B I G FACTS

Sage_Planter · 2020-12-22T15:36:02+00:00

That, plus too many people don't actually think before having babies.

Yes, society, your family, your friends... all want you to have a little bundle of joy. You've dreamed your whole life of starting a family, and now you've been with someone for years. It just feels right.

But...

Do you actually want to be a mom? Think long and hard about that.

Are you in a good place with your career, your mental health, etc...? Be honest.

Is your partner genuinely, enthusiastically wanting to have kids with you, or is he just going along because this is what he's "supposed to do"? This is crucial.

Do you want to co-parent with the person you're with for the next twenty years? Think long and hard about that.

Do you think he's going to change for the better when he's a dad? He won't.

Are there any issues in your relationship you're ignoring? They're only going to get worse.

Do you have one kid and are considering a second even though things aren't great in your relationship? Think long and hard about that.

Too many women just jump into the opportunity of being a mom without thinking through any of these questions. Do not let yourself get trapped in a less-than-ideal situation because you didn't think.

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-12-22T15:17:17+00:00

And even if you manage to run him off, he is satisfied believing he crippled you financially and socially with a baby

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-22T17:00:30+00:00

I actually had a doctor tell me that she wasn't interested in having children, one of the reasons was that she wasn't interested in any man tying her down. She owned her own practice, house and car and said that once that baby is inside you they will drop the mask and go low effort and use you while you provide for his lifestyle. She went on further to say that it had happened to some of her colleagues. Color me not surprised. A lot of Jamaican men have multiple children with multiple women, they use and abuse and once you say the 'p word' they go ghost and you are left a single mother unless they can mooch off of you, then they'll stay around. Or, they purposefully get these women pregnant once they have broken them down and she's forced to stay because she doesn't want to break up the family or more than likely can't financially take care of themselves and a baby. The doctor then encouraged me to go back to school.

thrway01010 · 2020-12-22T14:58:50+00:00

And women are the ones that get accused of trying to trap a man with baby... ladies, it's the other way around and always has been.

MasCal7 · 2020-12-22T15:11:09+00:00

I believe that statement. I’ve had so many say “we’ll figure it out, people figure it out all the time.” And I just looked at them crazy. I’ve always found it unsettling that they’d have a baby with me, but not marry or (pre-FDS) date me.

Maisiebr · 2020-12-22T15:22:58+00:00

My abusive ex (age gap relationship) pressured me into resorting to "pulling out". I think I got a few gray hairs from stress in that last two months of the relationship before I could flee. After I left, I used to have nightmares about having his baby. I was so trauma bonded that I genuinely think I would have kept the baby and stayed and would have thought he would treat me better pregnant. The reality unfortunately is that pregnant women are abused and controlled even more by their abusers due to their fragile and dependent state. Women are more often trapped by pregnancy than men and no one can change my mind.

Woman_on_Pause · 2020-12-22T15:36:21+00:00

After divorcing 18 years ago, (Our son is about to be 19) I came here to tell you what I just went no contact with his dad. After 28 years. It sounds insane, but once he graduated HS, I was able to say, "I've had enough" I was kind this ENTIRE time, to a fault to keep the peace.

NO MORE.

Blocked, no contact.

This is for me, and a HIGH warning for anyone wondering what the next 18 years will be like.

galian84 · 2020-12-22T17:19:51+00:00

I’m also starting to see this more and more. It’s almost as if males know that women have more control and freedom than ever...so they suddenly want to be dads so the woman is stuck with them forever.

I disagree with having a baby with someone you haven’t heavily vetted, and aren’t married to. I will never have a baby out of wedlock, even if it’s a long term relationship.

My boyfriend’s 19-year old cousin got knocked up by her 25-year old boyfriend a month after they started dating. Everyone thought it was so romantic and sweet, and my only thought was...he’s definitely trying to control her and lock her down.

GAaliyah12 · 2020-12-22T15:03:07+00:00

I truly believe in abortion. I had an ex tell me he would "put a baby in me" so that we could always be together.

juliet-elia · 2020-12-22T16:27:58+00:00

So going childless is the ultimate act of self control. Great.

seraphinelysion · 2020-12-22T17:32:16+00:00

Someone hold my coffee while I go get my tubes tied. 😬

sjefsiljuuus · 2020-12-22T16:19:34+00:00

My last ex boyfriend was a LVM, didnt understand it until some years being with him. Got abusive, sat all day and night gaming on his computer. One day he raped me while I was sleeping, I woke up and froze. Afterwards, he told me "maybe the next time I am gonna fuck you while you sleep, I am gonna make you pregnant and you wouldnt know, until it is too late to take abortion. Then you are stuck with me, forever." He knew my birthcontrol started to stop function, because I had it for almost 3 years, and had to change it before it got unaffective.

However, after he said that, everything in my body screamed RUN FUCKING RUN and I planned how to get away. I feel lucky that I got away, because if I didnt, I dont know my life would have been now. If he got the chance to rape me again while I slept, and made me pregnant, and I couldnt take abortion, he would not have stepped up to be a good father. He would just have gotten me pregnant so he could trap me, and I would have to raise that baby all by myself, while he would sit on his computer all day gaming, yelling and scream if I or the baby made a little noise.

2020-12-22T15:59:22+00:00

Also, they know we'll raise his genetics up even after he leaves.

The facade is over.

There never was an actual relationship.

souredskittles · 2020-12-22T17:51:28+00:00

My brother confirmed this. It’s just to keep her around or severely impact her life when she leaves.

CarmelPeach · 2020-12-22T17:00:51+00:00

10000x true . I had at least 3 disgusting exes always talk about wanting to have a baby w me. Total losers

SarcasmSlide · 2020-12-22T18:20:58+00:00

This post brought to you by reproductive coercion.

wrice05 · 2020-12-22T15:32:57+00:00

I'm glad that I'm child free

Chubby-Lovie · 2020-12-22T17:57:18+00:00

This is why I purge from my life any pro-lifers: they are incentivized to defend baby trapping women into staying with abusive men. And abusive men absolutely take advantage of the idea of pro-life and "you don't want to murder a child do you??".

If you finish in someone who doesn't want a child, it was you who did the abortion, not the woman. The woman just dealt with the problem, it was predictable.

2020-12-22T16:21:35+00:00

Idk. This kind of makes it seem like some kind of honor that he “chooses” you as his baby mama and wants to be tied with you for life.

punyhumannumber2 · 2020-12-23T00:28:19+00:00

Another reason is because the woman thinks they are going to both be responsible for the child but the man ends up shirking his responsibilities and can't even take care of himself. Then he spends all his free time hiding from his life by playing video games and then has the audacity to ask her what's for supper when she hasn't had more than 5 hours of sleep in over a year and no longer has hobbies because she spends all her time working, cleaning up after him, or taking care of the baby.

icecream1013 · 2020-12-23T04:21:07+00:00

A lot of women think a man wanting to impregnate them shows that the man values and loves her.

No.

He wants to have (raw) sex and control her with no intention of commitment (marriage). They know if they get her pregnant that she will be less likely to leave and he can incrementally slice off her standards until she has none left while he knows he will never marry her and he can continue looking for "Mrs. Right."

dutchie19 · 2020-12-22T22:27:49+00:00

This. My Narc ex had a bm who dumped him while pregnant and eventually went to court: got FULL custody AND he lost all parental rights. He never saw his child in person. This will forever cause him pain, anxiety, anger and resentment. Poor man-child lost control of that woman and her baby and could never get over it. It tainted out entire relationship and will continue to taint all the ones after me. I can't think of a better way for him to spend the rest of his life. In misery for the way he treated her, me, all the women before and after who are and were able to cut clean ties.

level_up_always · 2020-12-23T04:37:02+00:00

they literally view it as the ultimate form of making you submit against your will. so disgusting.

2020-12-22T18:26:00+00:00

Gotta love how he automatically assumes the child is out-of-wedlock. Low social strata thinking.

smart-tart23 · 2020-12-22T16:10:34+00:00

warinmymind94 · 2020-12-23T08:16:09+00:00

you need to wait until having sex until you see commitment and have vetted enough and you really should have a ring and be married and both financially secure enough for the responsibility of a child.

I have a lot of respect for the single moms stepping up and raising their children when the guy wasnt for whatever reason. But, I have also seen a lot of my old classmates and former friends think having a baby will fix their relationship and transform their LVM boyfriend into a HVM, or think that having a baby will make the man marry them, and most recently I saw my classmate get pregnant and the guy rushed into a marriage and extremely cheap and low effort wedding because of the pregnancy when he was a dr and well established yet he bought her the tiniest ring, they live in a dumpy apartment, and worst of all he didn't even bother to get dressed up for his own wedding. he then made a post about how grateful he is that she is doing all of the housework, making meals, and she's the one doing all the work to take care of the baby... babies will not fix a LVM! find a HVM to marry or stay single and consider adoption, foster parenting, or volunteering with kids!

TheOGJammies · 2020-12-23T05:22:15+00:00

Because that would require men to give a shit about something everyday that’s not entirely about them

AnnieandFish · 2020-12-23T14:52:26+00:00

“BM” is certainly one way to describe being in that position.

Wildestrose1988 · 2020-12-22T17:36:03+00:00

Damn he's a snitch LOL

Title	B I G FACTS
Author	ThatTexasBitch
Upvotes	692
Comments	99
Date	December 22, 2020 2:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ki6gz7/b_i_g_facts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/b-i-g-facts.339027 https://theredarchive.com/post/339027

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