When you have wishy washy boundaries you get wishy washy outcomes

When I look at the trajectory of my evolution as a woman, when it comes to men, there was a clear pattern when things went wrong. Whenever I was too in my feels or caught up in physical lust I wasn't making decisions from a rational headspace, and that gave the man more leg room to trip me up and make me slip into their clown show.

One of your biggest weapons as a woman is getting decisive. Get decisive about what it is you want / how you want to be treated and refuse to let men's emotional guilt tripping, performative empathy and boundary pushing make you waver on that. We can’t stop LVM from trying to target us nor can we always predict when their mask will drop off- but we can erect boundaries as a defence to shield ourselves from further boundary breaches when we see the red flags flashing. Hesitance, confusion and blurred boundaries can cost women dearly. Women must stay in close touch with their base wild instincts in order to protect themselves from predators (whether psychological or physical). Sometimes this will mean leaving completely and starting to honour and find value you in your solitude, so that you don’t feel half full, nervous, anxious or lonely on your own. Sometimes this inner work is tedious, difficult and requires great discipline however it is a necessary period of growth. A strong woman isn’t born she is MADE.

People are often governed and manipulated by their deepest fears, weaknesses and emotions, once you face these and put some real work/reflection into your inner life- LVM will lose power and control over you as you’re already working from a place of contentment and understanding - of valuing yourself, your health and your solitude over an LVM trying to bring unnecessary drama into your life. This means you will not tolerate poor treatment and would rather be alone. In fact you enjoy your alone time- so someone must be respectful for you to allow them in.

Much of LVM's behaviour is deliberate and designed to trigger an emotional response in women so they get the upperhand on the dynamic- whether that's an anxious, sympathetic, jealous, guilty, confused, insecure, revengeful, tearful or enraged reaction. You need to become bulletproof and have an iron clad sense of self that prevents those shots fired getting under your skin. The thicker the skin, the lesser the damage.

Do not become a wounded woman as LVM want (it simply fuels their ego) - get a better grip of your emotions and open your eyes to how men try to manipulate them. Make sure there is a buffer between your sense of esteem and THEIR bullshit (which they'll usually run on anybody if they're that way inclined to avoiding maturity and settling down).

Stop taking LVM personally or their stupid actions as a reflection of your value- YOU are in control of your self value regardless who walks in and out of your life...nobody else. If you have learned your lessons- you should know the importance of never giving a man the power to break your esteem or completely obliterate your happiness- and that's why FDS works. We advocate to find a man who likes you that bit more, and to be stable by yourself should he turn out a shit anyway. To be aware of the realities, intentions and nature of most men and understand your own power, options and value in this game.

Men go absolutely insane when a woman has control over her emotions- because its the main avenue they will try to establish dominance and control over her without being held accountable (physical abuse comes at the risk of them being caught and imprisoned- hence why LVM prefer to slowly boil the frog before they drop the mask and toy with its emotions over a set period- until its boundaries are worn down and its too weak not to comply). A woman's emotions are the puppet strings for LVM- so make sure no one has hold of them. If he tries, tug them back off him.

Make a personal list of turn off's/turn on's in a man, any traits/characteristics you're seeking out, any red flags or patterns of behaviour from prev relationships to avoid and any other deal breakers you have (whether phsyical/sexual/mental). Now refuse to backtrack on them.

Clarity is like a weed-killer that clears the path and your head again and makes everything easier to see - that’s whether he’s an LVM or not. When you’re in tune to your instincts and use your past mistakes or vulnerabilities as wisdom, as a defence shield - the weeds shrivel & die as you identified you don’t need that toxic shrub ruining your path. You don’t stick around kidding yourself he’s some exotic plant that looks kind of nice from a far. The clarity kills his power to fool you.

So if you start getting the hint he seems kind of uneducated or too easily amused (limited vocab/ makes jokes at everything/ seems out of the loop with news etc) - cut him off. You can't be surprised when the outcome is that he is a childish loose canon simpleton who engages in constant impulsive behaviours (cheating/ trying to portray a lifestyle he can't afford) rather than focus on his goals and career or becoming a better man. Unless you want to be a pick me and nag him to shape up for the rest of your life....that is.

You always have an option NOT to babysit a grown manchild and be single- do not ever lose sight of that. That option may not be presented in the Disney films- but they’re not real life and have vested interests in grooming women to be passive pickmeisha’s chasing the fairytale carrot LVM dangle (men are always looking to get laid- they need willing pickmeisha’s to feast on). In real life it is better to be single unless the guy is a HVM because the damage from messing with LVM is far greater than focusing on yourself as a singleton. It’s 2020- there is a million more productive ways you could spend your time as a woman rather than trying to get blood out of a stone and wasting your time on a dim-witted disobedient disrespectful LVM. Book a damn wellness holiday! Understand where you're playing yourself and refusing to jump off a sinking ship out of fear or pride.

If he's often blowing hot and cold mostly ignoring your texts but comments whenever you change a profile pic etc- ignore him. You know that's the behaviour of an F boy who just wants to know you'll still give him attention on demand. If he was into you he'd show it and put the effort in.

If he's just not good enough in bed, and responds in a hostile tone when you try to bring up resolutions to that- then ditch him. You can't be mad when you're staring at the ceiling bored shitless 7months later. You need to decide whether sexual competency is a priority in a longterm relationship to you or not. I should hope it is given how much sex men will pester you for. If you have a low libido and are looking for someone similar- fair enough- but pleasure still matters. Don't ever sacrifice things a man would not.

The FDS strategy works because it defines clear rules and boundaries- which LVM are not fond of (no fun me want to break) and HVM will respect (clarity!). It allows you to be in greater control over your dating life and emotional investments. LVM want you to play into their games, by their rule book (which they make up and betray as they go along), to their maximum benefit only and don't care about the impact of their decisions on society.

This is why as a woman you have to set the rules, TandC's and implement strict punishments/ remove privileges if someone steps put of line. So if you're after an LTR with a guy that means: making them wait for sex (men want to feel like its hard to get which pumps their little ego's making them feel special & unique TM), running a few circles around them (not being OTT keen/super available- so they have to impress/invest), and giving them ultimatums- letting them know what kind of life you want to live/how you expect to be treated & letting them know you will ignore/leave them if they don't seem to be honouring those terms and meeting you on the same page.

Now on the contrary, whenever you end up with these mind fucking hot/cold manipulative users...its usually because your boundaries got VERY blurry somewhere throughout the relationship- this inch then gives manipulators the green light to take a mile because you didn't stop them and erect strong enough boundaries. Privileges have to be dropped and distance needs to be established if they act up...and if this emerges into a pattern or dynamic you have to be 100% committed to stepping out for the sake of protecting yourself and being a woman of your word.

LVM don't respect pickmeisha's because they know they are not women about their word- they will keep being weak willed and going back and forth no matter what he does- so its just a case of them putting their fingers in their ears going LALALA and letting the nagging blow over until next time. Yes we know lots of men act like this which is why it’s imperative you set clear boundaries or leave. Otherwise, after some time, a dynamic has been established in the LVM's favour so he benefits most from that set up and the pickmeisha becomes utterly depleted. Don't let this become you- always understand you have the autonomy to leave and seek better for yourself. Always understand you have the choice to walk and find more productive ways to spend your time.

When your boundaries are far more clear and definitive... and you actually stick to them.....you will find yourself less anxious and confused about a mans actions or the situation you find yourself in, you’ll feel far healthier and more in control over the outcome. You’ll think ‘oh yeah I’ve seen that bullshit before- I know where’s that’s going- let me remove myself’. This way you can limit damage control and protect yourself.

You can remove yourself before the worst comes. In life or death situations, an FBI agents decisiveness in a confusing or high stress situation could be the difference between them ending up tortured and 6 feet under the ground, or living and catching a criminal. Women have strayed from these wild instincts because of societal grooming teaching us to be submissive and tolerate abuse for the ‘fairytale’ dangled before us, but I’m asking you to honour them regardless! Your basic survival instincts and safety come before any romantic ‘fairytale’ on the Maslow hierarchy of needs scale : https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html .

Get decisive and trust in your gut instinct when you feel alarmed, see a red flag or it’s time to let go or erect boundaries. Make a decision and stick to it! Back and forth confusion and psycho-analysing about a man indicates he has not convinced you enough and does not meet your basic needs. Denial won’t make this outcome any less painful, Choose not to play into his guessing game and make the decision to call that bullshit off. Cut the cord. Cut off his narc supply. Take back control and remember your strength and agency. You will always have us women around. You will get far more apt at cutting men off and saying no to bullshit...until eventually you won’t seriously entertain any Male who doesn’t treat you correctly & align with your health & happiness.

Here an ex female FBI agent who won an award for her bravery in 9/11 discusses the importance of honouring your 6th sense as a woman:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=loG9ujz0N4M