abortion. I had an ex tell me he would "put a baby in me" so that we could always be together.
[–]faux_naturaleFDS Newbie119 points120 points121 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I got knocked up in my late teens by an older man who didn’t want the stress of fatherhood, but did want to be able to claim me for all time. Terminating that pregnancy was the single best thing I ever did for myself.
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What did he say about the abortion?
[–]faux_naturaleFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh, he threw a fit, in public. Screamed that I was murdering his child, blah blah blah.
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is absolutely imperative that abortion stays legal, so these men don't get their way.
[–]kwallioFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Big yikes. Glad you got the termination.
[–]AwkwardDisaster4150FDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I would never have a baby for some man who won’t even marry me. Luckily I never had to have an abortion, but I know I would have because I could never let someone use me like that.
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. I would hate myself for bringing a life into the world with a man who doesn't love and value me.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If it weren't for abortion I would be over 8 months pregnant right now with my abusive rapist ex's child. Good on those women who can recover from being reproductively coerced by a monster and go on to live fabulous lives, but I don't think I'd have been one of them.
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad you did!
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good for you! I hope you live your best life and that you're healing and safe now.
[–]juliet-eliaFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So going childless is the ultimate act of self control. Great.
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Someone hold my coffee while I go get my tubes tied. 😬
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
My last ex boyfriend was a LVM, didnt understand it until some years being with him. Got abusive, sat all day and night gaming on his computer. One day he raped me while I was sleeping, I woke up and froze. Afterwards, he told me "maybe the next time I am gonna fuck you while you sleep, I am gonna make you pregnant and you wouldnt know, until it is too late to take abortion. Then you are stuck with me, forever." He knew my birthcontrol started to stop function, because I had it for almost 3 years, and had to change it before it got unaffective.
However, after he said that, everything in my body screamed RUN FUCKING RUN and I planned how to get away. I feel lucky that I got away, because if I didnt, I dont know my life would have been now. If he got the chance to rape me again while I slept, and made me pregnant, and I couldnt take abortion, he would not have stepped up to be a good father. He would just have gotten me pregnant so he could trap me, and I would have to raise that baby all by myself, while he would sit on his computer all day gaming, yelling and scream if I or the baby made a little noise.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
That's awful! I'm glad you got away and hope you're doing much better now.
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Thank you dear, I am doing much better now. By realizing all this, I took action to heal with therapy and to learn by it. I try to see it as a learing experience, and try to use the experiences to help others in similar situations. By sharing it, I believe we help others speak up and less people feel ashamed for something that traumatic that happened with them. Those LVM are not going to make us silent😉
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Yep! Try as they might to shut us up, women have had enough. This year in particular it seems like more voices are being heard because we're all tired of LVM and their accomplices trying to screw us over!
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
perfect word, accomplices! When my friend set me up with an abusive guy that threatened I wouldn't get hired in an area I was trying to move to, he felt he was innocent and blameless to the actions of the man he introduced me to. No, dude, you were the one who got him into my life, you're partially responsible. Worst of all when I spoke to him he thought that I was overreacting to his friend being shitty
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is why we have to protect ourselves and our sisters. Because people will always enable LVMs, be it their little bros or a herd of Pickmes.
Particularly seems to happen around abusive/rapey guys. Why, despite their knowledge that this person is a creep to women all the time, they have no idea why that person would continue that behavior. Must have been the woman's fault for "bringing it out" in the guy who absolutely has always been like this. Bonus points if they infantilize him while doing it, like he has no control.
But every so often, other women will warn you when no one else in the social circle will...
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
The infantilizing thing is the worst. For some reason the person the man traumatizes must act as the bigger person, the adult, but hold no responsibility. Even when a child is raped, pickmes and NVMs defend the rapist
God, that's disgusting.
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My mom knew what my stepdad did to me, but didnt do anything to stop it. She is a big «pickme» woman, and has always chose her men before us children. Then she blames me for anything, while her men are so perfect - even when they hit me and sexually abused me (not the same man did this, speaking of two different men). Its really disgusting of them to do such thing.
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We really do live in a rape culture
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They refuse to aknowledge what they did, get «offended» when we call out their bullshit, tell us we are overreacting and downplays our feelings, and want us to comfort them and start us to think something is wrong with US. Not this time LVM. They have gotten away for too long, and now since more women learns about FDS, it will get harder for them to play with us anymore.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am seriously looking forward to the female-only communes/co-ops that are going to come out of this. I think a lot of ladies are just ready for a break and to work on ourselves in peace.
Typical of them to get «offended» and make you feel guilty for things they did to you. LVM logic. When they tell you you are overreacting, its 99,9% chance that you are not. They just want to downplay your feelings to make you feel something is wrong with you.
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I feel this year has been very different than others. So much has happened, for instance that Pornhub has faced some consequenses for profiting on rape, child sexual abuse and trafficking. People have spoken up more, more women have gotten to know FDS and learned a lot, myself included. Those LVM thought they could make us silent, but havent we women seen that men underestimates us A LOT? They think we ruined and «censored» their porn, pissed off because victims spoke up and told the truth. Now their porn sick brain see what WE WOMEN are capable of, and that is not to be their living sex doll😉
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
And they're pissed about it! More women are just going to keep doing things on their own. I've been delighted at seeing women just shrugging, saying, "OK," and dipping out to go do their own thing.
It does crack me up that so many men are mad about it. Like okay, they wanted women to get their own jobs and make their own money and fight their own battles, and now we do. We're independent, often homeowners, and perfectly capable of taking care of kids without partners... if we even choose to have either.
So we no longer need to put up with low value people. It's been awesome.
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Its ridiciolus really. One day they say one thing, the next day they say something else. They have had control over women for so long, and they still thought they could continue their games with us. They got used to having control and make women feel insecure so that she became dependent on the man. The second a woman puts her foot down and tell them enough is enough, its like they have seen this monster because they get so shocked. Then they get angry at us because we figured it all out. If they want a woman to be with them, they have to get their act together and see us for what we are - humans. They cant understand the reason to why they are LVM are very simple - its all because of themselves and what they do.
So happy I found FDS. I believe every woman should test a potentially boyfriend, make them lurk in this sub and see how they react. If they get offended, angry and tell us we are the problem - well there is your answer sis!
[–]DarwinsLittleBirdFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! Using FDS content to test your man is a great idea. I actually read some posts to my SO and showed him a couple of memes, and his reactions were spot on with what I expect from a HVM.
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love that idea! I've tossed this to a few guy friends and they've all been pretty on board with it, and... not so shockingly... are in healthy loving relationships with their partners.
[–]juliet-eliaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope you're better and safe now.
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you dear, I am much better now, live close with my family and have a loving boyfriend that sees my worth and treats me really good. I try to see it as a experience I can learn by, and try to use it to help others that are in similar situations.💗
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also, they know we'll raise his genetics up even after he leaves.
The facade is over.
There never was an actual relationship.
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
My brother confirmed this. It’s just to keep her around or severely impact her life when she leaves.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He doesn’t have kids. I assumed he knows men irl that have done this
[–]CarmelPeachFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
10000x true . I had at least 3 disgusting exes always talk about wanting to have a baby w me. Total losers
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
LOL, I love how so many LVM pretend that it's only women who are "babytrapping" men.
Yeah, sure bud. So many women have stories about dudes trying to make it sound like a good idea to have a baby with them when they know the guys have little intention of sticking around.
[–]CarmelPeachFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Every single one now that I think of it wanted babies and tried to trap me, all of them literally tried . I believe boys do that much much more, there’s so many similar stories !
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep! It's another method of control. Gross.
[–]SarcasmSlideFDS Disciple29 points30 points31 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This post brought to you by reproductive coercion.
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm glad that I'm child free
[–]wrice05FDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me tooooooo
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is why I purge from my life any pro-lifers: they are incentivized to defend baby trapping women into staying with abusive men. And abusive men absolutely take advantage of the idea of pro-life and "you don't want to murder a child do you??".
If you finish in someone who doesn't want a child, it was you who did the abortion, not the woman. The woman just dealt with the problem, it was predictable.
Never bothering to finish in someone who DOES want a child tells you all you need to know wrt their motives.
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk. This kind of makes it seem like some kind of honor that he “chooses” you as his baby mama and wants to be tied with you for life.
[–]punyhumannumber2FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Another reason is because the woman thinks they are going to both be responsible for the child but the man ends up shirking his responsibilities and can't even take care of himself. Then he spends all his free time hiding from his life by playing video games and then has the audacity to ask her what's for supper when she hasn't had more than 5 hours of sleep in over a year and no longer has hobbies because she spends all her time working, cleaning up after him, or taking care of the baby.
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A lot of women think a man wanting to impregnate them shows that the man values and loves her.
No.
He wants to have (raw) sex and control her with no intention of commitment (marriage). They know if they get her pregnant that she will be less likely to leave and he can incrementally slice off her standards until she has none left while he knows he will never marry her and he can continue looking for "Mrs. Right."
[–]dutchie19FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. My Narc ex had a bm who dumped him while pregnant and eventually went to court: got FULL custody AND he lost all parental rights. He never saw his child in person. This will forever cause him pain, anxiety, anger and resentment. Poor man-child lost control of that woman and her baby and could never get over it. It tainted out entire relationship and will continue to taint all the ones after me. I can't think of a better way for him to spend the rest of his life. In misery for the way he treated her, me, all the women before and after who are and were able to cut clean ties.
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
they literally view it as the ultimate form of making you submit against your will. so disgusting.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta love how he automatically assumes the child is out-of-wedlock. Low social strata thinking.
[–]smart-tart23FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you need to wait until having sex until you see commitment and have vetted enough and you really should have a ring and be married and both financially secure enough for the responsibility of a child.
I have a lot of respect for the single moms stepping up and raising their children when the guy wasnt for whatever reason. But, I have also seen a lot of my old classmates and former friends think having a baby will fix their relationship and transform their LVM boyfriend into a HVM, or think that having a baby will make the man marry them, and most recently I saw my classmate get pregnant and the guy rushed into a marriage and extremely cheap and low effort wedding because of the pregnancy when he was a dr and well established yet he bought her the tiniest ring, they live in a dumpy apartment, and worst of all he didn't even bother to get dressed up for his own wedding. he then made a post about how grateful he is that she is doing all of the housework, making meals, and she's the one doing all the work to take care of the baby... babies will not fix a LVM! find a HVM to marry or stay single and consider adoption, foster parenting, or volunteering with kids!
[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because that would require men to give a shit about something everyday that’s not entirely about them
[–]AnnieandFishFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“BM” is certainly one way to describe being in that position.
[–]Wildestrose1988Pickmeisha™️4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Damn he's a snitch LOL
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple229 points230 points231 points
(10 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie96 points97 points98 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wrice05FDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple51 points52 points53 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]honeybeerollFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pascalinesFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mysterious_Midnight7FDS Apprentice221 points222 points223 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie201 points202 points203 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Danigirl_03FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Danigirl_03FDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Queen-of-My-RealmFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]omfgreubenFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 80 points81 points82 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thrway01010FDS Newbie215 points216 points217 points
(6 children) | Copy Link
[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS STRATEGY COACH91 points92 points93 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice87 points88 points89 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]thrway01010FDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MasCal769 points70 points71 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice121 points122 points123 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]BBQCoolRanchQueenFDS Apprentice93 points94 points95 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ItsFreezenFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frogchickenhorseFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Woman_on_PauseFDS Newbie111 points112 points113 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice46 points47 points48 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Woman_on_PauseFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BabyBlankieieieieieFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]galian84FDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️170 points171 points172 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]faux_naturaleFDS Newbie119 points120 points121 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]faux_naturaleFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kwallioFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AwkwardDisaster4150FDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️50 points51 points52 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple38 points39 points40 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]GAaliyah12Pickmeisha™️12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]juliet-eliaFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]DarwinsLittleBirdFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]juliet-eliaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sjefsiljuuusFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points
(0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple30 points31 points32 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]souredskittlesFDS Disciple18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CarmelPeachFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CarmelPeachFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pangolinplatypusFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SarcasmSlideFDS Disciple29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wrice05FDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Chubby-LovieFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]punyhumannumber2FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]icecream1013FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dutchie19FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smart-tart23FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnieandFishFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wildestrose1988Pickmeisha™️4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link